The Cat never watched the shows? You could hardly tell.

TV PG V (no coarse language? no suggestive dialogue? hmm) cc entertainment (not updated) open fireworks

Scotty 2 Hotty (Westbrook, ME, 217 pounds, w/Judgement Day T-Shirt) vs Akio (Japan, 200 pounds, w/Sakoda) - 217 pounds? Someone doesn't want to be a cruiserweight. Your announcers for Velocity #104 are Bill (also not a cruiserweight) and Josh, and they're pumped for Judgment Day. Josh takes a moment out of his 60 minute hype to make fun of Bill's shirt. Bill: "One of us will be at the Staples Center with the SmackDown! crew for Judgment Day. One of us. [now on tape] And don't touch my shirt." Josh talks movie career. When did the entrance aisle get that short? Akio does the Rock's pose on the ropes! I don't think he means to do that. Unless it's a movie star thing. Josh and Bill argue if Bill's shirt is West Coast or East Coast. I didn't make that up. Crowd is loud for no apparent reason. Scotty does the crane pose. Akio does not approve. Josh: "That was one of Akio's moves in 'Enter the Yang'." Not not approving, although it might have been as well. Lockup, Akio armdrag, he's thrilled and bouncing. Scotty can't believe Akio used an armdrag, I guess. He looks surprised anyway. Lockup, armbar, twist, stomp, stomp, twisting the wrist. Why is the crowd chanting USA? Akio with an elbow to Scotty's shoulder, but he's back up and trying to get out of the armbar, forward roll, kip up, reverse. Scotty is backed up into the ropes, Akio whips him, reversed, Akio goes over (with a cartwheel), stops and turns around into a hiptoss, hiptoss, armdrag, armbar. Josh: (with obvious preparation) "Akio spending more time on the mat than Picasso." The joke is over Bill's head. He's short. Akio fighting out with forearms. Kick, corner whip, charge into a back elbow. Akio is vaguely in position to be shoved down, Scotty takes a look as the crowd senses it, off the ropes and Sakoda trips him. Brian Hebner leans thru the ropes to yell at Sakoda as Akio drops on Scotty with a leg to the head. Boot to the back of the head. Knee. Elbow to the neck. Choke in the corner, Akio lets go at four and backs away. Back to Scotty, and Scotty's ready with a kick, right, right, Akio stops him with a kick. Corner whip, Akio's corner Kwang kick doesn't look as good but skinning the cat back in is a nice touch. Crowd is really angry about this. I don't think this is post production anger either, because there are four rows in camera view standing up and angrily pointing at Sakoda (off camera.) Akio puts on a cravate. Scotty uses right hands to escape, off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, chop, chop, chop, whip, back elbow. Clothesline by Scotty. Whip, backdrop. Crowd going nuts - oh, because he's going to try this again. Off the ropes, two handed bulldog. Mocking bows by Scotty, what a classy touch. W O R M woo woo who who who who - Sakoda on the apron, that's who! Scotty chases him off instead of dropping the chop, and Akio's back up - forearms to the back of the head. Suplex, no, Scotty lands behind, elbow driver neckbreaker? Like if Hurricane only turned half way on the Eye of the Hurricane and smashed the back of the guy's head on his knee. One two three (4:46) I don't know anything, but why didn't they just do the chop and then Sakoda gets on the apron to distract?

Tonight: John Cena

Hey, it's Theodore Long. See how they switched it up by doing it in the second segment. Lure people into a false sense of security, then WHAM. Mr. Long would like the people over here and the people over here and the people over here to stand up for the Refelction of Perfection. Mark Jindrak has his own mirror now. He's a taller Scotty Riggs. Long: "Open it up and show it to them! Show it show it show it show it!" That doesn't sound very TV PG. Oh man, he's got pose over the promotional considerations. Somehow, he doesn't run out of poses. Oh gosh.

Mark Jindrak (w/Theodore R. Long) vs Spike Dudley (150 pounds) - Spike should totally pose in the mirror - oh, it's disappeared now. That thing books. Josh remembers Spike and Theo have issues! And Jindrak showed up. The upside is another "Did Josh REALLY get a playas card" debate. Long and Jindrak have a long discussion after the bell. Long says something to Spike, Spike says something back and then remembers he can punch people, Long drops off the apron and Jindrak ambushes Spike from behind with forearms. Devastating left hand. I miss Chuck Palumbo. Forearm to the back. Bill: "Southpaws are deadly!" Tell the Royals. Kick to the chest. Choke on the mat. Spike hooks the ropes, and gets pulled away for stomping. Oh my, Bill and Josh have quite the discussion intended solely to drive me insane

Josh: Spike Dudley, a cruiserweight, in the ring with the heavyweight Mark Jindrak, but Spike's been in the ring with almost everyone in the WWE, and everyone respects the fight in Spike Dudley.
Bill: Yea, what difference does it make, what's a Cruiserweight, what's a Heavyweight? I mean, Chavo Guerrero was a Cruiserweight Champion, now it's a women who's a Cruiserweight champion
Josh: Well, Jacqueline is a Cruiserweight, so she could-
Bill: Who says she is?
Josh: She's under 225 pounds!
Bill: Says her! 

Delayed vertical suplex. Pose. Corner whip, Jindrak charges into a boot, Spike charges out into a high dropkick (on a short man.) Totally Riggs. Sit ups, kip up. Bill: "I can't do that." OH NO, Jindrak's distracted by his own reflection in the mirror! INSIDE CRADLE one two NO. Just goofy enough for me to enjoy. Stomp. Press slam, no Spike slips down Jindrak's back  sunset flip, Jindrak blocks it with a double choke, pulling Spike up into a bearhug. Spike's fading. Fading. Punching. Bearhug tightened up. Spike trying to draw from the crowd. Face bite will do it. Jindrak stomps. Whip, Spike grabs the ropes, Jindrak charges, Spike drops down and Jindrak flies to the floor. Long is over to check on his protégé, but gets to safer ground when he notices Spike going up - top rope plancha! Jindrak rolled back in, dropkick to the head must've been really bad for them to nearly clip it out there. Stomping in place. Corner whip, reversed, Spike rebounds out with the battering ram. Dudley Dog - no, Jindrak reverses out into the Mark Of Excellence. One two three (4:12) He gets his mirror back. I wonder if we'll ever know how Jindrak does in a match where's he not a foot taller than the other guy. 

A Look Back at Bradshaw/Eddie (3:20)
Judgment Day: Eddie Guerrero (c) vs John Bradshaw Layfield for the WWE Championship

Up Next: John Cena

SmackDown Live
5/16 - Los Angeles, CA [Judgment Day]
5/17 - Palm Springs, CA [WMRevenge]
5/18 - Las Vegas, NV [SD!]
5/23 - Green Bay, WI [WMRevenge]
5/24 - La Crosse, WI [WMRevenge]

YJ French Powerbomb Thru The Announce Table

US Champion John Cena doesn't look like he's here to wrestle, but who's to say for sure. I haven't done this in a while and probably won't anytime soon, so let me transcribe:
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo
It's the joint, baby, gotta make it loud
So let me hear some noise from the crowd
[long pause for 
but uh, I'm kinda serious up here in tonight
I ain't scurred, and I got a little message for Frenchy, Rene Dupree, you see
Rene, you tried to kill me, but [bleep] you're still soft
You took your best shot and me and couldn't finish me off
I'm still standing, plus I'm ready for more
and at Judgment Day, well John Cena ready for war
wearing these colors, that's more important than it sees to me
you'll never understand what this title means to me
I'm a real solider, fight for the true blue, white and red
only way you get this title is if you leave me to dead
you see that ain't going to happen, because come Sunday night, 
he'll show his true French colors, and not even show up to fight

No nuts, no crowd fill in the blank? He really was serious! Also unaware of the new ratings, because they completely obliterated his non TVPG word.

Judgment Day: John Cena (c) vs Rene Dupree for the United States Championship
Judgment Day: Torrie Wilson vs Dawn Marie
Judgment Day: Rico & Charlie Haas vs Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly

Up Next: scary pictures

1-800-Call-ATT and tell 'em about this squash of the FBI, two weeks ago

We skip Booker's handicap match and get to the more important post match antics. (2:04)
Judgment Day: Undertaker vs Booker T
Judgment Day: RVD & Rey Mysterio vs the Dudley Boyz
Judgment Day Jacqueline (c) vs Chavo Guerrero for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship, where Chavo will have on hand tied behind his back
Judgment Day: Eddie Guerreo (c) vs John Bradshaw Layfield

Up Next: the Basham Brothers vs Billy Kidman and Paul London

thug life Billy Kidman & Paul London (415 pounds) vs the Basham Brothers (495 pounds) - Paul runs to the ring ala Spanky but Kidman does his normal loitering to the ring and now there's TENSION. And then London helps fix Kidman's hair and I guess it's okay. That was weird. Josh works in his prepared Olsens joke here. Circle. Lockup, shoved down. Bill: "Who are the Olsens?" Josh: "Oh, you know them, from such things as My Dreams? Hahaha" Okay. Circle. Lockup, Danny waistlock, takedown, front facelock, London spins out into a hammerlock, up into a headlock. Danny tries to back suplex out but London holds on and pulls him over to a takedown. Danny's shoulder down, one two no. London's shoulder down one two no. Back up to their feet, and London is backed into a corner. Danny with a knee. Corner whip, London kips up and out, armdrag, armbar. Tag to Kidman, who gets in a kick. Bill: "I wouldn't be surprised if the winners of this match became #1 contenders. [realizes what he just said] Billy Kidman and Paul London as #1 contenders!?!" Kidman armbar, Danny stops this with a knee so Doug can get in. Kidman completes this being every WWE tag match ever by armdragging Doug as he comes in. ARMbar. Doug backs Kidman into the corner to break, and throw a knee. Right. Right. Right? No, corner whip, kip up and caught, but Kidman manages a headscissors takedown anyway. Doug's disoriented and pray for a inside cradle, one two no. Armdrag, armbar. Tag to London. Double whip, double hiptoss, assisted standing moonsault one two no. Headlock. Doug trying a hairpull, but it's not enough. Shots to the side, London shot off, he slides under and nails Doug with a wheel kick one two no Danny breaks it up. London with forearms for Doug, back to the headlock. Shot off, Doug puts his head down too soon and gets kicked, reeling backwards into Nick Patrick. Wow, ref bumps on Velocity. That's certainly necessary. London tries to go off the ropes again, but Danny stands on the middle ropes to pull them down and cause London to fall out. Kidman argues with Nick Patrick (who has never DQed for such a thing so what was the point?) and the Bashams are happy as we go to the final break. (3:38)

Picking it back up, it's Danny and Paul in the ring, with Danny clearly in control. London tries to sneak in an elbow, but Danny chokes him down in the corner. London is rammed chest first into the corner. Tag to Doug, and a double suplex onto to the rope. Bill, randomly: "Oh, the OLSEN twins. Got it." Doug helpfully kicks London off the ropes. One two no. Abdominal stretch by Doug. Hmm, awful close to his corner. They're giving us the absolute worst angle to see Doug start to reach over towards Danny, but you can tell from Danny's facial expression he sees it. Extra leverage applied! And not when Patrick checks. Doug turns to reach out again, and London uses the moment to hiptoss out. Crawling crawling Doug's cut off Paul London. Kidman is frustrated. London dragged back into the Bashams corner, tag to Danny, hold for a kick. Stomp. Stomp. London trying to fight back but Danny stops him again with a knee. Snap mare, grounded bodyscissors submission. Paul tries to wriggle free, and gets a face full of mat. Right. Snap mare. Danny bends over to pick London back up, and gets kicked in the head. So he does it again, and gets kicked again. This time, he falls down, which is sad because I really wanted to see if he'd do a third time. Danny reaches and tags Doug, but can London tag in Kidman? Not if he goes to a neutral corner. Doug charges with a low kick, but London rolls out of the way and Doug gets the ropes instead - but still falls and grabs onto London's leg. London tries to slip free, stretch, and tag to Kidman. Doug's punch is blocked, Kidman's forearm is not. Forearm, forearm, off the ropes, lifted up and down with a 'rana, off the ropes, five arm, dropkick for Danny, dropkick for Doug. Springboard (off Danny) bulldog, one two NO. Whip, reversed, Danny trips up Kidman from outside, Kidman stumbles forward, Doug tries to powerbomb Kidman, YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN. It's been a while since I've seen him do that, at least. Josh: "the K-Factor!" What would we do with out him?  Dragging Doug into position, but Danny's back in and throwing Kidman out. London is being held back by Nick Patrick, so Danny rolls Doug - but Nick turns around and catches them? Apparently you can no longer roll your brother. Danny proclaims that the rolling was all innocent fun, but London sneaks in, kick, and Danny is thrown out. London follows Danny out, while Kidman's noticed that the previous Doug roll left him in perfect position - Shooting Star Press. One two three (4:43, 8:21) That's an upset, I think. I guess they have to win some before we care that their differing views on entrances are tearing them apart. Turning Point is the switch gone bad. 

Judgment Day is tomorrow.