corp open, show open

Hacksaw Jim Duggan (Glen Falls, NY, 270 pounds w/flag and 2x4) vs Judas Young (Lower East Side, New York City, 207 pounds, already in the ring) - back to normal for Heat #456 your announcers are Todd and Coach (and Lillian's back ring announcing too.) Coach is busy being hyped about the WrestleMania time of year to let us know. Hacksaw scares Judas out of the ring with 2x4. Your ref is Marty, and he doesn't want Hacksaw to hit Judas with the 2x4, though he has to work to get it. Circle, lockup, around in the ropes, Duggan lets go, and of course Judas gets in a kneelift. That Judas, he'll betray you. Speaking of bad jokes, Coach is taking about Coach/Rock rivalry. Whip, reversed, clothesline. Clothesline. Clothesline. These are of the "walking with an arm extended" variety. Judas walks out check his piercing as Duggan gets the USA chant started. Judas back in, is Duggan offering a free shot? Well, he offers it, and then he blocks it anyway, punching Judas many times. Duggan is a tactical genius. Judas rolls out to - stagger around. Is he leaving? He sure looks like he's leaving. Duggan is content to help count him out. Coach vows Judas will never again step into one of his rings if he walks out - good thing he's coming in. Duggan breaks the count, which helps. Judas slides in, and gets forearmed in the back. whip, Duggan head down too soon, Judas kicks it, off the ropes, clothesline knocks him over. Kick to the back. Choke on the rope. Judas celebrates - perhaps too soon! Punch to knock Duggan down. Chinlock. Duggan rallying. Elbows, right hands, off the ropes, Judas gets up a  knee to stop that. Knee drop. Yelling. Cover, for one. Fistdrop, one two. Well, one more drop and he's got it. Sadly, he picks up Duggan instead. Turnbuckle smash - blocked, blocked again, and Duggan sends Judas in. Corner punches - one two three four five six seven eight nine ten. Hacksaw poses, but Judas stops more with an eye rake. Corner whip, reversed, Judas rebounds out into a bodyslam. Setting up, three point stance, clothesline, one two three. (4:21)

Still to come: Eugene vs Kenny Dykstra

WWE Uncut: Trish's last day. This airs 03/18, so maybe we won't see an ad for it again next week.

Mysterious New RAW Interview Guy - let's call him Max Bretos (hey, finally a graphic with his name!) - interviews Vladmir Koslov, who's apparently still alive. Vladmir would like to be part of WrestleMania 23. It's good to have dreams. You'll be happy to know he still loves double double e. And that's it. A 30 second segment.

WWE Ringside Reality: Balls Mahoney (03/29) - oh, so we get another interview for this.

WWE Rewind: Coach makes yet another gauntlet match. I like how Cade & Murdoch and TWGTT were supposed to be surprises.

Cryme Tyme (Harlem, NY, 510 pounds) vs Mike Bennet & Danny Jet (445 pounds, already in the ring) - 

Coach: "It appears even Lillian has bought into the act that is Cryme Tyme."
Todd: "Maybe it's because Cryme Tyme has stolen stolen...her heart!"
Coach: "Let me tell you, it doesn't take much to steal the heart of Lillian Garcia. You go a pulse, you're good to go."
Todd: "She used to love the world's largest sex machine, Viscera!"
Coach: "Buddy, she's loved EVERYBODY in her tenure. "

JTG and - who? Guy in maroon trunks, and they're chain wrestling. Announcers talking about HBK and Cena, as you might expect. Announcers have no idea who's who, apparently, so I don't have much of a chance. I could figure it out, but it's a Cryme Tyme Squash. Shad actually gets in before the hot tag, but that's because he's only selling an eye poke the whole time. Your ref is Chad, by the way. JTG gets worked over. Coach implies HBK and Cena won't be defending the tag titles again before WrestleMania, huh. Randy Orton sent Coach a thank you card for putting him into the triple threat match. Coach congratulates himself for making that an elimination match. Hot tag to Shad about 4:15. Clotheslines for everyone, and then Shad rips his own shirt off for no reason. Fireman's carry, flipping neckbreaker on green tights is the finish. (45%3) Mentions of their pending title shot: ZERO.

WM: Trump vs Vince

Eugene (Louisville, KY, 242 pounds) vs Kenny Dykstra (Worchester, MA, 234 pounds) - Todd can't believe Coach allowed Eugene to be in the main event. Coach says it's all about putting Kenny in a main event. Your ref is Jack.  Eugene picks his nose and tries for the shake, and that's still not going to work. Lockup, armbar by Eugene. Even if I didn't have that clock up in the corner of media player, I think I could tell they were going twice as long as usual, by the way they're taking their time with even this opening armbar. Eugene reveres, and then to a straight jacket. Eugene stomping his foot - oh, to him, this is a steering wheel, and he drives the car into the corner. Rope break. Eugene with a kick, headlock. Cranking it in. Eugene turns it - no, Kenny back with a headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblocks. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, no, Eugene trips him up and gets him with an Okie Roll, one two no. Backslide one two NO. Inside cradle one two NO. Euhene rolls under a cradle, and there's the Lady of the Lake bit again. This week, Kenny decides just to elbow dropt he mess, but Eugene has plenty of time to roll out of the way. JYD headbutts and peeing pose. Kenny to the apron, Eugene off the far ropes and charging him, and Kenny moves out of the way of the charge. Eugene hangs himself in the ropes, and Kenny kicks him free, sending Eugene to the apron. Eugene rolls in, and Kenny follows. Fist drop, another, one two no. Right. Jumping stomp. Corner whip, down goes Eugene. One two no. Suplex? no, blocked, Eugene inside cradle one two no. Kenny up first and waylaying Eugene with a clothesline, one two no. Whip, jumping back elbow. One two NO. Elbows to the neck. Coach brings up Todd's vacation - Todd claims he was actually at the McMahon house, talking about the future of Todd Grisham. That sounds like death, but Todd's making it sound like a "hey, have you heard those ECW rumors" thing. Coach asks Todd not to forget him - "Heat's always going to be here. And I'M always going to be on it." Kenny stomps Eugene's shoulder. Eugene fighting from his feet, but Kenny stops that with a kick to the shoulder. Eugene knocks that down with a legsweep, so Kenny mounted Eugene and throws lots of punches. One two no. Chinlock. Eugene gets to his feet, and elbows out, rights. Off the ropes, Kenny drops Eugene with a dropkick. Fistdrop. Elbow drop. Fist drop, one two NO. Chinlock. Eugene drawing from the crowd. Eugene up to his feet, Kenny stops him with a forearm to the back. Kenny goes for the turnbuckle smash, Eugene blocks it (???) and gives it to Kenny instead - oh he's doing it ten times. Eugene does YOU anyway, right left, right, left, windup right. Crowd is a billion times less excited for this than usual. Whip, big boot. Listening for it. Crowd booing? Off the ropes, legdrop, no one home. Kenny dropkicks him in the head, one two NO. Whip, reversed, Eugene puts his head down too soon, no he's got it up as Kenny throws a kick. Eugene catches it, and scoops up Kenny for the airplane spin. Amazingly, Eugene is not dizzy this time, and goes right for the Rock Bottom. Kenny blocks it with elbows, Eugene spins him around for a back suplex, Kenny slips free and lands on his - well, no, he doesn't, Kenny's down, grabbing his knee and screaming in a fake manner. Of course Eugene and ref Jack believe it, and of course Kenny attacks him - flapjack onto the top rope. Front facelock, taping the heel, spinning inverted DDT or whatever, one two three (7:58) Todd is completely appalled and won't even count it as a victory for Kenny. "That's a disgrace to this business and you know it!" Coach is like "eh." So am I.

That's it.