I forgot where I taped this.

TV 14 DLV, entertainment, CC, Last Monday (:52), open.

Randy Orton vs Rob Conway - your announcers are Cole and Snow. When Cole says "kicking things off with this third generational superstar", I almost think we're getting someone else. Snow calls Cole "my Saturday Night friend." Wow, they had to bring someone in just to find someone to job to Orton!  Conway has no video and generic music - Al drops "Ohio Valley." Conway has long red tights with white explosions - hey, remember when Billy and Chuck were first teaming and Tazz always talked about having to be a tough guy to wear red? No? Never mind. Conway's a couple inches shorter than Orton, with brown hair - maybe a less muscular Sean Stasiak? Circle, lockup, hammerlock by Orton, hammerlock by Conway, headlock by Conway, Conway spins behind to a hammerlock, Orton reverses it to a headlock. spinning into a toe hold, front facelock, Conway escapes with an armbar and there's your clean clapping break. Except no claps - there's a low five exchanged. Circle, lockup, armbar by Conway into a fireman's carry (called by Cole!) one. Up with the armbar, but Orton reverses and hits his own firemans's carry for a one two. Corner whip, reversed, Conway kips up and out, Orton charges - no wait, he holds up as it seems like Conway hurt his left leg. He's down and ref Jimmy Korderas is calling for help. Orton checks on him, but keeps his distance initially. All the refs and the trainer (not the French guy?) are checking on him. So is Orton. Orton backs up and paces. Announcers speculate it might be the ankle and that's what's being checked on. Doctor untying his boot. Cole hyping upcoming matches to kill time. Al talks about what a great guy Orton is being here, not taking advantage of the situation. In fact, he's pulling down the second rope so they can more easily get Conway out of the ring. (The trainer, leaving first, slides under the bottom rope anyway.) CONWAY KICKS ORTON! He got a lot of people with that one. Orton tumbles out of the ring, right, stomp, replay. Conway with a fireman's carry - and Orton's dropped face first on the steps! Clothesline. "Rob Conway is apparently on the accelerated program at Ohio Valley!" Orton thrown back in, Conway poses. Right and kicks in the corner. Fans really got on Conway initially but are somewhat back to indifference. Big right knocks down Orton. Big right, one two no. Chinlock. Orton up with elbows, whip, reversed, back elbow by Conway. Bicep pose. Off the ropes, fistdrop but no one's home. Orton pulling himself up by the ropes, ducks a clothesline, right, right, right, Whip, off the ropes and a flying forearm.  Clothesline. Dropkick. Corner whip, reversed, Conway charges into Orton's boot, Conway with the second rope face slam one two no. Orton with a front facelock set up for a suplex, but Conway quickly reverses and hits a DDT. Orton is seeing starts - one two NO. Conway is unhappy with the count. Cole points out that Smackdown has a lot more young wrestlers than RAW. Whip, no Orton reverses to a powerslam one two both shoulders up. Orton tries to follow up but he gets an eye rake. Corner whip, reversed, Conway with WOW Crossbody but Orton moves out of the way! Orton going all the way up - flying cross body one two three. (5:32) I guess that's his finisher? Conway isn't done here and he wants more of Orton but Korderas is holding him back. Orton points out the three count. Replays. Later: Reverend D-Von vs Faarooq. And the Rock on RAW.

Backstage, in front of a gray curtain background (but strangely no personalized logo), it sure as though the Smackdown brand is going without backstage interviewers. Actually, this is more reminiscent of a dying-days WCW interview, as Jamie Noble (w/Nidia) looks slightly away from the camera, as if Marc Loyd is standing to the left of the camera and we're just too far zoomed in. "A win of Hurricane at King of The Ring will mean everything to me. It will mean that, pound for pound, I am the greatest Cruiserweight in wrestling. It means that me and Nidia won't have to go back to the trailer park and look at them losers anymore! After King of the Ring, the Hurricane and the people will know the name Jamie Noble!" "I know the name Jamie Noble..."

Chavo Guerrero (w/ads) vs Albert - Al thinks Cole should take some Stacker2. And the face here is? Albert yells and points, and Chavo talks back. Circle, Chavo tease a dive at the legs but he's back up. Lockup - no, Albert's just gonna throw Chavo hard in the corner. Pause to let that sink in. Albert charges, Chavo ducks the clothesline, right right right right and he's thrown in hard. Albert goes in but meets a knee. Chavo ducks one clothesline but not another. Right by Albert. Whip, Chavo slides through the legs, pops up and hits a dropkick to the left knee. Off the ropes, dropkick to the head (Albert moves too soon) one two big kickout. "Shave Your Back" chant. Albert charges at Chavo, but Chavo pulls down the top rope and out goes Albert. Pescado is caught - ran back first into the ring post as some ringside chick yells very loudly. Run back first into the apron. Albert breaks the count. Press and now walking up the stairs, then dumping Chavo in the ring. Albert Corner Smash. Slingshot into the second rope. Cover one two no. Albert with a, um, 3/4 bulldog choke. Chavo gets the ropes, mostly because Albert pushes him into it, and Albert breaks it at two. Headbutt. While Albert's killing time with the 3/4 bulldog choke again, let's go to Al and Cole, talking about the Rock's possible role at KOTR. "I have no idea, and I'm sure you have no idea, but whatever role it'll be, it'll be electrifying." "Are you sure I don't have no idea? Me and the Rock go way back." "Yea" "Remember all the days he used to interview me [sic], with the t-shirt on my head and stuff." "Yea, yea, those were good times. I'm surprised you remembered that with all the therapy sessions you've been through." 1 person gets behind Chavo very loudly. Chavo tries knees to escape, right, right, Albert grabs a leg so Chavo hits him with the other. Al and Cole are having a contest to see what's the oddest creature they can compare Albert too - I think Cole just called him a red wood. Chavo quickly to the second rope and springboarding off - I guess that would've been a spinning senton if it really hit, but we pretend so. One two no. Off the ropes, jumping forearm but Albert is up and not going down. Off the ropes, forearm but still no. Off the ropes and Albert gets a kick in - powerbomb? No - he stole Chavo's Canadian backbreaker drop! Only I (and maybe Chavo) notice that, though Al gives Albert props for following through on the "hurt the back" plan from earlier. One two no. Albert decides it'd be wise to expose a turnbuckle. "This is completely unnecessary!" Slingshot into the post? No, Albert doesn't hold on to the legs and Chavo is free to jump to the second rope and stop his momentum in time. Albert doesn't realize it, then runs into a double boot. Albert charges again, Chavo side steps and Albert goes headfirst into the steel - one two three! (5:16) Albert set himself up there. Crowd dig Chavo's win. Still to come - the Rock. But next, Smackdown highlights.

Eight Legged Freaks Misplaced Chairshot of Thursday

Smackdown Highlights. The Undertaker/Angle match, specifically. (5:40) 2 matches come out of this - HHH/Undertaker, Hogan/Angle.

Hollywood Hulk Hogan, gray curtain. "If Hulkamania reigns supreme at King of the Ring, if we can beat the Gold Medalist, that just puts us one step towards Hulkamania beating immortal. I mean, one at a time, we're gonna cut these guys down. He's got the moves, he's the technician, but Hulk Hogan has the millions and millions of fans back now, brother. With that by my side, with the power of Hulkamania running wild, I actually feel sorry for the bald headed goal medalist Kurt Angle." Even better than Hogan (slightly) lifting from the Rock was Hogan forgetting that he wasn't supposed to look directly into the camera - old habits die hard.

Divas Special commercial.

Tajiri vs Hugh Morrus - Al will be a judge on the show. Circle. Lockup, push in the corner, Hugh with a right but Tajiri moves out of the way, kick to the thigh. "Do you wear a thong?" "None of your business!" Hugh rubs his hurt spot. Lockup, Hugh pushes Tajiri into the corner, right is avoided and there's the kick to the thigh again. Tajiri poses, and Hugh clotheslines him. Off the ropes, elbow drop but no one's home. Dropkick to the bad knee. Kick to the knee. In the corner, setting the bad leg up to be kicked. Chop. Chop, but Hugh gets pumped up by those. Hugh turns it around, open hand slap. Open hands slap. "If Tajiri had a chest, he'd really be in trouble now." Cole transitions it into talk about Torrie. Corner whip, Tajiri kips up and to the apron, punch ducked and there's a rope assisted dropkick to the bad knee. Push in the corner, kick, kick, corner whip, reversed, Hugh charges into the Tarantula. Tajiri only can get a hold of the bad leg - Al suggests it's because he's so big, but I wonder if Tajiri wanted to try to increase the pain on the one knee. Tajiri lets go - big kick to the back of the knee. Again. Off the ropes and into a press - Tajiri slips behind, kick to the knee, kick to the knee. Off the ropes and into a powerslam, but Hugh is too hurt to cover. Hugh is first to follow up - whip, clothesline misses and Tajiri hits the handspring elbow. Tajiri charges at Hugh as he gets up, Hugh tries a clothesline, Tajiri reverses to a crucifix, Hugh stays up and then goes down with the Samoan drop. Hugh going up for the top rope elbow that never gets the three. One two shoulder up who could've seen it coming. Clothesline. Clothesline. Corner whip, corner clothesline. Tajiri charges into the bulldog. Setting Tajiri into position for the No Laughing Matter That Never Hits - maybe it's because he spends so much time posing before it each time. Yep, Tajiri rolls out of the way. Now Tajiri going up - moonsault of his own but no one's home. Both men up - Hugh's clothesline misses, Tajiri with a back kick to the bad knee, to take him to the knees, and there's the KO kick. One two three. (4:08) Cruiserweights 2 - Superheavyweights 0. Coming up, Faarooq/D-Von. But next, the Rock.

At KOTR, Triple H vs Undertaker Triple H (who looks at the left side of our TV screen, and not anywhere near us - hair in his face too) "Undertaker, 24 hours, King of the Ring. What you caused to be taken from me, I will now take from you. I will become the undisputed champion. Like you say [looks at the camera] Dead Man Walking - you damn right!" Also, Angle vs Hogan. And the KOTR - Jericho vs RVD and Test vs Brock. And the Finale. Flair/Hogan. Trish/Molly. Noble/Hurricane. Hurricane: "A win over Jamie Noble? To put it mildly, this is the most important match of my WWE career. For when Jamie Noble and Nidia stole my mask, they tried to strip the Hurricane down. But, they found out, the mask does not make the Hurricane - I am and will ALWAYS be the Hurricane, and after King of the Ring, I will also still be the Cruiserweight Champion." And the Rock. (4:17) Coming up next, D-Von vs Faarooq.

Snickers Conversation About Safe Sex of Two Weeks Ago. Actually, we clip out all usage of the M word, so it's probably very confusing to anyone who didn't see it the first time. Or for those who did see it the first time.

Reverend D-Von (w/Deacon Batista, the D-Von Building Fund Collection Box, and KOTR ad) vs Faarooq - "Oh brothers and sisters, oh I've got tonight's sermon in hand! Oh, it's a joyful day tonight! You see, for those of you that maybe a few weeks that maybe I've gone too far, that maybe I've gone a little radical with the message I've delivered, well, you haven't seen anything yet! And you know something, it's kinda hard to forgive those who've sinned, that's why it's gonna be hard for me to forgive myself for what I'm going to do to Faarooq tonight!" [Al: "Is it a laying of hands?"] He didn't say testify? I guess someone rethought (maybe not even re?) this story out and decided it sucked and that's why they're not mentioning certain words. Would I sound really dumb if I said "ah, a struggle between the Baptists and the Nation of Islam"? I was tempted to say "I wish Al would remember when he didn't get along with the Rock" way up before but I held back for that exact reason. D-Von catches Faarooq with punches and stomps as he rolls in. More punches. Whip, head down too soon so Faarooq slams his head into the mat. Now it's Faarooqs turn for stomp, forearm, forearm, kick, right, right, whip, back elbow. One two no. Maybe I jumped the gun, because now Cole's explaining the background here and Al actually said the forbidden "masturbation" - maybe Snickers didn't want to be associated with it? Kick, corner whip, charge into a back elbow. D-Von with a right, throw down onto to the second rope, distract so Batista can get in a forearm. Elbow to the back of the head. Faarooq thrown out - Deacon with a clothesline on the outside while D-Von distracts again. "They must have a great weight room in the basement of the church!" I always imagined D-Von's church as more of a traveling thing, perhaps out of the back of a van. Faarooq thrown back in, D-Von covers one two foot on the ropes. Right, corner whip, D-Von with a one foot dropkick, pose, dance. Cover one two no. Snap mare, forearm to the back of the neck, chinlock on the mat. I feel like the life is being drained out of me. D-Von trying for rope leverage. He's just barely close enough. "Thou Shalt Not Use Extra Leverage While In A Choke Hold." Faarooq getting up, elbow, elbow, elbow, thrown down. Turn the hour. D-Von with the last rites, and then to the top - top rope headbutt finds nothing. Faarooq with a clothesline, whip, powerslam one two no. Dominator? No, D-Von slips down the back, and grabs Faarooq in a waistlock. Batista up on the apron, where Faarooq is running to break the hold - Batista with a forearm but Faarooq ducks, D-Von gets it, and he falls backwards into the referee. Right for Batista to knock him off the apron and spinebuster on D-Von, but the ref's out. Faarooq checks on Mike Sparks, but Batista is in - forearm to the back. Back suplex into a side slam. D-Von covers as Sparks revives - one two three. (4:42) D-Von events the battle, but he thanks the man upstairs for his timely intervention. Last hype for KOTR and that's it.