WWE SmackDown! - 05/22/03
- No opening montage - straight to clips from Mr. America vs Piper
- Nice to know what the most important thing from Judgment Day was.
- Hogan's punch is like a gun shot, wow
- Live of Mr. McMahon arriving.
- We watch him angry walk his way from the parking lot to the stage,
blowing off all the people would would like to say hi to him.
- He passes by Team Angle on the way, so I guess this was their time.
- Short walk, only takes a minute.
- Vince is unhappy about all the mistakes on SmackDown!
- He means the "Mr. America is still on the show" related
- And the misfired attempts to unmask him failing.
- And being stopped from interfering by a handicapped kid.
- Anyway, Stephanie may be GM but we'll now be ignoring her powers;
Vince is taking over tonight.
- "You're going to see my fingerprints all over this
- Vince guarantee he'll end the show with a smile on his face
- Cole bends over backwards to note he said guarantee
- Open is new
- They've had this in the works for a while, I think, because it's empty
warehouse clips that we've seen with Benoit and Cena.
- Rap music instead of Manson.
- Something that Cena would approve of Cena would approve of
- Recap of it later? Yea sure.
- Team Angle (489 pounds) vs the New WWE Tag Team Champions Eddie
Guerrero and Tajiri (434 pounds, c) for the WWE Tag Team Titles (first
- New graphics as well.
- Back to the standard bottom chyron labeling.
- Ovals and curved metal seems to be the theme.
- This was from an automatic rematch clause in the Judgment Day contact
- Eddie and Tajiri are still very thrilled to be champions.
- Tazz pushes that the ladder match was anti-Team Angle style, so it's
no wonder they lost.
- Tajiri and Shelton to start - lockup, Shelton with an inside cradle
one two no.
- Shelton with a headlock takedown into a pin one.
- Tajiri goes for a single leg but it's blocked and Shelton gets an
- But Tajiri armdrags into control, flips Shelton on to his back
and uses a headstand pin for one two no. They break.
- Tajiri claps to get the crowd going then goes for the lockup.
- Shelton with knees and kicks to stop him, front facelock to drag
Tajiri into the corner for a tag.
- Snap mare, cover one two no. Corner whip, charge in but Tajiri moves
out of the way.
- Hiptoss on the rebound and the yelping kneedrop one two no.
- Whip, reverse into a short knee. Charlie with the front facelock and
Shelton makes the blind tag.
- Double suplex, but Eddie's duck into help his partner land on his feet
- double dropkick to the challengers!
- Tecnicos hold the ring as Team Angle regroup on the outside. Shelton
wants the belts.
- Tajiri stays in for his team, and eventually Shelton comes in for his.
- Tajiri ass the fans if they want Eddie. They do, so tag to him.
- Charlie comes in for the other side.
- Lockup, Shelton pushes him in the corner, shoulders to the midsection,
corner whip, charge into a back elbow.
- Eddie off the second rope with a spinning armdrag, leg trip one two
- Charlie tries the leg trip but Eddie just goes up for a spinning
- Snap mare, tag to Tajiri for the kick to the back. And another.
- Chop. Chop. Corner whip, but Haas comes out with a spear to take down
- Haas scoops Tajiri and goes for Snake Eyes, but Tajiri drops behind
and hits the wheel kick.
- Tag to Eddie, tag to Shelton
- Eddie gets in a clothesline for Shelton, clothesline for Charlie, slam
for Shelton, back suplex for Haas.
- Shelton with a kick, a right, a whip but it's reversed, Shelton hits a
- Shelton clothesline misses, waistlock, switch, Eddie runs to the ropes
and trips Shelton out of the ring.
- Team Angle regroups again on the floor, but Tajiri's near by - apron
dive somersault body block!
- And a commercial break (3:59)
- Back with Eddie and Shelton in the ring. Eddie lands a dropkick as we
- Eddie with the suplex suplex blind tag by Haas, suplex blocked and Haas
tries top rope sunset flip
- Eddie blocks it with punches but Haas holds him in position, and Shelton
hits a Blockbuster to get him over.
- One two Tajiri breaks it up with a dropkick. Haas grabs a leg, then
thinks better of it and goes for a facelock.
- Swinging neckbreaker one two no.
- Blind tag by Shelton, who works a head vice as Haas was doing seconds
- Crowd gets behind Eddie and he starts to come back.
- Eddie with knees, whip, short reverse into a spinebuster-kike move. One
- Haas with forearms and kicks to the back.
- Eddie with knees and tries to slip by Haas for a tag, but Haas catches
up to him and hold him into a front facelock.
- Setting up Eddie on the top rope, but Haas is knocked back by punches.
- Shelton tries top help and gets punches.
- Haas gets punched, Shelton gets punched, finally Haas stops it with a
punch from himself.
- But Eddie pushes off - Frog Splash - gets knees! One two NO.
- Replay - the knees didn't look like usual.
- Haas with a back suplex into a side backbreaker. Haas of Pain!
- Tajiri tries to break it up, but Shelton stops him in time with a kick
and throws Tajiri out.
- Shelton makes the mistake of going out after Tajiri, because Tajiri
slides in before him and breaks it up with a sliding dropkick.
- Haas is tired, tagging in Shelton while keeping Eddie from moving.
- Abdominal stretch. Eddie is yelling in pain as the crowd rallies behind
- Tajiri tries to come into to break it up, but he's stopped by Mike
- Meanwhile, Haas and Shelton change places.
- Choida questions why he didn't hear a tag there, but Shelton insists
- Tazz wonders how hard it is to keep Shelton and Charlie separate.
- Eddie manages to get a hiptoss, but it leaves Haas in between Eddie and
- Eddie tries to make a run for it, but Haas cuts him off with a big
double leg one two NO.
- Tag to Shelton. Ah, it's time for the GdI sit. And it works.
- Northern Lights Suplex one two Tajiri breaks it up again.
- Cole notes that Eddie was waving for help there.
- Eddie tries crawling for a tag, but Shelton has him by the leg.
- Eddie tries to kick Shelton away, but Shelton pulls him into a legbar.
- Eddie is pulled back into Team Angle's corner and worked over with kicks
and punches. Kick to the rib, kick to the ribs.
- Eddie throwing desperate punches but they're not enough, especially when
Charlie gets in shots from the outside.
- Eddie gets in a back elbow on Haas that knocks him off the apron, right
for Shelton, kicks for Shelton.
- Mexican armdrag, headscissors combo takes down both Team Angle!
- Haas slipped in the ring just in time to be taking out of the ring.
- Tag to Tajiri - he ducks the Shelton clothesline, handspring knocks Haas
to the floor.
- Shelton's kick is blocked, Tajiri kick to the back, kick to the back,
and then there's the kick and punch flurry.
- Big kick to the leg trips Shelton up.
- Whip, reversed, there's the handspring back elbow again.
- Shelton walks right into it.
- Climbing Tornado DDT! One two NO Haas breaks it up.
- Eddie charges at Haas, and a hiptoss takes them both out.
- Tajiri sets up for it - but Shelton ducks the Buzzsaw Kick.
- Shelton with a headbutt to the midsection, corner whip, charge in, and
there's the Tarantula!
- Oddly, Choida decides the five count is a little too much for him and
immediately tries to break it up.
- In the process, he misses Haas socking Tajiri with a right hand from the
outside, which does the job better than Mike would've.
- Eddie with a hard forearm to the back of Charlie to take him out
- Shelton goes for the superkick but it's caught.
- Tajiri spins him, but Shelton comes back with the Dragon Whip!
- Outside, Eddie's going for a chair.
- One two Eddie chairs Choida!
- Eddie spots Haas back in and throws the chair to him.
- Choida makes a quick recovery, sees Haas with the chair, and jumps to
- Choida awards the match to Tajiri and Eddie! (DQ 12:25)
- Cole explains that Eddie didn't hit Choida as hard as he could (so he
recovered fast), just doing it enough to cause the DQ.
- I'm not sure why he needed to set up Charlie since a DQ is a DQ, but I
do see the fun in annoying people.
- Announcers presume Kurt Angle is not watching this happily at home.
- Oh, your announcers are Tazz and Cole
- Announcers recap the Mr. America/Zach Gowen situation
- Stephanie and Vince discuss Vince's mental state
- Stephanie has no problem with Vince being the boss tonight.
- She does get a little testy about Stephanie's contract to Mr. America,
but doesn't really get to say it
- Vince is out to killllllllllllllllll time.
- He calls out Roddy Piper and Sean O'Haire
- They lost, you see.
- Vince slaps Piper.
- Piper gets mad.
- Vince goes for seconds.
- Piper does not think that's a wise idea.
- Piper and Vince make like they're going to fight.
- oh no don't even TEASE that
- O'Haire is the voice of reason.
- O'Haire blames himself and volunteers to beat Mr. America tonight.
- Vince books it.
- Straight from Velocity to main eventing SmackDown for Mr. O'Haire.
- If Sean loses, Piper is fired.
- Kurt Angle returns in two weeks.
- John Cena (West Newberry, MA, 248 pounds) vs the microphone
Hey yo Spanky
Dude, you're just a copy cat of me
I've been watching your progression
Kid's got an obsession with trying to steal my Ruthless Aggression
In his first match against Kurt Angle, he took him to the limit
The next minute, he's rocking velours, claiming that's HIS gimmick?
Dude, he's exactly like me.
Oh no no no, I'm ten times bigger.
You want to be me so bad?
You're smaller than my action figure
But you'll never be untouchable
I don't care how hard you try to
Dude, I served you quicker
than a Burger King drive thru
And with a name like "Spanky"
Dude, he never gets a date
He's always arguing in groups
because all he does is masturbate
So I'm past you, little Rascal
You and your kiddy tricks
You want to spank something?
Dude, go home, spank on your 
- John Cena vs Spanky (Olympia, WA, 218 pounds)
- Spanky runs to the ring
- but it's not the ring of youthful enthusiasm
- it's the run of trying to punch Cena as fast as possible
- Rights right, whip, reversed and a big elbow decapitates Spanky.
- Cena charge into a double boot, and Spanky charges out with the
- Running shoulder to the midsection.
- Cole lists Spanky's injuries from the PPV (black eye and a
- He's not a 100%
- More Spanky punches, but Cena pushes him back and down.
- Spanky gets up and tries for some more, but he's pushed down again.
- This time, Cena gets out of the corner in time and clotheslines Spanky
- Turnbuckle smash. Chop. Forearm to the back.
- Cena with a snap suplex one two no.
- "YOU WANNA FIGHT ME? YOU WANNA FIGHT ME? WHAT'S UP NOW? WHAT'S UP
- Stomp. Stomp. Hair pull into a bottom turnbuckle smash.
- Cena with a forearm. Face smash into the mat.
- The story of this match is that Cena is working on the concussed
- Cole points out the concussion many times.
- The story of Cena, as the announcers would have it, is that he
bullies people in the ring.
- It doesn't seem as convincing as when DeMott did it...
- and it wasn't all that great then
- but at least they're trying.
- Hanging suplex. One two no.
- Cena takes a moment to trash talk face to face.
- Maybe a moment too long, because Spanky comes back with forearms.
- Climbing enzigirui one two NO.
- Forearm to the back of the neck by Spanky, off the ropes and Cena runs
him over with a shoulderblock.
- Fireman's carry lift. There's the FU. One two three. (3:17)
- Here's the graphic for Big Show vs Brock Lesnar. Why?
- Oh, because we're showing stills. (1:27)
- Backstage, the FBI all warm up
- See, one of them will face Brock.
- But he doesn't know who he could be fighting.
- Chuck says he has the best right hand in the business.
- Johnny says he's going to knock the eyebrow off his head.
- Nunzio and Chuck explain the difference between Rock and Brock.
- Nunzio will stretch him. Sure.
- Rey Mysterio is out for no particular reason.
- Ah, guest commentary.
- But he's dressed to wrestle.
- Anyway, he's hear to scout Matt Hardy.
- And he's got good timing/looked at the match list in the back, because
- WWE Cruiserweight Champion Matt Hardy (Version One, Cameron, NC, 220
pounds w/Crash, Shannon Moore and the book) vs Chris Benoit (Edmonton, AB,
229 pounds) in a non-title match
- Matt Facts have a new, more Extreme(ly pointy) font)
- Matt likes his steak medium well. Matt has more teeth than Benoit
- Rey Fact: Rey likes his steak well done.
- So why is Matt wrestling Benoit anyway?
- I have this theory that there's this secret angle going on where
Matt likes being Cruiserweight Champion and all, but his real #1
goal remains to be WWE champion. So he's taking these high risk/high
reward matches with the likes of Benoit and Eddie, figuring if the
same tactics that have been working to help him get and keep the
Cruiserweight Title gain him an upset, he's automatically a
contender. And from there, all he'd have to is beat Brock, and
that's not a problem for Matt. At all.
- Those tactics would be "lots of interference from Shannon
and Crash", of course
- It just hasn't worked out for him, yet.
- Matt still likes being Cruiserweight champion but realizes the
side effect (ha) of all the heavyweight matches is that he keeps his
defenses down. None of the cruiserweights get much time to figure
him out, because they don't get to see him in the ring as much
against them, so Matt holds onto that title more and more, until the
day when Crash or Shannon is ready for it.
- Anyway, it sure would explain why he's wrestling (and losing to)
heavyweights a bunch lately
- Oh yes the match.
- Matt mocks Benoit a bit, which is amusing except that it shall
certainly cause him to die later on.
- Matt and Chris reach out for an one arm lockup, but with his other
hand, Matt slaps Benoit's hand away as he reaches in.
- Matt thinks that's the most hilarious thing ever. Chris, not so much.
- Lockup, Benoit gets an armbar and tries to end this immediately with a
Crossface but Matt gets the rope before he gets in locked in.
- Matt holds on to the ropes for dear life, but Chris pulls him back
into the middle by a leg.
- Matt to his feet, Benoit has a leg but Matt is a heel so he can't do
- Instead, Benoit spins him and armdrags him over.
- Matt again hugs the bottom rope. He asks for a clean break as he
massages his hurt shoulder.
- Rey is apparently cleared to wrestle early, which would explain why
he's wearing his wrestling gear.
- Test of strength lockup, Benoit breaks up one of the wristlocks with a
kick, leg sweep and an armbar.
- Matt rolls to his feet, armdrag but Benoit rolls through and holds on.
- Benoit to a hammerlock. Matt locks for the leg release, then the back
elbow. Back elbow it is!
- Matt talks trash and picks up Benoit.
- Benoit chops the crap out of him.
- Corner whip, Mat goes in chest first, German Ger-no, Shannon dives in
and grabs Benoit's legs while Crash distracts the ref.
- The momentary pause allows Matt to hit a low blow mule kick to stop
Benoit. One two no.
- Side Effect one two no.
- Kneeling neck vice.
- Shannon is cheering Matt on. Crash is reading the book.
- Benoit getting up to one knee, so Matt changes to a front facelock.
- Benoit with right hands, off the ropes, into a Matt sleeper!
- Benoit pushes him off, and there's the sleeper reversal spot.
- But Matt quickly reverses to the Ricochet one two NO.
- Matt puts Benoit on the second rope, and there's the inner leg choke.
- Version one running site on the ropes, feet on the ropes one two NO -
I think Benoit kicked out and Hebner caught it.
- Benoit is trying to crawl away, but Matt grabs him - reverse
- Front facelock on the mat as the commentators debate if Matt is 220
- Benoit gets to his feet and drives matt in the corner.
- Benoit tries tot follow up and runs into a back elbow.
- Matt moves him into position - Downfall Raindrop one two NO!
- As the graphic shows up, let me note that it's interesting that
they picked this match for the turn of the hour.
- Matt setting up for it - kick wham Twist Of Pushed Off
- Benoit gets in a shoulderblock as Matt bounces off the ropes, and
they're both down.
- One two three four five six seven eight both up
- Benoit with a right, Matt with a right hand.
- Benoit with a right hand. Matt with a right hand.
- Benoit with a kick, SNAP suplex.
- Benoit off the ropes, running back elbow, running shoulderblock.
- Side back breaker one two NO.
- Benoit with a corner whip, Matt goes in chest first, German suplex but
Matt grabs the top rope to block.
- So Benoit turns it around - double leg, slingshot into the corner.
- Now Matt's too out of to block - big back suplex!
- Thumb across the throat.
- Benoit gets to the top rope unimpeded - swandive headbutt connects!
- Shannon up on the apron, but Rey pulls him down!
- Crash tries to run over to help, but Rey gives him a ring post 619!
- Benoit with kick, reversed, kick wham CROSSFACE!
- Matt has no where to go - he has to give. (8:08)
- This was about as fun as you'd expect from Matt and Benoit
- Which is to say: "I really want this to be a feud at some
- Benoit thanks Rey for his help.
- Matt has the microphone: "Mysterio, you find that funny? Is that
funny what happened tonight? Well I tell you what, Rey Mysterio, it's
gonna be funny to me when you get your ass beat tonight. You want a shot
at the Cruiserweight Title? I'll tell you what, you can have a shot at
the Cruiserweight Title any time you want - if you can beat my MFers,
Shannon Moore and Crash, in a match RIGHT NOW."
- Rey has to get straight the concept of 2 on 1, but he's not backing
- He ducks in the ring to avoid the double team, but we go to break
- Rey Mysterio vs SUMMIT (Shannon Moore and Crash)
- Joined in progress. Looks like they're going with everybody in the
ring at a time rules.
- Turnbuckle smash, double corner whip
- Crash whips Shannon in the corner, but Rey moves and Shannon posts
- Crash misses a clothesline and takes a punch.
- Corner whip, reverses, Rey goes in chest first, back suplex but Rey
land on his feet, spinning headscissors
- Rey is pumped.
- Whip, reversed, Crash puts his head down too soon and leapfrogs.
- Rey's kick is caught, but there's the enziguri.
- Crash falls right in place, so Rey calls for it, but Shannon trips him
up on the way to the 619
- Rey gets a sliding dropkick to Shannon to take him up, then ducks a
- Rey charges at Crash, but Crash backdrops him all the way to the
- Crash distracts the ref as Shannon posts Rey.
- Rey thrown back in one foot on the ropes.
- I guess it IS tag rules, because Shannon's tagging in now.
- Double whip, Rey tries another spinning headscissors but Crash blocks
it - double press.
- Shannon covers one two no.
- Tag to Crash. Double whip, double kick to the midsection, double
suplex is blocked
- They tried again, but Rey reverses to a double DDT.
- Everyone down one two three four five six seven
- Rey up first, and so is Crash.
- Rey gets the better of both of them with punches.
- Whip for Crash, reversed but Rey turns it into a wheel kick on
Shannon. Shannon's taken out of the ring.
- Rey hits the bottom rope with his leg on the way down; I guess
that's where he got hurt.
- Rey with a corner whip, reversed, Rey gets backdropped to the apron.
- Rey with a shoulder for crash, then to the top rope for a super Thesz
- Rey ducks under a clothesline, springboard cross body one two no.
- Now Crash is limping and grabbed his groin area, but he's going on
- Rey gamely tires to go on with a dropkick to Crash's midsection, but
he's obviously hurt.
- Shannon stomps him, and you can tell they've having a quick
- Shannon and Rey do a slow-mo whip reversed into a drop toe hold on the
middle rope spot
- Rey limps to the ropes, runs at half speed and hits the 619.
- Shannon landed all the way across the ring, so Rey uses a springboard
'rana to wrap it up (3:53)
- Announcers NOW explain to us that this is elimination rules and Crash
has to lose as well for this to be over
- Too bad no one told the people in the ring they could've wrapped
this up early, because I think it'd be preferred.
- Crash tries a powerbomb, but it's gonna be reversed right to a 'rana
one two three. (4:16)
- Rey can't even stand after the match.
- Matt is back out, having disappeared for the match.
- I suspect he's supposed to be doing a post match beatdown, or
Rey's supposed to make a quick escape before it happens.
- What happens instead is Matt just gives us a stare of shock and
anger, and enters the ring just as Rey is being helped out by Brian
- Matt turns his attention to his charges.
- Forearm to the back for Crash - and there's the side Effect.
- Shannon helps talk trash to Crash for a falling.
- Shannon is not quick on the pick up, I guess.
- Kick wham Twist of Fate for Shannon. Play Matt's music.
- Matt questions their Mattributes.
- Stephanie interviews Zach Gowen
- He lost his leg to disease.
- He likes Mr. America.
- He'd like to be a WWE Superstar.
- That's about all you get out of it.
- Vince dastardly interrupts at Mr. America photo shoot.
- Vince thinks Mr. America should agree to a stip that if he should
lose, he'll agree to a lie detector test next week.
- Mr. America says he's not going to lose. Or take a test.
- Vince says he will accept the stip, or Zach will never ever get to
wrestle anywhere in his life. EVER.
- Mr. America agrees through swearing.
- WWE Champion Brock Lesnar (Minneapolis, MN, 295 pounds) vs "A Full
Blooded Italian To Be Named Later" in a non-title match
- Brock comes out first because they have to squeeze another two minutes
out of the nondrama that will be which FBI member it'll be.
- Ah, they don't introduce someone so they can stretch it a sixty
seconds more. I'm falling asleep because of the excitement of it all.
- FBI have a prolonged discussion about something or other that bores
- All three come in. They all fake like they're going to make a move, so
Brock decides the logical move is to go after all three.
- That doesn't work so well.
- I guess there's no DQ yet because you can't be sure who's the legal
- Except you do know two of them are illegal, so I guess that's moot
- Well, the bell hasn't rung either so there you go
- Mike Sparks seems to randomly pick Chuck and Nunzio to throw out, so
we've got our on one one match.
- Maybe he did know who the wrestler was going to be?
- Why would the FBI be talking it over at ringside then?
- Brock Lesnar vs Johnny "the Bull" Stamboli
- With they way they're saying "the Bull Stamboli" tonight,
Johnny may have lost his first name.
- This ends up being 3 on 1 for the most apart anyway.
- Chuck gets more early offense than Johnny.
- Johnny has Brock loaded up over the shoulder, but goes for a
shoulderbreaker instead of the ForgetAboutIt.
- I guess he's really not that smart.
- Brock's left shoulder is the weak point.
- When you think "FBI Mafia Strong Men", think "Works
Over A Single Body Part"
- Tazz questions the sense in working over a single body part, but
more of of a "Brock's gonna out wrestle you" way
- Brock reverses a cross arm breaker into a powerbomb to turn the tide.
- Brock goes for the F5 and the rest of the FBI are in. (DQ 4:16)
- 3 on 1 Beatdown. Whacked and so forth. Ringing the bell to no avail.
- Nunzio gets in his slap like he's a female manager.
- Nunzio, sensing he's not really a female manager, goes for a chair.
- Undertaker is out for the save
- I guess they could beat Brock down, but not the same way they beat
- Nunzio tries a chair shot and gets a boot.
- Right hands for Johnny and Chuck.
- Nunzio tries a sleeper and gets tossed to the floor.
- Chuck's right hands are not as good as Undertaker.
- Lesnar is up to help him out.
- Undertaker and Brock clear the ring.
- Undertaker doesn't especially acknowledge Brock, so when Undertaker
picks up the chair, you wonder if he's going to turn.
- He does not hit Brock, though, just scares the FBI away.
- Replay of Nunzio taking a hard trip to the floor.
- Undertaker gives Brock his belt.
- Replay of the Undertaker returning.
- Sable comes out to pose on the announce table eventually
- Her point, assuming there is one, is to bring up that Sable probably
would have gotten more cheers to win the bikini contest if Tazz had
allowed them to decide.
- Sable is a poor water drinker, spilling some of it on herself.
- After she makes a "ending things premature comes easily to
use", Tazz wishes this was over.
- Sable makes an interesting choice by pouring the water on Tazz's head.
- Tazz is not amused, but seems to remind himself that Sable is a woman
and this isn't ECW.
- Michael makes jokes, but perhaps he is also a women.
- Piper, O'Haire and Vince talk strategy
- thank god the match is only one segment
- Mr. America (Washington, DC, 275 pounds, w/Zach Gowen) vs Sean O'Haire
(Hilton Head, SC, 275 pounds, w/Roddy Piper)
- Long boring story short, Mr. America is on the verge of winning again.
- Vince sends out the police to arrest Zach for assaulting him and
- Mr. America goes out to stop it, and gets himself counted out. (CO
- Mr. America goes to confront Vince and gets a Piper chair shot to the