tv 14 dlv cc entertainment open no fireworks?

Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds) vs who betta than Kanyon (Queens, NY, 242 pounds) - your announcers are Tazz and Josh. Kanyon has a new video! Took 'em long enough. Rey is not impressed by Kanyon's funky facial hair. Circle. Lockup - Kanyon lifts Rey off his feet, almost as if in a choke lift, walking Rey into the corner and pretending to give a clean break. Right is ducked, Kanyon tries another and gets a waistlock, Kanyon backs Rey into the corner. Josh says Rey is the real Human Joystick (and what kind of nick name is that? Pick up line, sure.) Kanyon with a right. Elbow. Whip, right misses, back elbow misses, boot does not miss. Give a man three tries and even Kanyon's gonna get the better of it an exchange. Gutwrench lift, but Rey 'ranas his way out. Now Josh thinks Rey is Dominique Wilkins. Or Chris Jericho's show, I guess. Turnbuckle smashes for Kanyon - uno dos tres (middle buckle) quatro cinco seis (bottom buckle) siete ocho nueve (mat) diez! Fans fail to count along, but they're digging Rey. Rey backs up - Bronco Buster. "WHAT'S UP [INSERT TOWN NAME HERE]?" [TOWN NAME]!" Rey with the, uh, reverse single leg takedown to set up Kanyon for the 619, but Kanyon slides out when Rey goes for it. Rey waits for Kanyon to fail to pay attention, then drops him with a baseball slide dropkick. Pescado - is caught. Kanyon walks tow the camera side barricade and drops Rey on it. Kanyon throws Rey in, one two no. Josh does the generic announcer "[Face] may not even make it to [big show] to take on that dastardly [heel], because [non-feared jobber] may take him out right here, tonight on [b-show]" bit. In response, Tazz does the "Are you a moron?" Tazz bit. Kanyon's brought Rey back in, and is stomping him into the corner post to set up for his sliding dropkick to the back - which works, and drives Rey's chest into the post. Bow and Arrow around the post! Tazz is making fun of Kanyon's innovative-ness this week. Well, so far. Kanyon hasn't really done anything where Tazz could have an issue with it, too. One two no. Knee to the back, chinlock with a knee to the back. Rey rallying back, loud crowd. Rey with uppercut forearms, but Kanyon takes him down by the mask. One two NO. Knee to the back, chinlock with a knee to the back. "Tazz, I wasn't implying you're smart - I think you're a genius." "I think you're an idiot." Tazz explains what "ink" means to the non-cool people. Thanks Tazz! Slam. One two no. Chinlock with knee. Tazz has issues with that "Human Joystick" name. Rey up again and elbowing, right, off the ropes - no, Kanyon grabs him, so Rey goes the other way to get free, ducks the clothesline, spinning headscissors is caught and blocked, Kanyon gets him in scoop position and lays it out into a suplex. He's done that before, right? A couple seconds before covering, one two no. Scoop related moves are such in fashion these days. Tazz calls Kanyon's beard "crazy, psycho-like." Corner whip, Rey kips up but he's caught on Kanyon's shoulder, but Rey slips down for the reverse DDT. Cover one two NO. Is Rey selling or is he hurt? That was a weird cover but maybe he was closer to Kanyon then he thought. Both up, but Rey's going to win the punching battle (as you would suspect from the shorter guy), corner whip, reversed, Kanyon charges into boots, Rey slides out under Kanyon and boots him into the corner. Rey backs up - another Bronco Buster? Sliding dropkick to the groin! UN FOUL! Hebner of course does not DQ him. Rey to the outside - springboard Thesz Press one two NO. This is better than the last match. Tazz: "Kanyon's got a problem with me talking about his beard - that's what someone told me." Meanwhile, two people are doing a "Let's Go Kan Yon" chant. Rey with a forearm, whip, reversed, quebrada is caught by Kanyon - into a side backbreaker, holding on, lifting him back up, and dropping him for another side backbreaker, one two [Kanyon puts his feet on the middle rope] THREE!!! - wait, Brian spots the feet on the ropes an instant after three so never mind. I think someone mistimed that. Kanyon is frustrated. If only he had a finisher - and it worked on the back! Alas. Rey pulls himself up in the corner, Kanyon charges into a back elbow, a boot, and a kip up headscissors, but Kanyon at least is ready for that last one and pushes Rey off. Kanyon's follow up punch isn't as well thought out, Rey with a shoulder to the back, right to the head, Rey climbing the ropes while grabbing Kanyon's hair - bulldog on to the middle rope! That makes the 619 easy. WCP? Sure. One two three. (7:20) This is the most deadly combination in sports entertainment today - except when the WCP is DtD.

Still to Come: Blah blah blah blah
Up Next: BATTLE RAP 

SmackDown Live!
10/14: Cincinnati, OH [SD!]
10/19: Baltimore, MD [PPV]
10/20: White Plains, NY
10/21: Albany, NY [SD!]
10/26: Albany, GA 
That they're doing consecutive shows in two different Albany's is almost as good as that last match.

BATTLE COLESLAW. (5:08)
No Mercy: Kurt Angle vs John Cena
BREAKING NEWS: No Mercy: Zach Gowen vs Matt Hardy (Version One) - didn't Matt already win this? Is Velocity now the home of Cruiserweight Match announcements?

Next: Matt Hardy (Version One)! What an amazing coincidence.

Y2J SHANNON WINS SHANNON WINS SHANNON WINS

Matt Hardy (Version One, Cameron, NC, 227 pounds, w/Shannon More) vs Tyson Dux (Hartford, CT, 202 pounds) - Matt Facts: Matt is annoyed by stupid questions. Matt only drinks diet sodas. We see a sign saying "Matt Hardy For US President" - Tazz is more thinking NC Governor. "What the hell, you got, uh, you know, Terminator, whatever the hell, Arnold, you know, he's the governor of, what is it, San Diego?" "Close enough." Tazz thinks he should be the governor of Brooklyn - Josh is sure he already is. Dux is brought to you buy Crazy Wacky Music, and has the dance to match. He gets second entrance so we could fit in plugs during Matt's. Tazz: "This is the guy who dances like he sat on a pointy object!" Tazz remembers this guy very well - and with the wacky dance he won't stop doing, how could you ever forget him? - but I only have him as appearing on Heat. Maybe it was a week I missed? Tazz: "It's like he's got a rabbit up his ass!" Tazz doubts even the power of Mattitude could fix Tyson's dancing. Lockup, Matt spins around into the hammerlock, shove into the back, "I'M VEE ONE UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" It's Tazz's birthday? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAZZ. Matt celebrates with an armbar. Wristlock. Tyson steps over the armbar, snap mare, off the ropes, dropkick to the face. Tazz is celebrating his 24th birthday tonight. Tyson: "VEE ONE UHHHH [DANCE!]" Shannon is not impressed. Matt charges, clothesline misses, Tyson with a jumping snap mare. Right. Right. Whip, reversed, spinning headscissors one two no. Josh: "In your words Tazz, Tyson Dux looks like he swirls banana juice all the time." Tazz: "This guy's a banana juice sucker from the word go." Tyson with aright, right, whip, reversed into the Side Effect. V1UHHHH. Tazz figures Tyson's yam bags may be twisted from the dancing. Snake Eyes, off the ropes, clothesline. One two NO. Tazz: "This kid can dance, he's entertained, but so was Sammy Davis and he couldn't kick Matt's ass." Elbow to the head, elbow to the head, stand on the head. Tazz: "The guy who sang 'Who can make the sun shine?'" Tazz reveals he's actually 26. Elbow in the corner. Kick. Elbow. Whip, head down too soon, Tyson with a small package one two NO. Matt right is blocked, Tyson with right, right, right, whip, reversed, back elbow, legdrop one two no. Foot to the back seated surfboard. Tyson getting up and turning it in short order, so Matt stops him with a knee. Whip, back drop - no, Tyson reverses it with a DDT. One two NO. Tyson with a stomp. Fashion critic Tazz notes that small white lettering on black tights really doesn't work. Whip, reversed, Tyson Russian Legsweep. Off the ropes, dropkick to the head. One two no.

Tazz: "Is this kid Russian?" Josh: "I dunno - every time this kid's on Velocity, he's from a different town!" "That's because every town he goes to, they see his dancing and kick his ass out." "That could be a good reason. I mean, today we heard he's from Hartford, CT. I don't think he's from Hartford." "If I was him, I wouldn't be proud of that - who the hell who wants to be from that cesspool? I like it there." "No you don't." "Well, I really don't."

Matt retreats to the corner, but Tyson is on him with a charge. Tyson gets flipped to the apron, but Matt turns into a knee. Tyson to the top - flying crossbody hits one two NO. Tyson is calling for it - yes, it's time for him to dance again. Now he charges Matt, but Matt catches him and puts him on the top rope. Right hand, Twist Of Fate from the second rope! one two three (4:31) Matt lets Tyson know that he's still VERSION ONE UHHHHH

Still to come, blah blah blah blah

Snickers Cruncher Sludge Attack

thug life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds) vs Bobby Rude (already in the ring, 205 pounds) - Tazz: "Aaaaaaah yaaaaaaaah". Hey, Bobby got himself a cape. Tazz: "Why is he wearing a cape?" Josh: "I don't know Tazz, why did Eddie Guerrero drive a sewage truck down to the ring and spray the Big Show?" Tazz: "Because Big Show spit in the burrito, and Eddie was mad." Tazz goes on to tell his "me and my family had a sewage truck in front of our house and played in it all the time" stories. Circle, lockup, Bobby with a waistlock, Kidman into a headlock, Bobby with elbows, whip, ducks under the clothesline, Billy with a 'rana. Corner whip, reversed, Kidman with a kip up headscissors. Kidman waits for Rude to stop moving around and goes for a pescado - which Rude sees coming and moves out of the way, Kidman landing on his feet. Tazz: "Bobby Rude, if that is his real name" Rude with a kick, run into the barricade. Stomps. Kidman thrown in one two no. Rights. The symbol on Rude's tights and knee pads is a lot like the one Palumbo had back in the day. Yelling at Korderas. Elbow drop. Elbow drop. Elbow drop. Pose. Kidman battles up with punches. Corner whip, reversed, Kidman rebounds out into a kick. Double underhook suplex one two NO. Knee to the back. Kneeling surfboard. Standing up, turning, Bobby with a kick, right, talking trash, off the ropes, Kidman nails him with a dropkick. Both slow up, Kidman ducks the clothesline and hits a five arm. Clothesline. Whip, backdrop. One two NO.

Tazz: "I do like you. I like you more than Michael Cole. And I think I'm going to have Cole fired, and have you sit next to me on Thursday nights." "That's gonna be tremendous! I can't wait." "Eh, maybe not." "I'm just glad that we're spending your birthday togther." "So am I. [] You gonna take me out for a piece of cake or something, what are you going to do?" "We're going go out to a bar." "Oh, really?" "Yea, we'll find someone dancing ladies, now that you're old enough to drink." "Maybe we'll get a cheeseburger deluxe something and a milkshake? What do you think?" "That sounds like a plan to me." "You look like you need a meal."

Whip, reversed, Rude's head down too soon s it's kicked. Kidman off the ropes, into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker one two NO. Suplex, no, Kidman slips behind, waistlock rollup one two no. Rude with a kneelift, corner whip, Rude charges into a boot .Kidman charges out into a big spinebuster slam one two no. Rude yells at not getting three. Slam, no, Kidman slips free, foot catch enziguri. Kidman rolls Rude into position, and he's going up. "I think it's about time to pull the R-Trigger on your Gamecube" - Shooting Star Press one two three (4:26) Josh says they're going to see the Rundown after the main event - and oddly enough, here's a video package of interview highlights.

Up Next, blah blah blah blah

You know, I thought it was Tazz's shirt that was bugging me, but I just figured it out - it's the lack of a jacket.

blah blah blah blah

No Mercy: Rey Mysterio vs Tajiri (c) for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship
No Mercy: Zach Gowen vs Matt Hardy
No Mercy: Eddie Guerrero (c) vs Big Show for the US Championship
No Mercy: Kurt Angle vs John Cena
No Mercy: Chris Benoit vs A-Train
No Mercy: Brock Lesnar (c) vs Undertaker for the WWE Championship in a Biker Chain Match [think "chain on a pole"]

In the locker room, Matt Hardy (Version One) has a word for Shannon! As long as they can come back from break right. "Shannon, good showing tonight, huh? Look man, I just want to tell you how proud I've been of you recently. After you big win on Last Thursday SmackDown against Zach Gowen, and after my huge win tonight, Mattitude is rolling like never before. And Mattitude is going to continue to roll, because at No Mercy, I'm gong to destroy the One Legged Wonder, Zach Gowen. And you know what, just to show you how proud I am of you, almost like a father to son, I'm going to present you with an unbelievable gift next week - actually, in a couple days, maybe SmackDown next week." "A gift for me?" "Yea, a gift for you. This week on SmackDown, I'm gonna give you a gift so grand, it's gonna be the sun of your solar system of Mattitude, and you deserve it, MFer." Brothers don't shake - Mattitude brothers do the V1 touch. Nice job of Shannon by standing in the perfect pose to show off the dragon tattoo. 

Charlie Haas (Edmond, OK, 239 pounds) vs SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) - Tazz mentions that Matt can't give Shannon a dragon, as he already has a big one. Josh: "You know Tazz, Matt mentioned the solar system. You hate the solar system." Tazz: "I can't stand the solar system." Wha? And Tazz thinks Vince has lost his mind. Oh wow, it's the feud that only exists in my mind - Funaki hasn't been able to beat TWGTT with Spanky and Ultimo as partners, but perhaps could he do it one on one? Circle, lockup, Haas with a waistlock takedown, front facelock rolling, and rolling and rolling into the corner. Haas is asked to break but takes his time doing it. Circle. Lockup, Haas goes for a single leg, Funaki stops and uses a side bodyscisisors to cradle Haas one two NO. Haas with the zero cover leg sweep, Funaki with an Oklahoma rolls (on an Okie!) one two NO, Haas up first and shoulderblocks Funaki away. Funaki is right back - ducking a clothesline, right, right, right, corner whip, reversed, Funaki with a press slam but not a good enough grip, Funaki slips behind to finish a sunset flip one two no. Haas up first and nailing Funaki with a clothesline. Stomp. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Knee choke. Tazz: "There is a difference between speed and quickness. There is!" "Do you care to elaborate on that?" "No." Haas is pulled out of corner, and turns back into a knee. Turnbuckle smash is blocked, so Funaki chops him first, turnbuckle smash, chop, smash, corner punches - one two three pulled off and dropped on the corner buckle. Haas with a back suplex into a back breaker one two NO. Punches to the head. Confidential is next. Tazz: "Boing boing boing. I love the eyeball! I love 'balls! [] the hell?" "Yes, you just said that." "That was a mistake! Must've been thinking about Cole again - what the hell!" Hard corner whip. Choke on the middle rope with clubbing forearms. Whip chest first into the ropes, forearm to the back on the rebound. Tazz: "Lower back area. Not areola, area." Bring Funaki up to his feet by his hair - crowd is chanting Funaki! They're bored? Funaki standing up and punching - and a knee needs that. Whip, Haas puts his head down too soon, backslide, one two no. Haas with a kick, fireman's carry, forward drop, armbar with a knee into midsection. Tazz is in his Old School Wrestling announcing mood. Haas with a forearm to the back. Funaki punches. Has with a knee. Funaki with a right. Haas with a knee. Corner whip no back to the same direction, Haas charges in but no one's home. Jumping reverse neckbreaker by Funaki! But he's too hurt to cover. Both are down and getting up slow. Funaki up and punching. Whip, reversed, fireman's carry lift reversed into a reverse DDT! He has to do that once a week (and it usually looks better.) One two no. Off the ropes, dropkick to the head. Off the ropes, bulldog! One two NO. Funaki going to the corner. Going up? Yep. Top rope cross body is rolled through one two NO. Haas can't believe it. Forearms to the back. Corner whip, Haas charges into a boot. Funaki to the second rope, slap, Rising Sun is pushed off (of course), Funaki tries a dropkick, but Haas finishes his Bret Hart impersonation by catching the legs and transitioning right into his submission hold. Haas of Pain stands Funaki on his head - he's done. (5:17) Those Push Funaki signs are ignored - for this week.

Confidential is so five seconds ago.