(huge) TV PG V (quicker than normal) CC entertainment - first SD! pick (:30) open (AWESOME work has Benoit in Cena's spots already - points for the production crew)
World Tag Team Champions M & N (Los Angeles, CA, 430 pounds, w/M) vs Scotty 2 Hotty and Shannon Moore in a non-title match - your announcers Steve and Josh and a new font? Huh. We're going to keep doing this till Scotty and Shannon win one. Which means we're going to be doing this for a very long time. Scotty, trying to keep in tune with his partner, has a very ugly coat. Your referee is Nick. Helpfully, Mercury uses hand gestures to explain to Scotty that they have the nice hair and the belts, and he's going to get the Snapshot. Scotty retorts in dance. WINNER: Mercury. Nitro yells at Scotty ("come up with another dance move, please!", I'm guessing), Scotty turns to have a word with him, and Mercury drops him. Right. Whip, clothesline misses, tag to Shannon, Mercury puts his head down too soon, Scotty kicks it, double boot, double suplex, double kip up, double punch for Nitro. Shannon with the takedown and jackknife one two no. Shannon ducks the clothesline, inside cradle one two no. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, reversed, Shannon kips up and out, Mercury misses a clothesline, Shannon lands the WOW crossbody one two no. Mercury stops this with a knee. Waving Nitro to put his boot up, then charging the corner with Shannon in tow - no, Shannon shoves him off into the boot, then rolls him up with a reverse waistlock cradle - but Mercury managed to made the tag before the rollup. Nitro throws Shannon out of the ring, then distracts Nick Patrick as Mercury drops Shannon on the guardrail, then throws him in. Nitro covers Shannon one two no. Mounted punches. Tag to Mercury, hold for a punch. Nitro get paid for that? Mercury reverse neckbreaker, one two no. Shannon waving his hand to rally, but forced down in a neck vice. Shannon rallying up. Right hands by Shannon. Mercury stops that with a knee. Back suplex, Shannon lands on his feet, kick to Mercury midsection, Shannon rolls over his back and makes the tag to Scotty. Romero [re: the WWE title's status]: "We'll be without a champion for the next three weeks. [pause - then seems rushed] OR, we could find out next week, who knows." He remembered Batista could come over. Scotty ducks a Mercury clothesline, knocks Nitro off the apron, right hands. Whip, reversed, I have no idea what Mercury is doing but Scotty nails him with a five arm. Nitro in, Nitro backdropped, Nitro rolling away. Scotty spots Mercury near the ropes, off the ropes, two handed bulldog ducked, superkick hits anyway. One two Nitro breaks it up. Elbow drop doesn't come close. Scotty whip, reversed, Nitro charges into a back elbow, Mercury charges into a boot. Where's Shannon? Scotty goes to get Mercury, but Nitro levels him from behind with an elbow. Double suplex - there's Moore to help Scotty land on his feet. M & N turn around into double dropkicks. Scotty tells Shannon to go for it - backdrop into a tope con giro! Tag champions are flattened. Shannon throws Mercury back in, and Scotty sets up again. Two handed bulldog. W O R M TRIP! Melina got him before he could get rolling. Melina has a good laugh at the situation before Shannon comes running for her. Nitro takes Shannon down, then comes in while Melina distracts Nick. There's the Snapshot, as promised. Mercury counts One two three. (4:51) Joey Mercury does not lie.
Tonight: Orlando Jordan vs Hardcore Holly in a United States Championship match.
TV PG V WWE Slam Of the Week, presented by Juicy Drop Pop: Kurt knocks himself out with a chair, Booker wins.
Danny Basham (Columbus, OH, 245 pounds, w/Doug Basham) vs Nunzio (175 pounds, w/EC F'N W shirt) - Funaki's not with Nunzio because this is your ONS promotional segment. I would hope that's enough to get Nunzio the win here, but I can't really be sure about these things. It IS Nunzio. Nunzio is busy telling Doug to stay out of this when Danny jumps him to start the match. Stomps. Korderas is your ref, and watching as Danny rips the ECW short off of Nunzio, spits on it, and throws out of the ring. Nunzio trying to fight to his feet, and kicked down. Spinning back suplex one two no. Mounted punches. Slam - no, small package by Nunzio, one, Danny gets free, Danny gets a flapjack. One two no. Chinlock. Nunzio trying to rally up. Stomping the mat for a reaction. Slowly getting that reaction. Getting back up, Nunzio elbows, but Danny forearms him down. Powerbomb? Danny teases it out so you can be sure it won't work. Oh man it totally didn't work - Nunzio sunset flip, Danny pulling him up for the double choke, Nunzio realizes it's much too soon to be getting to the finish and pokes him in the eye. Romero: "Looks like he was going to go for some sort of chokeslam" - how about the chokeslam that's his finisher, smart guy? Corner whip, Nunzio reversed, Danny charges into a back elbow. Danny charges into a double boot. I'd really like to see him try it again - but instead, Nunzio knocks him down with a second rope clothesline. Nunzio dropkick to the shin (oops), off the ropes, dropkick to the head. One two NO. Danny stops Nunzio with a knee. Whip, reversed, Arrivederci! One two NO! Danny kinda killed all suspense by throwing his legs up at one to get the big kickout at two. Despite Josh seemingly pointing out that Nunzio has big feet every week for a year, and Nunzio having those big feet, Romero is shocked to realize Nunzio has big feet. I doubt that sentence made a lick of sense. Corner whip, reversed, Nunzio charges into Danny's knee (nah, didn't want to see it again after all), Social Slice! One two shoulder up (much better.) Danny 'inadvertently' got a finger in Korderas' eye as he was kicking out. Nunzio argues the count as Korderas checks himself - and Doug makes the switch. Last Impression! One two three. (3:32) Way to embrace the spirit of ECW, Nunzio! Doug, having contributed at least as much as Nitro did last match, is beyond thrilled to pick up the win. What the heck, it's Spike Dudley and he's power walking to the ring. Seems like Spike has had an off camera attitude switch - or maybe it's just a by product of the 'ECW' shirt he's wearing - because he's pointing out to Korderas what just happened here. Doug doesn't like that idea and punches Spike, Spike fights back with right hands. Kick, DUDLEY - no, Danny's back in, catching Spike's legs, and together the Bashams throw Spike out of the ring! Spike's grabbing his leg. Way to embrace the spirit of ECW, Spike! What the heck, Danny Basham has the microphone. JBL must not be here to stop this. "The beating we just gave - it's a preview of what we're going to do to ECW tomorrow night at one night stand. And it doesn't matter if it's Spike, Nunzio, Sandman, or Tommy Dreamer - we're coming to take everybody, out. And tomorrow night, when JBL, the Cabinet and the rest of the WWE superstars we all join forces, we are going to provide a public service. We are going to get rid of [pause - forget his line?] we are going to DESTROY ECW once and for all!"
TV PG V WWE Rewind, sponsored by WrestleMania 21: Kurt wants an answer, but doesn't get it.
SD! main event. I would've marked out like little else if Heyman's first words as announcer were 'when there is chaos, there is opportunity' - but callbacks are just how I roll. Heyman uttering "3D (Dudley Death Drop)" almost made up for it. (5:26)
Tonight: Romero: "Orlando Jordan will be at One Night Stand tomorrow night. But tonight, he will be involved even bigger action, as he defends the United States Championship, here on Velocity." What the ever.
TV PG V SmackDown! Live
06/12 - New York City [ECW ONS; this week, it's the closing SD! scene of ECW holding the ring]
06/14 - Hershey, PA [SD!]
??/?? - Glasgow, Scotland [SD! SummerBash]
??/?? - Aberdeen, Scotland [SD! SummerBash]
??/?? - Dublin, Ireland [SD! SummerBash]
Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 200 pounds) vs Funaki (Japan, 180 pounds) - Notice how the Cruiserweights are shrinking weight wise lately. Josh warns Kurt not to go NY, less he be choked out. I'm sure that'll convince him. Circle. Lockup. Chavo with a waistlock, switch, headlock. Josh: "It will be anarchy rules, they will be living dangerously, they'll be Barely Legal" - ha. Funaki ended up getting an armdrag after the usual exchange. Chavo back up, armbar, hairpull, back to a headlock, off the ropes, into Funaki's drop toe hold (not called), Funaki right, right, right, chop, chop, Chavo needs a moment to get out of the ring and recover. Funaki waiting for Chavo to get up, Funaki off the ropes, baseball slide but waved by, by Chavo. Stomps, European Uppercut. Funaki thrown back in. Stomp. European Uppercut. A third! One two no. Sitting armbar. Josh calls Chavo "silky smooth." Must be using the good soap. Crowd chanting CHAVO SUCKS as Funaki rallies up. Rights. Whip, reversed, Chavo with a kick tot he midsection, lifting for the Gory Bomb, Funaki realizes it's way too soon for that and escapes, off the ropes, spinning headscissors. Off the ropes, bulldog. One two NO. Funaki getting pumped. Chavo begging off. Chavo right blocked, Funaki with a right, right, right, corner whip, Funaki charges in, Chavo catches him and sits him on the top rope, Chavo's right right blocked, Funaki lands the slap! Funaki calling for something as Chavo backs away, second rope crossbody but Chavo rolls on top one two NO. Funaki off the ropes, Chavo drops down, waits for Chavo to get up, superkick one two NO! Your ref is Charles, by the way. It is a cruiserweight match, after all. Chavo has the ropes and won't let go, so Funaki pulls him off with an inside cradle one tow no. Chavo grabs the ropes again, Funaki with a waistlock, Chavo back elbows free. Chavo to the apron, Funaki grabs him again, and gets his neck snapped over the top rope. Chavo back in, and he'll try to finish it - Gory Bomb. Deep hook of the legs, one two three. (3:31) Chavo checks his face and protests Charles Robinson about Funaki's right hands to his face.
Up Next: Orlando Jordan vs Hardcore Holly in a United States Championship match.
The same Dudley Boyz Promo as last week, but shorter. I'm starting to wonder about that TV 14 rating.
Wait, this ad says TV PG. Oh, wait, that's the box for Velocity, I get it. Never mind.
United States Champion Orlando Jordan (Miami, Fl, 257 pounds) vs Hardcore Holly (Mobile, Alabama, 242 pounds) in a United States Championship match - Orlando's been picking up that missing weight. Your ref for this title match is Brian Hebner. Lots of time left for this one; we've got a break looming around here somewhere. Romero says Hardcore Holly never has an off night. Buy SmackDown! magazine and learn Hardcore's training regime. Lockup. Orlando backs him into the corner. Breaks. Orlando misses the cheap punch, hides in the ropes from Hardcore's cheap punch. Hardcore talking trash as OJ tells Hebner to back Hardcore out. Josh explains OJ's got famous EA injury "elbow bursitis" - that's why his right elbow is taped. Lockup. Holly with a headlock, cranking it in. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, into an armdrag. Orlando taking the time to pose, even though Hardcore's not really hurt. Hardcore levels him with a forearm to the back of the head. Right, right, chop, chop, chop, one more? Yes. And one more. Suplex. One two no. Right. Right. OJ stops this with a knee. OJ stomps Hardcore. Right. Right. Right. Hardcore right, right, chop. OJ kick. Right. Whip, reversed, Hardcore powerslam one two no. Hardcore off the ropes, and pops OJ with a clothesline, taking him over the ropes. Guy on the outside? Break time. (3:14)
Okafor is about as bad a segment host as you'd expect.
TV PG snap mare, armbar by Hardcore. Turning OJ to get more pressure. OJ getting to his feet, and using a tights pull to throw Hardcore out. OJ out after him, only to get punched a bit. OJ manages to turn it around, and flapjack Hardcore onto the steps. Hardcore thrown in. Stomp. Stomp. Jab Jab jab shuffle right cross! Now he can pose. One two no. Stomp. Unsnappy Suplex. One two no. OJ with a medium deal of positioning before coming off the ropes for a kick to the spine. Face yank as an less than convincing rest hold. Crowd chanting HOLLY. Into a chinlock as Hardcore gets up. Hardcore with right hands. OJ tires one, Hardcore ducks, full nelson slam one two NO. Hardcore with a whip, quick reverse, OJ has the setup for the Flatliner, but Holly back elbows until OJ lets go. They break, and Hardcore walks back towards OJ, right into a spinebuster one two NO. OJ unhappy with that count. Stomp. Swinging neckbreaker, not screwing around, here's another. One two NO. One two no. OJ thinks three seconds seems a lot longer than it used to. OJ waiting for Hardcore to get up. Jab Jab Jab shuffle Hardcore right cross! Both men down. That's why you don't jab three times, OJ! Hebner puts on the count: one two three four five six seven - Hardcore off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, lands one of his own. Another Hardcore clothesline. Whip, backdrop. Whip, dropkick. One two NO. Hardcore going up, wasting time just after Josh talked about how he never does, off top rope clothesline drops OJ. One two thNO. Hardcore calling for the Slam, and the belt. OJ crawling towards the ropes - Holly still waiting. OJ turns around, Hardcore scoops him up, turns around, and OJ grabs the ropes to block. Hardcore sits him down and works out his frustration with chops. Corner whip, Hardcore charges in, OJ moves, Hardcore this the post. OJ inside cradle on the rebound, feet on the ropes, one two three. (5:42, 8:56 total) OJ squeaks out a win, and Hardcore can't believe it. OJ runs for the hills, and that's it.