TV 14 DLV CC entertainment -

Earlier Tonight, the APA were, um, looking at a lot of 8x12 promotional photos of Shaniqua? (Actually, they look a lot more like Linda Miles.) Faarooq is ranting to himself about building a new office and making it Vince McMahon proof when he's distracted by Bradshaw cutting and posting photos. Bradshaw is SURE he's got the proof that Shaniqua's a man this week - Shaniqua is just Shelton Benjamin with long hair, as the cut and paste proves. Faarooq still maintains the "Shaniqua is a woman" stand, but Bradshaw has a "Clark Kent/Superman, Peter Parker/Spiderman" theory going - when have we seen them in the same place at the same time? Someone please interrupt this. Faarooq points out that Shaniqua has breasts. Bradshaw swiftly counters by pointing out that Dusty Rhodes had breasts and he's still a man. Faarooq thinks this is just like when they said LaToya and Michael Jackson were the same person (they're not - Bradshaw needs confirmation on that one too.) FINALLY, the save is made the FBI, who wander close enough by that Bradshaw can call them "frooty booties" and ask their opinion on the pressing Shelton/Shaniqua matter. The FBI blow that off, requesting that the APA take their upcoming match slightly seriously, promising to beat them down. Bradshaw is able to ignore all of this and go back to his argument, bless him.

Open. Wait, they retooled this. They'll NEVER take out the truck crash.

the FBI (530 pounds, w/Nunzio) vs the APA (565 pounds) - no sleep till we find out why the ramp is so flat nowadays. Your announcers are Cat and Josh - guess Cat actually was at the taping this week? TWGTT later. Plug the book, check. Josh considers Cat a loan risk. Cat likes the APA but not how they talk about his chocolate milk. You know, I knew Johnny was losing his hair but I didn't think it'd happen that fast. APA chant to start, as Johnny matches up with Faarooq. Lockup, headlock, go behind into a shove and Johnny celebrates mastering a basic lockup sequence. Well, not match - he's got to go run into a back elbow now. Faarooq to the second rope? Flying shoulderblock one two kickout - Faarooq is letting go at the same time to stare at Chuck to stop him form coming in, but he leaves Johnny free to back elbow him. Tag to Chuck, who walks into a drop toe hold. Faarooq grabs Chuck, tags Bradshaw, holds him for a punch. Right, whip, reversed, Chuck misses a clothesline, Bradshaw comes back with a big shoulderblock. Suplex, float over one two no. Bradshaw with a knee. Knee. Right. Right. Corner whip, Chuck comes back with a forearm. Josh actually remembers the APA's return was punking out the FBI to save the Undertaker. Well, at least in the storyline it was a save. Tag to Johnny, Bradshaw tries to hiptoss him but it's blocked, Johnny misses a clothesline and Bradshaw hits a big back suplex. Off the ropes, elbow drop one two no. Right. Last Call. (Called.) One two Chuck has to break it up. Tag to Faarooq. Hold for a side punch. Right. Corner punches one two three Johnny pulls him off and Nunzio hits the jawbreaker on the top rope while Chuck distracts the ref and Bradshaw. Faarooq brought into the FBI corner and tag to Chuck. They both take take turns kicking Faarooq's back. Back to Johnny, who gets to stomping. one two foot on the middle rope, despite Nunzio trying to kick it out. Johnny with a forearm, tag to Chuck, whip, Johnny gut punch, Chuck with the big boot to the head, one two no. APA chant. WM XX. Chuck with forearms to the head, and a chinlock. Faarooq passing out, Nunzio annoys Bradshaw, distracting the referee, so Chuck makes a clap tag and Johnny puts on the chinlock. Faarooq battling back up, elbow, elbow, forearmed down by Johnny. Another forearm, and to the second rope - jumping right into a Faarooq powerslam. Crawl for tags - tag to Bradshaw. Shoulderblock for Johnny, forearm for Chuck, whip for Johnny, back elbow. Waiting for Johnny to et up - and get in the corner, Bradshaw clothesline, bug boot for Chuck. Right for Johnny. Faarooq back in - double whip, double shoulderblock. Faarooq grabs Johnny - hey, it's the old back suplex/reverse neckbreaker combo! Bradshaw counters, but Chuck is up - hip check for Faarooq, pin broken at one. Cut to the Basham Brothers and Shaniqua - by the looks of it, it seems someone tipped them off to Bradshaw's artwork, because Shaniqua's got in her hand and not looking too pleased. Back in the ring, somehow Nunzio's holding Faarooq from the apron - Jungle Kick is ducked and Nunzio gets kicked to the floor. Bradshaw clotheslines Chuck out. Johnny tries a waistlock on Bradshaw, but Faarooq breaks that up. Double team powerbomb? One two three. (5:44) Hey, they broke out ALL their old stuff, that's pretty cool. Bashams - do nothing? Shaniqua holds her men back and points her whip in their direction. Everyone does a little pointing, okay.

Still to Come: The World's Greatest Tag Team vs the World's Spaciest Tag Team (Spanky and Funaki - hey, does Funaki have a new video pose or am I just not used to seeing it?)

Up Next: the Cena/Undertaker rematch.

St. Anger by Metallica is a horrible song.

Stills from Vengeance: Cena/Undertaker (:12)

Video from SmackDown - hmm, we start with the superplex of mutual death (4:11) So, was A-Train working for Vince? Hey, is CENA working for Vince?

Still to come: Vince vs Brock in a cage.

Snickers Zach loses (to the power of MATTITUDE) of Thursday

Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 195 pounds, 9) vs Ultimo Dragon (Nagoya, Japan, 185 pounds, 2) - Did they retool Shannon's music? I'm a bit off tonight so I'm not sure. Cat LOVES Ultimo Dragon, as you might as well imagine. Josh dares to compare Ultimo's Ten Titles vs Cat's Three World Championships against Cat. Josh notes that Shannon has black streaks in his hair and figures it's to be more like Matt. Lockup, Shannon snap mare, mocking karate. He's proud of himself. Lockup, Ultimo with a headlock, shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Ultimo off the ropes, over, under, rolling over the monkey flip, Shannon kick is caught into the leg sweep one two no. Ultimo with a corner whip, reversed, Ultimo kips up and out, shannon runs into a drop toe hold (STOP IT JOSH) and Ultimo - is he? He is! ROCKING HORSE! Ultimo's bringing the wacky lucha to Velocity! Dropping Shannon, then dropping on him with an elbow drop. One two no. Flipping Neckbreaker is shoved off before it gets going - Ultimo charges back, and takes a drop to hold into the middle rope. Shannon is angry. Forearms to the back of the back. Back suplex. Josh thinks Shannon is a better color man than Cat. One two no. Kneeling surfboard by Shannon. Ultimo in pain but not giving up. Standing up - claps for him? Yep. Josh recaps Matt's motivation for hating Zach. Ultimo with elbows, but Shannon throws him down by his mask. "I'm a MFer!" Slam. Let's make it two! One two no. See, they made it two. Chinlock. Hey, maybe you don't want to show Shannon talking to Ultimo there. Ultimo with back elbows, but Shannon stops him with a knee. Right, right, corner whip, Ultimo back with the WOW cross body. Grabbing his left arm and flexing it to get some feeling in it, which I hope we're has work meaning here (though Shannon hasn't been working on it.) Ultimo with a leg kick, but Shannon stops him with a knee. Shannon picks him up and runs his back first into the corner. Shannon runs into the corner ax kick. Ultimo Five Kick Combo, one two no. Ultimo clothesline is caught into a backslide, Ultimo rolls through, jumps up for a 'rana, Shannon rolls through one two NO. Wow. This is the match they should've had the first time. Shannon goes to run Ultimo in the corner, but Ultimo turns it around. Kick, double chop, double chop, double chop. Ultimo sets Shannon up on the top rope. Second rope jawbreaker? Shannon pushes him off. MOOREGASM! (not called) one two NO! Shannon tantrum. Taking time following up, suplex, Ultimo falls behind, waistlock, standing switch, Ultimo with a back kick, another, and there's the Flipping Neckbreaker one two three. (5:03) That's totally better than the first one. No one mentioned the Asai moonsault. Replay of the Flipping Neckbreaker.

Tonight: the World's Greatest Tag Team vs Spanky and Funaki

WM Flashback - Brock tries the Shooting Star Press, WM 19.

Orlando Jordan (Miami, 240 pounds) vs Andy Anderson (225 pounds, already in the ring) - Orlando is wearing a shirt with a tiger on it for no particular reason - none we get right now. Earlier Today, Orlando was "mobbed" by women (if three counts as mobbed) and had to be freed by security. Orlando promptly asked security to please stop doing his job so well, and signed some T-Shirts and personal skin. Josh: "This guy is like Ashton Kutcher". Lockup, Andy with an armbar, twist, twist, Orlando reverses to one of his own. Andy reveres, crowd is bored. Orlando cartwheels into a reversal of that armbar and flips Andy out on the mat. Lockup, Andy with a hammerlock, Orlando reverses to a fireman's carry, then to an armbar. Back up to a hammerlock. Andy looking for a way out, finds it with a hammerlock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock, over, under, quick stop, Orlando off the ropes, Andy leapfrogs, Orlando stops and jabs. Josh: "What the hell are you talking about?" Orlando with an armdrag in to an armbar. Andy up and forcing Orlando into the corner. Andy with a back elbow. Whip, Andy's hiptoss is blocked and Orlando gets one of his own. Armdrag. Waiting, shuffling, dropkicking. One two no. ARMBAR. Wristlock. Andy forces him into the corner. Clean break - nah, Andy knee. Shot to the chest. Forearm. Snap mare. Kick to the back. Elbow smash to the chest, choke on the mat. Chinlock. Cat: "Kid, have you ever had a foursome before? Have you ever been involved in - uh - any sexual activities?" Josh: "Sure, I play golf every weekend, I love playing golf. I had a foursome a couple weeks ago with referee Brian Hebner, Tony Chimel and Michael Cole." Cat: "Did anyone get a hole in one, kid? Who used the driver? You sick freak!" Thank god Orlando's elbowing out, off the ropes, sunset flip, one two no. Andy off the ropes, kick is caught into a questionable dragon leg sweep. Andy still manages to get a clothesline next. Oh, Orlando has the tiger on his tights too. Chinlock. Josh: "The World's Greatest Team will be in action later-" Cat: "Who is that, Funaki and Spanky?" Josh: "Uh...no" Cat questions why Rey would face TWGTT again after what they did to him last Thursday. Orlando elbowing out, Andy tries to out punch Orlando. That works as well as it would ever work. Dropkick. Dropkick. Cat's calling him "Andy Griffith" and wants Josh to join in. Orlando with the Five Arm one two no. Corner whip, Andy rebounds out with a clothesline but it's caught into the Black Ice. One two no. (4:32) Cat says "Andy Griffith" for the billion time in a minute.

Up Next: Brock vs Vince in a cage with Kurt as a ref

SmackDown! Live
7/10 - Wichita, KS
7/11 - Kansas City, MO
7/12 - St. Louis, MO [SD!]
7/16 - Minneapolis, MN
7/17 - Hamilton, ON

Black screen cuts off our witty Josh/Cat banter twice.

Angle/Brock/Vince video package for the lead up, and clips of the match. (6:58). It's like there are blank screen places where a Velocity should logo should be. Anyway, more info on Vince/Brock on SmackDown, maybe
SmackDown!: Rey Mysterio and Billy Kidman vs World's Greatest Tag Team for the WWE Tag Team Title
Next: World's Greatest Tag Team vs Spanky and Funaki - Josh figures this will be a good preview for the title match.

Lugz Haas of Pain of Thursday

SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) and Spanky (Olympia, WA, 181 pounds) vs WWE Tag Team Champions the World's Greatest Tag Team (589 pounds) in a non-title match - Shelton and Funaki to start, and so does a Funaki chant. Shelton slides for a sling leg takedown, Funaki manages to stand his ground and sweep Shelton down, bodyscissors pin one two reversed to a Shelton pin one two Funaki small package one two kickout. Funaki up but running into a knee. Whip, blind tag to Spanky, Funaki with the Mexican headscissors, Spanky puts on the cobra clutch while Funaki forearms haas, clapping, dropkick to the face. One two no. Josh does not mention TAKA this week - it'd get old if he did every week, I guess. Spanky with a headlock, shot off , back with a Shelton shoulderblock and Spanky goes down. Shelton off the ropes, Spanky leapfrogs, Shelton waits for him to stop, Shelton clothesline is ducked, Spanky's jumping salto kick connects, as does a dropkick on Haas as he comes in. Tiger Mask flip on Shelton, calling for the Roaring Forearm which means he's about to get laid out - ah, Charlie with a clothesline. Funaki wants to get Charlie but he's held back - Shelton gets a free pass to pick up Spanky and tag out to Charlie. Slam into a Charlie back breaker one two no. Corner whip, charge into a boot. Spanky charge out, into an overhead belly to belly suplex. Choke on the middle rope, and then throwing Spanky down by the hair. Tag to Shelton, who does not appear to be Shaniqua. Knee, but Spanky coming back with forearms, whip, reversed into an Exploder Suplex (Called!) one two Funaki breaks it up. Chinlock with a knee. Crowd rallies for Spanky. Josh reminds us that it was Stephanie who brought Brock to SmackDown a year ago, hmm. Spanky coming back with elbows, forearms, Shelton ends that with a knee. Tag to Haas. Suplex, hang on the top rope, and there's the GdI hanging sit on the back. Haas one two no. Back suplex into a backbreaker one two no. Chinlock with surfboard by Haas. Spanky trying to draw from the crowd and they're getting behind him. Elbow, elbow, off the ropes, into a shoulderblock from Haas. Just to be doubly sure, Haas knocks Funaki off the apron with a big forearm. Spanky dragged over so Haas can tag Shelton. Haas stands on Spanky's hair so Shelton can stomp Spanky's midsection. Shelton with a right. Whip, right misses, Spanky slides underneath, Shelton grabs him by the hair, Spanky with a kick, it's caught but Spanky flips out of it, dropkick. Can he make the tag? Yes! Shelton runs into a shoulder from the apron, and Funaki is in - bulldog. Forearm for Haas. Whip for Shelton, backdrop. Ducks Haas clothesline, kick catch enziguri. Shelton with a kick, powerbomb reversed into a sunset flip one two NO! Shelton with a kick, fireman's carry no Funaki reverse into a reverse DDT one two Haas breaks it up with ad dropkick. Spanky in with a jumping knee on Haas, forearm, Haas with a kick, corner whip, Spanky kips up and out, Haas goes in chest first and takes a forearm on the way out. Spanky chucks Haas out - pescado, but Haas moves out of the way! Shelton sets up Funaki on the top rope, but Funaki breaks the right and hits his slap. Seated Tornado DDT is shoved off into a Haas inverted atomic drop - there's the superkick one two three. (6:33) That was pretty good! I wish they had something for Spanky and Funaki to do because they've been good. TWGTT get their belts and go home.

And so should you. Hype for SmackDown and we're out.