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Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 195 pounds, w/book, 6) vs Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds, 10) - Is that Justin Jason Roberts doing the Velocity ring announcing? I guess since we're in Chicago? Your announcers are the Cat and Josh. Cat says WM was 11 days ago and Josh corrects him when we go back to voice over, but Cat doesn't really care. Josh to Cat: "Kermit the Frog, he wants his suit back." Why are they captioning Josh as Marc? Shannon gives a bow and a V1 sign. Tajiri scratches his head in response. Lockup, Shannon with an armbar. Tajiri rolls through and reverses. Shannon rolls through and reverses and pulls off an inside cradle one two no. VERSION ONE. Slap by Tajiri. Snap mare, kick to the back, dropkick to the face. DOUBLE VERSION ONE. Hey, wait, you're not the one who's supposed to do that. Stomp. Chop. Corner whip, reversed, Shannon charges in the Tarantula but manages to push out. Shannon with a forearm, sliding under Tajiri to the floor and a chin drop on the apron. Shannon throws Tajiri in the ring one two NO. Josh: "All the Mooreons agree too, Cat, that Shannon is getting a lot better." Cat: "Ah, so you do agree." They debate who the Mooreon actually is. I say both. Whip, back elbow. Punches on the mat. Snap suplex. One two no. Chinlock. Josh still doesn't know how old Shannon is. Tajiri getting up and elbowing out, but gets pulled down by the hair. Shannon taunts him with VERSION ONE but Tajiri rolls him up one two Shannon grabs the ropes. Shannon up and hitting a knee. Whip, leg lariat one two no. Cat and Josh discuss a possible double meaning of "playing (bag) pipes". Surfboard. Tajiri starts to turn it, so he gets kicked. Chops. Tajiri turns it around, chop, chop, chop, ch- no knee by Shannon. Whip, Tajiri back with a springboard back elbow. Tajiri takes a look as his arm before getting up. Whip, reversed, Tajiri slips behind on the slam, switch, Shannon pushes him to the ropes, Tajiri gets to the ropes, Shannon gets bounced up and runs into the back thrust kick one two no. Shannon backdrops Tajiri to the apron, Tajiri with a forearm, going up - flying nothing. Kick, wheel kick, jacknife cover while holding the ropes one two Brian Hebner catches him. Shannon with his mini-tantrum. Back suplex, Tajiri lands on his feet, pushes Shannon chest first in the corner corner, Tajiri misses the high kick, Shannon to the second rope for that leg lariat one two no. Josh calls it a legdrop but Tajiri's standing so that doesn't make much sense. Shannon back to the second rope - Mooregasm but no one's home. (um...there's no good way to call that name.) Anyway, Buzzsaw Kick one two three. (4:41)

Tonight: the FBI vs Los Guerreros and Funaki

up next, a look at the #1 Contenders Tournament.

SmackDown Live!
4/12 - Montgomery, AL
4/13 - Fayetteville, NC
4/15 - Norfolk, VA [TV]
4/22 - Nashville, TN [TV]
4/26 - Springfield, MA
4/27 - Worcester, MA [Backlash]

Benoit d. Rhyno (1:06)

Piper's Pit: the Coconut

A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) vs Chad Collyer (Liberty, Indiana, 218 pounds, already in the ring) - oh wow, he even has Malenko's haircut now. If I were Dean, I don't know if I'd be proud or file a restraining order. I doubt Chad Collyer fans are really going to be disappointed if I bail on this. A-Train is still Cat's Mom's favorite wrestler. Cat's Mom thinks A-Train is Billy D. Williams. Cat thinks Benoit talks too much. Cat thinks A-Train's Gory Special hurts extra much because off all the hair on A-Train's back. Cat wonders why A-Train has all that hair on his back but none on his head. Cat like Cena because he's a great rapper. Cat's not sure if that was "a legdrop or an assdrop". Chad just hit a second rope swinging DDT! A-Train kicked out anyway. Cat things the counts should be faster. Chad tries to go for a suplex and they should just stop it there. DeRailer. (4:39) Josh wonders who Billy D. is. Josh makes Cat sick. "I need to take you home with me. Have you ever tasted collared greens before? What happened to Black History Month in your school?" A-Train just did the slingshot into the middle rope that had a name last week but no one cares, man, no one cares. Except Cat's Mom.

Tonight: the FBI vs Los Guerreros and Funaki

Up next, Piper's Pit returns.

Something or other - Burger King? - Piper returning at WrestleMania. I don't care.

Vince and Piper and Rikishi and Sean O'Haire and fast forward. No clipping? No way. (12:55) This was something less than 12 minutes of fun a second time. I guess that explains why Benoit/Rhyno was so short. Or maybe this was so long because that was so short? Who knows.

Rob Zombie brings you Nathan Jones debut. I ask that he take it back.

the FBI got robbed. What cruel irony. I'm still upset that Johnny did not have a cheese sandwich. CONTINUITY, I TELL YOU. Now all he's got is that hat. And perhaps a laptop. Undertaker does a good Teddy Long impersonation there. (1:37)

Cena d. Undertaker. Video package makes it look as one sided as the match - Cena doesn't even get to try the DVD in this version. (1:23)

the FBI (731 pounds) vs SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (208 pounds, Japan) and Los Guerreros (El Paso, TX, 441 pounds) - Guess Funaki's over his injury from SmackDown? When's the last time they actually had him do something announcer like? Roberts will get no chyron love tonight, it seems. He does get to do the "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" so it's not a total loss. Guerreros scare the FBI out of the ring so they can pose. Both teams talk before we get started. Chavo and Nunzio to start, circle. Lockup, Chavo with a waistlock, Nunzio goes behind to hit his own, Chavo with an armdrag out into an armbar. Hammerlock, Nunzio spins around into his own, Chavo to a headlock,  shot into the ropes band back with a shoulderblock. Chavo off the ropes, Nunzio drops down too soon so Chavo elbow drops him. Nunzio charges into an armdrag, armbar, tag to Funaki. Funaki going up - top rope axhandle. Armbar, crank, twist, Nunzio with forearms to get out. Corner whip, reversed, there's the rebound bulldog one two no. Nunzio crawling over for a tag - to Chavo. Chavo accepts it laughing, holding Nunzio there as Funaki tags in Eddie. Eddie takes a moment to tell Chuck and Johnny to kiss him in a special place. Eddie gets to work with kicks and punches. Loud Eddie chant. Whip, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker one two no.  Nunzio with a right, corner whip, reversed, Eddie charges in with a dropkick, Nunzio ducks and Chuck gets it. Johnny makes the blind tag but runs right into a drop toe hold. Eddie with a front facelock as Chavo runs into to forearm Nunzio out of the ring. Eddie with a snap mare and a soccer kick to the back as Funaki comes in too. Everyone claps? TRIPLE DROPKICK TO THE FACE! Awesome! Choida gets out the two illegal men while Eddie knocks Nunzio off the apron, but Chuck sneaks in - Jungle Kick! Both men are down - and we go to break.

Back, with Johnny getting the better of Eddie now. He's punched into the FBI corner, tag to Chuck, who distracts while Johnny kicks Eddie down and Nunzio holds with a choke form the outside. Chuck getting in some stomps as Chavo and Funaki argue. Nunzio with a slam on the outside, and throws Eddie back in. Chuck covers one two no. Chuck with a right that fells Eddie. Tag to Johnny. Double whip, double hiptoss left into a double pump powerbomb - one two Chavo breaks it up. Johnny with an elbow drop as we watch a replay. Johnny with a turnbuckle smash and punches to the midsection in the FBI corner. When Johnny is pulled back, Chuck sneaks in to get a few of his punches. Non-tag to Nunzio, who kicks Eddie in the ribs. Loud Eddie chant again, as Nunzio holds him down with a front facelock. Stomping. Lowering the knee pad knee drop. Chinlock. Eddie up - and running Nunzio back first in the corner. Eddie charges in and gets a back elbow. Nunzio to the second rope - Sicilian Slice. One two Chavo and Funaki break it up - they were in before the count even started. Non-tag to Johnny, who picks up Eddie and tags Chuck. Press by Johnny - Eddie's thrown hard into the corner on the drop, but bounces right out into Chuck's nice running big boot. Chuck taunts before covering one two no. Punch exchange, Eddie goes a kick and European Uppercut, but collapses to the mat in exhaustion. Chuck has trouble with his footing too, looking punch drunk. Eddie up, but backing into Chuck, Chuck with a forearm to the back, scoop Samoan drop. One two NO. Chuck not happy with the count. Whip, lift but Eddie comes down with a 'rana! But Nunzio hits him with a clothesline from the apron. Eddie back in the FBI corner - tag to Johnny but Eddie fighting out of the corner with rights and elbows. Chuck's arm is barred - Mexican armdrag/headscissors combo. Can he make the tag - yes! Josh: "Funaki Guerrero in the ring! ... They look alike." Funaki ducks a Nunzio clothesline, clothesline for Nunzio dropkick to the knee for Chuck, clothesline for Nunzio. Funaki ducks a Chuck clothesline, and hits the a DDT after a misstep on a spinning DDT attempt - Josh says Chuck was trying to get out of it. Johnny is breaking up the cover before it's even there - Chavo with with a dropkick for him. Nunzio charges Chavo and gets thrown to the floor. Chavo with the pescado to take out Nunzio. Eddie tries whipping Johnny into the barricade, but he gets reversed and Eddie is dropped on the barricade. Funaki going up as Johnny takes Chavo off the apron with a knee - cross body is caught by Chuck, Johnny to the second rope (like a normal person) there's the side back breaker/second rope legdrop combo - Kiss of Death. Johnny - throws Nunzio on top and he and Chuck hold off the Guerreros one two three. (8:31) Pretty good. Cat makes fun of Nunzio's unconscious cover on Funaki. That would've been good if Nunzio was the legal man - Josh pointed out before that Chuck was and chalked it up to Choida losing control of the match.

SmackDown - Cena vs Benoit. Confidential is next.