TV 14 DLV CC entertainment open fireworks announcers

Jamie Noble & Nunzio (401 pounds, w/Nidia) vs Jeff Michaelis & Jim Lucas (438 pounds, already in the ring) - didn't I just see this match last week? And when did their weight change? Your announcers are Josh and Cat. Jamie (Josh: "Jamie 'by god' Noble") and Jim, lockup no Jamie with a knee, forearms. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, Jamie charges in, Jim's moved out of the way. Armbar, twist, but Noble leverages him into the corner. Kicking him own in the corner. "C'mon!" Noble picks him up, tag to Nunzio, snap mare, so Nunzio can hit the middle rope dropkick to the face, Noble can hit the legdrop and Nunzio finishes with the jacknife cover one two no. I think we need to chalk that up as "Noble/Nunzio tag team sequence #1." All this talk about Al's (fake) penis is completely annoying - I usually try to be sarcastic or witty or something pointing out those kind of things, but when they're this wrong and don't get it, you can't take chances. Stomp. Forearm. Forearm. Knee - the crowd noise goes NUTS for no particular reason on that move. Russian legsweep one two NO. Lewis battling back with right hands but Nunzio ducks one and hits a big back suplex. Reaching out for a tag but Nunzio stops it - corner whip (Josh: "Italian whip" - okay, now you're starting to get annoying), reversed, Jim charges into a knee lift. Nunzio to the middle rope - off the middle rope Rocker Dropper is apparently "the Sicilian Slice!" One two kickout. Nunzio right on to the cross arm breaker, but Lewis gets a foot on the ropes. Tag to Noble. Front suplex! Choke on the middle ropes. Noble distracts the referee so Nidia can show that she still needs work on those punches. Noble with a slam, to the second rope (the official rope of this team), elbow drop comes up empty. Hot tag to Jeff - Jeff with a clothesline for Noble, clothesline for Noble. Backdrop for Noble. Kick, hanging suplex but Nunzio is in to break it up with a kick. Jim in - double kick, double throw out of the ring. Nunzio goes out to stomp a mudhole in Jim. Back in the ring, Jamie catches a kick and turns it into a dragon screw leg whip - hey, it's the Trailer Hitch! Long time no see. Jeff will be giving up now (4:07) Jeff stayed in it a little long. Nunzio comes in to stomp Jeff before they all celebrate and get along fine and maybe I'll give up on this now. Oh, Nunzio gets a shoulder to Jim for getting back on the apron. Wait, no, they're not done with Jeff either - Noble directs traffic, Nunzio holds Jeff, Nidia gets a free shot. Right - wait, no. LOW BLOW KICK. That's good enough. Nunzio wants one more stomp.

Still to come Tajiri RETURNS vs Chavo Guerrero.

Still to come, Dawn and Al in front of the whole world

SmackDown Live!
Sunday - Anchorage, AK
Tuesday - Tucson, AZ
Saturday - Trenton, NJ
Sunday - East Rutherford, NJ

Tough Enough 3: Jonah's not cut but I don't think he's gonna win (2:50) Finale in 2 weeks. I bet they'll have Josh and the Cat host that TOO. (Because they're morons.)

A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) vs Derek Selsvold (250 pounds, already in the ring) - PASS. Cat hasn't been missing his cues this week. A-Train actually hits the second rope splash. (Train Spike 3:01) "He's mad because they both had nipple rings?"

Up next, the wedding

Yep, the wedding (10:45)

RAW Retro: Kurt Angle top cage moonsault, 06/11/01. Of note, though you can see him a couple times, they excise Steve Austin completely from the commentary. (0:43) They never mention the top of the cage Swandive Headbutt from that match.

SmackDown! #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 208 pounds) vs Charles Schipporeit (205 pounds, already in the ring) - Chyron on all the local guys this week - that's a huge help because I'm not getting these names otherwise. Oh wait, there's Cat missing his cue. Gotta love awkward pauses. They actually have his name right in the captioning. Lockup, Funaki with an armbar, headlock, shot into the ropes, back with ah shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, hiptoss blocked and Funaki hits his own. Armdrag and a dropkick. Charles pushes in the corner, right, right, Charles with a kick to turn it around. Kicks in the corner. Corner whip, reversed into the same corner, Funaki this the second rope turning cross body one two no. Did Cat just say "the Torrie Wilson/Dawn Marie video was a big letdown?" - I think he DID. Huh. Drop toe hold, clapping, running dropkick to the head really don't hit but let's celebrate anyway. Right. Whip, reversed, Charles ahs his head down too soon, Funaki kicks it and off the ropes and right into an overhead belly to belly suplex one two no. Charles with right hands and forearms. Whip, sunset flip by Funaki one two no. Funaki kinda runs into a non-existent knee lift [Charles didn't get it up], forearms. Turnbuckle smash. Choke on the middle rope. Slam. Going up? Middle rope. Second rope legdrop misses. Right. Right. Right. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, charge in with a jumping elbow - bulldog out one two NO. Jawbreaker by Charles to get back control. Corner whip, Charles charge into a boot. Big slap - second rope swinging DDT (you call it Tornado but you're not supposed to - the people with their knifes and sticks come after you and it gets so ugly and OH was I doing a match here) one two three (3:25) Okay, that's his finisher. Actually, that's WWE Stock Finisher #1 For People Who Don't Win Enough To Really Have A Finisher (see: Miss Jackie) but it's good enough for me.

Up next, Brock returns

Lugz Mattitude Challenge of Two Weeks Ago

Josh says this would be Brock's official return to in-ring competition since his suspension, but what about that match with Shannon Moore three SmackDown's ago? Eh. Footage from the challenge and the match (7:31) Here's the graphic. People in the Rumble announced Thursday. Also, Angle/Benoit. 

PS2 Cena chain punches Eddie of Last Thursday

WWE Tag Team Champion Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 213 pounds, 8) vs Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds, 6) - Cat misses another cue early. Circle. Lockup. Single leg by Chavo, headlock. Back to their feet, Tajiri with a waistlock, then an almost single armed snap mare. Chavo gets to the ropes to stop the momentum. Circle. Lockup - Test of Strength, no Chavo with a kick to the midsection, kick, trying to bridge Tajiri back but Tajiri bridges back up (that doesn't look as crisp as usual) - kick, kick to breaking one armlock, back heel trip, rolling into an armdrag. Chavo up and charging into a hiptoss. Josh says "Yoshihiro Tajiri." Chavo charges into a slam. Chavo charges into an armdrag into an armbar. I think Chavo needs another strategy. Chavo trying to eye rake his way out but Tajiri gets his head free. Chavo up to his feet, pushing Tajiri back first in the corner. Shoulder shoulder shoulder European uppercut. Off the ropes, dropkick to the head one two no. Kick to the ribs. Back suplex. One two NO. Abdominal stretch. Tajiri elbowing to the knee to get out - hard kick to the Thigh, hard kick to the thigh, hard kick to the thigh. Tajiri stalks Chavo in the corner, but Chavo trips him up into the middle buckle. Chavo with a boot choke. Foot in the face. Again  but Tajiri has the foot in hands, and throw shim down. Chop. Chop. Whip, reversed, handspring elbow. Whip, Chavo slides under, Tajiri misses a high kick, Chavo off the ropes into a wheel kick one two NO. Cat: "I think a martial artist can beat a wrestler any day." Can't he get fired for saying things like that? PLEASE? Corner whip, Tajiri charges (slowly into a boot), Chavo to the second rope - axhandle is caught with the reverse thrust kick one two NO. Cat wants me to call it a sidekick but I don't care. Corner whip, reversed, Chavo charges into the Tarantula. Cat is making no sense. Lining up for it - but Chavo pulls Choida in his away to block it. Tajiri can get around and Chavo gets in a kick. Gory Special loaded up - but Tajiri rolls through for the sunset flip, but Chavo keeps rolling, puts his feet on his ropes and covers Tajiri's legs. Tajiri has to pretend some magical force is keeping his shoulders down for one two three (4:53) because they didn't really think that through. A replay just illustrates that there's no reason Tajiri shouldn't have gotten a shoulder up there.

That's it