WWE SmackDown! - 08/14/03
Taped: 08/12/03
Recaped: 09/07/03
St. Louis, MO

• Tonight: Undertaker vs Big Show is "by the order of Mr. McMahon"
  • As if he doesn't make many matches?
• Vince is out to explain the Brock Lesnar turn
  • The fans didn't know the real Brock Lesnar
• Vince recaps the Brock injury footage from last week, which we now know is a fake
  • It's a good thing Kurt didn't just count the three, or this plan wouldn't have worked.
  • "That's Brock's idea of dwarf tossing"
• Kurt is not here tonight.
• the Real Brock Lesnar is introduced and out, doing the evil laughing.
• Kurt Angle is no longer Brock's friend.
• Brock was only using Kurt, but since Kurt can't help him anymore, he's not his friend.
• Brock turned because Kurt beat him for the title
• "Don't you people judge me", because his mic skills are still questionable at best. He's trying, though.
• Vince makes the match for SummerSlam - Brock vs Kurt
• Stephanie McMahon shows up - it's her return since being attacked at Vengeance.
  • It's very professional to wear jean shorts. Or is that skirt?
• She's upset about the whole A-Train thing
• Stephanie's not going to quit till Vince fires her, or until he listens to reason.
• "Because, as a businessman, you might be one of the biggest successes in the world, but as a father to Shane and I, as a husband, my mother, you're a piece of garbage!"
  • Oh, NOW I remember why I stopped recapping this show
  • It's very professional to take your family issues to work.
• Vince acts sexist. Steph is a disappointment.
• Vince debates if the worst investment he made was making Steph GM, or marrying Linda.
• Steph goes for a slap, but it's blocked by Brock.
• Since she wants to fight, she'll get a match with A-Train.
• We never got around to why Vince isn't firing her.
  • I think it's best if I just assume that Stephanie and Vince are secretly working together
• Next: Well, read down a line

• WWE Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds) and thug life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds) vs the Self Proclaimed World's Greatest Tag Team (489 pounds, c) for the WWE Tag Team Titles, 2nd Defense
  • Did Kidman steal Goldberg's tights?
  • Kidman and Haas to start. Has with a waistlock, headlock, Kidman elbows, shots him off, Haas back with a shoulderblock.
  • Haas off the ropes, over, under, Kidman's hiptoss is blocked, Haas' hiptoss is blocked, Kidman with a knee lift, pushing Haas' head down so he can do the flip out, Haas blocks it so Kidman hits a headscissors.
  • Kidman with an armdrag. Armbar, but Haas forces him into the champions corner.
  • Announcers making jokes about honeymoons, as Kidman's just back from his.
    • No idea who he married, ha
  • Haas with knees, backs away, Kidman catches Shelton with a back elbow, right for Haas, back elbow, right, Haas whipped into the corner, splash but Shelton pulls him out of the way.
  • Haas tries a clothesline by the apron, Kidman ducks it, but Shelton manages a kick to the the knee.
  • Haas is on kicking the back of the left knee.
  • Tag to Shelton, who uses a springboard sit on the left knee.
  • Shelton with a corner whip, charge in, Kidman gets a boot up on the charge, but it's the bad leg so he's slow in moving.
  • Shelton charges again, and takes a snake eyes.
  • Tag to Rey, who's in with a springboard Thesz Press.
  • Rey off the ropes, running dropkick to Shelton's head.
  • Ducks Charlie's clothesline, right, right, whip, reversed, Rey off the ropes, bodyscissors bulldog.
    • Bulldog actually looked like a counter rather than a planned move from the start.
  • Shelton over, forearm, corner whip, reversed, Rey tries to kip into a headscissors but Shelton sidesteps.
  • Rey grabs him in a front facelock while Shelton is holding him up - springboard off the top rope into a vertical suplex one two no Haas breaks it up.
  • Rey with forearms, kick, off the ropes, Haas with a knee, Shelton with a "T-Bone" suplex. One two Kidman breaks it up.
  • Kidman taunts Haas, who charges and ends up going over the top rope when Kidman ducks and takes the top rope with him.
  • Pescado.
  • Meanwhile, Shelton is trying for a - top rope forward roll slam?
  • Never get that far, because Rey counters with strikes when he's up there.
  • Off the middle rope 'rana, crawl to cover, one two NO
  • Break (3:27)

• Shelton is kicking Rey not far from where we left.
• Rey is whipped, but he slides out of the ring, thru Kidman's legs on the apron.
• Kidman taunts Shelton into charging, and ends up giving him a legdrop to the back of the head onto the middle rope
• That leaves him in position for the 619, but Rey runs right into a Haas backdrop tot he floor.
• He hurt his knee, according to the announcers, though he's not grabbing that more than everything.
• Kidman is kept from helping, and Haas throws Rey back in to Shelton.
• Shelton grabs Rey, drags him over for a tag from Haas.
• Haas working on the knee, then a choke on the middle rope.
• Haas now with an armbar, and working the shoulder?
• Ah, wait, now he's kicking him in the midsection. That must be the body part of choice - the left side/midsection.
• Tag to Shelton for the press slam/gutbuster combo. Shelton covers one two Kidman breaks it up.
• Shelton with a kneeling bearhug.
• Rey trying to elbow out, backing Shelton up.
• WHip, reversed, Shelton with a knee to the ribs.
• Abdominal stretch.
• Mysterio trying to get out, but Shelton's grabbing the mask for added leverage.
• Shelton using elbows to the midsection, but Rey turns over for a crossbody, one two no.
• Rey tries to make a tag, but he's pulled out. Tag to Haas.
• Here's the WGTT sit on the back.
• Tazz says Mysterio is done. Haas stomps, covers one two no.
• Haas sets Rey up on top, always a bad move.
• Rey fighting back out of it. Haas pushed off.
• Rey to the top - top rope cross body catches dropkick! One two Kidman breaks it up again.
• Stand over armbar by Haas.
• Rey starts to get up, so Haas tries to switch to a slam, Rey slips behind, dropkick.
• Both need a tag, and now Rey is actually grabbing his knee.
• Tag to Shelton, running elbow drop stops Rey from making it.
• Shelton with an amateur cradle one two Kidman gets a boot in from outside.
• Shelton tries for a German Suplex, Rey with a bodyscissors into a snap mare
• Rey off the ropes, dropkick to Shelton again.
• Rey has another chance for a tag, but a long way to go.
• Crowd wants the tag.
• Kidman wants the tag. He gets it.
• Haas gets a tag to. Kidman ducks the clothesline and hits his own.
• Clothesline for Shelton.
• Dropkick. Dropkick.
• Whip for Haas, backdrop with Haas a little out of control.
• Shelton is in with forearms to the back, back suplex, Kidman slips out, headlock/headscissors double takeover on the champs
• Shelton knocked out of the ring.
• BK Bomb on Haas one two NO!
• Kidman holds Shelton at bay with a sliding dropkick, but walks into an overhead belly to belly from Haas.
• One two Rey breaks it up with a top rope legdrop
• Kidman covers one two NO!
• Kidman with a front facelock, Haas slips out, kick, powerbomb, Kidman faceslam is sorta blocked (it looks like it's botched at first, but it makes sense a second later) into Haas' inverted atomic drop, and there's Shelton with the superkick to complete their finisher, but Kidman blocks it.
• Rey over and springboard headscissors takes him and Shelton out.
• Haas with a spinebuster on Kidman one two no.
• Haas sets up Kidman on the top rope, still a bad move.
• Haas going for a superplex, but Rey sneaks in - sunset powerbomb!
• Rey drags him in place for Kidman, who starts to stand up for the Shooting Star Press.
• Shelton in, he kicks Rey, Rey bounces off the ropes with a jumping enziguri that lands Shelton on the middle rope
• Referee Mike Choida is over arguing with Rey and trying to get Shelton off the rope
• Shooting Star Press connects!
• Rey hits the 619, Choida barely getting out of the way in time.
• Choida turns, counts the Kidman pin one two thre-NO!
  • Kidman can not believe it
  • Commentators push that Choida's delay - by trying to get Shelton off the ropes instead of counting - may be the difference
  • Time from SSP landing to kickout is :06
• Rey notices Shelton getting up outside with a belt, and knocks him down with a sliding dropkick.
• Rey gets the belt, and Choida takes it away from him.
• Meanwhile, Kidman grabs Haas as Haas tries to leave the ring.
• Haas with a switch, Kidman's pushed leaning out of the ring, and Shelton nails him with the superkick.
• Haas with a waistlock rollup, Shelton grabs Rey one two three (12:23)
• Lots of hype on Billy Kidman having had the titles won
• Later: Undertaker vs Big Show
• Later: Stephanie vs A-Train
  • We get a still shot of Stephanie looking scared, because she looks confident in her video, I guess.
  • In case we don't get the idea that she should be scared.

• Later: Zach Gowen vs John Cena
• the Basham Brothers (w/Shaniqua and clipped entrance) vs Billy Gunn (265 pounds, w/Torrie Wilson)
  • They have to make time for the ab licking
  • Wait, this is a singles match? They didn't bother to say which guy is wrestling and Billy's fighting them both to start.
  • Torrie seems dressed to wrestle. Or she's used that before.
  • Ah, here we go
• Danny Basham (w/Doug Basham and Shaniqua) vs Billy Gunn (w/Torrie Wilson)
  • Shaniqua throws Torrie Wilson in the ring, which distracts the ref and Billy Gunn
  • Ref gets Torrie out, missing the Bashams hitting the Ball and Gag on Gunn.
  • Danny gets the win in 1:12
  • Basham's leave, them come back to beat up Billy.
  • Oh, because they want Torrie.
  • Oh, because Shaniqua wants Torrie.
  • To slam her.
    • I *knew* it was a wrestling outfit!
  • Double spinebuster for Gunn.
  • Out for the save - it's Jamie Noble.
  • And Nidia!
  • This actually works! For a while.
  • Then Doug clotheslines Jamie and Shaniqua flips Nidia down to her feet and that's that.
  • Doug with a second rope spinebuster for Noble.
  • Everyone's down.
  • Oh wait, Shaniqua with a powerbomb for Nidia.
    • Shaniqua pauses at all the intimate moments.
  • Bashams and Shaniqua leave all four laying.
• Backstage, APA argue about Shaniqua being a man
  • Ah, they're introducing the Shaniqua/Shelton angle to SmackDown!
  • They discuss opening the office.
  • But they don't want to get it shut down again.
  • Bradshaw goes back to his argument.
  • This...has nothing to do with anything else tonight.
• Big Show leaves Vince's office happy.

• the Undertaker (Houston, TX, 305 pounds, w/motorcycle) vs Big Show (500 pounds)
  • SummerSlam: Undertaker vs A-Train
  • Brian Hebner has a hard time getting the timekeeper to ring the bell for something.
  • They're really pushing how big the guys are this week.
    • I know they do that every week, but even more than usual.
  • Undertaker is wearing rib tape he stole from DDP.
  • Undertaker goes for a chokeslam, so Big Show pushes the ref away so he can punch the taped ribs.
    • Why Big Show needed to cheat to do that, I dunno.
  • Ref gets bumped by Taker shortly after.
  • Show tries a less than convincing big boot, Taker ducks it and Show ends up hung on the top rope.
  • Undertaker knocks him out, and now they're brawling on the floor.
  • Taker still in control. He's working the left shoulder.
  • Brawl into the crowd.
  • Undertaker ends up clotheslining Show over the barricade and back in.
  • A-Train shows up to break a 2x4 over Undertaker's ribs.
  • Hebner is back up and counting them out.
  • Show crawls in at 8 for the win. (CO 10:52)
  • I'm thinking this match didn't need that, especially for that finish.
  • Story is A-Train's caused Undertaker matches for two weeks now.
  • Trainer out to check on Undertaker, who's still by the barricade where he got hit.
  • He's aware but not moving much.
  • Cole pushes that this might all be a setup.

• During the break: Undertaker made it to the back, but hurts. He can't breath with the rib tape on.
• US Champion Eddie Guerrero drives out in a nice blue truck.
  • He's here to guest announce.
  • SummerSlam: Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero (c) vs Rhyno vs Tajiri
  • Eddie is very happy to see Tazz.
  • Eddie is not very happy to hear Chris Benoit's music.
  • Eddie mocks Chris.
  • Chris - wants a hug? Pat on the back for Eddie.
  • He wants to commentate too. Right next to Eddie.
• Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) vs Tajiri (208 pounds, Japan)
  • Chris: "This is an honor to be seated next to the US Champion"
  • Tajiri has new music? WHY
  • Eddie doesn't want a reminder of a SummerSlam match
  • Eddie asks Benoit why he keeps tapping Eddie on the shoulder
  • Benoit: "I know you like tapping."
  • Eddie was not tapping - he was trying to kill a cockroach.
  • He did not tap out.
  • Benoit says they're still friends.
  • Eddie complains that Benoit would never stop for Taco Bell on road trips. Always Bob Evans.
  • Benoit: "Hey, holmes, you told me you loved Bob Evans."
  • Rhyno ends up goring an exposed steel post. Buzzsaw kick'll do it. (2:05)
  • Eddie takes off quick, much to Benoit's disappointment.
  • Benoit: "You're not gonna give me a ride? One last time?"
  • Benoit follows Eddie. He wants a ride in the truck.
  • Eddie is not in favor of that idea.
  • Benoit is playing with Eddie's head, and Eddie is going a bit nuts.
  • Eddie warms up to the idea. He's welcome to sit in the car.
  • "Let's go! Make it bounce! Get the hydraulics going!"
  • Benoit annoys Eddie by asking for the hydraulics repeatedly.
  • Eddie gets ticked off, gets out of the car, and walks out.
  • Benoit is disappointed.
  • Tajiri and Rhyno were sorta involved in this segment

• Metallica plug
• Zach Gowen (Detroit, MI, 152 pounds) vs John Cena (West Newburry, MA, 248 pounds)
  • John finally got a Double Horns T-Shirt, so no jersey this week.
  • I bet Cena has something to say.
  • "Yo yo yo yo yo yo oh...kay oh...kay
    Man, this is ridiculous
    Zach Gowen vs me?
    Two minutes ago, you wanted my autograph
    on a Word Life ringer T
    Are you stupid?
    I just beat the Undertaker, man
    I can handle the Last Ride
    You can't handle the Last Stand
    Only offense you got
    is a plastic leg drop
    And whether you like it or not, homie
    you feeling hip hop
    Oh no no, you still good for two things
    one's being a waste of space
    the other's being the perfect partner
    in a three legged race
    That's okay, see we got something in common, Zach
    but I can pull off the trick
    I got one leg. I dunno need a fake,
    I can put a boot on my []
  • Zach gets in a little bit to seem decent, but Cena has him ready for the F4 easily.
  • Cena drops him instead of doing it.
  • Cena opts to go for a FU from the second rope.
  • Zach counters into a 2nd rope armbar takedown.
  • Announcers note that's the arm Undertaker worked, and Cena's grabbing it like it still matters.
  • Zach gets his comeback.
  • Zach tries a top rope cross body, but Cena catches him and rolls through.
  • Lift, FU. (3:10)
• Announcers recap last week's Cena/Undertaker match
  • Well, the finish, as we're working on Undertaker's rib injury.
• Stephanie readies herself for her match.
  • A-Train shows up to taunt.
  • Vince paid him for his work at Vengenace.
  • Stephanie is scared.

• Moments ago, Zach lost.
• During the break, Zach had an unfortunate Twist of Fate.
  • Well, a running forearm to the back, anyway.
  • Matt is happy with his work. Shannon stands nearby.
  • Cole is very very angry about this, and Tazz kinda mocks the anger
• SummerSlam lineup
  • A-Train vs Undertaker
  • US Championship: Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero (c) vs Tajiri vs Rhyno
  • WWE Championship: Kurt Angle (c) vs Brock Lesnar
• Backstage, Orlando Jordan challenges Spanky
  • To chug a lot of chocolate syrup in a short amount of time
  • Funaki cheers his tag team partner on.
  • This is like a meeting at the Velocity Halls of Justice
  • He messed up his Kool-Aid Man shirt!
  • It all goes well, except for the part where Vince's suit jacket is collateral damage.
  • Spanky opts to clean it off, but Vince doesn't like touching.
  • Vince doesn't even know who Spanky is
  • Spanky points out that his name is Brian Kendrick, and Vince has been paying him for the last year.
  • Vince wants Spanky to pay for his suit jacket
  • Spanky, presumbably being annoyed at being ignored, goes back to Vince's earlier discussion about bad investments and asks if the XFL and WBF should be added to the list
    • WBF gets no reaction. XFL gets it's typical amount.
  • Vince decides to invest in Spanky.
  • The investment is a match, right now, for Spanky, with Brock Lesnar.

• Brock Lesnar (Minneapolis, MN, 295 pounds) vs Spanky (Olympia, WA, 181 pounds)
  • Spanky runs to the ring.
  • His run in the ring doesn't last long.
  • 'rana is blocked into the powerbomb powerbomb powerbomb
  • Brock out, to throw the timekeeper out of his chair..
  • Hey, look, an empty chair.
  • Brock back in.
  • Referee scared away.
  • Chair shot to Spanky. Hebner tries to throw the match out, but he's scared away and the timekeeper is down.
  • Brock works over Spanky with a chair shots to the back - he's bleeding quite a bit from the head now.
  • There's the bell (DQ 1:45)
  • Brock rubs the blood across his chest. Again.
  • Brock headbutts the wound to open it up.
  • Spanky thrown out at a high rate of speed.
  • "This is not about chocolate syrup!"
  • Spanky pressed, and thrown into the post.
  • Spanky is really bloody here, his hair changing another color.
  • Brock done? I guess.
  • Vince is out to celebrate losing by DQ with Brock.
• Stephanie is walking.

• Moments Ago, a big chair shot on Spanky.
  • And then the press into the post.
  • Spanky takes a stretcher ride.
  • Bunch of help Funaki and Orlando were here.
• Vince is in the ring to introduce the next match
  • Or just the Guest Ring Announcer, Sable
• Stephanie McMahon vs A-Train
  • Sable points out she beat Stephanie at Vengeance
  • Stephanie wants Sable, but she's warded off by Mike Choida.
  • Sable announces this is a no CO match, so Stephanie can't hide like she has the last two weeks.
  • Stephanie pushes Choida out of way and knocks down sable.
  • Punching, until Stephanie is distracted by A-Train's music.
  • A-Train throws Stephanie down.
  • A-Train corner smash.
  • Vince wants her finished off.
  • Train Wreck setup (featuring A-Train getting a nice hold of certain areas), but the music of the Undertaker prevents him from hitting the move.
  • Undertaker is walking out, so A-Train meets him. This is only a two hour show.
  • No CO, so this match is still going as Undertaker is getting the better of this brawl.
  • Not really feeling the ribs, I notice.
  • Big Show is out to attack Undertaker.
  • Chair into the ribs, so now they hurt again. Another jab.
  • A-Train over to help.
  • Suddenly, he remembers he still has a match.
  • A-Train decides that Stephanie is someone he can actually hit the second rope pump splash on.
  • And he can!
    • Although it's very reminiscent of that one time Rikishi gave Chyna the Bonzai Drop.
  • One two three (2:28)
  • Cole pushes the father/daughter issues
  • Deep kiss for Sable over Stephanie's body.
  • That's it.
• You notice that the last three matches were the same exact bit?