TV PG V cc entertainment open

futuristic caveman Cruiserweight Champion Paul London (Austin, TX, 195 pounds) vs Akio (Japan, 190 pounds) in a non-title match, I guess - Hey, no, crazy coat! I think someone hit the abort switch on the gimmick. SliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiideAAAAAAAH. Your announcers are Romero and Josh. Josh has an off-white suit, a pink-red tie, and a pink shirt. Is it Valentine's Day again? Meanwhile in the fashion department, Akio's got new blue pajamas! I dunno about you, but I would've made this the main event. London yells at Akio for doing the Rock pose, I guess. Romero makes the pajama joke - "I'm so into fashion, you know that." Don't do that. Korderas is your ref. Circle/hopping/stomping. Akio with the big scare kick. It works. London bows in a non-mocking fashion? Okay. Josh: "This is a big week for you, Steve! Cinco De Mayo, Mother's Day - happy Mother's Day Mom! - I know you're a mother, have two kids" "I *have* a mother, Josh." Lockup, battle, Akio with an armdrag, return bow! London finds this hilarious. Lockup. Akio with a waistlock, London out into an armbar, Akio with a forward roll, kip up to reverse. London twists around to his own armbar, Akio makes it easier on himself this time by stopping this with a knee. This Friday is Akio's birthday! This Thursday is my birthday! Coincidence? YES. Headlock, shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, Akio starts to go over, but London rises up and trips Akio on the way over. (On purpose, even.) Back to the armbar, back to the headlock. Akio is having trouble keeping his fancy pajamas up. Akio elbows out. Corner whip, London kips up on the charge, and kicks Akio in the butt. Akio turns around to see London doing a Bruce Lee pose, there's the stupid crane pose - is he being a dork or am I actually supposed to be rooting for Akio here? I'm willing to go with the latter, but I think the former may work. Anyway, as Akio is expressing to the crowd how passé the Crane Pose has become, London actually does the kick (or a kick) to the midsection. Mini bow? Okay. Whip, overhead belly to belly suplex one two no. Pants falling down. Chop. Chop. Whip, reversed, Akio dropkick. Akio suplexes London onto the middle rope, gut first, and goes to the second rope - jumping kick to the head. London goes crashing to the floor and Akio is right after hi, running him sternum first into the ring. One two no. Reverse reverse chinlock. So I guess an actual chinlock? It doesn't look particularly effective, and London starts trying to kick his way out of it. Akio keeps him grounded with a stomp and a jumping knee drop. Front facelock, and adding in a knee. Probably need an angle which doesn't make it look like they're talking here. London battling up to his feet, but Akio giving him more knees. London trying to suplex his way out but can't get it. Tries it again - ah, he's actually lifting Akio up just enough to drop him crotch first on the top rope. Romero notes this match is more calculating (read: slower than previous encounters.) Both guys off the ropes, but it's London who lands the forearm. Forearm. One two NO. Whip, reverse, backdrop but London lands on his feet, and lands the jumping leg lariat. One two NO. Maybe this the opener because they're going the full hour! Of course, while I'm typing that, London's dragging Akio to the corner, so never mind. Akio getting up at the same time. London with a flying bodypress (being generous) but Akio gets in a kick (being generous) to stop him. That looked not good at all - like London jumped off the top rope and neither had any idea what was supposed to happen next (or maybe Akio was supposed to catch him to do another move - Josh seems to indicate this.) Akio stomps London and calls for his move, though he stumbles on his way to the corner. Akio just makes it up, but London knocks his legs off the ropes and crotches him. Akio turns himself around as London kicks at him. London all the way up (weird camera change here) top rope 'rana! One two three. (5:41) That was kinda disappointed. Check out the cuts on London's chest and Akio bleeding from the mouth.

Tonight: the Big Show. Or next.

Stacker 2 XPLC Stack of the Night: Carlito promises the Big Show next week.

the Big Show (500 493 pounds) vs Jose and Joel Maximo (390 pounds) - Romero rips Tony Chimel for calling Jose "Joe". Josh: "Tony Chimel's an idiot." "What do you want? I'm not going to argue with you." Your ref is Nick. Shoved down by the face, shoed down on the face, facecrusher here, facecrusher there, headbutt, double beal (!). My thought is it doesn't matter which guys is getting what - Carlito is watching this all unfold on the Ovaltron and may feel differently. Big slap to the chest impresses Carlito. Big slap to the chest for the other one. Jose jumps on Show's back for a sleeper. Romero: "Jose, like a fly landing" Josh: "like a Spanish Fly" Hahaha. Show's not really feeling any affect from that, or Joel's kicks and punches to his midsection. Show punches Joel down while he charges him, and then calmly side slams Jose onto him. Covering them both. One two three. (1:34) Show is happy. And probably hungry. Chokeslam signal!

Backstage (what?), Nunzio is on the phone. "Time is up! I need that money by two o'clock tomorrow! Huh? AH!" "NUNZIO!" That's Funaki scaring the heck out of Nunzio by appearing from nowhere. Nunzio finishes up his phone conversation and turns back to Funaki, punctuating his statement with a buddy-like slap on the chest (which Funaki sells!),
"Oh, whoa, whoa, don't sneak up on me like that! No one sneaks up on Nunzio like that! Are you crazy?"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"If I had eyes in the back of my head, it'd be a different story."
"Ready for the match?" "What kind of question is that, I'm always ready for the match. The question is, are you ready for the match?"
"Yes, good!"
"Well, to be honest, ever since Chuck and Johnny been missing [!!!!!!!!!!] - they've been missing for a long time - I've been looking for a partner. You think you got what it takes?"
"Sure, sure."
"You need to speak the language a little, you need to talk Italian. I was just on the phone with some guy, I'm going to send someone over there. If I sent you, I want you walk over, [slap - ow] I want you to say 'I'm here to collect, ah, I'm here to collect!'"
"I'm here to collect." "No, not exactly. Listen, I'm trying to help you out here. A little attitude, now, do this with your shoulders, and your hands, you come, you're like [slap - OUCH], 'yo, stunad, I'm here to collect! Huh? You got my money, you got my freaking money?"
"[slap - no ouch] I'm here to collect!"
"Uh, not real, not really. That's a little hard, let's try something a little different, you know. 'How you doin', ha? How you doin', ha?"
"How you doing?"
"Hey, Funaki, Funaki, look, you take look in the mirror, you're not really Italian, I mean, you don't even look Italian, right, it's quite obvious. So you need to say it with a little attitude, not to slow, walk over and say, 'hey paisan! how you doing, ha! how you doing, ha.'"
"How you doing?"
"Ha?"
"Ha?"
"Ha?"
"Ha?"
"Listen, that ain't too good, but to be honest, I'll be doing a lot better if we beat the Bashams tonight. So, let's see if we can beat the Bashams, [slap - OUCH] and than I"ll be doing a lot better. Addio!"

Why did I do that? Why did any of us do that? So when people get released, the characters just think they've vanished? Weird.

SmackDown! Live
05/08 - White Plains, NY [SD! WM Revenge Tour]
05/09 - Newark, DE [SD! WM Revenge Tour]
05/10 - Reading, PA [SD!]
05/14 - San Francisco, CA [SD! WM Revenge Tour]
05/15 - Redding, CA [SD! WM Revenge Tour]

When Romero says "cocky and brash", he means - JBL? Bradshaw and Cena make the I Quit match. (4:11)
Judgment Day: John Cena vs JBL in an I Quit Match for the WWE Championship
I dunno if you want an animated background of the earth turning into a globe of fire after a missile attack.
"Bad Bad Man" video. WHERE'S FACE. That plan failed to come together. (4:24)

WWE Slam Of The Week, presented by Unleashed: Kurt Angle has words for Sharmell, almost has an angle lock for Sharmell.

the Basham Brothers (secretaries of defense, 495 pounds) vs Nunzio and Funaki (355 pounds) - To Funaki's music? Uh huh. Romero suggests Nunzio's next lesson was in teaching Funaki how to order a pizza, and Josh accuses him of using an racial slur! Which is obviously wrong. Romero: "Sicilian Slice, he likes pizza! I like Mexican food! What do you want?" Anyway, if they ordered a pizza, Funaki would surely ask Nunzio where his pizza was, and Nunzio would get upset, and it's best we avoid that all entirely. Making his Velocity return, your ref is Brian Hebner. "I want to see Funaki teach Nunzio how to order sushi!" "You're just full of - racial slurs on Saturday night." After Josh finds out about Robin Hood, someone ought to teach him the difference between race and ethnicity. Funaki tries starting a Funaki chant - and fails. S O D. Funaki and Danny. Lockup, Funaki gets taken down, side headlock. Funaki turns it, Danny stops that with a knee. Forearm. Everyone's quick. Right. Kick. Whip, Danny with a wild right, tamer kick. Whip, hiptoss block, Funaki hiptoss blocked, short clothesline ducked, Funaki inside cradle one two NO. Crucifix, Danny battling, Funaki pulling him over, one two no. Dropkick lands square. Armbar, tag to Nunzio. Holding the arm for an Nunzio axhandle. Nunzio holds onto to the armbar and tires to grab the back of Danny's head, but gets forced into the Basham corner. Danny smushes him, while Doug comes in and kicks Nunzio in the gut. Nunzio thrown down by the air. Knee driven into the arm. Armbar, spinning Nunzio to the mat. Nunzio kips up, armdrag into his own armbar. Armbar. Danny backs Nunzio into the corner. Break, cheap shot chop is ducked, Nunzio armdrag, into an armbar. Headlock. Shot off, sliding under on the way back, dropkick to the knee. Doug is on his knees, so Nunzio adds the dropkick the face. One two no. Forearm, forearm, Nunzio to the apron, neck snap over the top rope. Nunzio going up, but Doug distracts Brian while Danny trips Nunzio up, dropping him into the ring. Both Bashams in and making the switch as Funaki complains and accidentally draws attention away. Nunzio tries to fight up, gets kicked down. Kneeling chinlock. Nunzio backs elbows, but gets forearmed down. Danny calling for a powerbomb. Danny lifts him up, Nunzio goes over the top for a sunset flip, Danny slips and falls down, sitting on Nunzio, then gets back up and 'fights Nunzio from pulling him over into the cradle'. Not so good, but at least Danny doesn't go down, instead lifting Nunzio with a double choke, only to get pulled into a monkey flip. Problem is, Nunzio flipped Danny towards Funaki, when really he needed to be the guy going over there. Josh says this is the Turning Point. I be he still misses DeMott. Nunzio does the charging jump bit, and Danny catches him short - and then walks backwards until Funaki can make the tag. Huh. Funaki to the top, waiting for Danny top drop Nunzio and turn around, flying cross body for Danny, dropkick for Dough, duck Danny's clothesline, Funaki right, right, right, whip, reversed, Funaki back with the spinning headscissors. Everything seems a little bit off here, though this knee Funaki's giving Doug from getting in looks good. Funaki stomping around, off the ropes, bulldog, one two Doug breaks it up. Doug checks on Danny, then lifts up Funaki. Double suplex? No, as while they have Funaki hanging, Nunzio tackles Danny, and Funaki small packages Doug (not the legal guy) one two NO. Nunzio tries a pescado onto Danny, but Danny moves out of the way. Doug with a kick.  for Funaki as Danny throws Nunzio back in. Josh thinks Doug is legal - Danny might have meant to tag him at one point, but never did. Hebner checks on Nunzio while action takes place behind him. Doug with a slam attempt, Funaki slips behind, inside cradle, Danny in to break that up and drop Funaki with the Brain Damaja. Cover one two three. (5:54) Romero makes fun of Danny's slobber. Danny and Doug blow the double fist pound, ha. And then they can't agree on high tens - obviously, this team is falling apart!

Up Next: Rey and Chavo.

Recap from SmackDown. This stuff was good. (2:45)

Spike Dudley (150 pounds) vs Mark Jindrak (Atlanta, GA, 263 pounds) - Josh needs Romero to go pick up the Cena CD for him, when he's out getting his laundry. Romero draws the line at getting groceries. Well, first of all, I guess this is why they didn't hype a main event. And secondly, unless we were in Atlanta and I forget, Jindrak's entrance includes the most fake seeming huge cheers I've ever heard. Romero: "You're always playing games. Mind games. Video games. Pocket pool does not count." Josh: [fake laugh] Romero: [doesn't realize it] Lockup, Spike headlock, Spike thrown off. Spike's very upset. Your ref is Charles. Spike yelling. Spike headlock, shoulderblock, Jindrak with the leapfrogs so he can leap, shoulderblock knocks Spike out of the ring. Spike's going home! Thank god this is over. Oh no, Jindrak is picking him up and bringing him back - and high fiving the front row on his way in. Spike thrown in. Hanging suplex. Really impressive, you can hold Spike Dudley up for a long time. Jindrak with the non-impressive kip up. Corner whip, Jindrak charges, cross body but no one's home. Top rope double stomp actually hurts this time! One two no. Choke. Chinlock. I'm trying to move the clock a little bit faster. DUDLEY - walk up the ropes headlock takedown. Spike holds on the headlock and complains about a non-existent hairpull. Crowd rallies for Jindrak because they're really hyper about this show. Spike with a headlock punch, choke on the middle rope. Pose. Stomp. Choke. Lots and lots of chokes. Now the Dudley Dog? Now he gets thrown off. Spike back on Jindrak with a forearm. Corner whip, reversed, down goes Spike. Whip, big flapjack, dropkick which may or may not have hit anything. Spike gets in an eye poke to get a moment of control. Battering Ram connects. Going for the Dudley Dog again, shoved off, and Spike turns into the Left Head of Death. Like the invulnerable abs, they seem to have dropped that gimmick to, because Spike is immediately getting to his feet - slowly, but he's surely not KOed. Romero puts it over as Spike being tough. Back suplex into a Rock Bottom one two three. (4:13) Yea, they should've main evented with London and Akio, even though it wasn't a match worth hyping for an hour.

That's it.