TV PG V cc entertainment open - yep, Orton's already in instead of Angle, though I think they changed around a few of the Benoit shots from last week.
WWE Tag Team Champions M & N (Los Angeles, CA, 445 pounds, w/M) vs Nick Berk & Kevin Matthews (446 pounds, already in the ring) - The way on of the fake-paparazzi cameraman keeps zeroing in on her backside, Melina ought to have a restraining order filed. The locals get their names introduced just as Melina's teasing her ring entrance, which means no one's looking at them when their names are mentioned except one camera guy. The announcers are obsessing over Melina to such a stalkerish degree, I figure I probably should just recap her during the match but since she spends half the match on her cell phone (though not actually talking to anyone, it seems), that might not be so interesting. I'm not denying she's hot, oh no, but it's getting a bit much. This week's Misogynistic Line Of The Night: (Romero): "Isn't every woman an opportunist?" Josh agrees. Too many Mat(t)hews in one place here. Joey and Nick to start. Lockup, Nick with a waistlock, Joey with a snap mare, one two no. Armbar on Nick. Nick rolling out of it, reverses it, and gets a forearm in the face. Nick has "HB" on his tights. Nick driven into Nitro's boot. Tag to Nitro. Joey boot chokes on his way out. European Uppercut by Nitro. Tag to Joey for hold 'em punches. Maybe that's not a H? Right. Melina is bored by this match. Not the only one. Right. Corner whip, Joey charges and nails him with a clothesline. Melina's on her phone now - it looks like she's used Bling It On. Nick thrown out of the ring. Melina takes a break from the phone call to kick Nick in the ribs. Nick thrown in. Joey with the posing pin, one two no. Reverse neckbreaker while taunting, nice. Dragging Nick over to Nitro. Stomps. Melina with a thumbs up for Joey. Nitro working over Nick's back. Melina screams her approval. Tag to Joey. Double gutbuster! Josh and Romero discuss who Melina could be talking to. Jumping knee by Joey. One two no. Tag to Nitro, hold for a kick. Nitro kicking Nick over. Nick fighting his way up. Nitro punches him back. Whip, clothesline misses, Nitro's head down too soon, Nick gives him a knee to the head. There's the tag to Matthews. Kevin with forearms. Corner whip, charge and eating Nitro's boot, and Nitro beheads him with a clothesline. Melina's hung up and is paying attention to the match. Tag to Joey. Nitro with a big kick, and Melina screeches. Joey double arm DDT. One two three. (4:33) Kevin gets thrown out of the ring, and Nick gets thrown out of the picture.
Your announcers are Romero and Josh. Nice white suit, Josh. What are you, the Colonel?
Tonight: Funaki vs Juventud. Juventud! That's the guy Rock and Jericho always talk about!!!
WWE Slam of the Week, presented by Advent Rising: Eddie interrupts Akio vs
London, proving him evil beyond belief.
SD!: Eddie beats the cruiserweight champion, gets beat up by Rey. (2:27)
SD!: Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero (assuming they're not picked in the draft)
Funaki (Japan, 180 pounds) vs DA JUICE (160 pounds) - Generic Mexican music, BOOO. A/V department culling his entrance video from WCW clips, YAAAY. Hey, between these two, they've got one full name. Historian Josh runs down the list of achievements
Romero immediately tries for "Juventud, the dude with the 'tude" and I dunno. He's not acting particularly heelish in his (new?) outfit. Romero's never seen Juventud before (he says), because he did not start watching wrestling till five minutes after he got this job (I assume.) Juvi chant. Lockup. Juvi with a headlock, shot off, shoulderblock. off the ropes, over, under, over, rolling under, leaping to his feet, zero cover exchange, standoff. Juvi's pumped. Juvi wants a handshake - Funaki gives him a slap. Funaki off the ropes, ducking a clothesline, Funaki with a waistlock, Juvi back elbows free and suplexes Funaki, Funaki lands on his feet, turns Juvi around, and heel kicks Juvi. Whip, reversed, Funaki spinning headscissors. Juvi not so happy at this standoff. Juvi tells the crowd to cheer for him and not Funaki. Handshake again? Yes, but Juvi grabs it tightly and gets in his face. Funaki's confused, till he takes a spinning heel kick. Kick, snap mare, dropkick to the face. Juvi yelling and getting a mixed reaction. Stomp. Suplex. OH NO, he's NOT calling for it! He IS! Off the ropes, off the ropes, People's Elbow! One NO big kickout. Now he's yelling "The Juice is Back!" at the crowd while doing the RVD thumb point. I love Juvi, because I believe he's legitimately insane. Funaki trying to fight to his feet, but getting stomped down. Juvi with what can be called a face yank. Now into a chinlock, not quite a camel clutch. Funaki trying to slip out the back, now lifting Juvi on to his back, and falling backwards for an electric chair suplex. Juvi's a bit out of it and all the way in the corner. Now charging back, corner dropkick misses and Juvi takes the wacky bump in the corner. Funaki trying to get the crowd going. Waiting for Juvi to get up, Juvi's right blocked, Funaki right, block, Funaki right, Funaki right, whip, backdrop. Funaki with a right, right, corner whip, rebound bulldog! One two NO. Funaki running in place rather than doing anything, and gets kicked for it. Big chop. Whip, head down too soon, Funaki throws him down by his hair, one two NO. Funaki with a turnbuckle smash, punch to the midsection, setting on top. Rising Sun, reversed into a Northern Lights Suplex, Juvi rolls thru that and scoops Funaki for the Juvi Driver, but Funaki reverses THAT to a reverse DDT! One two NO. Juvi's bandana got untied in the fun. Funaki powerbomb gets reveres into a Juvi messy 'rana one two NO! and referee Charles nearly got taken out in the kickout. Juvi with a kick, pumphandle into a face first powerbomb! One two three. (5:32) Let's call that Juvi Driver II. Juvi grooves to his music. Josh gets to say Michinoku Driver (though it was face first), which is a good day.
Tonight: Psicosis & Super Crazy vs Billy Kidman & Akio! Awesome. Psicosis has the weirdest video, like he's just trying to get his mask on straight.
SmackDown! Live (Carlito for Angle)
??/??/?? - Manchester, England
06/21 - Tucson, AZ [SD!]
06/26 - San Jose, CA [SD! Live]
06/27 - Anaheim, CA [SD! Live]
Rene Dupree (Paris, France, 260 pounds) vs Mark Jindrak (Atlanta, GA, 263 pounds) - this is a DREAM WrestleMania main event. During Dupree's entrance (and as part of his anti-Rene diatribe), Josh says this match is a perfect time to make a phone call, go to the bathroom or visit the concession stand. I'm not going to argue with my boy. Velocity Mark is a face, SD! Mark is a heel. I wonder if the writers ever talk? Speaking of talking, Rene's got some French for us. "In case you don't know who I am [interrupted by USA chants] I SAID, in case you people don't know who I am, I'm the French Phenom, baby!" Announcers note the only man in the ring without their names on their outfit is Nick Patrick. Josh: "What are we talking about this for?" I don't know, dude. Josh never wants to see Kurt Angle on SD! ring in his life, and figures Booker T and Sharmell think the same. Check out all those exciting sequence of backdrops. There's the dance, there's a Cobra Clutch? That's the finish? Yes. (4:19) What the what. Let's imagine he had to get a new one because Juvi's here. Rene gives a shrug and so do I.
WWE Rewind, sponsored by Starburst's ever so annoying commercial, is the Bashams quitting the cabinet. Well, they needed new face challengers for MNM...
SD!: Doug vs Benoit. Benoit's good friend Undertaker makes the save. (1:18)
SD!: JBL vs Undertaker (2:18). Nice for Randy that Undertaker picked this of any night to return.
Up Next: Psicosis vs Super Crazy vs Billy Kidman & Akio
Awesome commercial for Eddie vs Rey here.
thug life Billy Kidman & Akio (405 pounds, w/jacket) vs Super Crazy & Psicosis (435 pounds) - evil duo color is red this week. Your ref is Brian. Super Crazy's video, and presumably his music. Note that we're spelling Psi with an I, and he's wearing the white mask this time out. They rush the ring. Theodore Long signed both these guys after seeing them on ONS; sure, why not. Mr. Long needs improve his scouting department if that's how he's getting 'em, though. Loud ECW chant. Crazy and Kidman to stat. Lockup, Kidman into a hammerlock, Crazy looking for his way out, jumping snap mare. Kidman off the ropes, over, armdrag, armdrag, kick to the back. Armbar. When Josh says "Billy Kidman has been in the ring with Psicosis before", do you have the urge to yell "YES! HE TOOK HIS MASK!" Maybe that's just me. Tag to Psicosis, axhandle to the armbar. Armbar, cranking the arm. Whip, reversed, Psicosis sorta slides thru, ducks the clothesline off the ropes, crucifix into a sunset flip one two no. Kidman with a knee to the midsection. Josh talks about how Randy Orton being on SmackDown! is a never before seen thing. Urge to kill rising. Tag to Akio, kick to the midsection. Kick to the back. Chop, Psicosis sells it like fire ants. Whip, duck the clothesline, tilt-a-whirl, Psicosis lands on his feet, jumping enziguri. Elbow drop to the back of the head. Psi with an armbar, crank. Yell. Cranking the arm - but Akio forearms him. Corner whip, Akio charges into a back elbow, Kidman charges into a back elbow from the apron. Akio trips up Psi with a kick to the back of the knee, then kills him with the spinning enziguri one two no. Tag to Kidman. Josh says this is a match that has never happened, and I'll at least go with him there. Akio elbows Psi on the neck on the way out. Kidman snap mare, kick to the spine, one two no. Kick to the ribs, tag to Akio, beatdown. Stomps. Modified camel clutch - he only has the right arm hooked. Psi looking for the tag, but getting stomped. Akio hangs Psi in the tree of woe and gets in a boot choke, then distracts as Kidman gets in a choke from the outside. Akio stomps Psi down from the tree. Akio with knees, tag to Kidman. Snap mare, kneeling abdominal stretch. Psi trying to draw form the crowd. ECW ECW chant. Psi not rallying up. Kidman lets go, tag in Akio. Double suplex, they're losing him and falling backwards, Psi reverses to a suplex of his own, sorta. Looked weird. Everyone grabbing their face. Super Crazy wants the tag - he gets to the tag. Straight to the top - top rope dropkick. Akio charges, Crazy ducks a clothesline, lands a spinning armdrag. Dropkick clocks Akio, wheel kick for Kidman. Akio shoved in the corner for the ten punches in Spanish - I guess Crazy's can finally be the one to do this. The count a long in Spanish is less fun when the announcers do it for you. Crazy sets up Akio, off the ropes, and dropped by a Kidman clothesline. Psi in, and forearming Kidman out. Slingshot corkscrew plancha! Crazy ducks a clothesline, kick Akio in the midsection. Fireman's carry, for a slam. Going all the way up, top rope moonsault, one two three. (5:41) Psicosis and Super Crazy hug. They're thrilled! Look at the guy with the Mexican flag.