TV PG V CC entertainment open (they put Luther in over Noble last week, right? yea sure whatever) fireworks

Nunzio (201 pounds, w/Johnny Stamboli) vs Akio (Japan, 200 pounds) - your announcers are Bill and Josh. Lockup, Nunzio with a headlock, Akio escapes with a boot to the knee, into a waistlock, hammerlock and Nunzio's derisively shoved away. Nunzio's tights now say "NUNZIO" instead of FBI in similar colors, but the letters look really vertically stretched out to fill such a space. Bill just said Kidman was one of the biggest fan favorites of all WWE time, but let's not dwell on it. Circle. Akio feigns a kick at Johnny, which gets Johnny on the apron and a discussion with the referee. Nunzio, no longer being a heel, doesn't take this obvious opening to attack Akio from behind. Circle. Lockup, Akio with a waistlock, Nunzio with a switch, Akio picks the angle to get free, Nunzio kicks him into the corner, Akio rebounds back into a fireman's carry, and another, and another, one two no. Nunzio with a whip, Akio slides out to take a break, but he's right by Johnny. Shove for Johnny! Johnny goes jaw to jaw with Akio, and this time Nunzio does semi-attack from behind, coming out of the ring to grab Akio by his pony tail and throw him back in. Bill says Akio is trying to get Johnny mad, so he'll attack Akio and DQ Nunzio, which isn't half a bad plan. Akio gets up while Nunzio's rolling in, and stomps him. Chop. Corner whip, charge in, Nunzio moves, Akio does the Tiger Mask flip anyway, slipping on the landing and taking a Russian legsweep in any case. One two no. Stomping, and going up, but Akio cracks Nunzio in the head with a jumping enziguri. Nunzio's out, Akio's out - but he's only out of the ring. Back in now, covering, one two and Nunzio grabs the ropes. Leg choke on the middle rope. Whip, Akio grabs Nunzio's head for a sleeper suddenly, causing Nunzio to slip and fall down on the mat. Akio improvises with a chinlock. Nunzio tries to draw from the crowd, and Johnny's slaps of the mat seem to get them into it. Nunzio gets to his feet, but Akio forearms him in the back. Full nelson, Nunzio drops to his butt and grabs Akio in a bodyscissors one two no. Akio up first again and clotheslines again. Hopping. Covering, one two no. Nunzio pulled out over the apron, and given an elbow to the back of the neck. While he's out there, Akio takes a moment to taunt Johnny. The FBI have a cap? Apparently. Chinlock, with Nunzio trying to rally for the second time in 90 seconds. Crowd dutifully goes for this one as well, though Akio ends it early with a kneelift. Bill sagely points out that if Kidman isn't so interested in wrestling, the threat of being fired may mean nothing to him. Akio puts on a front facelock, Nunzio tries to Northern Lights suplex out of this, Akio holds on, turning into to a sunset flip, Nunzio rolls (obviously pushed) through so he can get in the dropkick. Both men down. Nunzio covers, one two no. Nunzio rests in the corner, Akio charges in and Nunzio gets him with a back elbow. Nunzio out with a spinning headscissors, and both are down again. Now Nunzio crawls over the top and cover, one two no. Nunzio corner whip, Akio's kip up is caught and he's dropped on his face. Cover one two no. Nunzio sets up Akio for a seated tornado DDT, but gets shoved off. Akio's jumping spin kick is ducked, Nunzio with the kick catch enziguri. One two no. Open hand slap. Josh thinks Spike Dudley watches Velocity. Bill does not. Nunzio tries for corner punches, but ends up taking an atomic drop. Akio pins him with feet on the ropes one two Johnny shoves his feet up, and Nunzio kicks out. Jimmy Korderas isn't sure what happened and whose fault it is. While they argue, Nunzio gets up - Arrivederci. One two three. (5:21) As Nunzio lays in the ring as part of his usual post victory show of exhaustion, Akio goes out of the ring to yell at Johnny for his interference. Akio shoves Johnny! Unwise. Johnny kicks him, presses him, and drops him on the outside. 

SmackDown Throwback: Stone Cold's proudest SD! moment was going to Baghdad (12/25/03, must be an old video package reused, because you can still see Rikishi). The other one was singing to Vince on SmackDown!. (07/12/01, the last of the Kurt/Austin/Vince skits actually.)

Tonight: Rene Dupree vs Hardcore Holly 
Up Next: Look at all these times the Undertaker got beat up in the handicap match! Maybe he lost!

He didn't. Actually, they clip to him having complete control on offense, wow. Viscera gets about 5 seconds of offense - and a crappy choke slam - but that's it. DRAMATIC FINGER GESTURES!!! (2:58)
No Mercy: JBL (c) vs the Undertaker for the WWE Championship in a Last Ride match

Up Next: Rico & Charlie Haas vs the Basham Brothers. 

SmackDown! Live
09/26 - Springfield, MO
09/27 - Joplin, MO
09/28 - Wichita, KS [SD!]
10/03 - "Continental Airlines Arena" [No Mercy]
10/05 - Boston, MA [SD!]

Walking Tall and Reading Poetry off Thursday. My favorite part was when he rhymed "free" with "free", and that's the part they choose to show.

Rico & Charlie Haas (469 pounds hahaha get it 4! 69! hahahaha, w/Miss Jackie) vs the Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 495 pounds) - Remember how there was a catwalk Charlie wouldn't walk? Yea, they don't either. Charlie's back to being ticked off at Rico's gay (as in happy! and also gay) antics, at least. Bill goes on a semi-justified rant ending with "and you go right to the threesome!" Charlie and Doug to start. "Froot booty", check. Lockup, Doug with a headlock, shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, into an armdrag, no blocked, no reversed into a Haas fireman's carry. Haas drop toe hold, float around on Doug's back, and front facelock rolling him out of the ring. Doug charges back in and promptly gets armdragged. Haas: "WHO WANTS RICO?" Plenty of people, apparently. Doug wants to no part of Rico and battles to get out of the armbar. He does get free when Rico slaps Charlie on the butt, because Haas doesn't like the gay antics, see. Danny tagged in the other way. Circle. Lockup, waistlock, Danny elbows out, switch, Rico enjoys being in a waistlock too much for Danny. Circle. Danny with a kick. Right. Chop. Josh and Bill discuss Josh's movie choices. Whip, Rico reverses and stands still to taunt, Danny charges his way into a pumphandle, which gives Rico free reign for more antics. Dropkick nearly connects but we'll pretend. Doug tags himself in and walks right up to Rico. Rico blows kisses. Doug slaps him in the face. Rico tries to fight back but gets  kick. Right, whip, big clothesline misses, Rico back kick does not. Turnbuckle smash, Haas tagged in, double whip, double back elbow. One two no. Doug with a forearm to fight back, corner whip, reverse, Haas charges in with a shoulder to the gut. Doug staggers out of the corner into Haas' "exploding T-Bone" suplex. Make up your mind, Josh! One two Danny breaks it up, then switches places with Doug as Brian Hebner is distracted by Rico. Haas up slow, but down quick when Danny clotheslines his head off. Danny pounds Haas' head into the mat. Stomp. Elbow drop. Choke on the middle rope. Danny distracts Brain so Doug can get a shot in, then gets tagged in. Camel clutch/kick to the face double team. Doug with a half nelson chinlock? Bill and Josh are talking about Rico's electrolysis treatment (on his hair - uh, on his facial hair), Haas elbows out, and gets thrown down by the head. Tag to Danny. Bill: "Vince McMahon doesn't even know I work here!"  "The Man Of Questions" made up those knock knock jokes he told all by himself, in case you wondering. Danny with right hands. Danny with a corner whip, charge into another Haas drop toe hold, this time into the middle rope. Tag to Doug, Doug misses a running boot and Haas makes a tag to Rico. Rico with a right for Bash, right for Basham, clothesline for Basham, clothesline for Basham, kick for Basham, backdrop for Basham, spinning back kick and a pumphandle mule kick for Basham. One two NO, Basham broke it up. Danny gives Rico a turnbuckle smash and tries to work him over, but Rico turns in around on a missed punch. The second rope jumping kick takes Danny out of the ring, while Doug misses a corner charge on Haas. Haas gives Doug a top rope spinning axhandle to the head, and Rico goes to the top rope to add a moonsault - and this time, it actually hits. One two three. (5:20) Bill, who had no idea why Rico was going to the top rope, suddenly knows it's called "the High Hard One". Near the end, Josh abruptly brought up the Dudleyz being responsible for Rico's four month hamstring injury at the end, and it took me a second to remember he wasn't totally retrofitting an injury for a possible No Mercy bonus match. 

Hey Cole, if it's really a SmackDown! moment, you probably don't need to tell us. Team Angle v2.0 - "this time, we probably wouldn't make a good tag team." (4:37)

No Mercy: Big Show vs Kurt Angle - at least Kurt knows Show won't be able to get revenge
No Mercy: Paul London vs Billy Kidman 
No Mercy: Rey Mysterio & RVD vs Rene Dupree & Kenzo Suzuki (c) for the World Tag Team Championship
No Mercy: Eddie Guerrero vs Luther Reigns
No Mercy: Booker T [2] (c) vs John Cena [2] in Match 5 of the Best Of 5 Series for the Undisputed United States Championship
No Mercy: JBL (c) vs the Undertaker for the WWE Championship in a Last Ride match
Hey, six matches. That's pretty good for this crew.

Up Next: Rene Dupree vs Hardcore Holly 

Day of Reckoning Quicky Tag Team Title Feud Set Up

Rene Dupree (Paris, France, 260 pounds, w/Kenzo Suzuki, Hiroki but w/o Fifi) vs Hardcore Holly (Mobile, Alabama, 234 pounds) - though they've done it for all the Up Next bumpers, they don't bother putting the accent marks over Rene's name here - probably because they had to squeeze everyone's names in there. Bill wants to know if he's in Day of Reckoning. Bill: "I'll tell you what I know - I'm from New Jersey." Your ref is Nick Patrick. Hardcore looking like he wished someone remember he was tag team partners with Billy Gunn. Circle, Hardcore's attempt at a lockup scares Rene. And so Rene struts. Lockup, Hardcore backed in the corner (!), long pause before we get a break, Rene's break is clean - until he spits at Hardcore. The chase is on, except Hardcore can't manage to find the way thru the ropes, so Rene is free to discuss this with Kenzo. Rene also takes time to pose for fans. No hurry there. Break the count, wave the French flag. Wow, I don't know how Rene ever got in trouble for too little wrestling in his wrestling. Rene back in, but staggered by the US Chant. Lockup, Hardcore powering Rene in this time, sizing up a fist, chop but Rene's ducked out of the corner. Rene begs off, and hides into the ropes. Nick backs Hardcore away. Lockup, headlock, shot off, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, back elbow - no, Rene saw it coming, turns around and starts strutting away. Hardcore waits for him to turn around, and chops him down. Rene gets off, and gets kicked. Chop. Chop. Chop. Hardcore giving it maximum effort on these. Hard forearm to the back of the head. Whip, reversed, Rene stops Hardcore with a running knee. Pose for the crowd. Stomping and using the ropes, then rabbits punches for Hardcore. Rene semi-struts around the ring, and looks at the crowd again. Hardcore thrown out, and right when Rene seems to be distracting Nick for a Kenzo to interfere, we go to break. (3:31)

In a shocking turn of events, we come back to see that Kenzo did attack Hardcore as we went to break. Back "live", Rene has Hardcore in a chinlock. Josh: "This is basically a handicap match for Hardcore Holly." "Or it's a two on one." Bill's point turns out that Hardcore Is So Tough, it's the opposition that's handicapped. Hardcore fights out of the chinlock, whip, reversed, Rene drops him with a back elbow. Bill: "People should write in, get on the Internet, go to WWE.com right now and they should vote for 'Billocity' for next Saturday night." Bill thinks show names work like the Diva Search. "If that redhead could win, I could win." Rene with a headbutt drop, one two no. And on and on Bill goes. Bodyscissors. Rene switched to a chinlock. USA USA USA Hardcore fighting out. Punch battle, which Rene is lucky to go even with. Hardcore starts to take control, so Rene grabs him in a headlock, is shot off, comes back with a shoulderblock, and this time a shoulderblock means a double knockdown. So silly. SO bored. "Vote for Billocity! 1-888-LOVE-LINDSAY!" He's completely lost his mind. Rene misses a clothesline, Hardcore doe s not miss a shoulderblock. Shoulderblock. Whip, dropkick, perhaps the best in the business One two no. Hardcore going up top. Flying - uh, Hardcore never actually settled on a move, so it became a elbow/clothesline/knee/bulldog amalgam. It's close to midnight and I'm dropping 'amalgam'? Josh picks clothesline, one two NO. Josh: "I tell you what, I want Hardcore Holly on my fantasy team!" "This is going back to Rico, isn't it?" Corner whip, charge into Rene's boot, Rene jacknife cover one two no. Hardcore's foot hit the ropes at least once, but no one card. French Tickler. Slam, no Hardcore slips behind, Hardcore with a waistlock, Rene gets to the ropes and rebounds Hardcore away, Rene charges into a powerslam, one two no. Hardcore calling for the end. Probably shouldn't have, because now Hiroko is having a discussion with Nick Patrick about who to pick in her suicide pool (Nick: "Always go against the Cardinals or the 49ers"), and that means Kenzo is free to help Rene escape the Alabama Slam. Hardcore takes care of Kenzo with a right hand, but walks into the Michinoku Driver - Hardcore gets a foot on the ropes, but Kenzo knocks it off - one two three. (4:26, 7:57 total) Kenzo actually didn't knock it off till 2.75, so I doubt Nick would've picked it up anyway. Turning Point is Kenzo helping out Rene, what insight. A Hardcore Holly match with a low blow kick is like a Rico match with no one saying 'metrosexual'.

That's it.