WWE SmackDown! - 06/26/03
Taped 06/24/03
New York City, New York (Madison Square Garden)

Note: I feel sick. I'm making this short.

• Recap of the last two weeks in Zach Gowen Vignettes pre-open
  • We get, and end with, Stephanie's yelling to Vince at the end of last week's bit.
• Hype for the main event
  • Brock Lesnar, Mr. America and Kurt Angle vs Big Show, Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin
• John Cena (West Newbury, MA, 240 pounds) vs
  • Tony Chimel sounds a lot like Josh this week.
  • Oh wait, it IS Josh Mathews. Huh. He doesn't possess the ring announcer voice (still.)
    • And he also messed up or John lost 8 pounds this week.
  • With hometown and weight announced, we know this is a match, but Cena will pretend it's not for a second.
    • Cena is wearing Larry Bird gear
  • Cena: "Yo yo yo It is about time that the Doctor of Thuganomics is standing in the middle of the ring, in Madison Square Garden. This place is huge, but y'all got realize, that John Cena is bigger than MSG. Oh oh oh, I'm gonna prove it. I'm gonna come back here and I'm going to main event Wrestlemania XX! Oh, you don't believe me? Just listen to my theme song - 'I'm way better than nice, check the veteran stripes'. And to all of you Michael Cole white boys, that means in one year, I have become the most respected SmackDown veteran. Yo. Yo. Yo. I won so many matches, kids are calling me 'Navigation', 'cause I ain't never lost. Y'all people better recognize you dealing with a legend! That's alright, oh, alright, alright, [crowd on him] at least I know enough to realize that I wouldn't be here if I didn't accept that open challenge, one year ago. So what I'm gonna do now, to commentate the debut of THE SmackDown Legend, I'm gonna issue an open challenge right now: any rookie punk in the back wanna step up and make a name? C'mon, see if you can represent."
    • So I'm thinking he's still gonna be a heel, then Cole notes that his navigation line is clever. Hmmmm.
    • Very much heelish mannerism and tone, though.
    • Very much not used to him speaking in non-rap, too.
  • Well, there's one rookie we've - check that, I've and other people who watch Saturday night wrestling - have been seeing a bunch.
• John Cena (West Newbury, MA, 240 pounds) vs Orlando Jordan (Miami, FL, 246 pounds)
  • Josh knows Orlando's weight and hometown off the top of his head, which isn't that surprising now that I think about it.
  • Cole acks that he's been on Velocity a few times - this is his SmackDown debut.
  • And now to left field - Billy Kidman is sitting in the crowd with two women.
    • Shorter hair, as you might have heard.
    • Girls are assuring him that he's better than Orlando, I guess.
  • Wait, Cena's not done.
    • "Yo yo yo - this is the best we could do? A Billy Banks look-alike bi[bleep]? Man, I'll rip thru you real quick, like Larry Bird when he ripped the Knicks. Yo, man, I represent a real city, Boston, we got class. You can have New York rookie, you fit right in with the trash.
  • Orlando clotheslines him, and we're off. Not a good clothesline, no.
  • Enziguri goes over Cena's head, but he cells it anyway.
  • Cena escapes the finish.
  • Hey, a spinebuster. Never see them.
  • Tazz seems to be almost forgetting the last name they're using for Orlando.
  • FU? Jordan lands on his feet.
  • Cena is not Angle. Orlando is not too far off from where Cena is, but that's not a wonderful thing.
  • Orlando with a top rope cross body but Cena rolls thru and pulls the tights one two three (1:52)
  • Cena boots him down after the match. There's your FU.
  • Undertaker bikes out for the save.
  • I think Cena is blaming it on Orlando.
  • Cena pretends he's going to take on the Undertaker, once he gets off his bike.
  • You know, Undertaker isn't in any hurry to make the save if he's going to ride his bike around the ring first.
  • You think Cena would go grab his chain or something. But he's doing a lot of standing and taunting.
  • Undertaker in the ring, Cena out of it.
  • Orlando gets to his feet. Undertaker backs him in the corner, then gets hives him a pat.
    • Look what it did for Jeff Hardy!
    • Um, okay, they did it with Cena last year too. But that's not as funny.

• Undertaker is still in the ring. Oh, we're going to the match.
• Undertaker and the APA (580 pounds) vs the FBI (731 1/4 pounds)
  • Bradshaw has no first name.
  • Someone mentioned the song that the new FBI song was supposed to be ripping off, but I've completely forget now.
  • Only Josh remembers when Nunzio has quarter pounds.
  • Chuck has a cigar glued in his mouth lately.
  • Undertaker scares Nunzio out of the ring before the match.
  • Fast forward. Undertaker doesn't seem to need help here.
  • Nunzio is still scared of him.
  • For once, 3 on 1 works for the FBI. For a while, a bit.
  • Ron gets in his spinebuster.
  • But the FBI can at least beat him down 3 on 1.
  • Chuck and Johnny use a lucha hiptoss into a pump powerbomb.
    • Announcers trip over themselves to call it innovative
  • Chuck pulls out a camel clutch-alike on Ron.
  • Bradshaw gets a semi-hot tag.
  • Blockbuster suplex is now the Last Call and features a drinky/drinky motion after it.
    • Gee, that works a little too well for either guy
  • Chuck hits the Jungle Kick to break up a second on Nunzio.
  • Chokeslam on Chuck.
  • Johnny manages to clothesline Undertaker out.
  • Bradshaw hits the clothesline from hell on him one two three. (6:26)
• Ultimo Dragon is coming. Tonight, even. Perhaps a few lines down from this.

• Outside of MSG, Jamie Noble and Nidia sign autographs.
  • It's not like they have a match or anything.
  • Hilariously (or not), they really wanted directions to the subway.
  • An attorney asks for a word.
  • Noble pleads inn once about that girl in Alabama with monkey pox.
    • "Those monkeys were clean!"
  • ANYWAY, Jamie's Aunt Lucille died. Jamie thinks he's got the wrong guy.
  • But since she left him $827,000, the memory is coming back.
  • They hug and celebrate
  • Oh yay a Beverly Hillybilly angle
  • Jamie tells Nidia to give the lawyer one of her special kisses.
  • Nidia goes for his pants. Jamie clarifies.
  • They'll be going all out for dinner. Applebees!
• We go back to the announcers
  • Tazz sings. Let's move on.
  • WM XX hype
• WM Recall: WM 1 highlights.
• Sable is sitting in the GM office.
  • Vince shows up.
  • I tune off.
  • Sable comes on to Vince.
  • Vince doesn't want to do it tonight. He's busy.

• Matt Hardy (Version One, Cameron, NC, 222 pounds) vs Rikishi (353 pounds) in a first round US Title Tournament Match
  • Cole mentions that Benoit and Rhyno are apparently on the same page - they'll be teaming up on Velocity.
  • Matt Facts: Matt has better abs the Rikishi.
  • Hey, he's gaining weight. Or Josh is just screwing around with weights?
  • Actually, Cole gets around to confirming that Matt wants to bulk up and focus on the US Title.
  • Version One to Rikishi.
  • Rikishi with a kick, DDT. Cover one two no.
  • Matt pulls himself up in the corner, but gets squashed.
  • Matt tumbles in to position and this is looking quick.
  • Ah, he's coherent enough to roll to the outside in plenty of time.
  • Rikishi goes to pick him up on the outside, but Matt surprises him and runs him back first into the post.
  • And again.
  • Rikishi rolled in, one two no.
  • Matt with a surfboard, but he can't really get a foot or knee in the back.
  • Rikishi is up and turning it up quick.
  • He does, and hits a clothesline.
  • Rikishi goes for a belly to belly, but Matt fears the belly to belly and headbutts out.
  • Matt tries to corner charge him, but he's caught - belly to belly suplex.
  • Cole puts over Steamboat, Malenko and Race as former US Champions.
  • Matt's punch is blocked, Rikishi is not.
  • Whip, quick reverse, kick, Twist - no, pushed off, rebounds right into Rikishi grip.
  • RIKISHI DRIVER! It's been forever since we've seen one.
  • But Rikishi's hurt and very slow to cover, considering all he has to do is fall to his side - one two NO!
  • Rikishi grabs Matt to the corner.
    • Crowd chanting for Hardy here.
  • Rump Shaker - no, Matt gets knees up.
  • Twist of Fate! Can he cover? One two NO!
  • Matt not sure what to do - ah, he'll expose a turnbuckle while Rikishi is being checked on.
  • Matt picks Rikishi up, Rikishi with rights, Matt with a forearm, off the ropes and right into a thrust kick.
  • Matt retreats to the exposed corner, Rikishi readies the charge, Matt moves and Rikishi goes injured back in first.
  • Twist of Fate. One tow three. (4:06)

• They replay Stephanie's speech again.
• Josh goes out into the crowd to talk to Billy Kidman. How does it feel to be back in the WWE? "[stands up] Well...not so good to be back. I mean, I'm sitting here, in the crowd, while my friends get to go in the ring and do what I love to do. And to be honest with you Josh, and watch a guy like Rey Mysterio, he gets to come in here and fulfill his dream and be Cruiserweight Champion. And I can't help but feel that - that could be me. And you know what? Maybe it should be. But what I'd like to tell you is, I can't wait to get back in the ring." 
  • Cole only now mentions that he's injured.
• Roddy Piper and Sean O'Haire (510 pounds) vs Eddie Guerra and Tajiri (410 pounds, c) for the WWE Tag Team Championship
  • Piper and Sean take turns making belt motions
  • I think Josh messed that last one up.
  • No low rider this week.
  • O'Haire goes after Eddie to start the match. Working him over in the corner.
  • Whip, reversed, under, over, and Eddie hits a back elbow.
  • Hilo.
  • Right. Right. Tag to Tajiri.
  • Kicks aren't coming close here but we'll pretend.
  • Tajiri chops. Whip, reversed, Tajiri hits the handspring elbow but O'Haire is staggered, not down.
  • O'Haire misses a right hand, Tajiri hits the back thrust kick one two NO.
  • Tajiri with a right hand.
  • Corner whip, reversed, O'Haire charges in and takes the Tarantula
  • Wrong side of the ring to try that, as Piper easily breaks that up with stomps.
  • Tazz makes a Piper is Fat joke.
  • O'Haire working Tajiri with knees.
  • Corner whip, O'Haire scoops him on the rebound and toss slams him.
  • Tajiri kicks him away. Kick misses, O'Haire sweeps the leg.
  • O'Haire soccer kick tot he back.
  • Tag to Piper.
    • Cole: "Hope Piper stayed away from the tequila this week"
  • Open hand slap. One two no.
  • Piper slaps the back of Tajiri's head.
  • Right to Eddie. Stomp to Tajiri, O'Haire in with no tag.
  • Snap mare, soccer kick to the back, chinlock.
  • Tajiri rallying back after about 20 seconds.
  • O'Haire stops it with a forearm, and another knee.
  • Running shoulder slam, but Tajiri slips free and hits an inverted bulldog.
  • Race to tag.
  • Tag to Piper, tag to Eddie.
  • Punch battle, with no one getting an early advantage, but Eddie coming out ahead
    • Tazz: "Not the first time [Piper]'s faced a Guerrero. Faced Eddie's...great grandfather, I think."\
  • Eddie sees Sean coming, tries a clothesline on him but O'Haire ducks and hits a thrust kick.
  • Whip, O'Haire with the lift and Eddie with a dropkick.
  • Piper with a forearm on Eddie to knock him to the apron.
  • Piper walks in Tajiri's direction - Green mist!
  • Jawbreaker over the ropes by Tajiri. Eddie going up - Frog Splash. One two three. (3:52)
  • Tajiri kept Sean at bay at the very end.
  • I took extra effort to get any anti-Piper lines, because it came out right after the show aired that he was gone from the WWE
    • In my view, it didn't seem like the made any extra effort to bury on his way out.
    • But the finish, which last week seemed surely a way to transition to a Mr. America/Zach Gowen match, is a bit of a surprise.
• Brock/Show highlights from last week's main event
• We stay without a break for a talking segment with Vince
  • He invites Zach Gowen and Stephanie to the ring.
    • Stephanie's breasts look especially huge tonight. Must be the low cut blouse and some support.
  • Fans break up Vince's speech
  • Vince: "I'm trying to have a conversation with my daughter. This doesn't include any of you people."
  • Vince admits that he pimped Stephanie out, but he didn't realize what he had done.
  • Vince ponders if amoral or immoral is the correct word there.
  • Vince admits to stealing her innocence. EWW.
    • "It's almost as if - It's almost as if, I, even though I didn't, it's almost as if I personally deflowered you."
    • This is a bet. I don't know who's winning. But someone had to make a bet.
  • Vince will forgive himself for what he did.
    • and by that, he means this segment.
  • Moving on to Zach, Vince declares that he wants to be Zach.
  • Vince: "I'm a freaking billionaire."
  • But he hasn't been a one legged cripple who wants to wrestle.
    • Actually, it's more the spitting death in the face thing.
    • I think that can be arranged.
  • He wants to be Zach.
    • Fans boo?
    • Probably because they have no idea where this is going.
  • Vince asks Zach for one thing.
  • If he'll accept his apology. He wants to start all over. Will he accept?
  • Fans think nah.
  • Zach thinks no.
  • Okay, now Vince'll demand that Zach accepts his apology.
  • Zach: "You heard me - I said no!"
  • Vince says he knows he's intimidating Zach, but Zach angrily - and convincingly - say Vince is nothing close to intimidation.
  • Zach says "enough is enough" but not "it's time for a chance"
  • Zach spits on Vince's apology.
  • Stephanie claps.
  • Zach says Vince can offer him one thing - a SmackDown! contract.
  • Vince asks if that's all he wants.
  • Zach says yes.
  • Vince says okay. And starts to leave.
  • Oh wait, we have a condition. Zach should earn it, Zach doesn't take things handed to him.
  • Vince decides that to earn that contract, Zach has to join a Club.
  • Everyone sees where this is going.
  • Stephanie dos not like this idea.
  • Vince is taking off his pants, never a good sign.
  • Oh no there go his pants.
  • Thank GOD for pixilation. He's facing away form the camera, but it's blurred out - oh no, that's just that white.
  • Vince tells Stephanie to tell Zach to do it.
  • Stephanie tells Zach something.
  • Zach gets on his knees behind Vince.
  • And there's a low blow.
  • Stephanie smiles. Zach and Stephanie leave.
  • This advanced nothing, but Zach was the best he's been here by FAR.

• WWE Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio is out.
  • Josh gives hometown and no weight.
  • He's not dressed to wrestle - Cole explains he's getting a seat to watch Ultimo Dragon's debut
• Shannon Moore (9, already in the ring) vs Ultimo Dragon (Nagowa, Japan, 185 pounds)
  • Shannon was in the ring before Rey got out. From the angle they show him, it looks like he got a hair cut.
  • No V1 T-Shirt, but he could've taken it off already.
  • Rey says he's been waiting a year for this.
  • Ultimo Dragon's entrance is firer-ific. He looks a looks a little pumped to be here.
  • Unlike every other Japanese wrestler, Ultimo actually has a home town and a home country.
  • Break before the match? BOOO. Figured it was coming because we're over due.

• Shannon Moore (9, already in the ring) vs Ultimo Dragon (Nagowa, Japan, 185 pounds)
  • We pick up right where we left off.
  • Quick look at Kidman.
  • Lockup, Shannon with a headlock takedown, Ultimo with a legscissors reversal, kip up escape.
  • REPEAT.
  • Shannon does the V1, so I guess he's still down.
  • Shannon with an armbar,
  • Ultimo with the forward roll and handstand out to a reversal.
  • Shannon with a forward roll and a kip up
  • Ultimo kicks him away.
  • Standoff. Shannon begs off in the corner and wants room.
  • Lockup, no Shannon kick. Snap mare, no Ultimo lands on his feet, off the ropes, over, under, leaping over the monkey flip.
  • Ultimo misses a clothesline, Shannon with a waistlock, back elbows escape, off the ropes, handspring elbow.
  • Shannon rolls out, Ultimo runs, but ends up doing a dive fake Asai Moonsault.
  • Ultimo tells Shannon to come back in.
  • Shannon misses a right, Ultimo with a right, kick, double chop.
  • Whip, Shannon grabs the ropes, Ultimo charges into a back elbow.
  • Shannon with a drop toe hold onto the middle rope, cover one two no.
  • Rey and Cole talk about Ultimo holding 10 titles.
  • Shannon with a back suplex, one two no.
  • Shannon with a half straight jacket chinlock.
  • Ultimo standing up from it, but Shannon clotheslines him down.
  • Suplex, Ultimo slips behind, headscissors from behind looks a bit off.
  • Shannon charges into a kick that's a bit too high, but seems to come down on Shannon. Wheel kick follow up hits.
  • Ultimo trying to shake the cobwebs loose.
  • Shannon get in a knee.
  • Whip, backdrop, no Ultimo lands on his feet, catches a foot from behind and sweeps over the leg.
  • Oh yes, it's the Ultimo Cinco Kick Combo - kick to the back of the leg, kick to the chest, kick to the back of the leg, kick to the chest, jumping spinning heel kick to the chest! One tow no.
  • Ultimo with a kick to the butt, always nice.
  • Ultimo with a whip, reversed into a back elbow.
  • Shannon charges, but he's backdropped to the floor (which we don't see)
    • It actually looked like he landed on the apron.
    • Add on the odd cut to Rey, and I think we clipped something there.
  • Asai Moonsault!
    • Kidman watches emotionlessly.
  • Ultimo throws Shannon back in, covers one two NO.
  • Ultimo waits for him to get up - double chop. Kick.
  • Corner whip, Ultimo charges into a back elbow.
  • Shannon going to the second rope, going for something but Ultimo breaks loose.
  • Open hand slap.
  • Ultimo going up - off the second rope jawbreaker
  • Ultimo with four knees to the head, then grabs Shannon in Diamond Cutter position.
  • Ultimo does a backflip while still holding on, turning it into a reverse DDT. No name given.
  • one two three (4:56)
  • Kidman politely claps.
  • Rey enters the ring - handshake? Ultimo accepts.
  • Kidman's clapping is almost sarcastic clapping now. Jealous clapping for sure.

• Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, PA, 237 pounds), Mr. America (275 pounds) and WWE Champion This is Brock Lesnar (Minneapolis, MN, 295 pounds) vs Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas (468 pounds) and Big Show (500 pounds)
  • Mr. America hugs Kurt? BOOO.
  • "This Is Brock Lesnar"
  • Cole: "You know Brock Lesnar will never forget MSG - screwed out of the WWE Title by the Big Show at Survivor Series"
    • And only the Big Show
  • Mr. America and Brock seem to have forgiven/forgotten.
  • Kurt and Brock hug? BOOOO. Far too much hugging going on.
  • Josh does not say "the Best Damn Tag Team Period", but Cole does.
    • It still sucks as a name.
    • I think they have new music, but last week's music failed to leave any impression on me
  • Break before the match.

• Tazz says there's gonna be style clashing.
• Tazz mocks the US chant, because everyone involved is American.
• It takes 1:15 to get to the first lockup.
• Haas and Angle get the first sequence.
• Shelton gets in against Angle
• Tazz is surprised by the odd Hogan chants.
• A cross body seems to go semi-bad.
• Hogan in on Shelton.
• Cole explains Mr. America's save by Show mocking Gown in that one vignette.
• Tag to Lesnar - double clothesline Shelton.
• Lots of hype about them being teammates.
• Haas in, but getting nothing accomplished.
• Tag to Mr. America.
• Tazz wonders if Mr. America was an amateur wrestler.
• Brock in now. This has been mostly all face.
• Break at 6:54.

• Haas and Brock are still in when we come back.
• Shelton tries to help and gets tossed.
• F5 on Haas? Show teases finally coming in, but Shelton uses the distraction to break it up.
• Now Show will come in.
• Wait, first they're gonna do the GdI sit.
• Now Show is in to beat Brock around.
• Brock rallies back, but can't get Show up for the F5.
• He does manage a suplex for the hot tag setup.
• Tag to Haas and Angle.
• Germans. Belly to bellys.
• Anklelock on Haas.
• Show breaks it up with a kick that kinda hits.
• Brock takes Show out of the ring.
• America is taken off the apron, and Haas and Shelton work on Angle.
• Finisher set up, but Angle misses and Haas takes the superkick.
• Angle with a Russian legsweep on Shelton, that's new.
• Hot tag #2? Mr. America and Show are at their corners.
• Tag to American and Show.
• Usual.
• Show grabs the ropes on the boot.
• Haas and Benjamin grab America as Show is pulled out of the ring but Kurt and Brock.
• Kurt and Brock in the ring.
• Angle Slam. F5.
• Show back in the ring, only one standing.
• Goozle for Angle.
• Goozle on Brock. No way.
• Double chokeslam!
• Mr. America up - of course that's not going to happen to him.
• Punches. Boot.
• Vince is out - he's got Zach Gowen, grabbing him by the neck and tossing him to the ramp.
• Vince taunts Mr. America and kicks Zach in the stomach.
• Show back up and attacking America.
• Goozle - chokeslam. One two three. (13:58)
• Vince cuts the music. Right hand for Zach.
• Another. Stephanie is out to cover him up.
• Vince says Zach can win his contract.
• In a match.
• With Stephanie as his partner.
• In a handicap match.
• Against the Big Show.
• Show's cool with it. Happy even. Overacting, tremendously.