WWE SmackDown! - 07/10/03
Taped 07/08/03
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

• Kurt Angle is...out to talk.
  • Maybe to provide a backdrop for lots of Zach Gowen talk for Cole and Tazz
    • Tazz is wearing purple instead of orange? He's really gone soft.
  • Fans like Kurt a bunch.
  • He's not here to wrestle, but to make a point [boos]
  • About hyping the PPV match.
    • Easy line to pull - "It's gonna be brutal"
  • He asks them to bring it on. He wants to have gold the next time he's in [insert city name here].
  • Out to interrupt is - John Cena as Wake Forest's Tim Duncan. Huh?
  • "Yo Yo Yo Oh ho. [Cena chant distracts him] Yo.
    You forgetting John Cena
    You got rocks in brain
    Your gold was Out in '96
    You need sport a steel chain
    Now, now, you and Brock are close friends
    And Big Show, he needs a bra
    That's not a triple threat match
    Kurt, that's a ménage a trios
    And when you all wrestle
    they'll be a empty arena
    the main event at Vengeance
    Is Undertaker/John Cena
    Yo, you're not better than me Kurt
    You're not even my equal.
    I'm like Terminator 3
    You're like Legally Blond sequel
    It makes me sick
    when you come out here and run your mouth
    We in the Great White North
    but you can bite white south
  • Kurt and Cena are face to face in the ring, with Cena still talking trash but off mic
  • Kurt: "Wow, John, I didn't think it was possible, but I think I finally found someone in the company that's whiter than I am."
  • Kurt says he'll give Cena his "mad props", but he's a multi-talented wrestler.
  • He can do Greco-Roman, he can do amateur, but "sometimes, I like to kick it, freestyle"
  • Kurt steals Cena's cap and puts it on sideways.
  • No no no wait wait wait
    You can't see me, dawg
    Yo, you couldn't find two lines to rhyme if your brain had Lowjack
    How am I gonna get out battled
    by a wannabe Kojak.
  • Kurt: "Okay, I don't know even know what you just said [pause] but if you said I can't out rap you, I'm willing to try.
  • Kurt notices that Brian Hebner and Mike Choida are out at ringside, sitting with Tony Chimel, for absolutely no reason.
    • for no apparent reasons.
  • Kurt also remembers that when his role was played by Spanky, Brian did the beatbox. So he'll do it here too.
    • And that's the only place you're getting continuity.
    • Tazz: "That's Hebner with the funky tongue"
    • Either he's been working on it and is better, or he's covering the mic so you can't see him NOT talk into it.
    • Angle gets a little into his dance
  • "My name's Kurt Angle
    and what the heck
    I won a gold medal
    with a broken freaking neck
    you better step off
    because we ain't friends
    I'm moving on up
    like the Jeffersons
    You don't scare me
    no no no no
    I may suck
    but you just blow
    WORD!"
  • Cena complains about the fine art of rapping being desecrated like that (well, if he can get it out) and steals the hat.
  • An Angle chant distracts him from his point.
  • Cena: "Yo, it's obvious that you and these white boys out here never majored in Thuganomics."
  • So, Kurt hugs him.
  • "What the hell was that?"
  • Kurt: "Well, you obviously haven't majored in Huganomics!"
  • Cena starts to threaten Angle, and Angle gets in his face. Forehead to forehead.
  • Angle promises to make Cena tap "Word Life"
  • Big Show is out.
  • Angle makes the tactical mistake of watching Show and forgetting about Cena.
  • As Show comes in, Cena attacks Angle behind. There's the FU.
  • Cena leaves, Show finishes with a chokeslam.
    • I guess that was an organized plan and that's why Cena came out?
    • Didn't make it clear.

• the Basham Brothers (w/Shaniqua, already, um, outside the ring) vs the FBI (w/Nunzio, already in the ring) vs Thug Life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 213 pounds) and WWE Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio (San Diego, CA, 175 pounds) vs the APA (578 pounds) in a single fall match for a WWE tag team title shot at Vengeance
  • Bashams are hanging outside the ring.
  • Johnny's even more bald this week.
    • Maybe he's going to turn Basham!
  • YES! The return of the Thug Life music! It's been so long, I don't even mind the completely pointless separate entrances.
  • Kidman is slightly heelish, but still points at fans in a "Hey, I see you, please keep yelling my name" way to the ring.
  • Cole says "Fatal Four Way" and then says first winner wins, so eh
    • He also says the winner faces Shelton and Charlie for the titles, leaving just enough wiggle room to wonder if they might still meet up if it wasn't a title match.
  • Wow, they do get around to mentioning that Rey and Kidman are former champions
    • They had both the World Tags (beat Malenko/Benoit) and the Cruiserweight Tags
    • No one mentions the Cruiserweight Titles
      • Because Matt and Shannon beat them for it! In my mind. And now they're kinda done because Matt's no longer a Cruiserweight
        • Hmm, I wonder if those title obey the old weight limit so I can carry on that running joke till I get bored with it.
          • I'm pretty sure I'm over thinking this at this point, but it's fun.
    • Tazz says "not here in the WWE", with the double negative of not mentioning WCW as if it's forbidden letters and implying that it was a lesser title.
    • Chuck and Johnny have been tag team champions, but not with each other.
  • APA control early.
  • Lots of blind tags. I guess that's a heel move.
    • Bradshaw punches Kidman for tagging himself in.
  • We get into a everyone getting to do a move around 1:30.
  • FBI and APA brawl on the outside, and going up towards the ramp.
    • Looks like Choida is counting them out, but that would leave us with two winners
  • Bashams and Cruiserweights mix it up in the ring when we look back
  • and then out of it, with Kidman hitting the generic pescado and Rey the slingshot somersault Thesz press.
  • Break as everyone is out of the ring. (2:40)
• So when that women doctor on the ad for Jake 2.0 ad says "every one of his bodily functions is radically improved" or whatever, are they implying she has an intimate knowledge of that?
  • She did say Every One
  • I think that's what UPN wants me to think
  • You can tell she's the Love Interest anyway

• Back in time for an exciting chinlock on Rey by Doug, I think
• Cole confirms a DCO for APA and FBI.
• During the break, they fought in the back
  • Ron and Johnny brawl into a locker room
  • Bradshaw shows up to help beat up Johnny and about six guys hanging around the locker room. For just being there.
  • Tough to tell who they were, such were the shots, but both Cole and myself note Kanyon involved.
  • So, the APA lay out about six guys, including both heavyweight FBI members
  • As Bradshaw and Simmons turn to leave the room, Nunzio knocks them both out with a chair and run off.
• Doug has helpfully kept the chinlock on for a 1:12 while this was going on.
• Tazz is trying to claim this was a neat submission, but this is just a chinlock with an elbow lock.
• Corner whip, Doug charges into a boot. Doug manages to tag to Danny before Rey can move though.
• Danny works Rey over in the corner.
• Hiptoss out turns into the bodyscissors bulldog.
• Doug tagged back in - but Kidman gets the tag.
• Dropkicks for everyone from Kidman
  • Tazz says "tag team champions before" and Cole rushes in with "never in the WWE!"
  • I think they're trying to make it a story point - they'd have a chance to do that for the first time, which seems more important than 2nd or 3rd or whatever - although it comes off as semi-bashing
• Kidman corner bulldog for Dog, foot catch enziguri for Danny.
• Rebound clothesline is scouted into a powerslam one two NO.
• Tazz: "Doug scouting Kidman well right there..."
• Doug is now going for a powerbomb, blowing that theory out of the water.
• Kidman sets up for the Shooting Star Press but Shaniqua grabs a leg and makes a wish.
• I think it came true, because Rey is cut off by the ref for no good reason and Danny stops Kidman.
• Kidman forearms Danny and headscissors him over the top rope
  • Didn't look right at all - Rey lost Danny, went over by himself, then Danny kinda threw himself over the top rope.
  • Tazz says Danny tried to block it
• Doug goes for a superplex but he's punched off into position.
• Shooting star press. One two Danny breaks it up.
• Short clothesline on Kidman.
• Rey with forearms, I guess, corner whip, reversed, Rey kips up but Danny pushes him to the floor.
• Danny with a reverse DDT, Doug covers one two NO.
  • Not his finisher, I guess
• Doug tags in Danny.
• Kidman with a reverse jawbreaker, tag to Rey.
• Rey with a springboard dropkick, and a 619.
• Kidman cuts off Doug from coming in.
• Dropping the Dime one two three. (6:48)
• This was kinda like fragments of a match but not better than an actual one.
• Kidman and Rey are happy.
• Angle is getting worked on in the trainers office.
  • Brock makes fun of him while asking if he's okay.
  • Brock would have been there for him, but Brock just got here
  • Brock and Angle shoot the whatever about Vengeance.
  • Brock seems more into beating Show while Angle wants the win.

• Hey, look, Vince Carter
• Ring being set up for Zach Gowen's contract signing.
  • Seeing Zach Gowen is like seeing the face of God, announcers tell us.
  • Replay of the match from last week because setting up a ring with breakable furniture takes so long.
  • This isn't even Special Video Feature, this is the whole match.
  • These take a lot less time when I can skip 6:10
• Exciting Contract Signing Time!
  • Stephanie is out.
  • This is too big for just one segment

• Stephanie talks.
• Zach is out.
• They hug.
• Zach talks.
• This is great at the speed of light.
• Why do they have chairs if no one's going to use them?
• Zach signs!
• Vince and Sable are out.
• Vince talks
• Vince announces:
  • Tonight: Brock Lesnar vs Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas and the Big Show in a handicap match
    • This is for Brock threatening to F5 him
    • "The World's Greatest Tag Team" is what Vince calls and C&S
  • Vengeance: Zach Gowen vs Vince McMahon
    • Probably building his own grave, Vince says he's considering One Hand Tied Behind His Back, Hobbling on One Foot or Blindfolded
• Sable cranks Stephanie with contract clipboard for no apparent reason.
  • I guess that proves the old adage "When you don't know how to end a segment, clock someone with a clipboard"

• Vince and Sable are on the verge of personal touch in the GM Office
  • Stephanie spears her out of nowhere
    • Just like Angle did!
    • oh
  • Stephanie gets dragged out of the office
  • Vince angrily makes Stephanie vs Sable at the PPV.
  • Sable does not look thrilled.
  • Neither do I!
• Matt Hardy & Shannon Moore (418 pounds) vs Chris Benoit (Edmonton, Alberta, 229 pounds) & Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds)
  • Matt Fact: Matt lost his virginity at age seventeen, Matt has never had earrings.
    • You've got to draw the line at some of these facts somewhere, Matt.
  • Shannon's not wearing the V1 Shirt because he's his own man now, I think.
    • He's got new shiny tights.
    • It looks like something that could've been used for Three Count
  • I think Matt grained another pound.
  • Cole does mention the Velocity match.
  • Next Week: Chris Benoit vs Matt Hardy, US Championship Tournament Semi-Finals
    • Brackets are now officially as listed here
    • They mention the last quarterfinal here, but you can keep scrolling to find out. 
  • I did this match but it got wiped out.
  • Nothing very special here.
  • They briefly went over the "Shannon is his own man" bit from Velocity.
  • Matt managed to hit the Twist of Fate on Benoit when he was looking the wrong way.
  • Rhyno hit the Gore on Matt to take him out.
  • Shannon slowly covered Benoit for a two count.
  • Benoit turned Shannon's cover into the Crossface.
  • Matt was unable to get back in, and Shannon gave up. (4:10) 

• Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar talk about the upcoming main event
  • Well, Kurt did most of the talking.
  • Kurt promises to back up Brock tonight.
• Eddie Guerrero (El Paso, TX, 228 pounds) vs Ultimo Dragon (Nagowa, Japan, 185 pounds) in the first round of the US Title Tournament
  • Eddie's got a new video.
    • Somehow, they could only find about :15 of footage.
  • Low rider, too.
  • Crowd chants for Eddie as he goes to talk.
    • Eddie wishes Tajiri a speedy recovery.
    • Sincerely, he loves him. Get well soon.
    • Eddie pauses for boos that never come.
      • In the script, they boo, and that's obviously the only thing he's really reacting too.
      • Hilariously, another small Eddie chant starts instead.
    • Eddie says sometimes he has a little bit of a temper problem.
    • Eddie: "Last week, could you blame me?"
    • Crowd: "No!"
    • Eddie recaps, calling Tajiri "the boy"
    • Touching the ride is like touching the mamacita. Just don't do it, or you'll be taught a lesson
    • While Eddie is promising to teach Tajiri that lesson, another small Eddie chant pops up
      • This typical heel turn explanation speech is not getting heel heat.
      • Cole even notes the chants here.
    • Eddie said he learned a lesson himself.
    • It's about time that Eddie starts taking care of himself.
    • Crowd cheers
    • It starts tonight. He entered himself in the US championship tournament.
    • It's time for him to be on top of WWE.
  • Cole notes the special Sunday SmackDown! taping
  • Circle to start.
  • Eddie chant again.
  • Lockup, Ultimo with a headlock, Eddie out into an armbar and a wristlock.
  • Ultimo sure can roll out of that - arm drag to finish it.
  • Stand off. Ultimo asks him to bring it on.
  • Lockup, no Eddie goes behind with a hammerlock.
  • Ultimo with the jumping snap mare escape
  • Eddie off the ropes, under, over, kick is spun away from and Dragon sweeps the leg.
  • Ultimo Five Kick Combo.
  • Eddie in the ropes and Ultimo telling him to bring it on again, but Eddie would like to roll out and take a break.
  • Corner whip, Ultimo charges into a back elbow.
  • Eddie with a nice belly to belly suplex one tow no.
  • Forearm. Back suplex.
  • Eddie shouts.
  • Whip, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.
  • Eddie charges Ultimo, Ultimo backdrops him and shoves him over the top rope.
  • Eddie almost tumbles into the ride but stops short.
  • Ultimo with the thru the ropes swinging dropkick, and Eddie again stops just short
  • Ultimo slingshots out to start the Asai Moonsault, but Eddie sweeps him off the apron.
  • Ultimo thrown in, Hilo misses because Ultimo rolls out of the way
  • Eddie rolls to his feet, goes for Ultimo but Ultimo slips in a small package one two no.
  • Ultimo turns a clothesline into a backslide one tow no.
  • Kick, chop, going for the Ultimo Cutter but Eddie knees him and shoves him off.
  • Ultimo comes back with a 'rana. Both men down.
  • Ultimo with a back heel spin kick.
  • Ultimo goes for a Quebrada, Eddie catches him, rolls thru, pulls the tights one two three. (3:24)
  • Interesting to see Ultimo's Trademark move fail him like that. He's unhappy with himself.
  • Eddie drives off.
  • That sets up the US Title Semifinals.
• Here's a close personal look at Mr. Gunn's butt.
  • He and Torrie are sneaking around and making out.

• Billy Gunn & Torrie Wilson vs Jamie Noble & Nidia in a mixed tag team match
  • Jamie's got some new khaki shorts.
  • That's probably the best thing about this match.
  • Tazz makes up a funny list of things Noble bought.
  • Apparently Billy's abs are impervious to spears from Noble and Nidia.
  • Torrie hits the swinging neckbreaker but is slow to cover and Jamie breaks it up anyway.
  • Torrie hits the DDT and Jamie is too slow to break it up (for no good reason.) That's 3. (2:24)
  • Jamie grabs the mic!
    • Torrie got lucky tonight.
    • Torrie may be in Playboy, but she's not half as sexy as Nidia
    • Torrie's probably not even as good in bed as Nidia.
    • But Jamie decides that's what we're here to find out.
    • "It ain't no secret you want me."
    • Jamie offers Torrie $10,000 for one night.
    • Nidia is all "what?"
  • Torrie slaps Jamie.
  • Jamie yanks Torrie's arm.
  • Gunn is in to spear Jamie.
  • Torrie DDTs Jamie.
  • Nidia tries to take off, but Torrie takes her shorts.
• Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle are going to the ring.
  • Angle is sidetracked by a request to see Vince.
  • Angle says he'll catch up with Brock later.

• Recap of Stephanie spearing Sable earlier tonight.
• Vengeance lineup
  • Sable vs Stephanie
  • Vince vs Zach Gowen
  • US Champion Tournament Final
  • Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio vs Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas
  • Undertaker vs John Cena
  • Brock Lesnar vs Big Show vs Kurt Angle
• Big Show (500 pounds), WWE Tag Team Champions Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas (489 pounds) vs WWE Champion Brock Lesnar (Minneapolis, MN, 295 pounds) in a 3 on 1 Handicap Match where Falls Count Anywhere
  • Before the introductions, Chimel announces the extra stipulation
  • Shelton has a word with Tony Chimel.
  • "Ladies and Gentlemen, Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin will now be known as The World's Greatest Tag Team."

• The match is underway when we return.
• This is a tag rules handicap match.
• Brock runs through the tag team champions, then takes down Show when he tries to get involve.
• Brock goes for a F5 on Shelton on the ramp, but Haas breaks it up.
• Haas manages to keep the advantage and bring it in the ring.
• Brock wins the one on one vs either of the tag champs though
• Heels get the advantage by getting Brock out of the ring and Show using a chair shot to the back.
• Show dominates on Brock.
• Haas and Benjamin do fine when they can make it 2 on 1.
• Announces are dumbfounded by Haas and Benjamin getting away with a non-tag
• Brock escapes a chokeslam and hits a belly to belly on Show after about 7:48, and about 6 minutes of being worked over.
• Brock makes his own hot tag, but the numbers slow it down a bit, having to make multiple mini-comebacks.
• F5 on Haas at 8:41.
• Shelton pulls Brock out before he can cover.
• Overhead belly to belly for Shelton.
• Brock eyes Show, and then the desk.
• Brock sets up the steps next to the desk.
• Shelton tries to attack him from behind, but Brock takes him apart.
• Brock lifts him up for the F5 and climbs the steps
• Before he gets too far, Show thrust kicks him down.
• Now Show grabs Brock.
• Brock battles back again, ring step smash. Twice.
• Brock decides he wants to try and F5 Show off the steps and thru the desk.
• Show reverses to a chokeslam - and Brock goes thru the desk.
  • This way, Show doesn't have to lift him up, and we don't have the problem of last time.
• Show with a one foot on the chest cover one two three. (12:05)
• They push "Show beat Brock again (though the odds were against Brock)" and "Where is Kurt?"
• Brock shares a lot of saliva with the people around the ramp.