TV 14 DLV CC entertainment open fireworks

Nunzio (Queens, NY, 201 pounds w/FBI, 4) vs SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds, 9) - your announcer are the Cat (who would like to direct your attention to his jacket - it's better than last week, for sure) and Josh. "Velocity is the best show on TV!" Josh makes fun of his outfit, ha. Nunzio wants a handshake? Funaki accepts, Nunzio make a move like he's going to pull Funaki in but Funaki doesn't move, just kicks Nunzio instead, that was odd. Whip, right hand misses, Nunzio with a wristlock, takedown, spin around the back, and there's the slapping the back of the head, Funaki switches on top switching, Josh (and I) bust out "some mat wrestling" because they're both grappling for hold but neither really getting anything describable, Nunzio with an Oklahoma roll for one two no. Armdrag, Nunzio retreats into a corner, Funaki charges, Nunzio gets his boot up but Funaki catches it and drops it - chopping and kicking Nunzio in the corner. Josh lets it drop that Rikishi was doing a PR tour in Germany, so that's why he didn't make the save on SmackDown! Whip, reversed, Funaki stops short in the corner and hits a back elbow. Mounted punches, letting up to have a word to the guys outside. Nunzio tries to crawl away (for a tag? that's not gonna work) but Funaki get a hold of him. Whip, head down too soon and Nunzio knee lifts it. Kick to the ribs. Kick to the back. Cover - no choke on the mat. Nunzio sets up Funkier on the middle rope and distracts Brian Hebner - right by Chuck. Forearm to the back by Nunzio. And another. Delayed cover one two no. Choke. Slam, no Funaki slips behind, waistilcok, Nunzio to the ropes, Funaki rhomboids back, Nunzio charges and Funaki hits a "step over toe hold" like stop it already Josh. Off the ropes, dropkick to the head one two NO. Corner whip, charge in but Nunzio get up a knee. Sicilian Slice for one two no. Chinlock all the way down on the mat. Funaki starting to really. Elbow, elbow, thrown down by the hair. Now to a legscissors. Break when it gets to a choke - that chinlock he's got on now seems a lot like a choke too but Brian doesn't think so. Suppose it doesn't really matter. Funaki elbowing out, off the ropes, no holds on to the ropes while Nunzio tries and misses at a dropkick. There's the bulldog. One two NO. Funaki lifts up Nunzio, Nunzio fights back, right misses, back suplex one two no. Funaki off the ropes, spinning DDT one no Chuck's up on the apron so Funaki dropkicks him off. Johnny tries to get up on the apron at the same time but Chuck bumps him off while taking his bump - regardless, that's enough for Funaki to chase Johnny around the ring. Johnny in, Funaki in, Johnny out, Funaki oddly stopping at the ropes to give Nunzio the perfect opening for the Arrivederci one two three. (4:30) Post match trash - holding Funaki up for Nunzio to do something with, though Chuck takes a moment to scare the crap out of Brain Hebner. Will Nunzio hit him? Apparently not. What the heck - okay now he'll stomp him. What was the point of that swerve, I don't know.

Tonight: Dawn Marie vs Nidia - wait, why are they wrestling? Aren't they friends? What do they get out of this?

Up Next: Hogan and Vince

SmackDown Live!
Sunday - Youngstown, OH
Monday - Erie, PA
Tuesday - Pittsburgh, PA
Next Saturday - Miami, FL
Next Sunday - Tampa, FL

Snickers Wrestlemania Moment: WM3, Hogan vs Andre. That was 16 years ago.

Vince and Hogan. I believe I shall quote Hogan when he says "Blah blah blah blah" (6:40) You have not lived till you've seen Vince's matchup video for this. It looks like they pasted his head on some stock muscled body - but it's really his body.

Up Next: Dawn Marie vs Nidia - Cat wonders if Josh can behave himself for the match.

Well, first, Playboy News Of Two Weeks Ago very much clipped down. Ah, it's time for behind the scenes footage of the photo shoot. Torrie looks so happy that should could cry at one point. (1:14) The cover will be unveiled on Thursday. When Josh says "Dreams can come true", I remember that we were supposed to dislike Tough Enough 1's Bobbie Jo because her dream was to be in Playboy.

Dawn Marie (Wilson) vs Nidia (w/Jamie Noble) - Why do they announce the last name but not put in the graphic? Is there some fight going on between Tony Chimel and Kevin Dunn? Here's Nidia's Thursday highlights. Cat: "How you gonna to handle this with Nidia out here? If I see your hand go under the table, I'm leaving." Hey, I agree with the Cat, something's not right here. I'll give you more one yell of "AREN'T THEY BOTH HEELS? AREN'T THEY BOTH FRIENDS? IS THE ROSTER REALLY THIS THING?" before I blow this match off. Josh is apparently going to be at the GGW PPV, call your cable company now! "What are you going to do with all those girls?" "We're gonna play video games and then when I'm done, I'm gonna look them right in the eyes." Jamie pulls down the top, er, middle rope to knock Dawn out of the ring so we've at least established a heel for this. Dawn's pants are are quite wedged on one side - I wonder if that's what Jim Korderas is telling her right then. Nidia pulls out a slingshot, with Dawn rebounding off the ropes and on to Dawn's knees. Nidia moves smoothly into a half crab, good for her. Dawn's not giving up but she has to go the whole length of the ring to get the ropes. Thankfully Nidia just lets go so we don't have to watch all of that, though this camera angle gives many butt shots. Josh and Cat are about a half second ahead of the moves for some reason and it's really distracting. Is Dawn going second rope? Second rope splash (wait, when did I start calling this match?) but Jamie pulls out Nidia before the two count. Oh no Dawn's going up - top rope suicide plancha with thankful two people to catch her (and there was little hiding of that.) Dawn pulls Nidia back in and covers - one two no. Inside cradle for two. AWFUL clothesline. Either Jamie is very loud or the crowd is very quiet. Maybe both. Dawn tries for a second rope cross body but Nidia rolls through and pulls the tights one two three. (4:57)

Girls Gone Wild PPV plug only notable for Cat's poor linereading which in itself isn't really notable anymore but hey I have this thing about making fun of it.

Still to come, we had a cage match.

SmackDown! South African Tour. (1:00)

Bill DeMott (280 pounds) vs John Xavier (220 pounds, already in the ring) - Josh: "The SmackDown superstars had a great time in your hometown, South Africa." "That's my home, baby, African Warrior-" "That's right!" Okay. Cat stands up to clap for Bill DeMott and make stabbing motions towards Josh. Lockup, back heel trip by DeMott. Lockup, Xavier with a waistlock that just gets him back elbowed and beat down. Perhaps not the best strategy. Open hand slap. "YOU TELL THEM WHO I AM!" I believe he's Bill DeMott. Whip, big back back elbow. "YOU TELL THEM! YOU TELL THEM! YOU TELL THEM WHO I AM!" Who is the THEM? Is he looking for indy bookings? Enough with that, he's really cranking in the crossface-like hold. Hard kick to the ribs, hard forearm to the back. Choke on the ribs with some hard punches to the back. DeMott's killing him. Hard choke on the ropes. Xavier manages a jawbreaker but this isn't going to last. Right, right, right, off the ropes, right into the spinebuster. "BECAUSE I CAN!" Taking his time but there's a stomp. "I mean, was this kid on Tough Enough?" "NO!" Corner whip, DeMott charges, Xavier moves and goes for an inside cradle, but DeMott hooks the top rope and looks at Xavier like he's from Mars. Goozle lift into the corner. "BECAUSE" Headbutt. DeMott walks into a double boot - Xavier to the second rope, clothesline is meet with an even harder DeMott clothesline. Straps are down, but DeMott is in no hurry. Powerbomb one two three. (3:56) What does he hold in the deep cover? Cat: "I think you could take him." DeMott is yelling more at Xavier but his music drowning him out.

Up Next: Brock vs Paul.

Lesnar/Heyman Flashback - 2 Weeks Ago when the match was set up.

Kurt and Paul try to stall, but the match happens after all. (7:28) WM comes early and all that.

Greyhound #1 Contenders Match of Thursday

Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 195 pounds, 10) vs Thug Life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds, 2) - When Chimel says "approaching the ring from Raleigh, North Carolina", I always think that must be a really long walk. But that's me. Billy requested this match because of Shannon's interference on SmackDown, apparently. Kidman rushes the ring and punches Shannon out of of it. Kidman out after him - head into the apron, head into the barricade, thrown in, Kidman's fired up. A match or two too late but I guess late's better than never. Shannon manages to slow Billy up with a knee, forearm to the back, corner whip, Kidman kips up and hits a headscissors to take Shannon down. Billy with right hands, whip, Shannon grabs the ropes and pulls himself out, but Bill pulls him up to the apron by the hair - Shannon with a jawbreaker to stop it. Shannon stomping Billy into the mat. Back suplex one t-no. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip back in the same direction to take Billy down. V1. One two NO. Pin, then pose perhaps. Chinlock surfboard by Shannon. Shannon with elbows to the head, forearms to the back, and now back to the chinlock surfboard. Billy elbowing out, snap mare to get free. But Shannon manages the wheel kick for one two no. Push in the ropes, forearm to the back, push in the ropes, forearm to the back - working a body part Shannon isn't as fun as crazy move Shannon. Snap suplex one two no. Chinlock by Shannon again. Kidman trying to draw from the crowd but the crowd don't care much. Kidman elbowing out, Shannon with a knee. Corner whip, but Kidman comes out with a dropkick. Both down but the crowd still isn't in this very much. Both up at three - Kidman getting the better of the punches. Whip, backdrop. Rebound clothesline one two no. Shannon with an eye poke, off the ropes and right into the sit out powerbomb. Kidman going up - Shooting Star Kneedrop, really. One two three. (4:08) Replays shows Kidman undershot the move (which is pretty impressive because there's barely any room to do such a thing) - the knee didn't hit Shannon in the head but the camera angles made it look like it did.

Brock vs Kurt! That's it.