TV PG V CC entertainment open 

Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas (493 pounds) vs Nick Synn and Tony Salentro (452 pounds, already in the ring) - wait, isn't this a face and heel team? Haas is slapping hands, so I guess not. Your announcers are Josh and professional TV person Steve Romero. I can only imagine DeMott's off doing the audio commentaries for Best of Billocity, Volume 1. Steve is happy to be here, which only shows he's really new. Romero: "If Salentro can't win, maybe he can cook well." oh, the pain. Hardcore Sinn to start. Josh tells us Nick Sinn is from the carnival - what, he's in charge of the bumper cars? Lockup. STEVE CORRECTLY IDENTIFIES A HEADLOCK! Okay, I'll dial it down a little bit. Your ref is Brian, by the way. Holly shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Off, over, into the Synn hiptoss, but Holly kicks him away. Josh manages to admit complete wrongness on JBL and drop "not for nothing" in the same breath. Scoop slam. And again. He's going to keep doing that if Sinn keeps arching his back like that. Suplex. One two no. Tag to Haas. Forearm to Sin's back. Forearm. Turnbuckle smash, blocked and Haas takes it instead. Cinn tags out, and Tony's in to get armdragged repeatedly. Armbar. Haas is working like a heel now, so this is either complex story telling or no one really has a clue. Tony forearms his way out of the armbar. Crowd so in to this exchange, they chant for Hardcore. Whip, Haas slides under, kick, knee facecrusher. One two no. Rolling front facelock takes Tony out of the ring, and Haas semi-distracts the referee so Hardcore can get a clothesline in, and I start having sad thoughts about a RVD/Rey vs Hardcore/Haas program. Josh snaps me back into reality with the obligatory "trained by HBK" mention, followed by the obligatory "Zero One" mention. Tony tossed back in for a Haas gut wrench suplex, haven't seen that for a while. One, no. Maybe that's why. Corner whip, reversed, Tony charges into a back elbow, Haas charges into a nice clothesline that gets no reaction at all. Forearms. Whip, clothesline turned into a Haas fireman's carry, but Tony grabs the ropes to block what's next. Instead, what's next is Haas throwing Tony out of the ring, so the blocking didn't work so well. Josh notes Funaki won the cruiserweight title, and it some how rings less than genuine for Steve to be thrilled with a Funaki win. Hardcore tagged in while the locals are getting their collectively acts together outside the ring. Tony sells it like he's dead, so Syn has to roll him in far enough to tag himself in. Hardcore surprises Nick with elbows, kicks, punches. Synm tries to win the battle with kicks and then chops, and that's really dumb. Shyn runs into a boot, and takes the chops. Steve: "backhands." Yea, how about you shut up. Tag to Haas. Kick to the ribs. Clothesline. Stomping. Siiiiiiin battles back to his feet, perhaps because Haas is distracted by Josh mentioning his former tag team partners, Shelton and Rico. Nick has a nice headbutt, at least. Just because this match apparently needs to be stretched out far too long, they repeat the same "I turnbuckle smash you/NO, I turnbuckle smash YOU" bit from earlier, just with the roles reversed. Haas calls for, and does a release T-Bone Suplex. Tazz at least wised up Romeo to his former nickname. Good for Tazz. Tag to Hardcore. More striking lead to the Alabama Crunch, and then a powerslam. Top rope clothesline because we need to get all the moves in. Actually, we haven't gotten the dropkick, and it looks like he's ending it - Alabama Slam. One two three. (6:02) Is a bad sign I was thinking it's shame they didn't do a Haas, Gunn, Holly faction? The name's right there. Anyway, that didn't need to go six minutes and Haas is totally a heel now.

Still to come: John Cena vs Jesus - the entire match airs while I go find something better to do
Up Next: Tough Enough! 

The trophy is still ugly. I'm sorry. You can see Miz reassuring himself by thinking how screwed Puder is now. He worked hard for EIGHT WHOLE WEEKS, and now he's in the Royal Rumble. Surely a inspirational story for us all.  (2:13)

Still to come: John Cena vs Jesus

Red carpet interviews with every single person who saw Blade 3. Sadly, these people were paid to be in it. (1:10) But what did Alanis think? Coming to a second run theater near you very soon..

WWE Rewind presented by SmackDown! vs RAW: Funaki becomes Cruiserweight Champion

Armageddon: John Cena vs Jesus. It's hyped up as the belt being more interesting than the match - well, that'd explain why Cena entered first despite all logic and reason. (6:15) Wait, no, that's only till CCC leaves.

Blood on tape can not be show in color. Spending all this time on a one sided and not particularly good Cena match seems to indicate something. I have no idea what the indication is, but it's gotta be there. (6:07)

Up Next: JBL vs Angle! 

SmackDown! Live
12/28 - New Orleans, LA [SD!]
12/29 - Albuquerque, NM [HHH tour]
12/30 - San Antonio, TX [HHH tour]
01/03 - Manchester, NH [SD!]
01/04 - Mohegan Sun, CT [HHH tour]

Josh and whatshisname talk. Back to the main event, or the just the finish. This is what happens when they let Akio on SmackDown! - there are no Velocity matches. Never again. Amazing how that Hebner kid gets so many title matches. (3:20)

Paul London (Austin, TX, 200 pounds) vs a commercial break! - wow, a good 37 minutes between matches. At least it's worth waiting for. I say that, and it's Jindrak or Reigns on the other side of this break, then I'm done for the night.

5,000,000 troops montage here

Paul London (Austin, TX, 200 pounds) vs Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC - no introduction) - Okay, yea, this is worth waiting 43 minutes for. It would've been a lot better if you told me this was coming. London doesn't seem to trust Moore for some reason. Can't imagine why. Circle. Lockup, spinning, spinning, into the ropes, spinning some more, and London is backed into the corner. Clean break? Yes. Lockup, London into a hammerlock, Moore with a switch into his own, London rolls into an armbar, Moore rolls and kips up into an armbar. Your ref is Jim, by the way. Moore switches first to a hammerlock, then to a headlock - London tries to shot him off, but Moore isn't letting go. London falls backwards to shake Moore free, but Shannon gets up first and gets the headlock back. London tries kicks to Moore's legs, and this time is able to shoot Moore off, but gets knocked down by the headlock. Moore over - no, London trips him up. Float around into the front facelock, and they're back up. Moore escapes back into the headlock. London have another way of getting out? Josh is just letting Romero talk and Steve at least prepared a lot of nicknames for people, to make up for not knowing what else to call. London starts to shoot Moore off and reverses it into a short clothesline, but Moore ducks the clothesline. They both turn and fire dropkicks, and we're left at an impasse. Circle. Romero is in love with Shannon. Josh talks about "Shannon's lifestyle." Test of strength! I always wondered who'd win, and we'll never know because Shannon and then London go to kickery. They light the hard kicks to the thigh, but London likes the back heel trip even better. Cover with top wristlocks, one, two, shoulder up. Shoulder down, one two shoulder up, shoulder down one two shoulder up. London tries to put his weight on Shannon, but Shannon just uses the momentum to roll to his feet and springboard to the top rope with the wristlocks still on - springboard armdrag! Angle/JBL was JBL's biggest defense ever on SmackDown! - I guess the cage match with Eddie is forgotten now that he's no longer a challenger. Shannon proceeds to run right into a hiptoss, negating any advantage from the big move. Armdrag, Shannon kick caught, London turns him around into a waistlock, London tries to escape but London's not letting him free. (Ew.) Moore elbows out, but London trips him into the ropes. Moore bounces into them chest first, rebounds backwards towards London, gets sent flying by a reverse monkey flip - but lands on his feet! Again, his flash is dashed quickly, London stopping him this time with a wheel kick. Moore rolls out for a break - a break in his nose, maybe. London sets up - pescado is shoved away on the way down, but London still lands on his feet, perfect position for a Moore clothesline. Shannon hit him so hurt, he hurt his own arm. Moore takes a moment to collect himself, and then collects London - into the apron. Thrown into the ring. Slam, cover one two NO. Chinlock. London looking to get out with a facelock of his own, but no luck. London starts to get up, but Moore cinches in the hold more. London trying to draw from the crowd - crowd is collectively talking on their cell phones. London decides to get up anyway, with sparse cheering. Right hands to escape the hold, but stopped by another Shannon forearm. Kick to the chest. Corner whip, reversed, Moore grabs his midsection, rebounding out bent over. London charges at him, and then leapfrogs over him to get to the corner. London goes up moonsault like, but doesn't get far before Shannon crotches him. Moore pulls London down into the Tree of Wow for some woeful punches and kicks. Second rope knee to the chest! Moore to the second rope again, but London bends up, and sorta-German suplexes him off! Not as crazy as it sounds, but still partially insane. Jimmy gets London out of the Tree, and both are unable to get up. One two three four five six seven eight - London up first. Shannon pulling himself towards the corner, but London rushes him with a forearm. Kick. Forearm. Forearm. Forearm. Shannon set up on the top rope, hanging off forward off, and London assaulting him with kicks to the shoulder and back. Dropsault! Jimmy frees Moore to be fair, but Moore gets up and walks right into the leg lariat - one two NO. London picks Shannon up, forearms him a couple times, and whips him. Moore grabs the ropes, London charges, Moore throws a kick but London catches it, throws it down, and Moore punches him. Jumping swinging neckbreaker one two NO! (Josh: "version of the Mooregasm!") Both guys tired and time about to run out. Moore with a corner whip, London gets up a back elbow, London tries the bodyscissors roll, but Moore slips behind him before he can get it going. Moore trips up London, London moves out of the way of the headlock try, London with the Okie Roll (Steve: "small package") one two THREE. (8:27) Yea, this needed all the time they gave Jesus/Cena, because they never really got to their bigger moves.