WWE SmackDown! - 10/16/03
Taped: 10/14/03
Cincinnati, OH

• Preview of a sit down interview with Stephanie - she's banned from SmackDown! tonight by Vince
  • But she wants to thank the fans and the wrestlers.
• John Cena is out...well...
  • His video doesn't run.
  • Oh, because it's Kurt Angle as John Cena as Mark Brunell
    • Mark Brunell?
  • Kurt really likes doing Cena's pimp walk.
  • Begin mocking.
    • He's got a suitcase lock around a small chain on his neck.
    • He can't quite get the horns right
    • Too much crotch grabbing for me.
  • Playing the part of Kurt Angle is a midget.
  • Tazz surprises Cole by breaking out "apropos"
  • "You can't see me! You can't see me! [covers midgets eyes] Now you really can't see me."
  • Anglecito: "John Cena, you're a wiener!"
    • Cole: "Who writes his stuff?"
    • Call and response with Cena and wiener.
  • Angle tries to clothesline the midget, but misses because he's too short. 
  • Anglecito with the ankle lock on "Cena." "Cena taps out."
  • The Real John Cena (as Shaq) hurries to the ring, throwing his chain down in the aisle and going chest to chest with Kurt.
  • Cena says this isn't funny, but it'll be funny when Angle is begging for his own life at No Mercy.
  • Anglecito sneaks in with a low blow uppercut from behind
  • Angle punches the heck out of Cena before dropping him with the AngleSlam.

• Chris Benoit (Edmonton, AB, 229 pounds) vs Doug Basham (Columbus, OH, 240 pounds, w/Danny)
  • We recap that we haven't seen Shaniqua in two weeks because of that clothesline from Hell.
  • Also, the chairshot to Bradshaw's head from last week.
  • YOU'VE GOT TO FEEL IT
  • Announcer talking points
    • A-Train is telling everyone that he will beat Benoit on Sunday
    • A-Train is obsessed with beating Benoit, which may hurt him in the actual match.
  • Benoit does a tope to nowhere, ow.
    • His legs hit the top rope on his trip through the ropes.
    • That changed his trajectory, and he landed on his face.
    • Really took a risk there of aggravating his neck. In a match no one's going to remember a week from now.
  • Doug goes after the neck.
  • Doug misses the Ohio Jam, which is probably going to cost him the match.
  • Danny tries a distraction so Doug can use a chair, but Benoit just dropkicks it into Doug's face.
  • Benoit tries to go after Danny with the chair, and ends up missing a switch.
    • For a smart guy, that's a dumb mistake.
  • Swandive misses, Danny covers, but that's only 2.
  • When Danny gets up to argue the count, I think Jimmy Korderas figures it out. Good for him.
  • Yea, he's waving Danny out and pointing towards Doug as he comes in.
    • The implied rule change in DQs over the last couple years is that the refs only call it if the guy running in gets any offense.
    • So that's why they match goes on here - all Danny did was cover, then take the German train.
  • Doug runs right into the crossface, and that'll do it. (5:50)
  • Post match run-in is provided by A-Train
  • Benoit manages to get in some shots, and after a couple tries, they're pulled apart by the refs.
• Stephanie interview is teased.

• Michael Cole sitdown interview with Stephanie
  • I guess we're supposed to think this is at a hotel someplace, but they use the same furniture scheme as for all the offices.
  • Hype for the match on Sunday and other stuff I don't care about
  • Crowd noise is edited out.
  • 9:58
• Tazz and Cole use their serious voices to talk about the match
  • The business wise story is that both people are irreplaceable, and the entire landscape of SmackDown! will be changed forever.
• Nidia and Jamie use their serious voices to talk about the match.
  • Well, at least they're in catering. 
  • Eating fruit and being cool.
  • Jamie originally says that Vince has no choice, but comes around to Nidia point that this place would be better without Vince.
  • It'd probably also be better if Tajiri wasn't eavesdropping on them too.
  • Tajiri sneaks off and finds Mr. McMahon.
  • Tattling on Jamie.
    • Tajiri: "I like you. I don't like Stephanie. I like you."
  • Despite not knowing who Spanky was a few weeks ago, Vince pegs Noble as "a West Virginia hick"
    • Maybe he's been reading up on his payroll in the meantime?
  • Vince books Tajiri vs Noble, telling Tajiri to do something to Noble we haven't ever seen before.
  • Tajiri gives Vince his (seemingly empty - I think I heard the straw hit bottom) cup of coffee, tells Vince he likes him once more, and walks off.

• WWE Cruiserweight Champion Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds) vs Jamie Noble (Hanover, WV, 200 pounds, w/Nidia) in a non-title match
  • Cole whines about Tajiri's actions, and suggests Tazz got his job the same way.
  • Talking points
    • Jamie may not even know why he's in this match right now.
    • This is non-title, since Tajiri has the scheduled defense at Rey.
    • This may come back to hurt Tajiri if he gets hurt.
    • Tazz: "You should never rob a bank with Tajiri"
    • Tajiri works the left knee.
      • Jamie does a good job of selling it
    • Noble is (still) the longest cruiserweight champion in WWE history.
  • We're now calling it "Tiger Driver"
  • Noble headscissors them both out, and Nidia helps Nobel back in while Tajiri gets teh title.
  • Nidia sees it while, as Mike Sparks is checking on Noble, and dives in to grab the title.
  • Tug of War leads to Tajiri spraying Nidia with black mist.
  • She screams. A lot. and rolls out of the ring.
  • Noble is out to help her, but she's freaking out.
    • It's burning. She's blind.
  • Trainer is out, but she's still freaking out.
  • Tajiri walks off happy. 
  • (NC? 4:20)

• Backstage, they're trying to wipe off the mist, but Nidia is still freaking out quite a bit.
  • Even Jamie can't get her to calm down to be still enough for her to check her out.
  • They're checking the eyes without a flash light instead of cleaning out, which Tazz points out as dumb
• Jamie is back out to call out Tajiri for hurting Nidia.
  • Either he comes out now, or he'll go back there and find Tajiri.
  • Tajiri doesn't show, so Jamie heads to the back. 
    • He's still selling the leg! Neat.
  • Just as Jamie reaches the curtain, Brock ambushes him with a forearm.
  • Knees, and thrown down the ramp.
  • Into the barricade. Run back first into the post.
  • F5 on the floor.
  • Vince and Sable are out to take in the work down by Brock.
  • Vince is out to hype up the match. So is Sable.

• Passport to Pain tour footage.
• US and WWE Tag Champion Eddie Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 220 pounds) vs Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) in a non-title match
  • Yellow/Purple/Orange lowrider truck
  • Recap of last week.
    • Tazz: "I've been thinking about this all week, and what Eddie Guerrero did was a very crappy thing."
  • Chavo had travel issues.
  • Talking points:
    • Eddie is taking a risk with this match before the PPV
    • Rhyno could get himself back in the US Title picture with a win.
    • General Big Show vs Eddie hype.
    • And then I stopped paying attention.
  • Rhyno tries to use the US Title, but Nick Patrick takes it away.
  • Frog Splash gets knees.
  • Break with no warning at 4:45

• Back with Rhyno's bad Sharpshooter. For a minute.
• Top rope 'rana fails to get the pin at 7:55
• Eddie gets thrown out soon after. 
• Eddie unties his boot, takes the timekeepers hammer, slips it in his boot, and ties is back up.
  • Nick Patrick is too busy keeping Rhyno in to notice.
• The hammer is visible, but Nick doesn't look for it. 
• Eddie throws Patrick in the way of the Gore, gets out of the way, and throws the hammer to Rhyno.
• Rhyno goes to use it, but Nick catches him. They argue about it.
• Nick goes to ditch it, and misses Eddie behead Rhyno with the US Title for the pin (9:49)
• As Eddies starts to pull out, Big Show shows up to smash in the back window, pull Eddie out of the truck, and generally beat him.
• Smashing windows. And headlights.
• Smashing car. Smashing Eddie. Going on and on.
• Chokeslam on the car.

• Replay.
  • Eddie got pretty cut up from the glass. His left arm and his back are bloody enough that they have to black and white it.
• Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds) vs Johnny Stamboli (250 pounds, w/the FBI)
  • Wait - no, Brian throws them out before the match.
  • Interesting way for Rey to get ready for his match - by wrestling someone completely different.
  • Rey tries to punch his way out of a powerbomb, then roll over him into a sunset flip.
    • Instead, he kinda just rolls off of Johnny, crashing to the mat in almost a powerbomb like fashion.
    • He recovers to put on the sunset flip.
  • Rey reverses the ForgetAboutIt into a 'rana (called WCP) for the three (4:18)
• Undertaker gets ready for an interview, while Brock watch the monitor.

• In the parking lot, Orlando, Funaki and Shannon Moore check out Eddie's demolished low rider, about to be towed away.
  • Matt Hardy (Version One) catches up to Shannon - it's time for his gift!
  • Of course, it's a picture of Version One!
  • Carry it everywhere, especially to the ring Sunday for Matt's match with Zach.
  • Stalker John shows up - he's a big fan of Matt
    • He's a big fan of everyone! What a liar.
    • Did Funaki and Orlando wander off?
  • Anyway, he's got a tape of his matches that he need someone to pass on to Stephanie to hopefully get him signed.
  • Matt explains why passing it on to Stephanie won't do any good, since she won't be the GM.
  • But because Matt's a nice guy, he'll hold onto it and "get it where it needs to be."
  • John thanks him and walks off.
  • Matt throws the tape in the trash.
• Survivor Series rundown.
• Undertaker is interviewed by Cole and Tazz
  • The rules of a Biker Chain Match is there are no rules.
  • "It's the oldest form of combat."
  • The oldest form of combat is a chain on a pole match.
  • He's more ready to be the WWE Champion then he ever been in his whole life.
  • Undertaker picks Vince over Stephanie.
  • Brock shows up to bum rush Undertaker. Beatdown.
  • Choke with the chain.
  • Dragging him off by the choke chain

• Brock is walking Undertaker to the ring by the chain
  • Undertaker fights back, but Brock just pulls him down by the chain.
  • You think dragging a man around by the neck might really hurt him, but not in this case.
    • It's just kinda annoying and limiting.
  • Hanging him over the top rope.
  • Lots and lots of choking.
  • Undertaker takes red but does not die, as you might expect from a guy who has a chain choking his neck for five minutes.
  • Brock goes for an F5, but Undertaker uses the advantage to choke him.
  • Brock gets in a low blow, but Undertaker comes back with a chokeslam.
  • Undertaker gets the chain off, and Brock takes off.