corp open, show open.

the Highlanders (Oben, Scotland, 34 stone) vs Adam Amour and Wyatt Lara (439 pounds, already in the ring - this is Heat #451, and your announcers are Coach and Todd. Robby outslaps Rory to start. I assume the other guy is Wyatt, since he's got that big W on his tights. Coach, on the locals in this match: "Does it really matter?" He rather hype up the WM matches. You're not missing much. Sunset flip blocked with his kilt, check. Tag to Rory, whip, double shoulderblock, headbutt drop. Head into the buckle, to the opposite corner for another. Back to the Highlanders corner, slap tag for Robby, double whip, double hiptoss, Robby hiptosses his partner onto Wyatt. Robby corner whip, Wyatt slowly rebounds into a backdrop. Forearm to the back. Todd reminds us Cryme Tyme is still waiting to get that shot - actually, he's probably reminding Coach. Whip, Robby puts his head down too soon, and Wyatt throws him down by his hair. Tag to Adam, who runs right into a drop toe hold. Elbow drop to back of the head too. Slap tag to Rory, hold for a headbutt. Todd says Adam is bleeding from the nose - he was grabbing in from the drop toe hold, so he hurt it on the first move he took. Headbutt by Rory. Turnbuckle smash. Highlanders are very loud today. Ten turnbuckle smashes in the corner, and a corner headstand knee? kick? A low blow of some kind. Whip towards Robby, slap tag, Rory whips him around into back into Robby's feet, Adam stumbles into a back suplex, Robby adds a top rope splash. Wyatt in, but Rory decks him before he gets anything. Rory working over Adam in the corner. Locals aren't going to get anything in today, and this is still going six minutes. Snap mare, elbow drop, and Adam is quite slow getting up. Turnbuckle smash. Todd notes how many times we've seen that in this match. Chests slap. Whip, Adam rebounds out, slam, elbow drop, no one's home and I guess Adam is going to get to tag out after all. Armbar, tag to Wyatt, Wyatt elbows the arm and cranks it over his shoulder. back heel trip, and Wyatt smashes it into the mat. Wyatt works the arm - they're going to work a body part. Rory tires to get the crowd yelling, as Robby punches his way out of the key lock. Whip, reversed, blind tag by Adam, Wyatt misses a punch, Robby clotheslines Adam. That was dumb. Dropkick Wyatt, tag to Rory for the sake of having a hot tag. Right hands for everyone. Scottish hammers for everyone. Backdrop for Adam, sidewalk slam on Wyatt. Crowd has gone quiet. Rebound inverted suplex one two three. (6:05)  

Still to come: Cade & Murdoch vs Jim Duggan & Scotty 2 Hotty

Maria reminds us to not forget RAW's on Thursday this week. And here's an ad for that. 

Eugene (Louisville, KY, 252 pounds, w/sign) vs Ted Sweet (Nashville, TN, 250  pounds, already in the ring) - Coach hates Eugene, and Eugene is holding a "I AM YOUR FRIEND" sign. I think he might be a face again! Your ref is Jack. Handshake for Jack. HUG! Hey, Eugene, you gonna stand there or you going to do something? Lockup, headlock takedown, Ted with a headscissors reversal, kip up, Ted with a headlock, shot off, over, now they're criss crossing back and forth with out touching everything. Damian Demento point to the ceiling, Ted look up, Roddy Piper eye poke. Wacky dance, drop toe hold, riding Ted like a horse. Wacky Dance, thru Ted's leg, biting the butt. Eugene promises Todd that he'll stop it. Test of strength? No, Eugene is screwing with him. Ted tries to punch him, Eugene ducks under, headlock, shot off, back , over, Eugene skips back behind Ted, Ted can't find him, now he does, Ted elbow drop misses and Eugene takes off running, outside the ring. Someone told Eugene he needed to be super wacky Eugene today. I hate that person. Ted has no gear to ear, so Eugene instead gets his sign back and dances with it. He wants Ted to be his friend. Ted takes the sign. Fans boo, and Ted of course rips it up. Eugene reaches down to pick it up, and Ted pounds him. Crowd chanting YOU SUCK. Delayed suplex. Chinlock. "Who sucks now, huh?" Eugene powering up, but Ted stops him with a forearm. Oh, those turnbuckle smashes are a bad idea. Ted starts throwing the blockable punches too soon and Eugene can't really get a You out. Windup punch. Fireman's carry that makes himself dizzy, check. Rock Bottom, but Ted elbows out. Whip, reversed, head down too soon, Eugene gets kicked. Ted off the ropes again, kick, Stunner. One two three. (4:33) Eugene carries around the ref to celebrate.

Chris Masters tells me not to miss RAW. Well, now I'm sold. The RAW video package is competing Your Fired bits.  

WWE rewind: new tag champs who don't get along; well, that part's not new. (:30)

Edge vs Randy Orton vs Shawn Michaels [1, WWE]. I don't know about you, but I'm always weirded out when a #1 contender three way match doesn't end in some sort of tie. Also weirding me out: JR calling people 'stallions'. Look at me, look at them, look at me, look at them. (3:44)

Up Next: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Scotty 2 Hotty. Todd: "It's A main event!" Can't argue with that. 

Victoria, another person who had nothing to do at RAW this past week and was roped into doing promos for Heat (I'm guessing), at least turns this into a slight promo for Victoria before talking about Thursday RAW Thursday.

Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (532 pounds) vs Jim Duggan & Scotty 2 Hotty (weightless, w/flag and 2x4) - why does Lance keep throwing his gear on the stage? Will we ever find out? Coach is a big fan of both county music, and hot women who like country music. Todd and Coach talk about Coach being a fan of Scotty "before he even teamed up with Rikishi!" Coach was a big fan of Light Heavyweight division jobbers. You know, I think my role here is to be appalled at the lack of Grandmaster Sexay mentions, but it's Grandmaster Sexay. We move on. Announcers discuss the possibilities of Duggan doing the Worm. Announcers discuss Duggan's ability to spell the word "Worm". That's a toughie. USA is being spelled by the crowd. They're big South Alabama fans. Scotty and Lance to start. Lockup, on, Scotty wants to stand over there. Now he wants people to clap. Now I see how long this match is going to be and worry. Lockup, no, Scotty ducks under, lockup, Cade bullies him into the corner, right hand punch, Scotty ducks under and escapes. Todd talks up a possible WM tag team title match in hyping Cade/Murdoch, and neither him or Coach seem to realize the problem there. They'll work it out. Lockup, Scotty with a waistlock, Headlock, shot off, Cade runs him over. Forearm to the back. Another. Duggan entertains himself on the outside. Whip, Scotty slides under the big boot, drop hold, Scotty running sit on the back, one two no. Headlock, Lance pushes him over towards Trevor, who makes the blind tag.  Trevor in and punching. Rake of the eyes on the ropes. Slap to the back, talking trash. Corner whip, Scotty kips up and out, Trevor turns into a hiptoss, dropkick, dropkick for Cade, Duggan in and clothesline Lance, Scotty clothesline Trevor out. Time for the commercial break. (3:35)

Wait, there's actually a break! His name is Armando Alejandro Estrada and he'd like me to watch RAW. On Thursday. You don't say. What happened to his middle name? 

Back on Heat, Murdoch is ready to go, but wants Duggan. Duggan is fired to come instead of Scotty - so fired up, he forget to tag. Okay, now they've got it worked out. Duggan is easily distracted by Cade, and Trevor forearms him in the back. Whip, reversed, Duggan clothesline, Duggan clothesline, Duggan clothesline, garden implement, country of origin, corner rushing, charging whatever misses. Tag to Cade. Running kick to the ribs. Coach randomly talks about people all over the week calling in wanting to be part of Heat this week. Cade chokes Duggan on the ropes. Right. Kicks. Tag to Trevor. Oh, I guess Coach's phone is ringing again - I never can hear it but the announcers sure can. Cade with right hands. Tag to Trevor, hold for right hands. Elbow to the head. Trevor points up. Whip, charge into Hacksaw's elbow. Tag to Scotty, Scotty rushes in but the ref's in the way, there we go, Scotty with right hands, whip, reversed, Cade swipes at him from the outside, Scotty turns to punch him, Cade hooks him and holds him, ref Marty goes to cut off Duggan from cutting in, Trevor charges, Scotty moves, and Cade gets knocked off the apron. Scott off the ropes, bulldog! He's in position. Duggan wants the tag? Oh, no he just wants the move. W O R M DEAD! Cade just took his head off with a clothesline. Duggan in, but Cade out, so Duggan's just getting yell deed at Trevor recovers and tags Cade. Scotty's dead weight when Trevor picks him up to hold. Chop by Lance. Elbow to the head. Forearm to the back. Scotty alert enough to yell in apron. Right. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, Scotty thrown back first into the corner, and Trevor tagged in. Fistdrop. Scoop, Scotty slops behind, dropkick. Can he make the tag? Crawling, tag to Cade, Cade's got Scotty and Scotty's not going anywhere. Back suplex.  One two no. Knees to the spine. Tag to Trevor, assisted legdrop, one two no. Neck vice. Scotty rallying, but an elbow stops that. Scoop, slam. Trevor to the middle rope, this is a bad idea. Flying axhandle, Scotty gets his boot up, Trevor catches it, Trevor elbow drop misses. Scotty crawling for a tag. Unfortunately, he's crawling towards cradle. Now he's going the right away, but Trevor ruts him off and holds him. Scotty is thrown down, but he charges again. Trevor back suplex, Scotty slips free, tag to Duggan, clothesline for Trevor, right for Cade, right for Murdoch, left for Cade, both lined up for left and rights and a noggin knocker. Corner punches on Murdoch while Scotty keeps Cade from breaking it up with a fivearm. Ref kicking Scotty out, which allows Lance to brawl with Cade. Eye rake disorients Duggan, and there's the Sour and Sour. Cade yanks Scotty off the apron for good measure. One two three. (6:46, 11:21 total)

RAW! On THURSDAY! So you know.