"Classy" Freddie Blassie, In Loving Memory, 1918-2003
TV 14 DLV CC entertainment
Earlier Today, Josh drove Cat to the arena. They're arguing about Cat being in the back, because he's the big star. Cat tells Josh to carry his bags. Josh is not so thrilled. Josh gives the keys to the valet (no tip) - and pan to Spanky showing up on a pogo stick (with bells). "Park this for me would you, y good man." Spanky does tip - 1 spiffy dollar. Valet: "I can't park this!" "Well somebody just lost a tip then!"
Open. Fireworks. A pogo stick? Josh says he's the big star.
Crsah Crash (w/Shannon Moore, the book and the magazine,
Salisbury, NC, 214 pounds, pink) vs Orlando Jordan (245 pounds, Miami, Florida)
- your announcers are Josh and the Cat, who are hyped for next
week's Brock vs Big Show match for the WWE Title. Crash poses with the fold out
Matt Poster. Orlando has clips from last week in his video. Lockup. Cat:
"You are the big star of this show. The big star jackass!" Orlando
with a waistlock takedown. Into a front facelock. Crash reverses into a
hammerlock. Up into a headlock. Cat: "You know, like they say in the hood,
Rey Mysterio got that ass!" Crash shot in the ropes, back with a
shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, under, quick stop, Orlando turns and kicks,
Crash catches it and spins him, but Orlando comes back with a dropkick. Is Cat
going to be shocked about Orlando being the youngest of eleven children every
week? "His mom was busy." Orlando with an armbar, into the wristlock,
armbar, armdrag, armbar on the mat. Crash up and walking him into the ropes.
Break, Crash' right is ducked, Orlando with an armdrag back into an armbar.
Basic as possible. Crash getting back up to his feet again, can't get to the
ropes so uses a knee instead. Whip, reversed, Crash grabs the ropes and starts
to slide out, but stops on the apron. Orlando is over to get him, but Crash uses
a jawbreaker over the top rope - ah, it was part of a plan. Elbow smash on the
apron by Crash, then a slingshot stomp. Back in, cover one two no. Corner whip,
Orlando goes in chest first. VERSION ONE. Snap mare. Kneeling surfboard - okay,
armbar instead. Announcers have spent a lot of the match talking about Rey's
win, and are now wondering if Matt will "move up" to the heavyweight
division. Cat can't wait to see Ultimo Dragon - he's one of his favorite
cruiserweights. (Cat loves wrestlers who kick well, which probably should've
been obvious to begin with but I'm slow.) A bit of What If Rey vs Ultimo hype to
kill time during this match. Orlando elbowing out, off the ropes, into a
kneelift. Crash with a stomp that apparently really hurts. Another chest first
corner whip. Josh mentions that Orlando was an amateur boxier, must be time for
the punching comeback. Oh look, Orlando's punching his way into a comeback. Big
right hand of stone after the jabs. Whip, back elbow, clothesline. Whip,
backdrop. Orlando is waiting for Crash to get up, then he just picks him up,
Whip, right to the stomach, uppercut to the stomach one two no. Orlando is
pumped and going up because he's new here - ah, he does wise up enough to drop
back to the apron when he sees Shannon coming, Shannon pleads innocence. Orlando
going back up again but it bought Crash some time to stand up - and take a cross
body. One two no. Crash trying to get away, grabbing hold to the bottom rope.
Orlando tries to whip Crash, but Crash has got the top rope and isn't going.
Orlando loosens his grip with a forearm. Slam, no it's telegraphed that Crash is
going to land behind, reverse rollup with bridge AND Shannon leverage one two
THREE (6:01) Orlando does not have the Mattitude.
Still to come, Rey vs Matt.
Up next, Kurt Angle returns.
One more time, Kurt Angle Returns Tribute Video. A short, non-surgery footage version, at least.
Josh mentions Team Angle's no show. Angle, Show, Brock on SmackDown! (9:23)
SmackDown: Brock Lesnar vs Big Show for the WWE Championship. Josh says Kurt
WILL face the winner of this match, like there's no doubt.
SmackDown: Mr. McMahon vs Zach Gown in an Arm Wrestling Match
Velocity: Sean O'Haire vs Spanky
Up Next, will A-Train beat Funaki? (Yes.)
A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) vs SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) - Josh makes fun of Cat. Cat tries get Josh in trouble with JR. Cat: "A-Train looks like he eats collared greens. Now what's wrong with that." Josh says it for me: "The A-Train about to go one on one with Funaki for about the 800th time on Velocity; I think the series is split at 400 to 400 so." Cat: "WHAT?" Actually...
09/14/02 - Albert d. Funaki 09/21/02 - Funaki d. Albert 10/12/02 - Albert d. Funaki 12/28/02 - A-Train d. Funaki* 03/22/03 - A-Train d. Funaki
It seems like many more, though. Cat wisely puts his money on A-Train. Funaki ducks the lockup, right right, right no sell and pushed won. Funaki ducks under a clothesline, off the ropes, cross body is caught, A-Train loads him up on his shoulderblock But Funaki slips behind, Funaki with a dropkick to the knee, kick catch enziguri. Off the ropes, right into the bicycle kick. Train Wreck one two three. (:47) At least it was quick. Oh no he's asking for a microphone. "That's not good enough. I'm not even close to being done. Give me someone who can give me a little competition - ANYONE! I want someone who wants a fight. How about you, you tub of guts." You know, if A-Train and Funaki have fought 800 times, A-Train and Bill DeMott have fought a good 1000, so he's out. I feel a bad joke coming on: "Hey A-Train, I got one for you. Knock Knock [who's there] Anaheim, I said knock knock! [WHO'S THERE] You need a [you need a what?] You need a shave your back!" A-Train yells at him from the ring, but Funaki's back up and pulling the back hair. That doesn't seem to be a wise long term strategy - and he gets an elbow to the head quickly. Funaki's eliminated form the Ruble, but that's enough of a distraction for DeMott to come in. Is this a match? Choida is calling for the bell...which fails to ring. Anyway, DeMott with punches to the gut, whip, head down too soon, A-Train back with a kick, DeMott with a clothesline that takes A-Train out of the ring. We got to break - maybe we get that match for real when we come back?
07/28/01 - Albert d. Hugh** 08/04/01 - Albert d. Hugh* 08/26/01 - Albert d. Hugh** 11/03/01 - Albert d. Hugh* 05/18/02 - Albert d. Hugh* 06/01/02 - Albert d. Hugh 05/03/03 - A-Train d. DeMott * Jakked ** Heat
We come to see the other SmackDown referees trying to stop A-Train from coming in, for whatever reason. Doesn't work - A-Train pushes them down and charges in the ring anyway. I guess Choida decided if he made it that far, they might as well have a match, so he calls for the bell (and it actually rings this time.)
A-Train vs Bill DeMott - A-Train powers DeMott in the corner, knees tot he midsection, rights to the head. Whip, clothesline by A-Train. A-Train waits for him to get up, charge into a boot. DeMott tires a running shoulderblock, no dice. Off the ropes again, right into an A-Train clothesline. A-Train pauses to get annoyed by the Shave Your Back chant. Slam by A-Train, off the ropes splash hits, no cover. Running splash to the back one two NO. Clubbing corner blows, pausing only to not listen to Choida. A-Train turns back into kicks, but A-Train stops that with a kick. Short clothesline. To the second rope, there's the pump splash one two DeMott's foot barely kicks the bottom rope. A-Train isn't happy. Bearhug, but Bill is fighting out of it - Mongolian chop escape. A-Train with a headbutt to the midsection, and he'll try it again. This time Bill doesn't have as much energy. Holding in for quite a while. A-Train goes a bit lower. DeMott start to fight out after five seconds - there's a face bite after a minute to get out. Off the ropes, DeMott side steps the scissors kick, A-Train runs into a spinebuster. Both men are tired, DeMott stumbling a while to wait for A-Train to getup - A-Train corner charge, DeMott side steps, inside cradle one two THREE. (3:09) DeMott and Choida get the heck out of the ring before A-Train can get any revenge.
Tonight: Sean O'Haire vs Spanky
Up Next: Rey vs Matt
Stacker 2 El Kick To El Groin of two weeks ago
Highlights from Rey/Matt. Pretty good for a TV match but they needed more. (5:31) That's just about as much more time that match needed. It was still good BUT...
Up Next: Sean O'Haire vs Spanky
Castrol GTX Arm Wrestling Challenge of the Week. Praise the gods that this angle was reduced to an Of The Week bit for at least one show.
Sean O'Haire (Parts Unknown, 274 pounds) vs Spanky (Olympia, 181 pounds) - Spanky thinks better of sliding in the ring with O'Haire waiting for him. No sign of the pogo stick. Cat says Spanky isn't old enough to drive. Josh reminds us that O'Haire has been Benoit and America, and then wants us to think Spanky has a chance here. Eh. Josh: "Cat, I'm not sure if you know this, but Spanky has competed all over the world. He's an international superstar. [Cat talks] Spanky, of course, competing over in Japan for the ZERO ONE, he's the first ever ZERO ONE International Junior Champion." Sean would like to lockup, but Spanky kicks him away every time he tires. Spanky goes to the well too often and gets kicked in his own leg by O'Haire. O'Haire picks him up by his hair, forced in the corner, thrown out of the corner by his hair. Spanky is picked up, short clothesline is turned into a crucifix, down into a sunset flip but Sean ain't going - double choke lift to his feet, trash talk, toss but Spanky with a dropkick. Sean does not go down - charging clothesline is ducked, Spanky hits the "salto" kick but O'Haire still not down. Charging corner forearm, forearm and shoved down by the hair. Spanky back up and charging, and gets clotheslined out of his boots. Spanky twitching from the force of that one. Turnbuckle smash. Kicked down in the corner by O'Haire. O'Haire whips him (by his hair) into the corner, rebound toss slam. Cover? No, choke. Josh: "Look at the Machiavellian like demeanor of Sean O'Haire" - I guess, though no more than any heel. I think Josh just likes describing O'Haire with big words. O'Haire holds onto the choke for 3. Why do they do it to three? Spanky can't get up, and Spanky rather stand and taunt him. Kick to the chest. O'Haire to an armbar, with a hand in the face. Spanky not giving up yet, but Sean is pushing the face down to stretch the shoulder more. Sean yelling at him to give up but no. Soccer kick to the back. Josh: "Sean O'Haire may look like he's out of control, he may look like he doesn't know what he's doing, but the man is very much in control, Cat." Slap by Sean. Spanky rallies back with a forearm, but that seems to only tick off O'Haire - right, stomp, stomp, stomp, pummeling him on the mat. Choke on the bottom rope. Back to the armbar with face push. Spanky rallying back, breaking the armbar hand, off the ropes, into an armbar. Running soccer kick to the chest! Spanky gets taken all the way to the floor and he may be done. One two three - O'Haire goes out to get him and throw shim in. Spanky runs away from him as they come in he ring - running kick to Sean's knee. Cross body is caught, O'Haire loads him up for the Prophecy, but Spanky slips behind, kick to the leg, forearm, forearm, forearm, duck the clothesline, springboard forearm. Spinning neckbreaker into facecrusher is now "Dr. T", okay, but he still hasn't gotten O'Haire off his feet. There's his version of the Shining Wizard - Josh wants to go with climbing enziguri, "shades of (Naohiro) Hoshikawa who Spanky learned that move from in Japan" - that gets Sean down one two NO. Corner whip, no Sean reverses it before it gets started, Sean charges, Spanky gets out of the way and to the apron. Spanky to the top - jumping spinning DDT! One two NO! There's the neck vice, running for it - Sliced Bread #2 is caught into the fireman's carry, Prophecy one two three (5:42) Good end to an okay match.
Brock vs Big Show for the WWE Title - that's it.