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Out to start the show with some horrible dialogue, it's Torrie Wilson! "On behalf of everyone here in the WWE, I want to wish all of you Happy New Year. But you know what, whosaysthepartyhastostopwithnewyears, right? Anyone here want to party with me? [doesn't wait for crowd to finish cheer before continuing] Alright, well if you thought that 2004 was hot, wait until you see what we cook up for 2005. Introducing first

Kenzo Suzuki (Land of the Rising Sun, w/Hiroko) vs Paul London (Austin, TX, 200 pounds) - The quality of Torrie's lines are only matched by that outfit. What is that supposed to be, an upside down 8? Sparkly sparkly boots. Hiroko in bra and panties made the back cover of Tokyo Sport at some undetermined point in the past, though we don't progress the reason why they were having that match, at least yet.. Josh breaks out his Japan name puns. Torrie announced a weight! London slide all the way thru the ring! It's all down from there. It was about midnight Saturday, while carelessly packing (would've been nice to have a comb), when it dawned on me that I really should've recapped this show earlier, since I'd have no shot to do either show until at least Tuesday. I debated sacrificing some sleep in the name of punctuality, and then realized this was the bitter opener. That's why you're reading this on a Thursday. Anyway, London does the pre dive stomping to start the match, which is kinda odd. Kenzo opts to kick and punch him. Right. Whip, slide under, London dropkick, dropkick, hiptoss and armbar. Why is Romero doing play by play? Does the play by play job automatically go to the least qualified? Back up to their feet, Kenzo forearms into control. Whip, London ducks the back elbow and lands a five arm. One two no. Armdrag, armbar. Kenzo back to his feet, and kneeing London in the gut. Kick. Chop. Kenzo with a whip, kick to the midsection, SHOTAY. Romero thinks Hiroko might have felt embarrassed in the Bra and Panties match. London gets a mouth full of turnbuckle. Chop. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. There may have not been that many kicks. Who cares. Romero said "front kick" but shyed away from calling the chop. Kenzo yells and signals the claw, I guess. Corner whip, rebound clothesline. One two no. "U S A" chant angers Kenzo? What the utter heck? I'm bailing until London does something nifty. We've got a long wait. Kenzo works over London's shoulder, London fighting back for spurts but not getting much till almost randomly out fighting him. Corner punches never work, and London gets powerbombed. Claw STO (4:28) Okay, what the heck is the point of putting Paul London in this match if you're not going to let him do a decent comeback? What a piece o' crap this one was. Replay of the KenZTO, or whatever name I was supposed to use here. Kenzo blows a kiss to Torrie. Torrie's not interest, and Hiroko of course blames Torrie - actually, she asks Kenzo what's up with that, but we get no answer.

Your hosts are Steve Romero and Josh. Josh: "You like girls, right?"

Tonight: Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas vs Mark Jindrak & Luther Reigns. That's the pinnacle of something or other.
Tonight: Chavo Guerrero vs Billy Kidman

Awful nice of Teddy to allow RAW to run an ad proclaiming their title as the most important in wrestling.

Night Of Champions recap. That's ARCHIE Manning, their dad. (3:14)
Royal Rumble: JBL (c) vs Kurt Angle vs the Big Show for the WWE Championship

Next: Chavo Guerrero vs Billy Kidman

SmackDown! Live
01/03 - Manchester, NH [hhh tour]
01/04 - Mohegan Sun, CT [SD!]
01/05 - Chicago, IL [hhh tour]
01/09 - Orlando, FL [hhh tour]
01/10 - Jacksonville, FL [hhh tour]

thug life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds) vs Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 214 pounds) - Kidman's new evil goatee is coming in nicely. Sample conversation - Steve: "Wow. Billy Kidman." Josh: "..." Steve acts shocked that we're getting this match, despite hyping it for the last two segments. Announcers remember the feud here and even the last match they had against Chavo. Kidman's in no hurry to get in the ring. Mild CHAVO chant to start. Lockup, battle, into the ropes, into the corner, Kidman gets the best of it, fakes the clean break, and misses on the charge. Chavo armdrags him on the way out, and Kidman backs off while Chavo poses. Josh: "For Chavo Guerrero, this is more than just 'a match on Velocity'." It gets bigger than that? Whoa. Circle. Lockup, Chavo with a waistlock, switch by Kidman, Chavo armdrag into an elbow lock. Headlock by Chavo. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Corner whip, reversed, Chavo takes him down with a kip up headscissors. Turnbuckle smash. European uppercut, and again. Corner whip, reversed, Kidman misses the corner splash, Chavo off the ropes but Kidman nails him with a dropkick anyway. Kidman recovers, then gets to stomping. Choke on the middle rope in a variety of ways. Chavo manages to get free to the corner, but Kidman just beats him up there, than pulls him up with a snap mare. Kneeling surfboard. Corner whip, Chavo goes down. One two NO. Kneeling surfboard. Steve: "[Kidman] trying a submission hold, I guess - but it's not working!" Yes, shocking. Chavo turns it, elbow, elbow, right, right, right, whip, reversed, duck the clothesline and both collide on crossbodys. Kidman and Chavo are both down and grabbing their heads. Kidman up first at 8, but Chavo beats him to the punches. Chavo knocks Kidman down, and goes crazy with stomps. Referee Charles Robinson backs Chavo away, allowing Kidman to get up, and charge right into a backdrop. Clothesline, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, fivearm, one two NO. Brainbuster? Who knows, because Kidman slip out, and Chavo turns into the B-K Bomb! Kidman wastes no time grabbing an arm and a leg, and pulls Chavo into the corner. Going up once again - Shooting Star Press, but Chavo moves! Kidman's doing the patented dead arm sell as he gets back up, for no storyline reason I can see (so did he hurt it on the landing?) Chavo kicks him in the shoulder (kinda - bad kick), covers him, one two three? (5:26) Uh wha? Chavo points to his head. Josh points out Chavo had his hand under Kidman's (dead) shoulder, so Kidman couldn't have really been legally pinned. Robinson was positioned behind Chavo, so he didn't see the far side - had to be a plan. A weird plan, tho. I think the last match might have been a more satisfying ending than this one.

Up Next: chants

WM Recall, sponsored by Snickers: HBK beats Bret Hart, WM XII (1991)

UT/Heidenreich. A wise man once said "the Gregorian chants start up (which, by law, signifies that this WILL suck)." (4:44)
Royal Rumble: Undertaker vs Heidenreich in a casket match
Royal Rumble: JBL (c) vs Big Show vs Kurt Angle in a triple threat match for the WWE Championship

Tonight: Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas vs Mark Jindrak & Luther Reigns.

Snickers presents the WWE Rewind: Everyone Hates Daniel Puder

Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas (483 pounds) vs Mark Jindrak & Luther Reigns (558 pounds)  - To me, this should be two heel teams facing off, seeing as the last time we saw Holly do anything before the Puder bit, he was punching Al Snow in the face. (Whatever happened to Al, anyway? Shouldn't he be on a show somewhere?) And I'm thinking more and more that they did the bit with Haas at Armageddon just to be unexpected, but had no plan on what to do with him after that night. Whatever. I'm passing. Luther plays Doug to Hardcore Holly's Hardcore Holly, and while Josh works on his desert nicknames, I take a nap. "Legs the size of people", check. Romero and Josh go gaga over Jindrak's vertical leap. If only vertical leap meant anything in wrestling, that'd be worth bringing up every match. Did Josh just say he was happy not to see Jackie and Dawn? Crowd is very quiet for this match; reacting to the moves, but not really get into it. Alabama Crunch, check. Going to the top for no reason.  Holy's way into much control for a match with 7 minutes left. Reigns breaks up the Alabama Slam with a big boot, and that sends us to break. (4:19)

Back for the beatdown. Jindrak is really enjoying his hip swivel elbow drop. Did you know WWE no longer list Haas' finisher as the Haas of Pain? That was a cool name, so I wonder if someone got mad or not. Hardcore Holly is not the guy you want to be face in peril - he's doing less "peril" and more "brain seeking zombie." Actually, if he was a brain seeking zombie, I think this heel team might be safe. Dropkick to turn it around. Tag to Haas, Haas on fire. Josh says Haas of pain, but it's mostly lowercase. German for Luther, Angle like spin and the T-Bone to Jindrak - one two NO, he's not Shelton. Jindrak stops Haas with a knee, and blasts Hardcore with the Hand Of Stone to the back of the head. Dropkick to Haas is caught, but he stands around holding Jindrak's legs for no real reason. (Nick Patrick goes to the mat to see if Jindrak will quit; I think that'd be the first time ever in the history of man that someone would quit to the setup for a slingshot.) Luther gets in the cheapshot, Jindrak covers, one two three. (4:22 here, 8:41 total) Parody, catch the fever.