corp open, heat open
Charlie Haas (Dallas, TX, 249 pounds, w/Shelton Benjamin) vs Robbie McAllister (Oben, Scotland, 17 stone, w/Rory McAllister) - your announcers for Heat 457 are Todd and Coach, who's losing his voice this week. At least it's not a PPV! You spell Robby with an "IE"? I'm embarrassed. Your ref is Chad. Lockup, Haas with an armbar, elbows to the shoulder. Between the legs pumphandle. Hammerlock. All these arm holds allow Todd and Coach plenty of time to hard sell WM, which is really all they're going to do for two weeks here. Haas smashes Robbie's head into the turnbuckle, but that's not going to work on him. A second goes as bad. Robbie turns it around and smashes Haas in - once, twice, thrice. Headbutt. Coach: "This is not something we normally get to see - these two guys in one on one competition." Haas is in singles matches all the time! It's kinda annoying! Maybe he means we don't often get to see Robbie/Charlie matches all the times and it's gift. EH. Todd thinks this might be the first time Robbie's wrestled as a single on Heat, but allows for the possibility that he's wrong - he's right! Clothesline by Robbie. Dropkick, one two no. Robbie blocks Charlie's punch and lands his own. Whip, head down way too soon, Charlie with a styling sunset flip, too bad Robbie blocks and lifts the skirt. Why Robbie doesn't stay on for the pin, I don't know. But he does reminds of his name/catchphrase. Robbie charges, and gets backdropped out. Robbie back on the apron with a shoulder to the gut, but the next one meets knee. Haas shoves Robbie to the floor, and - just lets Robbie later, I guess. Charlie goes inside, and Rory comes over to help and make sure Shelton doesn't come in. Robbie crawls and and takes some elbow drops. Charlie picks Robbie up, running him back first into the corner a couple of times. Forearm. Back suplex. One two no. One two no. Knees to the back. Knee on the back chinlock. Crowd rallying for Robbie, and he starts to elbow up, Charlie tries to stop him with punches, Robbie keeps punching anyway. Robbie frees himself, off the ropes, grabbed by Haas, and Haas throws him with a overhead belly suplex. To bad that has no chance of winning. One two no. Knee to the back. Modified surfboard. Todd: "This is the first of four spectacular matches we have on Heat" LIES! Robbie rallying up again, but stopped by a knee. Corner whip, down goes Robbie. Right near Shelton, but he's backing off - maybe because the ref sees him. Charlie picks Robbie up, corner whip, Robbie moves out of the way as Charlie charges, and cradles him - one two NO. Charlie misses a half hearted clothesline, and Robbie bounces him around with punches. Charlie tries to stop him with a kick, but Robbie keeps on punching. Whip, backdrop. Robbie - Robbie slips? Something happened there that was hidden by a camera angle. Robbie off the ropes, pinning back elbow. Scottish Hammer, Scottish Hammer - these are quite week. Robbie's not even the one moving, and he's quite tired. Haas retreats to the corner, gives him a shoulder to the gut, and everyone takes a moment to recover. Another shoulder. Corner whip, Haas rebounds out into a backdrop. Rory going up, he's a long way away form Haas, but it helps that Haas gets up and walks towards Robbie. Missile dropkick just barely gets there. One two thr-well, Robbie kinda stopped covering before it seemed like Haas moved (and he didn't kickout, only got his shoulder up - Robbie pulling it up?) - Shelton jumped in the way of the picture, so maybe I just missed something, but it looked like Haas was getting his shoulder up way late and the ref held up. Rory on the apron for no reason at all (complaining about the count), and Chad's over to yell at him even before Shelton points to tell him about it. Shelton then grabs Robbie's leg, which doesn't make much of a difference seeing as he's standing and doing nothing, Robbie gets free and sticks his leg thru the rope at Shelton, and then they stop. Rory drops back off the apron and rushes around the ring, so he and Shelton can eliminate each other with clotheslines. Inside, Haas is back up, dropkick to knee, Todd thinks Haas is setting up for the Haas of Pain, I think Charlie's setting up for the Haas of Pain, and Charlie instead stands Robbie on his head and falls back, "snapping" Robbie's back across his knees. Eh. Haas to roll Robbie off him, and then roll Robbie back on to his back - there has to be a better way than that. One two three. (5:47) The right man won. Coach, a man who was bragging about being here for eight WrestleManias earlier, has no idea that wasn't actually the Haas of Pain, or that there was even such a move before Todd announced it.
Still to come: Mickie James vs Victoria
Ringside Reality: Ballz
Cryme Tyme (Harlem, NY, 510 pounds) vs Mike Tolar & Brian Wenzel (484 pounds, already in the ring) - this is NOT a spectacular match. I should point out that Justin Roberts is filling as announcer again. Your ref is Marty. Do they still have a title shot? JTG and - oh, we're not going to know. If there wasn't a small screen, maybe I'd be able to make something out of the small letters on this guy's tights. If I wanted ECW, maybe I'd know which one of these guys Snitsky squashed. Actually, the guy on the apron is scrawny looking, so I imagine that's who they had Snitsky beat. So this must be Brian Wenzel. You missed JTG beating him up while I was figuring that - Shad in to whip his partner into a crossbody on Brian, and Shad adds a clothesline. Toss by Shad. Shad lets Tolar get tagged in, and tosses him on a backdrop. Snake Eyes. Running punch to the head! Shad is a technical wizard. Tag to JTG. Elbow drop, elbow drop, elbow - no he'll stomp! Ha, that was awesome. One two NO. JTG tells us he's got this guy right now. Off the ropes - no, Brian Wenzel grabs him by the leg? Why would he do that? Tolar attacks JTG from behind because I guess they feel the need for the locals to get the heat in this match. Announcers try to call the action without knowing who's who on the local team or revealing they don't know, always fun. Tolar forces JTG in the corner and draws Shad in, drawing the ref over, allowing Brian to punch from the outside. Tolar tries to lengthen the distraction, no one's going with it, and Wenzel actually gets caught being in the ring and punching, not the ref cares. Tolar with a chinlock, JTG firing up, back elbows, Tolar throws him down by the hair. Tag to Wenzel. Double - well, we'll never know, JTG flipped out of it, then rolled under the double clothesline and tagged in Shad. Everyone die now. Double clothesline nearly takes off both locals head. Shoulderblock, shoulderblock, killer clothesline, killer clothesline. I think those look like they hurt a lot because, in reality, they are hurting very much. Both guys grab their faces after taking the last ones. Shad rips off his shirt and dows a dance and almost does the chokeslam signal. That's fired up. Tolar is pressed up, and Shad tosses him to the floor. JTG's blown away by that. Wenzel gets in a kick, JTG makes a blind tag, Shad reverses a clothesline into a fireman's carry, JTG in for - Todd: "Cryme Tyme's... BIG MOVE!" One two three. (4:09) The Big Move, it'll get you every time.
WWE Uncut: another Trish feature? Huh. 04/01
Hacksaw Jim Duggan (Glen Falls, NY, 265 pounds, w/2x4 and the American Flag) vs Jason Bates (Foxborough, Massachusetts, 244 pounds, already in the ring) - Crowd chants for the University of South Alabama. Lockup, into the ropes, and Bates gets in a cheap shot. Whip, Duggan walks thru a reversal, clothesline, clothesline, clothesline. I think Shad cites Duggan as a major influence. Duggan tells Bates to bring, and gives him a lot of lefts, and one big right. Thumbs up. I'm not doing all the "Hoo"s, because we'll be here all day. Whip, Duggan puts his head down too soon, and Bates kicks it. Your ref is Mike, slumming it, by the way. Choke on the ropes. Snap mare, Bates with an elbow drop. Bates looks half as thick as Duggan. Chinlock. Crowd immediately rallying Duggan with USA chants. Elbows, right hands, off the ropes, Bates stops him with a knee lift. Bates covers one two no. Chinlock. Todd: "From what I've heard, Jason Bates has been very impressive in, uh, non-televised matches." Coach: "Yea, in the Ohio region. In the Atlanta region." Sneaky! Duggan's arm drop once. Drops twice. Will he give up to a chinlock? NO. Why did you ask. That was pretty dumb. Duggan's sure taking his time on the comeback, maybe because the crowd isn't coming with him. They get to their feet, and do two reps of "Duggan back elbows to get free, but Bates stops him with a forearm to the back". Bates tries a turnbuckle smash, but Duggan saw the opener and figured he could block it and give it to Bates. Corner punches, one two three four five six seven eight nine ten. Duggan is thrilled to be Duggan. Bates sneaks in a double chop to the throat. Corner whip, slow reversal, Bats rebounds out into a powerslam. Slam. Duggan setting up, three point stance, running clothesline. One two three. (3:51) Coach: "He still has a lot left." Catch the 2x4!
WM: Trump vs Vince
Victoria (Los Angeles, CA) vs Mickie James (Richmond, Virginal) - Victoria's outfit is sure sparkly, and apparently it shrunk in the wash. Or she's missing the shorts part of the outfit. Or something, because she's just kinda hanging out down there. I guess we'll get by. Todd says the women fans have been demanding more women on Heat - sure, why not. The great thing about this match being on Heat is that it's taped, and I don't have to worry about seeing Mickie break her neck, because I surely would've heard about that by now if it happened, you know? Coach explains this is all Coach's idea. Lockup, Victoria throws Mickie down hard. Mickie up, but Victoria tells her not to freak out. Lockup, Victoria with an armbar. wristlock, Mickie kips up, Victoria throws her down by her hair, repeat. On the third try, I guess Mickie tries to get a arm scissors, with Victoria obviously helping her, but she doesn't lock on or something happens, because it just looks like a blown spot. Victoria gives us "dazed" while Mickie gets back up. Mickie heel kick to the midsection, and a shrug - eh. Victoria thrown down by her hair, thrown down by her hair, and Victoria knees Mickie to stop that. Forearm to the back. Corner whip, Mickie with a springboard escape, Victoria tosses her out, Mickie lands on the apron and punches Victoria, Victoria pulls her down by the hair. Victoria backs up, and gives Mickie a sliding dropkick off the apron. Victoria is happy with herself. Out to the floor, and running Mickie chest first into the apron. Back in - kick to Mickie's butt? Why not. Mickie smashed face first into the rope. Tapatia! Or close to it, kinda halfway to a cavernaria. Mickie turns her arm and breaks free, barely. Victoria up first and stomping. Pose. Victoria with a behind the back hair pull, Mickie flips in front of Victoria and forearms Victoria a few times. Victoria stops that with a kick. Slam. Victoria walks over Mickie. Setting up. She's facing the wrong way for this - shaking standing moonsault meets knees. Mickie actually had them up before Victoria jumped, but of course Victoria wasn't looking that way. Victoria still up first, but Mickie fights back with yelling punches. double leg takedown, and mounted punches. Mickie doing a lot of screeching. Whip, off the ropes Mickie with a bodyscissors rollup, one two no. Victoria grabs Mickie, and drives her into the corner after a delay. Hard corner whip. Victoria charges in, and eats an elbow. Mickie gets in a headscissors. Clothesline, hair pull, horrible double chop. What was that? Mickie poses as if she did something awesome. Front facelock, yell, but Victoria throws Mickie off before she can do the DDT. Did Mickie hurt her knee? Victoria picks her up in a fireman's carry, but Mickie escapes with kneelifts to the head. Mickie misses a reverse standing spin kick (like, she was facing the opposite way and thru her leg backwards) because Victoria ducks. Victoria lands a much more conventional kick to the midsection. Widow's peak - no, Mickie slides out, big DDT. One two three. (5:18) It sure helps that Victoria bent over for no reason to feed her head to Mickie. They had some ideas here but - do they really only have matches when they have matches on RAW? It felt like a rusty match.