WWE SmackDown! - 05/29/03
Taped 05/27/03
Pensacola, FL
- Stephanie readies the lie detector machine
- It dings when there's a yes answer
- Or perhaps that's just someone behind the scenes making sound
effects
- Stephanie begs off the "Have you ever cheated on your
taxes?" question
- One of the lie detector people has a fake looking badge, so I guess
they're cops.
- Tazz and Cole preview the rest of the show
- Cole: "If they want to see if that lie detector really works,
they should ask you if you like Sable!"
- Tazz: "[stare] [cracks up]"
- Cole moves on.
- Last Thursday, Eddie cheated to win.
- A rematch has been ordered.
- Team Angle gets ready backstage.
- They can't let Kurt down. He's back next week.
- Eddie hangs out in the locker room.
- In the locker room, Eddie tells Tajiri to hurry up - he wants to see
his new look.
- We see Tajiri - he kinda looks like Damien 666 without the facepaint.
- Chavito would be so proud of Tajiri. And Eddie is too - he's feeling
like familia.
- Eddie's even starting to feel Latino Heat.
- Tajiri: "You have Latino Heat...I have Tajiri Heat [mist spit
motion]!"
- Tajiri: "Wait wait we are not walking to the ring. [shows off
keys]
- Eddie: "Esse - you got some wheels, esse vato? Oh man! Where did
you get the wheels?"
- Tajiri: "We lie, we cheat, we steal ESSE!"
- Eddie is so proud.
- Team Angle (489 pounds) vs Eddie Guerrero and Tajiri (434 pounds, c)
for the WWE Tag Team Championship
- Eddie and Tajiri drive out a lowrider truck. With fuzzy dice.
- Team Angle think about going out to attack them, but the wacky
hydraulics scare them away.
- It's a little bit out of control from what they expect, and cracks
Eddie and Tajiri up.
- Tajiri and Eddie pose on the turnbuckles, and get attacked.
- At this point, I put the tape on stop, then blow it off for six days.
- And now I need this tape again so, I'll hurry.
- Team Angle are probably going to end up overrated, having been heel
workers against a lot of good faces since they came in, but they did
contribute to a good match here.
- There is something to say for them if they can have good matches,
of course.
- Eddie gets isolated in the ring for the first 1:30, but makes the tag
to Eddie.
- Tajiri busts out the Farmer's Roll
- I guess he's been watching lucha? And annoyed about Takemura
stealing from him?
- Tazz dubs it Egg Roll
- Tajiri is in control for most of the next 1:30, and both hit side
kicks to each other at the same time, double KO.
- Break. (3:18)
- We appear to come back seconds later.
- Haas and Shelton get a double team that results into a hard kick to
Tajiri's exposed knee.
- Tajiri's left knee is the body part attack of choice. Lots of
submissions, lots of tags.
- Eddie keeps trying to sneak away from the corner to make a tag and gets
sent back to the tag rope.
- After 4 minutes of work, Tajiri reveres a Shelton kneebreaker into a
spinning headscissors. Tag to Eddie. Fire.
- Tres Suplexes on Haas, Shelton's pushed away when he tries to break it
up, Frog Splash hits but Shelton breaks up the pin at 2.5
- Team Angle hit their (still unnamed) finisher, but Tajiri makes the save
at 2.
- Eddie has to fight 2 on 1 - Brian is successful at sending Tajiri back
to his corner but neither Team Angle
- Eddie tries to jump over Haas, but Haas and then Benjamin catch him in a
flapjack hold - Eddie reverses with a double DDT.
- Third hot tag of the match, this time to Tajiri.
- Tajiri's knee feels okay when kicking, not so much other time.
- Tajiri and Haas do the RVD/Lynn "seated tornado DDT reversed into a
Northern Lights Suplex" - Eddie makes the save.
- Tajiri misses the Buzzsaw Kick and Haas gets on the Haas of Pain.
- Tajiri can't get out of it - the bell rings at 11:29, but Hebner
is confused.
- Haas helps Hebner raise his hand, but Hebner clearly explains he does
not ring the bll.
- He asks the time keeper, but we don't hear the time keepers side of it.
- Meanwhile, Eddie is back in - belt shot is ducked by Haas.
- Eddie drops the belt, there's a tug of war, Eddie lets go.
- While Haas gathers himself with the belt, Eddie decides to play dead.
- Hebner turns around, sees Eddie down, see Haas with the belt, and jumps
to some conclusions.
- Champions retrain (DQ 12:14)
- Replay after the match shows that Eddie grabs the hammer and rang the
bell himself.
- Backstage, Mr. America thinks.
- Tazz and Cole kill time
- Josh interviews Zach Gowen at ringside.
- Los Guerreros music is STILL playing.
- Charges were dropped, but Gowen is banned from backstage, I guess.
- They're setting up a table and chairs for the lie detector skit.
- And there's the lie detector.
- Lie Detector Skit, Condensed
- Vince gets a line off about neither Mr. America or Zach having a leg
to stand on.
- They stall and stall and stall, but America passes the test.
- Vince figures it's rigged and puts it on himself.
- Vince admits to being evil and apparently is sexually attracted to
Torrie Wilson and Mae Young.
- Why he stays hooked up to the machine so long, I'll never know.
- At least as far as this episode is concerned, we get no
explanation about how Hohan passed the test.
- Backstage, Vince blames Stephanie
- And promises big changes next week
- Sean O'Haire (w/Roddy Piper) vs Chris Benoit
- This is the 4 minute special version of the Benoit match.
- Benoit ends up getting the Crossface on Piper in the ring.
- That leaves him open for a kick to the back of the head from O'Haire.
- Sean covers and pulls the tights for 3 (4:14)
- Recap of the SUMMIT vs Rey from last week.
- Backstage, Rey hypes the match for next week.
- Rey is wearing a daredevil-like mask and a Seau jersey.
- "Yo, Cole, Tazz. This is important for me - there is no doubt in
my mind that I will become the next WWE Cruiserweight Champ - no doubt!
That's all that matters to me, dawg. This match next week, against Matt
Hardy, this is why I'm here in the WWE. Yea, I pull my groin last week.
Yea, I'm hurt. There ain't nothing stopping me now. I'm gonna keep on
going. Not only for me, but for my family, and for my people! Next week,
Anaheim, Cali, the WEST COAST! is where Rey Mysterio [starts going into
Spanish I can't transcribe]-
- Matt [waking in from off camera, mocking Rey's words]: "My
family, my people, blah blah blah DON'T YOU GET IT - I already beat you
at Wrestlemania, and next week, I will DESTROY YOU in Anaheim, in front
of all your people, in front of all your amigos. They can chant Rey at
the top of their lungs [Rey: "They will"], and they can chant
619 ALL NIGHT LONG ["good"] but there is no one, nobody,
NOTHING that will stop me from BEATING YOUR ASS. You think your hurt
now? Well, next week, you will know the meaning of the pain known as
Mattitude.
- You think I'm scared? Huh, matt? You think I'm scared? HELL NO [shove]
I'm not scared! What are you going to do.
- I'm just saying you should be [kick to the groin]
- Tazz and Cole hype next week
- Rey vs Matt for the C Title
- Kurt Angle returns
- Kurt Angle returns, to "Clocks" by Coldplay
- This was a complete face video, including shots with his daughter as
he goes into surgery
- And his daughter's stuffed animal as he's in surgery.
- Ultimo Dragon Coming Soon vignette
- Quite similar to the Rey introduction one
- Spanky & Rikishi vs the Basham Brothers (Doug and Danny)
- Spanky has shiny shorts now.
- Doug and Danny do forearm smashes, which is great.
- Very generic video and music.
- Danny may be new here, but he knows how to dumbly try a sunset flip on
Rikishi and move just int ime.
- Brian gets worked over for a couple minutes, hot tag to Rikishi.
- Bashams get a double stinkface.
- Tag back to Spanky, and the Basham's immediately cheat to get block a
monkey flip and get leverage for a pin. (3:05)
- Vince, who's taken three segments to get to the parking lot, finds that
his car is about to be towed.
- Zach shows up to mock him for parking in a handicap zone.
- The implication is he's the one who notified the authorities, I guess/
- Undertaker and WWE Champion Brock Lesnar vs the FBI in a 2 on 3
handicap match
- Nunzio is not dressed to wrestle.
- There's an obvious clip before Nunzio gets to speak here.
- Nunzio says he's hurt from getting tossed out of the ring last week
- So, he's got a replacement
- Undertaker and Brock Lesnar vs the FBI (Johnny and Chuck w/Nunzio) and
the Big Show in a 2 on 3 handicap match
- Undertaker and Brock Lesnar vs the FBI (Johnny and Chuck w/Nunzio) and
the Big Show in a 2 on 3 handicap match
- The focus is on Big Show/Brock.
- They have a confrontation - Brock gets Show down, then lifts him up
for the F5.
- Brock drops him to take care of various FBI members.
- Show gives him a chokeslam, with Undertaker breaking up the pin just
in time.
- That starts to work over segment on Brock.
- Brock hits a desperation clothesline and makes the tag to Undertaker
- Undertaker reverses a slam into the Taking Out Of Business
- Tazz makes special effort to call it a Dragon Sleeper.
- Nunzio tries chairing Undertaker's back, but Undertaker isn't selling.
Chokeslam.
- Chuck with the Jungle Kick.
- Chuck is distracted clotheslined Undertaker out he doesn't notice that
Brock is tagged in.
- F5 for Chuck
- F5 for Johnny.
- Chokeslam for Brock. That's it. (10:31)
- Two Chokeslams and a bit of a distraction murkied.