corp open, heat open

Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 244 pounds) vs Shelton Benjamin (Orangeburg, SC, 248 pounds) - well, holy crap, Todd Grisham sure sounds a lot like Josh Mathews this week. Coach is still Coach - who else could be? "Josh, I gotta be honest with you, it's a pleasure to have someone who has a brain, unlike Grisham, sitting next to me." Coach would like this to be a permanent change. This is Heat #455. Jason Justin Roberts is doing ring announcing, so it's quite the fill in week. Why is Shelton wearing his sun glasses upside down? Val Venis is on a big one match winning streak, maybe it's thrown Shelton. Coach: "You know what we call Val Venis? The world's biggest cruiserweight." We do? Josh calls Coach "Mr. McMahon's #2." Val is wearing green - should've stuck with the winning color. Stone Cold Stone Cold Stone Cold Stone Cold talk. Val tosses the towel into the crowd from the ring, so who knows where it went. That's fine. Circle. Lockup, Shelton with a headlock, takedown, headscissors counter, Shelton slips free, and then we'll repeat. A third time? Yes. Val stops the repetition with a clothesline, and Shelton rolls out to think this out. Do I this ref? I don't think I know this ref. I dub you Skinny Ref. Shelton gets back in at 4. Circle. Lockup, Val with a headlock, headscissors reversal, escape, hey, I think I've seen this. Once more (fifth total), and this time Shelton tries to get the immediate clothesline, but Val ducks it and gets Shelton instead. Shelton needs more thinking time. Val's not going to let him have it, and he's out after him with punches. Shelton stops him with a knee and throws him in. Going up? Top rope nothing meets a punch. Whip, running with him knee, to the other corner, the crowd is dead. Val seems to try to get something abdominal, it doesn't come together, and Val knees Shelton instead. Whip, running knee, this time Shelton slips under for an inside cradle (ah ha) one two NO. Shelton holds onto the legs - slingshot into the corner. Val rebounds out of the corner, Shelton tries a back suplex, but Val blocks it with a headlock. Val off the ropes, into a sleeper, but Val reverses into the back suplex powerbomb one two no. Shelton rolling to the ropes again - but Val grabs him and pulls him up on the apron. Val tries to ram Shelton into the post, Shelton blocks it, and Val's arm gets slammed into the post. Shelton grabs that left arm and runs the shoulder into the post. Once more for good luck. Shelton back in and stomping the post. Knee to the arm. Stomp to the arm. Coach announces a RAW match? 

RAW: Carlito vs Ric Flair vs Randy Orton [MITB]
I guess Randy's meeting with Coach went well!

Meanwhile, Shelton works that shoulder more. Into the corner, shoulder first. Armbar takedown doesn't look good but gets the job done. Mounted armbar. Val getting to his feet quick, but then goes back down to a shoulder. Shelton turning it to an elbow lock. A key lock? I need to learn arm holds someday. Val back to his feet, and trying to punch and forearm free. Shelton keeps on hold on even as he gets knocked around, but about the sixth one does it. Val rallying with a clothesline, back elbow, back elbow, going for the half nelson slam but Shelton squirms free. Val shoves off into the ropes, but Shelton puts hi s head down too soon. Neckbreaker, one two no. Val setting up, kick - Josh reminds us that Val's trying to sweep TWGTT! - fisherman's suplex one two NO. Val can't believe it. Punch for Shelton, corner whip, Shelton kips up and out, T-Bone (Josh: "Exploder!") one two three. (5:55) That was out of nowhere. Coach: "Just that quick." Shelton's a bit exhausted. 

Still to come: JTG vs Trevor Murdoch's Lifestyles of the Built and Dangerous: Trevor shows off his new outdoor pool. Trevor Murdoch showing us around his place should be on TV. (Airs 03/14)

the Highlanders (Oben, Scotland, 34 stone) vs Navajo Warrior & John Williams (487 pounds, already in the ring) - Josh says Todd is on vacation. Coach and Josh are unfamiliar with the word "vacation" personally. Coach: "Mr. McMahon always says, if you're not willing to work 24/7, you're in the wrong business." I believe that. The Navajo Warrior must be on every time we're in Arizona. Josh admits he has no idea which Highlander is which, much better thank faking it. Robby is the one with hair on the top of his head, as Coach correctly identifies. Robby with a headlock on Navajo to start it. Robby shot off, ducks under a clothesline, Navajo's head down way too soon, Robby stops and reminds us that he's Robby. Navajo stands up, but misses on a chop. Headbutt. Dropkick, tag to Rory, whip, double back elbow. Rory fired up, headbutt drop. Corner whip, reversed into a short forearm. Tag to John Williams, who charges in. Rory ducks under, John trips by himself. Scottish Hammer. Tag to Robby. Whip, dropkick. He's Robby. Tag to Rory. Corner whip into Rory's boots, middle rope crossbody. Rory yelling about. John rammed into Rory's head. Tag to Rory. Chest forearms. Elbow to Navajo while he's at it. Robby backs all the way up, charges, and hits the corner when John Williams moves out of the way. Right hands. Armbar, tag to Navajo, who goes after the arm with forearms and knees. Tag to John, kick. Shoulder into the post, inside cradle on the rebound, one two no. Armbar. Robby escapes, back suplex. Robby rolling over, and tag to Rory. No reaction for the hot tag. Rights for both guys, and now Scottish Hammers. Spinning side slam for John Williams, flapjack for Navajo Warrior. Rory fired up (again), and ramming John Williams into Navajo Warrior to take him out. Robby in, and there's the slingshot reverse suplex one two three. (3:35) The first match was sudden, this match was quick.

WWE Sidesplitters: DX makes fun of Vince's Stand Back dancing (03/12)

Eugene (Louisville, KY, 242 pounds) vs Kenny Dykstra (Worchester, MA, 234 pounds) - Josh loves Eugene. We all have our flaws. Josh reminds us of Eugene's big win over Tony Jones last week. Coach reminds us he failed to eliminate Eugene long ago. Is Eugene picking his nose? And now he want to shake? Kenny is not down with that, understandably. Eugene wipes off his hand, but still no. Josh: "Kenny Dykstra, barely into his 20s - you barely remember your 20s!" Takes a moment for Coach to catch that - must be the senility. Circle. Lockup, Kenny with an armbar, twist, Eugene yelling into a reversal. Hammerlock, reversed, Eugene snap mare, bodyscissors. Is he going to do the Farmer's Roll? Coach and I are waiting for it, but Eugene isn't - Kenny's rolled over on his back, one two, ah, there it is. After the roll is down, Eugene goes back toe the armbar, and Kenny pulls his hair and backs him into the corner. Break? Kenny misses the punch, Eugene rolls out and balls up  - is that the Lady of the Lake spot? Yep, Eugene lays on his upper back, covers himself all up except for sticking a hand straight up, and of course Kenny can do nothing but grab that hand. Eugene armdrags him over and floats over for a one count. Kenny tries to get Eugene, Eugene slips thru his legs, and there's the butt bite. Kenny is dying - did Eugene pulls down his trunks before doing it again? Ewww. Eugene gets the crowd chanting for him. Your ref is Jack, by the way. Kenny plays the shoes untied trick on Eugene. Kenny with stomps, fistdrop, one two no. Grabbing Eugene's hair and punching him. Short clothesline, holding on, another short clothesline, one two no. Chinlock with a knee in the back. Eugene trying to rally, but the crowd really could care less this week. They do start to come with him, given enough time. Kenny stops that with a forearm to the back. Oh no, turnbuckle smash. And Another. And another. YOU. Right left right left windup right. Airplane spin makes both of them dizzy. Rock Bottom never works, Kenny elbows out of it. Whip, quick reversal to a Rock Bottom - guess it works on the second try. What's Eugene want now? Oh, of course. People's elbow coming up - Kenny up quick, kick, caught by Eugene, Eugene spins him around for a back suplex but Kenny lands on his feet, kick, signaling, Roll of the Dice. One two three. (4:51) Josh doesn't appear to have a name for it, but give him another week. 

Up Next: JTG vs Trevor Murdoch

WWE Uncut: Trish Stratus's Last Day (03/18)

Trevor Murdoch (Waxahachie, TX, 250, w/Lance Cade) vs JTG (Brooklyn, NY, 230 pounds, w/Shad) - Cade is out in street clothes, which for him means a cowboy hat, jeans, and no shirt. I completely believe this. JTG is not 230 pounds in this or any other universe. Josh tells us about hanging with JTG and Shad. Lockup, no Trevor with a punch, forearm. Whip, running back elbow. Forearm to the back. Slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop but no one's home. Forearm to the back. Forearm to the back of the head. Whip, head down too soon, JTG leapfrogs him, spinning back elbow, and a dropkick. Running diving neckbreaker too. JTG up to the middle rope, dancing, waiting, leg lariat, one two no. Trevor out to get a breath. JTG yells, and Shad throws Trevor back in. JTG with right hands. JTG is taller than I thought, but still not 230. Whip, reversed, JTG gets up a back elbow, Trevor charges again, JTG gets up a back elbow again. Trevor goes down and draws the ref over, so when JTG goes to the middle rope, Lance has a chance to knock JTG to the floor. Shad's over to kill Lance, but ref Marty is back over and stopping him. Shad helps JTG up, and Trevor pulls him up. Inverted atomic drop, and another. Running big boot flips out JTG. Trevor talking trash, then covering, one two no. It works better the other way. Neck vice. JTG trying to draw from the crowd - crowd coming earlier to him. JTG with elbows, off the ropes, under a clotheslines, cross body is caught and Trevor drops him forward. They're in the corner - Trevor going up? Trevor's going up. Pump splash meets knees, and both guys are down and looking for a tag - oh, wait, that's right. Shad's pounding the mat hard to rally JTG. JTG back to his feet, ducking a clothesline, right hands, off the ropes, clothesline. Clothesline, dropkick. JTG has a nice dropkick. JTG dances to his feet. Josh: "I taught JTG those dance moves." Coach: "You better shut up." Kick by JTG, off the ropes, jumping swinging neckbreaker, one two th-NO. What's JTG's move? I dunno, but he's going up. All the way up, and Lance shoves him off again. This time, JTG was ready and lands on his feet in the ring. Lance drops back to the floor to escape a punch, but JTG's still looking and him and has completely lost sight of Trevor. Shad's rushing around the ring to get Lance, and they take out each other with clotheslines as JTG ducks a Murdoch clothesline (guess he's got eyes in the back of his head) and cradles him - got the tights too - one two three! (5:05) Trevor can't believe he just got beat like that. Cryme Tyme still waiting for a title shot - maybe this week in DC?

That's it.