the two minutes of The World's Most Amazing Videos I catch: buildings imploding! I don't think watching those things has quite come back into fashion just yet. (Taped: 1999.)

tv pg v cc open 

Rene Dupree (Paris, France, 206 pounds, w/Fifi) vs Hardcore Holly (Mobile, Alabama, 235 pounds) - someone (let's assume it's a Japanese person) has a silhouette of Rene doing the French Tickler dance, with the international symbol for Do Not over it. I'm no dog dude, but Fifi somehow doesn't seem to be a poodle this week. Romero: "I wonder when Fifi is going to bite Rene." "I hear that's what they do in the lockerroom." Oh boy. Now,  some Velocity recappers may be looking forward to find the story inside a story, as the last (and only) meaningful encounter between these two turned a tad ugly. You'll have to look elsewhere for the immaturity of deconstructing the match and looking for really real stuff which may or may not exist ("oh man, he SHOT on him with that hard hard corner Irish whip"), because I will pass - because I already thought of my own way to be immature during a Hardcore Holly match and I'll be darned if I forget to do it again. My new game is called: Count Hardcore Holly's Bumps! Normally, this would better to be played when Mr. Holly is facing a local talent, as Bob is God and the jobber is a horrible sinner in those situations. However, I think Rene might be able to make this work. The great thing about the game is the introduction will now be longer than the play by play. Josh: "this arena has come unglued [for Hardcore Holly]" [shots of people looking sorta bored] They do cheer when he goes to the corners. Romero makes vague mention of shootastic real fighting. One! (Dupree pulls Hardcore off the top rope - though Hardcore rolls thru it.) Okay, we're down with that count for now - even a punch from outside the ring just gets Hardcore to back up.) For all the talking about Japanese fans being different by the announcers (as they're doing right now), you'd think the announcers might notice the fans are pretty quiet during matches in the US too. We'll count the corner whip collapse as two. Snap mare for three. Your ref is Brian, by the way. Scoop slam is four. We're already higher than I thought we'd be. Well, maybe you're as high as you think you'd be, I don't know. Double shoulderblock is five. Romero asks Josh if he knows how to count in Japanese. "No I do not. I don't even know how to count to ten in American." And that's why he lost Tough Enough. Own dropkick does not count. Hardcore is rapidly checking off the bingo card - dropkick/crunch/top rope clothesline crashes and burns to break up the sequence (and sure, six.) Dancing - IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF THE SIGN. I'm appalled, Hardcore's winning ten seconds later. (4:15) So, six bumps, or a bump every 42.5 seconds if you want to be too geeky about it. Which I guess...I am. Sorry! 

Say, what's our main event?
Tonight: Paul London vs Akio (for the flag of Japan, goodness!)
I guess that'll work.
Still to Come: JBL and Amy act out a skit for our WWE cameras. How nice of them.

OJ/Cena on SD! (1:30)
Rey/Angle (1:17)
SD: United States Champion John Cena vs Booker T in the semi-final match of the #1 Contenders Tournament

Still To Come: JBL and Orlando put on a drunk act for the benefit of our WWE cameras.

WWE Rewind Of The Week, sponsored by Constantine: Undertaker wants Luther, gets Jindrak.

Charlie Haas (Edmond, OK, 240 pounds) vs Spike Dudley (150 pounds) - your ref is Jimmy. Spike explains to Korderas - that he's going to win with the Dudley Dog, and Jim better be there to count the one two three? Circle. Lockup, Spike go behind for a waistlock, but no. Haas go behind, waistlock takedown, waistlock takedown, waistlock takedown, Spike's going to roll out and think about it. Spike appeals for a win based on Haas pulling his cargo pants, okay. Lockup, slam no no Charlie scoop, spin, slam. Full nelson. Spike rolls out, and back into it. Spike uses the ropes to try and get a break, and gets dropped harshly by Haas. Spike reacts to this badly - SLAP to Haas' face. Haas back with a waistlock takedown, front facelock spin, back up to their feet, Spike suplexed onto the top rope, and kneed to the floor. Spike wants a timeout. Announcers explain there's no timeouts. Spike back in for a muscle pose. Test of Strength? Haas can't believe this, and gets kicked while not believing. Eye rake, off the ropes, battering ram, and Haas shoulder posted. Spike out after him, cranking Haas' arm around the post. Josh: "My bread and butter is bread and butter!" Pulling the arm around the top rope. Spike with forearms. Josh: "Quakers? The oatmeal guys?" Twisting and yanking. Romero: "You don't know who Euell Gibbons is? A man of legendary status!" "Who did he beat?" I hate him for making me look up that spelling. Hammerlock around the middle rope, but Haas finally gets free with a back elbow. Running - well, it started out as a running kneelift, and then there's an obvious cut as it becomes a rocker dropper (Haas's leg passing thru Spike's body and ending up above his head after a camera switch), so you make the call. Haas is pumped. Right. Right. Clothesline. Romero: "Cap'n Crunch shots there!" Scoop, Spike slips out, kick to the gut, here's the Dudley Dog he was promising, Haas pushes him off, whip the other way, big flapjack. Haas is jacked, but goofy. Spike decides now would be a good time to leave, but Haas collects him, lifting him up in a fireman's carry. Haas throws Spike in and comes in second, getting himself axhandle in the process. Spike off the ropes, into the T-Bone. One two three. (5:00) Bring back the Haas of Pain, thanks.

Still To Come: JBL puts on a show - but at least here's it's clearly for the Big Show.

SmackDown! Live
02/13 - Valparaiso, IN [road to WM21]
02/15 - Cleveland, OH [SD!]
02/20 - Pittsburgh, PA [No Way Out]
02/21 - Baltimore, MD [road to WM21]
02/22 - Philadelphia, PA [SD!]

WM 21 Commercial: Stacy and Benoit and Jericho and Christian and Stacy doesn't have any. 

Endgame of the JBL stuff of Monday. (2:18)
No Way Out: Big Show vs JBL (c) for the WWE Championship in a barbed wire steel cage match
No Way Out: the Undertaker vs Luther Reigns
No Way Out: Kurt Angle vs United States Champion John Cena or Booker T in the Final of the #1 Contenders Tournament
No Way Out: "Enemy" by Fozzy - wait a minute, isn't he a RAW guy?

Up Next: Paul London vs Akio! Maybe they're battling inside the flag of Japan?

SD in Japan (2:14)

Paul London (Austin, TX, 200 pounds) vs Akio (Japan, 200 pounds) - funky non stomping dance run run run run SLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE stop. The fans couldn't place his music but were very happy to see him - but I believe this was actually the first taped match so who's to say why they were happy. Your referee is Sir Charles Robinson. Now Akio, they knew his music and went nuts - maybe they were as stoked to get this match as I am? Let's pretend. Akio is the proudest fakest Japanese guy ever, and they're loving him. Circle/hopping. Fans are very into this match. Lockup. armdrag. Standoff. Circle. Lockup, battle into the ropes, around the ropes, "ZERO ONE", "AJPW" - with the Inoki mentions, the only major group Japanese pro wrestling they didn't mention is the one with the faint rumors about a joint show, how odd. Akio gets cornered, but a clean break is ordered and given. Lockup, Akio headlock, London uses the foot to the back of knee escape, into a hammerlock. Headlock, Akio turns out of it, waistlock takedown, front facelock, London reverse into a hammerlock, Akio rolls on his back and eventually gets in a headscissors. London turns it, looking for a headstand, getting momentum, and springs out of it. Standoff. Akio wants a handshake - oh, no, he wanted a kick. Headlock. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Akio tries for the ropes, but London trips him up, front facelock. Akio with a headlock, shot off, no, holding and stopping in the middle of the ring. Akio turning out of it again, double top wristlock being used to bend London over backward, pinning his head ot the mat, but London bridges back up - so Akio pulls him down by his hair. Headlock. Back up to their feet, London trying to kick out of it. into n armbar, whip, London drops down, Akio flips over him, off the ropes, into a London side kick to the midsection. Akio picked up, forearmed. Corner whip, reversed, Akio charges in and gets a forearm to the gut. London to the middle rope, Mushroom Stomp! Stompy dance naturally follows. London charges Akio in the corner, Akio tosses London up, London lands on the apron, gives Akio a shoulder to the gut, and barely manages a slingshot headscissors - hit the ground about the same time as he got the legs around Akio's head. Akio's sent out camera side, and London gets the crowd going. Stomping., off the ropes, Akio rushes around the corner to safety. Akio comes back in when London is far away. Akio wants a top wristlock, London will - no, other hand, no, other hand, no, other hand. Akio has had enough of this slyness and grabs both arms, eventually reversing it into a straightjacket choke. London's in trouble, but he pulls the arms down, and steps out of them, into his own straightjacket choke, wow. London's hold is loose enough for Akio to turn and kick his way free. Corner whip, Akio charges in, Tiger Mask Flip (and he's so thrilled to have done it here), charging in again, shoulder charge, London moves, and Akio posts himself! One guy is down outside the ring, break time. (5:02)

Back in time to catch up with London giving Akio corner punches. Crowd: "One two three four five six seven eight-" Josh: "oh my god, I understand Japanese!" Akio shoves London off. London charges again, and gets tossed up. Instead of sending him directly to the apron, Akio catches him by his legs this time, and shoves London up and out of the ring for your horrifying Paul London bump of the week: London crashes into the ring steps! (Actually, just his forearmed did, but you couldn't tell without slow motion and gosh what a noise it made.) Replay, as Akio makes sure to knee London's head on the way out. Paul's body is thrown in. One two NO. Akio pulls London in the corner and goes to the middle rope - there's his hanging in the ropes headscissors. Akio has to break the count at four, and ends up outside of the ring, but London's too out of it to take advantage, and Akio is quickly sitting on him with a chinlock. Crowd rallying for London, and London comes back with them. London tires an elbow, gets the jumping enziguri from Akio! One two NO. Akio can't even pull up London. He makes due with a stomp. Now London gets set up in the corner for a chop. Corner whip, Akio lands a jumping forearm to the head. London thrown to the floor, and Akio tells the crowd he's going up. Top rope elbow drop (!) misses, London half rolling out of the way. Both men down and looking hurt. One two three four five six seven eight Akio up first, but London frightens him off from the mat. London gets up, and we have our strike exchange - chop chop, chop chop CHOP CHOP, CHOP CHOP CHOP and now it's all London Chops, laying it in, chinbreaker, and a wheel kick to knock Akio down. Clothesline, clothesline, whip, backdrop. London is insanely pumped. "C'MON! C'MON! C'MON!" Dropsault (gets no reaction) one two NO. Corner whip, charge into Akio's back elbow, Akio charges out into London's side kick! One two NO. London pulls up Akio, but gets a knee from Akio. Akio throws London out - no, London's got the top rope and he's pulling himself back in. Akio charges London after he's up, and gets backdropped to the floor - London making sure Akio doesn't get the ropes. Stompy dance? Claps. Off the ropes, SLINGSHOT SOMERSAULT PLANCHA. Both guys are down again, but London's looking better. Akio thrown in, London going up from the outside. Top rope crossbody - meets Akio's wheel kick to the midsection! One two t-NO. Akio slow to follow up. London can't even stand. Akio sets up London on the top rope - top rope 'rana shoved off! That may be it. London to the rope - 450 splash, one two three. (5:28, 10:30 total) That 450 looked good. London is jubilant, Akio is despondent.

That's it.