a new hope: the upside of things I'm very down on is I no longer believe this show is being canceled - it's just going on hiatus for, say, 13 weeks, but it'll be back again before long. In the meantime, if they're going to move the likes of Randal K Orton to RAW, and going to give seven minutes to a London/Crazy match, I think Velocity might be making an bloodless invasion of Friday nights. It's all good.

open and open - good bye, truck crashing into the Rock. Good bye, racecar program they gave up long ago. 

Tatanka (Pennbrook, NC, 253 pounds) vs Seth James (250 pounds, already in the ring) - Your announcers for the 211th (and last, for now) Velcoity are Josh and sadly, Romero. Does Josh jump and become the interviewer for ECW? Speaking of sad, I'll be sad if I have to recap this one. Let's keep it. Romero calls him "Latanka", which is just great. Your ref is Charles. Josh notes Seth James outfit says "big sniff." Josh says "superstars of WWE and wrestlers of ECW" to see if you're paying attention - no. (no one calls it Wykea 3:15) Look, people with cameras! Is Tatanka down with that?

WWE Fantasy

Gunner Scott (240 pounds) vs Colt Cabana (233 pounds, already in the ring) - who's wrestled for the WWE more this year, Colt or Undertaker? This, of course, is another chance for Josh to gain revenge on Colt, but it almost sounds like he's over it. Lockup, Gunner with a waistlock, takedown from behind, float over, Colt's spun over and gets pinned with a forearm in his face, one two no. Your ref is Chris Kay. Colt would like a timeout. Announcer note they're being repetitive when they bring up Gunner beating Booker - perhaps if something else could happen to Gunner, they could talk about that instead. Colt offers a handshake, and gives a kick. Headlock. A yelling headlock, to be fair. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, under, into the monkey flip. Nice dropkick. (Colt does a backstroke sell - so weird.) One two no. Headlock, takedown. Back up to their feet. Shot off, shoulderblock, down goes Colt. Gunner over, under, Colt tries the monkey flip, and but Gunner's knows this both ways, and stops and stomps. Gunner helps up Colt so eh can punch him repeatedly. A fine idea. Corner whip, reversed, Gunner goes over the top rope to the apron, and Colt runs into the corner alone. Romero, completely by accident, sets up Josh for an anti-Colt comment, but Josh isn't going. Gunner starts climbing, but Colt slips him off the top rope. Colt with punches, and a knee to the midsection with ropes for leverage. Snap mare, standing on top of him with some rope help. Colt is happy, and happy with himself. Seated abdominal stretch. Colt takes time to make fun of the non-existent "LET'S GO GUNNER" chants. Gunner rallies back, and hiptosses out, but Colt immediately is on him and puts on a standing abdominal stretch. Not close enough to the ropes to grab it, so Colt cranks in the the hold. Gunner manages to get free, and drops him with a back suplex. Both men slow up. Colt up first, windup punch is blocked and Gunner lands a straight right. Blocked, not blocked. Gunner strikes Colt all the way down into the corner, and stomps Colt down there. Gunner yells and rants as he walks to the other corner, and then walks back. Colt is tossed out of the corner. Whip, clothesline, and clot doesn't go down. Colt off the ropes, into a German suplex, one two NO. Colt manages to get in an eye poke to stop Gunner's run. Knee, suplex, Gunner slips behind, waistlock rollup, one two no. Gunner with a a strong right. Corner whip, Gunner charges into Colt's elbow. Colt out after a delay, and right into a overhead belly to belly suplex. One two three. (4:54) 

Dusty Rhodes DVD

WWE vs ECW recap (1:43)

The Pitbulls (402 pounds) vs Sterling Keenan & John Bolen (447 pounds, already in the ring) - Again, Kash has to hold Noble back from attacking their opponents - but then they both rush them after they get their chains off. Your ref is Nick. One is thrown out, the other is left in to be beat up by Noble. Bolen is the one left in, though Romero calls him Keenan until Josh corrects. He manages to get a clothesline on Noble, and then a press slam - because they're bigger, you see, but Noble eye rakes his way free. Bolen shrugs off a waistlock rollup with the help of the ropes, so both Kash and Noble bum rush him out. Kash returns to his corner to howl some - crowd barks back with him. Nobel out to get Bolen, but stops, and sweeps Keenan off the apron. Sterling's head bounces off the way down, which is never fun. Noble throws Bolen back in, and ignores Nick's request to keep it in the ring. Stomp for Bolen, tag to Kash, Kash leaves Bolen with Jamie and dropkicks Keenan as he climbs back onto to apron. Back to Bolen - kick to the chest, kick tot eh back combo. Kash to the middle rope, legdrop one two NO. Kash stands up Bolen for a chop. Keen tries to get free, and manages a side belly to belly suplex. Tag to Keenan, who walks into a punch to the midsection, and goes down (a split second too late) to a jumping kick to the shoulder. One two no. Armbar, arm wringer, and Kash opens Keenan up for kicks to the chest. Tag to Noble, and a double headbutt to Keenan. Double chop to do. Slam by Noble, legdrop, one two no. Chinlock. Kash starts barking again. Bolen elbows up, and but Noble stops that with a knee. Tag to Kash, and Keenan's held in the ropes for more strikes. Snap mare, spine kick, one two no. One two no. There's the dog peeing bit. Kash brings Keenan into the corner, shoulders and punches. Corner whip, reversed, Kash flips out, but eats a boot. Tag to Bolen, who's on Kash with forearms and knees. Slam - no, Kash slips free, slips thru Bolen's legs, and makes the tag to Noble. Noble ducks a clothesline, swinging neckbreaker, Keenan's knocked down as he comes in. Noble takes Bolen apart with knees to the head and stomps him to the mat. Keenan is back up and kicks Noble, but comes off the ropes into Noble's leg lariat. Noble is all fire dup. Back to Bolen, who fights back with punch and forearms, but Kash is in to help him. Double whip, double clothesline missed, clothesline/spear combo doesn't quite look as good here. One two three. (4:43) They both might have been going for a spear there, actually. There wasn't quite enough room for it. BITE THE ROPE.

WWE Mobile

Simon Dean (Clearwater, FL, 210 pounds, w/Dean Machine) vs Matt Hardy (V1, Cameron, NC, 236 pounds) - what a way to go. Now I KNOW this can't be it - we couldn't really end Velocity without Funaki. Hmm, Simon Dean has a pony tail. Josh complains that "Steven Segal" is an out of date reference. Your ref is James. Josh: "What a great way to end Velocity" but I think that was in the context of this episode. Simon isn't happy with the crowd cheering Matt and such. Lockup, Simon eventually backed into the corner. Simon screams for a break, and gets it. Back in the center of the ring, Simon draws a line in the sand (ring) and dares Matt to cross it. Of course he does. Simon tries again, and Matt's still coming. Lockup? That was nothing. Headlock, shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Headlock, takedown by Matt. Simon trying, and getting a headscissors reversal but Matt is quick out, and gets that headlock takedown again. Back up to their feet, into the ropes. Simon fakes a clean break, then sneaks in a kneelift. Whip, reversed, Matt back elbow, legdrop, and Simon needs a break. He rolls out, while Matt is kept at bay. He entertains himself with V1. Simon up to the apron, and Matt punches him down. Matt sliding dropkick is sidestepped - Simon pulls him at an odd angle to cause Matt to land bad, and adds an elbow drop. Simon back in, and even taking off his jacket - is he hoping for a countout win? One guy is chanting Hardy, but he's right by a mic. Yea, Simon wants the countout, but he's not going to get it. Matt is in at 8, and immediately met by a knee drop. Kick to the ribs. Corner whip, Simon with a battering ram. Hardy turnbuckle smashed into the mat. Springboard stomp. Matt rallying back but Simon forearms him back down. Elbow drop. One two no. Choke on the ropes. Corner whip, Simon charges in, and Matt gets a corner sunset flip one two no. Simon up first and working over Matt with punches. Kicks and elbows too. Standing over armbar, as the crowd tries to get Matt to rally once more. Simon suplex - blocked, blocked, Matt fighting for it, knees, punches, changing the hold, Twist of Fate - no, Simon trips him up, and jump stomps on Matt's back. Cover one two no. Forearms. Neck vice. Hardy battling up again, Simon scoops him, Matt reverses into an inverted DDT. Both men down and slow to rise. Crowd clapping for Matt, and he punches, answered. Simon beat down in the corner. V1! Off the ropes, clothesline. Simon retreats to the corner, Matt clothesline in, bulldog out. One two no. Side Effect - no, Simon elbows out of that. Corner whip, Simon charges into a back elbow. Matt to the middle rope, yelling - and eating a punch to the midsection. Inside cradle, one two NO. Whip, reversed, Simon's short clothesline is ducked, and Matt gets the Side Effect one two no. Matt calling for the the Twist of Fate, but it doesn't work if Simon won't get up. Matt walks over to him, Simon trips him to the apron, Matt gets in a shoulder to the midsection from there and slingshot sunset flips in, Simon uses the ropes to block and get leverage on a sitting pin, one two NO - Matt sorta escaped and Korderas sorta noticed Simon's hand on the ropes at the same time. Matt rolls free, and both are up - kick wham Twist of Fate one two three. (7:45) Nice to know you. NICE to know you. Nice to know YOU. Romero: "That's it for Velocity."

That's quite it.