countdown: 3 to go. Start working on the resume, Romero!

open. Haven't quite gotten JBL and others out of it just yet.

Gunner Scott (245 pounds) vs Lawrence Tyler (already in the ring, 225 pounds) - Your announcers for Velocity #209 are Josh and Romero. Lawrence Tyler has a Look. Not a good one, but, hey, you gotta start somewhere. Your ref is Charles. Circle. Armdrag. We are made to believe they're chanting Gunner at the first lockup - so how long do you think they've been inserting fake crowd noise on these shows again? Tyler is very hesitant to lockup. Lockup, Tyler with an armbar, hammerlock, reversal - Josh wonders if Lawrence Tyler is related to Lawrence Taylor, and Romero takes him seriously - Gunner reverses the hammerlock. Tyler wants to get free, but Gunner's just too solid on the fundaments. So Tyler back elbows him in the nose. Hammerlock by Tyler, Scott turns and back heel trips him. Forearms, kicking him down. Toss out of the corner. Clothesline. One two NO. Whip, dropkick. One two NO. More forearms by Scott. Corner whip, Gunner charges in, but Tyler has moved out of the way. Josh relates us the story about having picked Booker to win the KOTR from day one - Romero actually realizes Josh is fibbing. Tyler with a suplex. One two no. Gunner strikes first with kicks and forearms and such. Russian legsweep (Romero: "thunderous move" - yea, it's a loud ring.") One two no. Whip, Scott puts his head down too soon and gets it kicked. Tyler backs up to the ropes and clotheslines him - good thing Gunner just waited for him. Scott with an elbow lock. Josh: "Like I used to do in England - I run around in fields like a knight, and I play soccer nonstop. That's how I liked to do it." Don't ask. Scott trying to get free, and gets pulled down by the hair. Back to the elbow lock. Scott tries to break free with elbows, but Tyler stops him with a knee. Pause. Off the ropes, into a Scott belly to belly suplex. Gunner off the ropes, running forearm, running forearm, running shove. Gunner back suplex, German suplex - Tyler takes it in the most painful manner possible (was he trying to do a flip? he horrible failed in that case.) Get the pin! One two no? I don't care what Gunner's finisher is actually supposed to be, no one should be kicking out of a move like that. So dumb, now the stupid bump you took means a lot less. Just take the three. Scott yells to get cheers, but eh. Tyler up but very wobbly. Kick, one arm DDT one two three. (4:53) Yea, that wasn't better. Josh gives him credit for following one neck damage move with another to get the win.

WWEShop.com

WWE Cruiserweight Champion Gregory Helms (Raleigh, NC, 215 pounds) vs Shawn Osborne (already in the ring, Bakersfield, CA, 230 pounds) - Helms does a lot of point at his belt. Your ref is Jim. Circle. Shawn tries to get the crowd to clap. No luck. He's trying, but the fake crowd isn't there this match. Romero makes the "related to Ozzy" joke, and Josh no sells it to advertise WWE Mobile; though that may be a drop in. Lockup, Helms with a  headlock, shot off, no, hangs on and whips Osborne, Osborne over, and then knocks down Helms with a shoulderblock.. Helms is slow up - did he hit his head? Osborne puts on an armbar. Twisting. Corner whip, right into Helms' uppercut. Middle rope missile dropkick. Choke on the bottom rope. Working Osborne over in the corner with kicks and a choke. Double underhook submission by Helms, taking it down to the mat and opening him up for knees to the head. Helms claps for himself, since no one else will. Osborne tries to punch his way up, but Helms ignores and slams his head into the corner buckle. Chest slap. Kick. Axhandle to the back. Suplex. Josh urges Romero to take a sabbatical. Helms to the middle rope - middle rope axhandle meets punches. Many punches. Helms with a Haas-like dumb fire up. Whip, head down too soon, Helms kicks it. Double underhook inverted DDT. Helms says his name. Nightmare on Helms Street. One two three. (3:37) Oh gosh, someone told Romero the name of the move. I am gasping in shock. Meanwhile, Helms explains to Osborne why he never faces any WWE superstar on TV. Lucky guy.

Wreckless Intent.

SD: Rey vs JBL. The sound is really off here - the music is on top of the action, really loud and distracting. Like surround sound gone bad. (2:56) How long is Forever nowadays? (3-4 months.)

WWE Mobile. Mick's line reading here is part of his heel turn, right? I'm willing to boo.

Los Pitbulls Del Sur: Jamie Noble & Kid Kash (402 pounds) vs Funaki & Scotty 2 Hotty (403 pounds) - They're going to do this match as many times as they can before they can't do it no more. You know, it's kinda disconcerting when Kash seems to be the one relatively under control. Your ref is Chris Kay. Romero is shocked at the difference in crowd reactions to these teams. Noble and Kash want to attack, or at least bite, the tecnicos but Chris Kay gamely holds them off. Takes a moment for everyone to get free of their collars - but they rush Funaki and Scotty as soon as they're free! Beatdown is on. Scotty thrown out, Funaki isolated - double whip, Fuanki gets the ropes, Kash charge sin to a boot, Nobel charges into a back elbow. Funaki bulldog on Noble, and he's all fired up. Looks like Kay is getting Kash out, and Funaki takes care of Noble himself. Armbar, sit on the arm. Back to the armbar. Noble with a right hand, whip, Funaki reverses to an armbar. Under armbar submission. Crowd claps for Scotty, and they get him. Kick to the arm, while Funaki holds it. Scotty takes over with an armbar on the right arm. Jamie reverses to his own ambary and starts barking. Scotty rolls and kips up to a reversal, armbar of his own. Jamie gets it back to their feet, and whips Scotty off. Back elbow knocks down Scotty, and frees Noble to make a tag. Kash charges in - to a Scotty hiptoss, another hiptoss, and a third straight hiptoss. Elbow lock by Scotty. Kash backs Scotty into the corner to get free, and starts kneeing and headbutting! Kash fires back with right hands, knocking Kash across the ring, and smashing him into the turnbuckle when he's there. Corner punches? One two three four five  - and jumping axhandle for Nobel as he comes over. Scotty keeps an eye on Jamie as Jamie goes for the chains. Chris Kay sees and stops Jamie, but he's distracted Scotty enough for Kash to slip in and pull him into a backbreaker. Kay covers, and Kay is slow over to count - one two no. Kash headbutting Scotty in the back of the head now. Back rakes. Head into Noble's boot. Kash tags Jamie in, double headbutt, double chop. Noble slams Scotty. Barking, then a cover, one two no. Maybe the opposite order next time? Scotty's looking for a tag, but Noble has him in a chinlock and Scotty's not going anywhere, regardless of the chant. I guess Jamie gets annoyed with Funaki rallying the crowd, because he lets go and knocks Funaki off the apron. Funaki wants in, and Noble and Kash are free to completely work over Noble. Jamie barks to annoy Funaki. Scotty tries to fight out of his corner, but Jamie takes him down by one leg and holds him there. Scotty trying to get it - but Jamie pulls him back just short and puts on a kneebar. Tag to Kash, who stomps Scotty down before he can do more. Chris Kay warns Jamie to get out after he makes the tag, and Jamie just barks at him, which is the way to go. Jamie with a step over armbar, with a forearm in Scotty's ear just to be annoying. Taking Scotty all the way down to the mat. Funaki moves away form his corner to rally Scotty, and gets wanted by the ref. Is Jamie biting the rope? Jamie's a bit too into this. Tag to Jamie. Double whip, double knockdown, and Kash knocks Funaki off the apron. More barking; I totally should've gone with Los Perros del Sur. Noble covers Scotty with a forearm to the face, one two NO. Slam - no, Scotty small package, one two no. Scotty pops up and knocks Scotty down one two NO. Front facelock. Noble lets go, elbows Scotty in the face, and puts on a neck vice. Josh makes fun of Taylor Hicks - is this to cover a commercial break? There had to be one around here somewhere. Scotty tires to elbow free, and Noble gets - I don't even know that is, but they're face to face, and Scotty is kneeing and back elbowing free. Jamie holds on to him by his pants, and forearms him in the back to knock him down. Jamie takes a swing at Funaki, Funaki moves out of the way, and Jamie barks at him. Jamie with a powerbomb - no, Scotty backdrops free. Tag to Funaki! Pescado to the inside on Noble, right for Kash, inverted atomic drop for Noble, kick catch enziguri for Kash. Jumping forearm for Noble a and he's thrown down. Funaki all fired up once again. He's got no one to hit! Going up - cross body on Noble one two Kash breaks it up. Scotty, realizing his partner could use a bit of help, pulls Kash off Funaki and throws him out. Noble grabs Scotty - fireman's carry gutbuster. BARK. Scotty rolls out. Noble picks up Funaki - Funaki Small package, one two NO! Funaki heel kick to the midsection. Turnbuckle smash, and Funaki is sadly going up for his finisher. Slap to Noble's face. Calling for it - Rising Sun is tossed off (like always), Funaki landing flat on his stomach. Before Funaki can get off all fours, Noble kills him with a dropkick to the head. I would think that's it, but it isn't - Kash up to for the powerbomb/top rope bulldog combo. One two three. (9:32) Funaki ain't moving - Kash is momentarily concerned before he remembers he's a dog and dogs just don't care. Bite the rope! Talk about finding your gimmick just in time... 

That's it.