a humble request: while there are a hundred things I could request and wishcast for the Last Velocity Ever - high on that list is a commentating team of Josh, Tazz, and Cole, with Cole and Tazz just killing Josh for 60 minutes - there's one special phrase that I think needs to be said before the show is complete. Nothing would sound better to my ears than "drop toe hold"

no between show bumper, no entertainment bumper - straight into the open TV PG V CC - there's Stacy and Christy

Paul London (Austin, TX, 185 pounds) vs Brian Kendrick (Seattle WA, 181 pounds) - London is wearing a crazy frayed SmackDown! shirt that looks spiffy when he sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiides. Charles Robinson is your ref. Your announcers are Romero, Josh, and Josh's off white suit jacket. What is that. Guess he's gotta get in while he still can! HEY YOU! And now, let us pause for a special note

Dear Velocity:

Apology accepted! Please don't start screwing up again.

Your pal,
thecubsfan

The video and the introduction is all Brian Kendrick and I guess he's moved in his time off; I guess someone done hit the reset button. I didn't notice his hair being this brown when I saw him at ROH, but maybe I'm insane. Romero, master of the Freaking Obvious, thinks Brian and Paul are similar. Josh is useful, reminding us that these two were tag team partners and both were trained by HBK. In fact, the last time we saw Spanky in WWE - 01/10/04 Velocity (check out all the since fired people!) 88 weeks ago - he teamed up with London. Brian is wearing sparkly gold shorts, London is wearing the Pac man trunks. London does a lot of gesturing to indicate "Hey! You!" but all in a happy way. Romero says Kendrick's been honing his skills in Japan - I guess that's why Chicago Ridge seems so far away. Josh gets to say "Zero One, All Japan, and Hustle" but does not dance. Enough with the backstory, onto the now story. There's a handshake. Lockup, a bit of spinning, and Kendrick is into the corner. London takes his time breaking, but it is clean. Handshake/slap. Circle, London goes for the takedown but no. Lockup, Brian with a hammerlock, London rolls to a reversal, short armbar into a hammerlock into a headlock. Off the ropes, London shoulderblock, yell. Yell? Josh says "Japanese Strong Style." Off the ropes, under, into the Kendrick armdrag, armdrag. London retreats to the corner, Kendrick points and charges, London backdrops him up, Kendrick lands on the apron, London throws a punch, Kendrick ducks and gives a shoulder to the midsection. Kendrick slingshots in with a roll over London's back, and tries for another armdrag, but London's blocked it by hooking the ropes. London locks the arm - armbar takedown! One two no. Kendrick's holding the left arm in tight, and trying to protect himself with kicks to keep London away, but London lands a dropkick to the left shoulder. Kendrick brought up to his feet, London puts on the hammerlock, and gives him a hammerlock slam on the bad shoulder. Standing moonsault, one two NO. Stomp. Springboard stomp. Kendrick is hurting. Shoulder to the shoulder. Shoulder to the shoulder. Northern Lights suplex, one two NO. First Friday SD! hype here - no mention of any changes, and I expect that to be the same thru the hour. London kicking the bad shoulder. Cranking the arm. Brian to his feet and fighting with right arm forearms, but London knocks him to one knee with a kick to the bad shoulder. Another one and Kendrick is down on the mat. London viciously kicking the bad shoulder - now grabbing the arm and cranking it around the ropes. London backs off and arrogantly walks around, before pointing out his five count. Forearm. Kick to the bad shoulder. Kendrick chops and forearms to get a moment of control, but London stops him with another kick. Whip - no, London just yanks him down by the bad arm at the last second. That was cruel. One two NO. ARMbar. Twist. Using it to open up Kendrick's left side, and going to town with kicks. Reverse armbar takedown? Close enough. One two NO. Near the ropes, but London was smart enough to hook the outside leg. Kendrick trying to fight with one more, but London beats him down in the corner again. London rams Kendrick into the corner shoulder first. London backs up and gets booed again, before charging, right into a Kendrick forearm. Chop. Forearm. Forearm. Forearm. London back with a forearm. Kick. Corner whip, Kendrick breaks it up before London can crank the arm again, and boots London in the face! Fivearm! Dropkick - Kendrick lands on his bad arm and grabs it, but he's back up. London up but out of it - Kendrick 'rana! Leg lariat! One two NO. Front facelock, London out into an armbar, Kendrick forearms free and runs to the corner - WOW crossbody but no one's home and he's doubly hurting. Paul points to his head! London going right back to the armbar, but Kendrick shoves him off into the ropes. Clothesline misses, and London nails him with the Dropsault one two no. London arguing that there's a slow count. It's an extended argument with a man of authority, and it's going nowhere. London turns around, and gives Kendrick an Okie roll, but Kendrick bridges up and out of it. London tries a clothesline, Kendrick catches the arm, and reverses it - Sliced Bread #2! One two THREE. (6:02) Romero knew the name of the move - must've been fed it. Raise his good arm! Kendrick's all the way to the entrance by the time London's got the mic. "Big surprise. You know, I'm really glad you people were here to witness this. Just goes to show how crappy it is around here - my own best friend just screwed me, what was that?" Romero notes London is on a 3 match losing streak while Josh wonders how he could be screwed in this match - looks like London thinks his tights were pulled.

Tonight: Nunzio vs Super Crazy

TNA Ad here.

"the Alabama Slamma" Hardcore Holly (Mobile, Alabama, 242 pounds) vs Steve Madison (225 pounds, already in the ring) - Between his entrance and the ad reads, Hardcore music goes long enough that it almost restarts. Your ref is Nick. Lockup, Hardcore headlock. Hardcore shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Harder over the ropes, into an armdrag, into a hiptoss. Hardcore is angry. You won't like him when he's angry. You won't like him when he's not angry either but whatever. Big right hand knocks Madison down. Forearm. Stomp. Whip, back elbow. Kick. Madison switches corner, and it's time for the chops. That was actually a weak chop by Hardcore standard. That one was not - Madison is switching the corner on each move, for whatever reason. The third one was killer. Hardcore asks the fans if they want one more. Holly finally corners Madison and decides to give him a lot more - chop, chop, chop and Madison is barely standing. Suplex. One two no. Hardcore wastes no time in getting in armbar. Talk about Katrina and his family's situation. Nick forces the break, and Madison gets in a cheap shot. Whip, back elbow, one two no. Choke. Strike battle, which Madison briefly wins, and then has to resort to an eye gouge. Headlock. Right. Right. Corner whip, charge into a Hardcore boot. Josh: "Steve Madison is just proving he doesn't belong in the ring with Hardcore Holly!" Hard clothesline, clothesline. Whip, dropkick. Calling for it. Alabama Cruncher. Now saying it's over. Getting Madison up, and keeping him up for a while. Hardcore gauges crowd reaction. One two three. (3:45)

SmackDown! Live
09/04 - Macon Centreplex, Macon, GA [SD! Live]
09/05 - Albany Civic Center, Albany, GA [SD! Live]
09/06 - Arena At Gwinnett Center, Atlanta, GA [SD!]
09/11 - Shrine Mosque, Springfield, MO [SD! Live]
09/12 - Alltel Arena, Little Rock, AR [SD!]

Clearsil Slam of the Week: Eddie might finally win

SmackDown!: Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero [CAGE] - notice the time they're listing on the bottom hasn't been updated
SmackDown!: Will the Undertaker Appear?
SmackDown!: Chris Benoit vs Orlando Jordan [US]
SmackDown!: Batista vs JBL [Bull Rope, WORLD]
SmackDown!: Legion of Doom (Heidenreich & Animal) vs MNM [WWE TAG]

"LOD member Heidenreich" vs "MNM member Mercury" (3:04)

Bod Bodyslam of the Week: Booker really needs to let Sharmell fight her own fights.

Doug Basham (Columbus, OH, 245 pounds) vs Michael Patrick (227 pounds, already in the ring, w/o Theismann and Maguire) - they managed to find clips for an entrance video this week. Also, flashing lights. Chimel: "Doug Basham!" Doug: "That's me!" Well okay. Let's make fun of Patrick's non-tan. Doug is so offended by his whiteness, he shoves Patrick a couple times. Patrick shoves back. Your ref is Brian and he needs to call for the bell already. Lockup, there's the bell. Josh figures the whiteness is a camouflage technique, to blend in with the mat, which is okay the first they mention it and annoying when they get to time twenty two by the end of the match  Choke. Patrick thrown down. Lockup, armdrag, armbar. Slapping the back of his head. Kick, slap to the face. Patrick fighting back with punches. Forearm to the back - back elbow stops that. Whip, Patrick sunset flip one two no. Josh isn't talking. Basham with a shot to the gut. Knees. Thrown down by the head. Knees to the head. Look at the camera. Corner whip, clothesline. Doug is very proud of himself. Stomp. One two no. Kicks. Slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop. Elbow drop. Elbow - hahaha, he faked out. Legdrop! Doug insisting that Patrick get up, but he's not gonna. Patrick sat up, and slapped. "You wanna be a wrestler?" Chinlock. Elbowing out after a bit, but thrown down. Kneedrop, but Patrick moves. Patrick trying to fight up, and squeezes in a jawbreaker. Right hands by Patrick. Whip, back elbow. Patrick with a slam. One two NO. Patrick with a whip, quick reverse, into a inverted atomic drop. Last Impression. One two three. (4:00) That was like two minutes too long and not better than Vito/Steven, but whatever.

Mick Foley book signing. oh great. 15 city tour! He's coming to Chicago later this month, but whatever. Look, he's actually gotten people willing to review his book this time. The Best Reviews likes the book, but also calls him "Mitch". Can't find the Washington Post review. (1:26)

Rey vs Orton. What do I need to do to get HBK/Rey or HBK/Eddie, by the way? (3:49)

Next: Nunzio vs Super Crazy

Super Crazy (Mexico, 205 pounds, w/Nicho, Psicosis and the Juan Deers) vs WWE Cruiserweight Champion Nunzio (175 pounds, w/Vito) - This being the first Mexicool match on Velocity, and another Super Crazy match with some people never wrestling, seems to show how little they trust Nicho and Juvi. Weird when the guy named Super Crazy is the sane one. Anyway, last Super Crazy match I recapped was the 04/30/04 hair match with Zumbido (he lost, but it was 16 months ago so it's grown back some), but the last time we saw Crazy on a B-Show I believe was 06/27/99 Super Astros. (You'll miss me when I'm gone, admit it.) And these two have fought before, yes. Much like Japan, they have no cities in Mexico. Your ref is Korderas and he has his hands full with this one. Check out the new shirts. Vito had time to change into street clothes? Crazy can't get no title match? Who's the face here? Josh, showing the gift of an Indian education, says Italy and Mexico are "divided by the Great Equator." Romero has to be the smart one, which is a problem. The Mexicans invented pizza! The Italians invented tacos (maybe not)! None of this has to do anything with this match, Josh! Lockup, break. Crazy going to wrestle with a shirt over his top? Huh. Lockup. Josh loves Mexican pizza. "I run for the border all the time!" Crazy powers Nunzio down with a wristlock, and rolls it into an armbar. Nunzio tries to escape, and Crazy scissors Nunzio's arms into a grounded crucifix, one two no. Both stand up, and Crazy yells to Psi as Psi claps. Nunzio slaps him and goes to the jumping jacks. Crazy kicks Nunzio, tilt-a-whirl reversed into an armbar takedown! Fujiwara armbar and Crazy in a bit of trouble here. Nunzio gets to his feet, Crazy tries to roll free but gets a fireman's carry. One two no. Armbar. Noted wrestling historian Josh explains that wrestling was invented in the US. Romero warns us not to believe him. Nunzio with a chest slap, whip, clothesline misses, back elbow misses, Crazy corner whips Nunzio, Nunzio reversed, Crazy with a WOW cross body one two NO. Jumping spinning elbow drop! One two no. Chest slap. Corner whip, reversed, Crazy kip up, caught and shoved off, and Nunzio back elbows him on the floor. Right in front of Juvi and Psi, Nunzio might be wise to let Crazy come in on his own, but he's going out anyway. Nunzio realizes his mistake and we have a standoff - Vito comes over to help him and now we're really not making any progress. Korderas has to come out and play traffic cop - Nunzio and Vito go in the ring while Crazy gets back up. Vito is getting escorted out by Korderas while Crazy starts to come in - and gets dropkicked in the face by Nunzio.  Nunzio pulls Crazy in the middle of the ring one two NO. Nunzio sits on Crazy's chest and pounds his face. Legdrop. Nunzio is too happy. One two no. Talk about all the red/white/green leads to Christmas colors leads to Feliz Navidad leads to Josh saying "I am bilingual" leads to them racing to the "I know you're BI!" joke. Josh wins, but we all do when Josh breaks out his fake laugh. Nunzio forcing Crazy into the corner, shoulder. Corner whip, charging shoulder. Korderas is loud here. Corner whip, Crazy gets a corner sunset flip one two no. Crazy with a knee to stop him. Russian legsweep. One two foot on the rope. Nunzio argues the count and pulls Korderas his way so Vito can get in a shot. Juvi's angry and after getting no help from Korderas, wants to take care of Vito - Korderas does stop that. "Juvi! Get back on your side!" Kneeling chinlock. Crazy drawing from the crowd to come back. Elbows, forearm to the back. Nunzio forearm, Crazy back with forearms of his own. Whip, sunset flip Crazy rolls thru and dropkicks Nunzio. Both men are down. Crazy covers one two NO. Nunzio misses a clotheslines, Crazy dropkick, dropkick, dropkick, dropkick! Crazy going up, Vito going to the apron, dropkick for him! Crazy feeling the power of massive dropkicks. Off the ropes, straight up fivearm, off the ropes, fivearm, off the ropes, fivearm, fivearm for Vito! Everything must be done four times! Crazy pumped up, but Nunzio gives him a jawbreaker. Psi on the apron to argue, and Nunzio knocks him off - Psicosis manages to take a painful looking bump off one of the lawnmowers in the process. Nunzio slam, and he's going up. Right near Juvi too. Yea, Juvi going up, while Korderas is yelling at Vito for getting on the apron again, and he shoves Nunzio to the mat. Crazy going up, as Juvi decides to brawl it out with Vito. (Juvi realizes his mistake too late.) Crazy's quebrada moonsault one two three! (6:49) Crazy wisely rolls out to join his boys before Vito can kill him. Josh points out that Crazy just pinned the champ - rematch coming? The Mexicools abandon the lawnmowers as they celebrate - I guess a win is good enough for tonight. "WE ARE MEXICOOL" Psi yelling and Juvi spazing out is a fine way to end this.

That's it. THREE TO GO.