WWE SmackDown! - 12/18/03
Taped: 12/16/03
Jacksonville, FL

• It's now a Fatal Four Way for the tag team titles, as Los Guerreros and WGTT have been added to the Too Cool vs Basham (c) match.
  • No particular reason is given for why.
• John Cena (as John Cena) is out to talk.
  • In the first minute, Cole has already put over "SmackDown! in Iraq!" twice.
  • Cena raps about getting revenge on Santa Claus for bad presents by taking away Mrs. Claus.
  • This never segues into something meaningful. Chimel can't see him.
  • John Cena shirt for Tazz. For Cole? Nothing.
  • Tazz celebrates by making a phone call to Joey Numbers. More Joe Horn jokes follow.
  • Ah, Cena's hear to commentate.
  • Next Week: John Cena vs the Big Show in Iraq.
    • The US Title isn't on the line. Yet.
• US Champion Big Show (500 pounds) vs Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 240 pounds) in a non-title match
  • This barely counts as a match. Especially since there have been no Mexican food skits.
  • Cena respects Jordan now? Oh forgotten angles.
  • Cena's hear to talk about SmackDown! in Iraq.
  • Cena: "Booty went out in '84"
  • Show has the pin on a Hog Log at 1:15 but Show picks him up.
    • Cena debates who is the real possessor of a Hog Log.
  • Show talks while fighting.
  • Goozle. Taking too much time, so Orlando eventually escapes.
  • He wanders into the chokeslam 15 seconds later anyway. (2:01)
  • Cena and Show talk. Show points to the belt as if he already knows he'll be talked into doing this.
  • Hardcore Holly arrives on orders of Paul Heyman, but is sent to a room and guarded by officers. 

• A-Train is already in the ring when we return, but it seems not for a match.
  • Brock Lesnar, Matt Morgan and Paul Heyman show up a few second later  
    • Brock waits till the lights come up before he hops to the apron. They need the fireworks for later.
  • Brock missed A-Train's match last week because he was warming up, so he has to ask Matt Morgan's opinion.
  • A-Train got pinned one two three (no mention of tights) and lost them cash.
  • Footage here. Tazz notes the tights hook here.
  • A-Train teases sticking up for himself, but goes with "I'm sorry."
  • Moving on, by pressure of the WWE Board of Directors, Hardcore Holly's suspension is removed and he's going to have a match tonight.
  • Hardcore's match will be All Or Nothing - win, get a title shot. Lose, get out of here.
  • It'll be a tag match, and same rules apply if the partner get pinned.
  • The match will be: Matt Morgan and A-Train vs Hardcore Holly..and Shannon Moore
  • Brock is about 80% behind this.

• SmackDown! Tour highlights: Chicago, IL, Indianapolis, IN
• Los Guerreros (El Paso, TX, 441 pounds) vs Self Proclaimed World's Greatest Tag Team (489 pounds) vs Too Cool (557 pounds) vs the Basham Brothers (Columbus, OH, 495 pounds, w/Shaniqua, ©) for the WWE tag team titles, 3rd Defense
  • Chavo is riding along, although they're not going much more than right out of the entrance this week.
  • Eddie Guerrero is on the cover of February's Low Rider magazine - he's the first guy to do that.
  • Tazz and Cole waste absolutely no time making with the "lots of tension here/no love lost" lines as soon as the first two teams are in the ring together.
    • Tazz actually brings up the backstage fight as something that happened after SmackDown! ended
  • Too Cool is hyped as the "dark house" team, so, from a booking standpoint, I guess they didn't believe them alone as strong enough challengers here.
  • The Bashams have bet on themselves in this match.
  • Two men in the ring at a time, first fall wins.
  • Rikishi runs wild on Los Guerreros, almost getting a stinkface before Haas tags himself in, I guess.
    • I didn't really see a tag but Nick Patrick didn't make a deal about it.
  • Later, Los Guerreros get the Bashams in the corner, dropkick them down, and hand the tag off to Rikishi so he can give them a Stinkface.
  • Shelton and Charlie block Rikishi's path, then think about it and find they have no real objections.
  • Double stinkface. This is the funniest thing in Shelton's life.
  • Hey, wait - Shaniqua and Shelton are in the same place at the same time! GO FIND BRADSHAW!
  • Heels are all thrown out, so we go to break. (4:19)

• Worm on Danny gets 2 before Haas pulls out Scotty.
• Cole will NOT SHUT UP about going to Iraq next week.
• Scotty gets worked over for a while.
• Chavo gets the sorta hot but mostly blind tag. Wait, no, I guess it's just every other team getting a chance to work over Scotty.
• It all starsts to break down after Rikishi gets involved again, and everyone takes turns doing trademark moves while the other six guys are down or out.
• Chavo superplexes Danny, but Doug hits him with a top rope splash and covers for the win. (10:50)
  • Danny was actually the legal man.
• Backstage, Dawn Marie attempts to see how little fabric she can wear while still covering enough things not to get this segment at TV M rating.
  • There's also Paul Heyman talking about how he's going to give someone a WWE title shot tonight, by picking their name at random.
  • Oh man it's the Royal Rumble tumbler.
    • They use this same one every time they do one of these angles. It's awesome.
  • Everyone - but Chris Benoit - gets his name in the tumbler. Brock will pull out his opponent, and the match will be right then.

• Shannon Moore & Hardcore Holly vs Matt Morgan & A-Train in an All or Nothing match
  • Also, a "Gotta Wear Shades" main event, because you're going to be blinded by all the star power
• Glossing over quite a bit: Sable is ticked at Cat for kissing her last week, so Cat kisses her. Vince returns to be ticked at Cat for kissing Sable. So we have a dance contest. And Vince sneak attacks Cat during the dance contest. What the heck.

• Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 185 pounds) vs Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200 pounds, w/Blind Nidia) in a #1 Contenders Match
  • Cole: "Nidia at ringside looking on - no, wait, she's not looking on"
  • Now they're making Jamie into a bad person for taking Nidia out to ringside when Nidia is the one who wants to be there.
  • Rey and Noble almost do the Shocker/Ultimo spot. I about marked out.
  • Tazz actually remembers that Noble didn't want Nidia out here at first.
  • They do the Guerrero/Malenko roll up sequence.
  • Noble ducks and pulls down the middle rope on a 619 try.
  • Nidia is scared, so Jamie - throw her in.
  • Nidia backs off when she hears the ref, but Jamie dropkicks her back, knocking her into the ref and Rey.
  • Jamie tries Tiger Bomb, but Rey reverses to a rana for the three (5:05)
  • Cole things Noble is just behind that guy in Iraq (WHERE THEY'LL BE NEXT WEEK!)
  • Jamie of course blames Rey for throwing her in. Audience argues with him but he shouts them down.
• Hardcore Holly yells at Josh
  • in the context of an interview about the main event. Breaking necks and all sorts of fun.

• The Jackson Jaguars at ringside. Well two.
  • And one of them is wearing a (throwback? I assume it's someone's number who just doesn't come to mind) Steelers jersey.
• Chris Benoit (Edmonton, AB, 229 pounds) vs Chuck Palumbo (280 pounds, w/FBI)
  • Cole: "Paul Heyman kept his word-" Tazz: "That's shocking."
  • Benoit decides he's got nothing better to do then to attack all three FBI members.
  • That doesn't go well. Though Johnny and Nunzio do get thrown out of ringside.
  • Tazz warns us all about the right hand of Chuck Palumbo.
  • Cole sees this as time to talk about next week some more
  • Ah, so that's what a cravate is.
  • Chuck hurts his shoulder by taking an armbar takedown, and posts himself as usual.
  • Benoit takes advantage of the last by putting on the Crossface, but Chuck can reach the ropes with his other arm.
  • Whack is ducked and caught on Benoit's shoulders - Benoit uses a hamstring breaker like thing.
  • Germans. Swandive Headbutt. One two.
  • This seems to be one of those "build a guy up by being competitive against a credible guy", as well as "Benoit has nothing better to do."
  • DISCUS PUNCH is ducked, turned into the Crossface. Benoit had him scouted. That'll do it. (5:17)
  • FBI try to help out after the match, and Benoit is doing fine until he decides to put the Crossface on Johnny.
  • He makes another comeback, but Chuck whacks him and that's that.
• Nidia is checked on the by the trainer
  • Jamie's not there.
  • Rey shows up. Nidia is scared of her, but Rey tries to explain in Spanish that it's all Jamie's fault.
  • Nidia, breaking down a bit, refuses to believe and just wants Rey to get away.
  • I think I might have a guess how Rey's going to lose this title match
    • They haven't explicitly said it'll be next week - I wonder if they'll just hold it over till the next US SmackDown? Gives them something to hype. 

• Next Week: John Cena vs Big Show
  • They have a special SmackDown! from Iraq graphic.
  • Footage from Fox News shows Kurt Angle among a group of USO people there already.
• Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 285 pounds) vs we'll get to it
  • Rhyno calls out Bradshaw for beating him on Velocity and apparently for losing to him last week.
  • Oh, rubber match tonight. If Bradshaw will show.
  • Cole and Tazz let us in that Bradshaw isn't here - he left early to get to the Middle East.
  • Rhyno takes a page from Matt and wants to be announced as winner.
  • The music plays but -
• Rhyno vs Faarooq (278 pounds)
  • Rhyno can't believe that he actually has to wrestler here.
  • Chimel is great for knowing Faarooq's weight off the top of my head.
  • Rhyno tries walking out.
  • Nope.
  • Rhyno's pace is a bit slow.
  • Spinebuster, but Rhyno is centimeters from the ropes.
  • Rhyno ends this with a low blow uppercut, and Nick actually sees it! (DQ 2:00)
  • Gore anyway. He declares himself winner, and so does the music guy.
  • Rhyno's so getting beat down next week.
• Dawn continues modeling her outfit while Paul talks or something in the background.
  • Paul throws out Brock Lesnar vs John Cena, Brock Lesnar vs Rey Mysterio, Brock Lesnar vs Big Show as possibilities.
  • It's next.

• We're ready to pick, in ring, as we come back.
• "The Greatest Champion In The History Of World Wrestling Entertainment) Brock Lesnar (©) vs ??? for the WWE Title
  • Brock isn't thrilled about this idea.
  • Paul tries convincing Brock that he's so great he doesn't need preparation time.
  • Brock stops the spinning short, grabs a name, and isn't very happy about it.
  • He wants to draw again. Paul wants to know what the problem.
  • Brock doesn't want to defend his title against the hottest guy on SmackDown - Shannon Moore. Har har har
• Brock Lesnar (©) vs Shannon Moore for the WWE Title
  • Shannon has rib tape, but no hand signal in his back light video.
  • Shove, bell, this will be painful.
  • Brocklock. (1:36) Brock takes his time letting go.
  • Brock celebrates a hard won title match. Shannon's hurting a bunch.
  • Brock wanders over to the tumbler, talks himself up, and talks how he could've fought anyone.
  • He pulls the balls out of the tumbler - Shannon Moore, Shannon Moore, Shannon Moore, etc.

• Brock is still at ringside. Shannon is still half dead in the ring.
• Shannon Moore and Hardcore Holly (Mobile, AB, 234 pounds, w/security) vs Matt Morgan & A-Train (no introduction)
  • Security forms a wall to block Holly off from Brock.
  • Hardcore thinks about making a run at him anyway.
  • While Hardcore is talking with them, A-Train and Morgan run in and beat down Moore. Moore's forced to start the match in the ring.
  • Long beatdown on Shannon, who gets little more than punches early.
  • The broken neck cost Holly's his marriage? His income I can see.
  • Train Wreck, but Holly breaks up the cover.
  • Lesnar is yelling instructions.
  • A-Train tries his second rope pump splash and Shannon gets the boot up.
  • Can he make the tag? Can he? No, A-Train has his leg.
  • A-Train allows Shannon to get to his feet and gets dropkicked for it. Tag to Hardcore.
  • House a fire.
  • Super Low Blow spot still there and no DQ.
  • Morgan manages to throw Holly out, and Lesnar uses a distract to go after Holly - chair shot to Hardcore's back.
    • Cole says "head"
  • A-Train throws Holly back in to Morgan.
  • Morgan signals to Lesnar, sit down powerbomb one two NO.
  • Bearhug. Crowd chanting for Holly, and he fights out of it.
  • A-Train tries to ambush him with the scissors kick, but Holly side steps and Morgan takes it.
  • A-Train clotheslines out, Alabama Slam on Morgan. Cover one two three (6:27)
  • Lesnar can't believe it.
  • Holly doesn't go after Brock this week - perhaps because he will get the chance later.
  • Out.