the dunks are stale. open.

the Dicks (430 pounds) vs Brian Kendrick & Paul London (361 time) - your announcers are Romero and Josh. Romero: "I'm not bitter all the time, like you." London and Kendrick slide in the ring, and Kendrick salutes the Dicks, which surely makes sense to him. Your ref is Nick. Brian and Chad to start. Brian with a hammerlock, Chad backs him into the corner, and Chad gets in the cheap shot elbow. Wristlock, twisting it, forcing Brian to the mat, Brian trying to roll to a reversal, but it's tough. James twisting it in, forcing Brian to the mat, Brian kips to his feet, reverses it, and Chad reverses it back. Chad asks James if he wants in - he does. Chad reaches for a tag, but Brian armdrags him away, and armdrags him back. Chad now makes the tag, and he and James are arguing - wow, this ain't going to last long. Brian stays in. Lockup, no, James with a kick, forearm, elbow to the back, facecrusher. James take a moment to yell at Chad. Slam, no, Brian slips behind, tag to London, double hiptoss, kick to the chest, kick to the back combo. London dives for a cover as Kendrick goes out of the ring - one two no. James manages to ram London back first into the corner. Kneelift. Forearm to the back. Corner whip, London kips up and out, and kicks James in the midsection. Kicks to the ribs, with a heel kick to end it. Forearm to the head. Corner whip, reversed, James charges in, London gets an obvious back elbow in. London going up for the Mushroom Stomp, but he aborts when Chad walks over on the apron. London drops back to the mat, Chad drops to the floor, and James drops London with a forearm to the back. While Kendrick argues this injustice, Chad gets in a knee form the apron. James covers one two no. Tag to Chad - no arguing now. James holds London for Chad to kick. Forearm to the back of the head. London trying to punch his way up, but Chad stops him with a kick. Tag to James, hold and James kicks London. London wants a tag but isn't getting to his corner. Elbow to the head. Choke on the bottom rope. Chad stomps London's head from the outside. Tag to Chad. Corner whip, elbow to the head. Josh: "I know a lot of stuff. I'm not going to lie about that." Hey, it's going around. Chad hooks on a front facelock. London moving it towards his corner by lifting up Chad and taking a few steps. On the third try, James comes in and punches London in the gut. That only slightly stops London's momentum, and he's able to backdrop free of the hold to tag Spanky, but Nick was busy getting James out of the ring and missed it. Chad drags London all the way back to the Dicks corner and stomps him down. Front facelock, London flips out and lands a reverse neckbreaker, but in such a way that you're not sure who got the worst of it. Both need make a tag. London's got longer to go but is moving faster. James comes in and grabs London, but too late - Kendrick's got the tag. Back elbow to James, forearm to James, Dropkick to Chad, Dropkick to James, forearms to Chad. Whip, reversed, double clothesline misses, and London boosts Kendrick up into a double dropkick on both dicks. London goes to all fours so Kendrick can try the boosted up forearm on James, but Chad pushes his brother out of the way and Kendrick hits the corner. Chad grabs Kendrick, and James backs up to charge - yea, Brian moves and Chad gets a shoulder to the lower abdominal. They are so DONE. James ends up going out of the ring and Chad takes a bump over the ropes to go in the ring, though I'm not sure now. In the next second, London charges the ropes at diagonal and springboards off Chad (and maybe slipped and maybe hit the top rope) into a crazy looking suicide Shooting Star Plancha! He didn't get all of it and it was almost deadly, but he got just enough of James not to die. That looked all kinds of scary. Back in the ring, Kendrick has no problem getting Sliced Bread #2 on Chad (hey, the legal men!) one two three. (6:14) This just in - these guys are awesome. Romero can't stop marking out. Replay of this week's Paul London suicide attempt. Like a high jumper, he hit the bar on the way over, and his butt smashed James in the face. I don't think high jumpers do that part, but you get the idea. Will either one of these guys win the belt? 

No Way Out (Rey vs Orton)

Bret Hart in the WWE HOF. The oddest parts of these video packages is to hear Announcer Vince McMahon. I would've preferred some clips of the second Hart Foundation but you do what you can. (1:38)

Tatanka (no introduction?) vs Scott Matthews (already in the ring, no introduction) - Tatanka's theme song makes me want to play WWF RAW. Back In The Day, I could eliminate every computer player within five seconds of their entry in the Rumble. That might have been because it was insanely easy to do that once you got the hang off it, but that's beside the point. Your ref is Chris Kay. I think Chimel's mic isn't working, so he just gets to stand around like a goof. Josh is pumped for Tatanka's "head thing." Scott and Josh are NOT related - he's one T. Josh accuses people of trying to steal his name. Scott attacks Tatanka, but to no effect. I was going to count the chops this week, but then I thought it would be better if I paid no mind at all to this match. To be fair, Tatanka mixes up chops to the chest with chops to the back. AWKWARD PAUSE. Tatanka works the guy over in the corner, works the guy over in the corner, whips him to the corner, and does a move on the rebound. If you got him in a circular ring, he'd be one dead Indian. Horrible hiptoss and I don't know who to blame, but the fans are unhappy. Tatanka gets them back with a chop and a random war cry. Slam. His suplex at least looks nice, I'll give him that. Hey look, another corner whip. This time, Scott's kicks and punches and knees work. Oh, wait, now they don't. War Dance time. Josh: "I've studied Native American tribes all my life, and this is what they do." Explains a lot. I can't think of any non-horrible jokes now. Crowd thinks this match is a horrible joke. There's the War Dance, which gets some boos too. Chops and chops. Another whip, and a big backdrop. Tatanka goes up, to do a, get this, a chop. End of the Trail. (3:30) Look at his tomahawk. Look at his dance. Look at him walk around.

WM20 ad.

Mascarita Sagrada (4 feet, 1 inches, 100 pounds) vs Octagoncito (4 feet 2, 112 pounds) - Josh can't say Mascarita. It's sad. None of the Juniors get entrance videos. Wait, I missed the Momentos Estelares graphic? Of course, Charles Robinson is the ref for this match. We'll be back with more jokes for five people in a bit. Circle. Octagoncito wants to do a test of stretch and Sagrada's too short. It's about wingspan. Josh laughs. Octagoncito offers to go to his knees to even it out. Sagrada want Charles to do something about it. Lockup, Sagrada points out something in the crowd, Charles turns, and Sagrada kicks Octagoncito low. Slap to Octagoncito's head. Octagoncito gets back up, chest slap, slap to the back, whip, off the ropes, back elbow. Cover, one two no. Octagoncito with an elbow, corner whip, charge, Sagrada gets up a boot. Romero says stuff I could quibble with, but why? Sagrado comes out of the corner, dives over Octagoncito's back, Octagoncito charges, catches Sagrada by the arm and gives him a short clothesline. Cover, one. Octagoncito with a chest slap. Whip - these are large rings for them and I'm surprised it hasn't caused more problems - Sagrada grabs the ropes, Octagoncito charges, Sagrada moves, and Octagoncito kicks the ropes. Sagrada charges, off the ropes, back with a spinning headscissors. Octagoncito charges, Sagrada gives him the stop sign and points up - what's up? Sagrada looking up and now Octagoncito and Charles are both looking up. Sagrada walking around, pointing up. Octagoncito and Charles don't see it, and Octagoncito gets bored and chest slaps Sagrada. Chest slap battle. Sagrada asks him to stop, big windup, punch with the left hand. Sagrada fake fast counts a three, and blames it Charles, and Octagoncito buys this some how. Sagrada tells him to ask the fans, slaps him on the back, and blames Charles. Octagoncito chest slaps Charles, and now Charles is yelling at him. Sagrada pulls the same bit again, and Octagoncito chest slaps again. Charles threatens a DQ, but Octagoncito begs it off. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU HIT ME, MAN!" Sagrada off the reaps, into the Atlántida! And spun out into a TKO. Octagoncito off the ropes, senton, but Sagrada moves out of the way. Sagrada pushes Octagoncito into the ropes, Sagrada press slam (!) and La Majistral one two three. (3:17) Charles lifts Sagrada up to celebrate. 

Divas magazine special. 

Kurt Angle No Way Out video. (1:35)
Josh and Romero discuss
main event clips. (1:45)

Super Crazy (212 pounds, w/Psicosis) vs Nunzio (175 pounds, w/Vito) - Your ref is James. I wonder what Vito thinks of the Winter Olympics? Circle. Lockup, Nunzio with a single leg, toe hold, , Crazy trying to get free, kicking Nunzio away. Nunzio tries another single leg, Crazy fights it and stays into his feet, but Nunzio get sit and jackknifes over, one two reversal one two no. Circle. Lockup, Nunzio with an armbar, into a hammerlock, Crazy looking for a way out, standing switch into his own hammerlock, Nunzio drops down and leverages Crazy out. Crazy not taking a moment off, going straight to the top - off top rope armdrag. Monkey flip, one two no. Crazy with a waistlock on the mat, Nunzio to his feet, pulls the legs thru his legs, Crazy kicks him off, Nunzio off the ropes and into a dropkick. Nunzio out and grabbing his face. Crazy teases a pescado, Nunzio pulls back, Crazy lands on the apron and leans backwards over the ropes to flip in. Crazy swings thru the ropes to kick Nunzio down, and flattens him with a slingshot senton! That's why they call him Super Crazy! Crazy gives Vito a look, and Psicosis takes a moment from marking out for his partner to make sure Vito doesn't have a clear route at him. Crazy brings it back in, one two NO. Psicosis wants a faster count. Nunzio back out again, and staggered. Crazy pescado - and no one's home! Did Vito pull his partner out of the way? Yea, he shoved him clear. Vito plays innocent. Nunzio in to break the count. He's still to out of it to do much. Nunzio recovers and comes back out for Crazy, throwing him in. Cover one two no. Psicosis is pounding the mat. Nunzio with a suplex. One two NO. Cross armbreaker! Crazy's fighting it from getting extended and turns free. Nunzio stomps the shoulder and yells at the crowd.  Pulling Crazy by the hair, into a seated chinlock. I find it hard to call a camel clutch unless they grab the arms. Now more of a standing chinlock, and Crazy is rallying back. Psicosis is really bad at pounding the mat in any rhythm this week, but it happens to the best of us. Nunzio stops this short with a forearm. Is Crazy bleeding form the mouth? Maybe. He's fighting back with forearms, but Nunzio trumps that with a knee. Nunzio's setting up for something, completely unaware Crazy's hooked the ropes with his outside arm. Guess it was a DDT, because Nunzio went down and Crazy kept standing. Crazy's too out of it to do much more than collapse for a moment. He pulls himself together - quebrada meets knees! Maybe Nunzio's bleeding form his mouth. He slaps Crazy in the face a few times and Crazy responds by bodyscissoring him form the mat and pulling him into a rollup one two NO. Crowd thought hit was three. Nunzio kicks him down. Corner whip, Nunzio charges in to a spinning back elbow, and there flies Nunzio's gum. Crazy to the middle rope - sunset flip one two NO. Psi up on the apron complaining about the count, but it's not going to help. Both men are slow up, Nunzio with a drop toe hold, and he's saying this is it.  To the middle rope, and Crazy meets him with a jumping punch. Nunzio kicks him back down, and turns on the top rope so he's now seated towards the camera? Something spotish is coming up. Crazy goes out to the apron and trades punches with him. Nunzio tries a seated Tornado DDT to the apron, but Crazy blocks it and clotheslines him back in. Crazy tries to leap to the top rope, but Vito's got him by the ankles. Psi fixes that, top rope moonsault one two three. (5:41) Mexicools roll around in celebration again. Crazy starts to roll out of the ring, and just kinda lays there. Psi helps him out, and so are we.

That's it.