TV 14 DLV CC entertainment open fireworks annoying announcers

Matt Hardy (version one) (Cameron, NC, 234 pounds, w/o Shannon Moore) vs Brandon Groom (Tulsa, OK, 235, already in the ring, w/Last Thursday) - Matt loves eggnog, hates fruitcake. He also knows how to solve a Rubik's Cube! Well nothing worth watching happened to Mr. Groom, but that's when we last saw Mr. Moore. Circle. Armbar. TWIST. Right. Right. Right. TWIST. Groom with the TWIST. TWIST again (just like we did last summer.) Groom with waistlock, Matt looks for a way out - headlock spinning into an inside cradle one two NO. He was thisclose. Lockup. Matt with a waistlock, Groom looking for his own way out - armdrag into a pin cover one two no. Groom backs off - oh he's trying to mock Matt. No one reacts. Matt with a kick, right, right, whip, hiptoss is blocked, Groom's is blocked, Matt's right misses and Groom gets an inside cradle one two no. Matt misses a clothesline, Brandon with another waistlock, Matt runs him backwards into the corner. Working him over in the corner in order: back elbow, back elbow, back elbow, right, right, right, right, kick, kick - Jim Korderas tries to get him out of the corner and Matt points out that he has a five count. Choke around the top rope - that doesn't have a name, yet. Running sit, hey why not. VERSION ONE. Brandon fighting back with forearms to the midsection, off the ropes, into a back elbow (Brandon kinda sidesteps on taking the point of it, making it look weird.) Matt walks to the other side of him for room, then drops the leg. Slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop but no one's home. What happened to the crowd? Even when I hear from them, they sound very muffled. And right now, it's completely quiet - it's not just that they're not reacting to the match, but they're also (apparently) not even talking to each other. Cat misses a prompt to talk right here, which emphasizes the silence even more. Some how Matt is still in control after missing that elbow drop - whip, clothesline misses, Brandon with a cross body one two no. Brandon with an armbar, twist, Russian Legsweep. Going up - top rope cross body comes up empty. Side Effect! Double VERSION ONE. He's gonna end this - kick yell Twist Of Fate (watch Brandon jump - that ain't the Stunner, kid) one two three (3:25)

Your announcers AREN'T VERY GOOD.

Still to come - Stephanie made a #1 contenders match - Big Show vs Chris Benoit

Still to come - we're closer to the wedding of Al and Dawn

SmackDown Live
Thursday - Albuquerque, NM
Friday - San Francisco, CA
Saturday - Fairbanks, AK
Sunday - Anchorage, AK
Tuesday - Tucson, AZ

SmackDown #1 Announcer Funaki (Japan, 206 pounds) vs A-Train (Boston, MA, 350 pounds) - they don't even let the Cat read the ads, that's saying something. Cat's mom thinks A-Train looks like Denzel. Is that a joke? Funaki tries the pescado pre-match but is caught and tossed back in. A-Train decides to enter via apron and gets a dropkick to the chest and a dropkick to the knee to knock him off. A-Train tries sliding in and gets a dropkick to the head. Funaki with a running dropkick to the knee, running oh he got caught. Press slam no Funaki slides down into a sunset flip but that's not gonna work - in lesser times, Albert would have just Baldo Bombed him here to get it over with, but I guess not today. Knee to the neck. Albert tries a running splash but no one's home. Shining Wizard (uncalled) one two NO. Funaki off the ropes, into a boot. I think about here is where Josh made some vague comment about a Funaki/A-Train rivalry, as a segue into Edge/A-Train talk. Must've been a mistake - usually when hyping the new heel threat, you don't even hint at mentioning he lost to Funaki not to long ago. Albert lifts Funaki up and hangs him on the top rope. Boot to the head. Turnbuckle smash. Right. Running Fuanki back first into the corner, then hitting a side back breaker, chain it into another one two no. At least he's picked a body part that works with his finisher(s). A-Train fixes his kneepads. Funaki with right hands but A-Train battles back with a knee. Abdominal stretch. Is he gonna grab the ropes? Yes. Twice. Caught - it's kicked away, but A-Train scares him away. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Sparks scared away again. Shave you back chant for at least the second time. A-Train charges into corner boots from Funaki, twice. Funaki with a slap - swinging DDT is pushed off, Funaki ducks the scissors kick (kinda - he puts his head down to duck it but moves to the side when he realizes that has no chance of working) and goes for the corner springboard crossbody but Albert catches him with a forearm to the back before he jumps. A-Train climbs up after but he's knocked back off with back elbows - Funaki second rope bulldog one two NO. Funaki off the ropes, running questionably low kick. Funaki off the ropes, Albert lifts him up but Funaki hits a big spin DDT one two kickout (there's a delay between when the kickout is noted by the referee and Albert doing the "big kickout" launching of Funaki.) Funaki with right hands but A-Train pushes him in the corner. A-Train follows, Funaki gets a boot up again, A-Train catches 'em, drops Funaki, kick, powerbomb lift, Funaki tries to punch his way out of it, A-Train shifts him to his shoulder and there's the shoulder back breaker. One two three. (4:04) It's the Train Spike until they give me a name.

Coming up next, Dawn/Al

Dawn/Al/Torrie. (3:53) The wedding is Thursday

Jamie Noble and Nunzio (404 1/4 pounds, w/Nidia) vs Gabe Roach and Vinny Valentino (457 pounds, already in the ring) - 1/4? Okay. You know, as funny as Noble checking out Nidia's butt is and showing it to Nunzio for a thumbs up, I can't help but notice that Nidia doesn't seem to dislike Nunzio much anymore. Circle - this is Nunzio and the guy with the red VIP tights (and Josh later tells me that's Vinny so I'm fixing it up on the second pass) - lockup, Nunzio with an armdrag, wristlock. Vinny  with a fireman's carry to escape. Right hand misses, Nunzio back to the armdrag, and going for a cross armbreaker but Vinny won't let go for his hands. Vinny rolls out into a waistlock, Nunzio with an reverse armbar takedown to put on another arm hold. Vinny with the leg scissors reversal. Both up, Nunzio battles for a takedown one two no. Armbar, elbow, elbow. Tag to Noble. Noble with the armbar, beginning it back into a hammerlock, Vinny with a back elbow, Noble spins him into a snap mare but Vinny blocks - then Noble hits it, so that was odd. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, into a kneelift. Noble whipped into the jobber corner chest first. Tag to Roth. Shoulders to the midsection. Gutbuster one two no. Corner whip, charge into a Noble nee. Forearms to the back, turnbuckles mash, tag to Nunzio., Double throws back in the corner. Cat talks about wrestling Jamie in WCW and I wonder if that's even part of continuity at this point. It could be, I guess, but you'd have to work for it. Nunzio with a kick, right, right, tag to Noble. Again pushed hard back into the corner, double clothesline misses, Roth makes a desperation tag to Vinny, Vinny with a top rope cross body on both of 'em (weird catch by those two, doesn't look right but I'm not sure what happened - maybe Vinny just hit more of Nunzio and less of Jamie.) Vinny off the ropes, but Nidia's got him by the leg. Vinny turns around to get a look at her, throws Nunzio out as he comes by but Noble beheads him with a clothesline. That hurt Noble's arm, wow. Turnbuckle smash, kick, kick, kick kick kick kick kick kick kick kick angry yell. Snap mare on one try this time, hold for a second rope dropkick from Nunzio, legdrop by Noble, jacknife by Nunzio (hi Josh) one two no. Nunzio stomping and Cat really quiet for some reason. Missed yet another cue? Arm spin takeover - there's real names for this moves that I promise to figure out if he gets to use them on non-jobber people. Legdrop on the arm, one two no. I'm gonna be annoyed if they don't win by a left arm submission. Tag to Noble, double whip, double back elbow misses, double clothesline by Vinny is caught into a double armbar (!), Vinny forward roll escapes and kicks them away. Tag to Roth. Roth going up - top rope clothesline hits Nunzio as Nobel sidesteps it. Noble charges Roth, and on two tries, there's a "T-Bone Suplex!" Nunzio slingshot back in from the apron. T-Bone on one try for Nunzio. He waves Nunzio up - did Cat go for coffee? Roth charges, Noble gets up a leg, Roth catches and lays in a forearms. Josh even tries a "[what do you think about that?], CAT" line and he STILL isn't saying anything. Roth with forearms. Nunzio whipped out, reversed, Noble with a kick, Tiger Bomb? Vinny tries a clothesline, Noble ducks but gets backdropped anyway. Cat actually says something here. Double flapjack by the jobbers. They sure are getting a lot here. Roach covers one two Noble break it up. Vinny with right hands, but Noble manages to throw him out. Roach misses a clothesline, Jamie a nee, he waves Noble over - double Fisherman's Buster! One two three. (6:11) Cat starts channeling Kriss Kross after this, I dunno. Nunzio stomps Roth out of the ring. Nunzio looks a little distressed that Noble is celebrating first with his girlfriend and then Nidia almost looks unhappy that Noble stops to hug Nunzio, but we cut away before I'm sure.

Up next - Why is Kurt hurt? Who is the #1 contender?

Lugz Angle and Show beat up Brock two weeks ago

After the announcers talk, we clip ahead to the F5 into the post, and then to the kneebreaker on the barricade. Then, onto the events from Last Thursday - the announcement of the match, Kurt Angle talking, the match, and the aftermath. (12:56) Wow, I love :30 skip. Here's a graphic of your Royal Rumble title match.

XBOX Riksihi revenge of 2 Weeks Ago - how do they manage to have X-Box and PS2 as sponsors at the same time?

John Cena (245 pounds, West Newburry, MA, w/B-2) vs - No rapping! Josh: "Have you ever been on the streets of West Newburry?" Oh no he's rapping - he does talk about being the "Iron Claw of Thuganomics". You can feel the Eminem coming through the screen - get some more influences!

John Cena (w/B-2) vs Chuck Palumbo (279 pounds, no hometown) - This is a rematch from SmackDown! I don't think I did that match either! Chuck gets a hold Cena before the match starts. Cat asks what B-2 thinks he's with that hat on. Josh: "He's bling-blinging!" Josh really needs to be a color guy with Loyd. I think I would find that satisfactory. Cena prefers the full nelson as a rest hold. Make a note of it. He uses it about three times here. The discus punch doesn't come close again this week. Calling for the Jungle Kick - but B-2 is in to take it for his man. Low blow didn't seem close but maybe it's just like that Chuck - Cena gets the tights and covers one two three. (5:07) Well you gotta like how B-2 got capped for his fellow hoodie - let's watch that again. Is B-2 wearing a Nelly band-aid? Thank god this is over.

Next.