corp open show open.

Val Venis (Las Vegas, 234 pounds) vs Jeremy Young (Dallas, TX, 215 pounds, already in the ring) - your hosts are Coach and Todd for Heat #449. Coach has decided to personally ensure this will be the best Royal Rumble - does the mean he's in it? Why do I know the name Jeremy Young? Val gives the towel to a child, which is icky. Your ref is Marty. Is the hard camera broke again? Val with a headlock, shoulderblock. Coach has an issue with Jeremy's trunk saying "the Fire." Lockup, headlock, shot off, back Young's hiptoss blocked and Val gets a backslide one two no. Coach: "This is a big week here on Heat, Grish, a couple of our favorite guys, Val Venis, Big Vis is in the house-" and he just stops. Very odd. Running knees, Russian legsweep, I think you've seen this. Hipswivel, mounted punches. Suplex. Val walking around instead of covering or going up or something. Val picks up Young, who runs him back first into the corner. Break. Young with right. Val with a kick. Corner whip, Val charges, Young not home. Cranking Val's arm around the top rope, yanking it as he falls off the apron. Forearm to the left shoulder. Smashed into the corner. Smashed into the corner. Hammerlock. Rammed into the corner. Rammed into the opposite corner. Armbar, Val fights back with punches, but Emery with a headlock and armbar takeover, one two no. Headlock. Todd assures us Cena will be at the Royal Rumble. Val tries pull her to get free, but no. Knees to the shoulder. Headlock cover, one two no. Back to their feet, armbar still on. Punch to the arm. Jeremy takes the armbar to the apron, to snap it over the top rope again, but Val punches his way free and smashes him into the buckle. And another. Hiptoss, and Jeremy back in. Val clotheslining with his good arm. Back elbow. Running big boot. Chop. Chop. Coach tells his Royal Rumble story once again this week. Whip, quick reverse Val ducks the clothesline and gives Young the half nelson slam. Val's fired up, going up, checking his arm, taking time to swivel, Money Shot one two three. (5:35) Okay, that one's way too excited about this.

Royal Rumble: Kennedy vs Batista [WORLD]

Viscera (Harlem, NY, 487 pounds) vs Wes Adams (Lafayette, LA, 214 pounds, already in the ring) - Todd seems very proud that he knows Viscera's weight. Is Vis a face this week? You ref is Jack. Lockup, no, Wes ducks under, dropkick, dropkick swatted away. Todd says Vis is undefeated on Heat? Huh. Clothesline. Wes thrown in the corner. Chest slap. Another. Corner whip, thrown back into the corner, rebound back into a back elbow, elbow drop. Stepping on Wes. Slam. Wes rammed back first into the corner. Chest slap. Corner whip, down he goes. Vis revs up, corner splash. Hip swivel. Sex Drive. One two three. (1:20) That's been about how long that needed to last.

Royal Rumble: Royal Rumble - like why are those Rey Misterio clips in there? I'm pretty sure they figured out he wasn't going to be in here. 

In Memory of
Scott "Bam Bam" Bigelow
1961-2007

Todd doesn't say "Last week, Bam Bam Bigelow passed", he says "Last week, WWE.com reported Bam Bam Bigelow passed", which is weird. Anyway, in this week's replay spot, we're getting a clip

Taz vs Bam Bam Bigelow [ECW TV] - ECW Living Dangerously, 03/01/1998: Todd said we wouldn't believe how this one ends, so I though we were getting the suplex thru the ramp from Chicago. Even though I'm going to completely blow off this match, this is what they really should be doing with their film library. Though maybe they shouldn't have joined as Bam Bam was taking a minute to set up a table. Weird to hear dead air; almost enough to believe there's a commentator they're removing, if you didn't know better. WWE wouldn't allow dead air even if they had just one guy. Can I laugh at the part where Taz is a little too short to get over the barricade? I still think I might be killed for that. There's like 8 people who are anti-Bam Bam (not necessarily pro-Taz) and the rest of the crowd hates them. This part where they're slipping around and falling isn't so good either. Oh oh oh oh it's this one - Bam Bam goes for the Greetings from Asbury Park, Tazz slips out into the Tazmission, Bam Bam struggles, stumbles backwards, falls backwards hard, and they both fall thru the ring! (And then they had another match with a hole in the ring!) I love how the referee takes about a minute to take in what happened before going down to the hole to see if they're alive. Bam Bam crawls out, tries to pull Taz out once, pulls him out the second time, and pins him. (6:54) New champ. Francine, Shane Douglas and Chris Candido come out to celebrate. I guess that's the downside to showing classic clips - you can't show one of one guy without inevitable featuring a cameo by another.

WWE 24/7 plug - hey, timely.

Royal Rumble: Cena vs Umaga [WWE]

and the card rundown
Royal Rumble: 30 Man Royal Rumble match - the show will have happened by the time you read this.
Royal Rumble: John Cena vs Umaga [WWE, last man standing]
Royal Rumble: Batista vs Mr. Kennedy [WORLD]
Royal Rumble: Bobby Lashley vs Test [ECW]
Royal Rumble: The Hardys vs MNM

The World's Greatest Tag Team (497 pounds) vs the Highlanders (Oben, Scotland, 34 stone) - oh my gosh, Shelton and Charlie are wearing their tag team gear, as a tag.  team! Did Lillian forget Shelton's name? She has a few weird pauses there. What was up with that. Todd notes that Shelton is in the Rumble, but Charlie is not. Todd says HBK is the favorite, which means HBK is suffering a horrific loss. That's kinda sad. Rory and Shelton to start. Lockup, Shelton with a knee, punch to the beck. Punch to the head. Shelton talking trash already. Slapping the face, which is a bad mood on Rory. Rory fighting back with punches, whip, reversed into a Shelton headlock. Rory reveres to one of his own. Shot off, back , over, under, under, Rory stops short and headbutts Shelton. Shelton rams Rory into the corner, and makes the tag while Rory pounds him. Charlie pounds Rory in turn. Corner whip, down goes Rory. Robby reaches for a tag, but he's on the other side of the ring. Suplex, blocked. Blocked again, and behind the back tag to Robby. Charlie gets that suplex, Rory slips free, and pushes Charlie into Robby's boots. Second rope cross body, one two no. Headlock. Cranking it in. Blind tag by Rory, Robby shot off, ducks the clothesline, and it's double team Scottish Hammer, double team headbutt drop. Armbar. Your ref is Chad, by the way. Slap tag to Roby. Headbutt the arm. Armbar, armdrag, holding on to the arm as he gets back up, slap tag to Robby, holding Charlie for a Rory second rope headbutt to the arm. Right. Whip, Charlie puts his head down too soon and gets it kicked. Running headbutt to the arm. Charlie is annoyed and shoves Robby off the apron. While Chad breaks that fight up, Shelton slips on and waylays Rory from behind, dropping him. Charlie stomps Rory, and then runs him back first into the corner. Tag to Shelton. Kick, right. Chinlock and punches. Turnbuckle smash, but that's not working with Rory. Rory fights back with punches, but Shelton stops that with a back suplex. One two no. Tag to Charlie, Shelton holds for a forearm to the back. Forearm to the back. Talking trash. Knee to the back. Slam. Haas off the ropes, elbow drop meets knees. Rory crawls - to the neutral corner, oops. Rory rights himself in the corner, Charlie misses a corner splash, and Rory tags in Robby. Not much of a hot tag (crowd doesn't care), but Robby comes in punching and clotheslining. Dropkick for Haas, dropkick for Shelton. 

Coach's picks!
if RAW: Edge
if SmackDown!: Undertaker
Todd: "What about ECW?"
Coach fails to laugh. 
Coach: "maybe CM Punk?"

Rory back in to help and he takes Shelton out with a clothesline to the head. Rory with a right hand, whip, reversed, runs into Shelton on all fours but fails to trip - the timing is off here, but what happening is Rory is being forced to leave the ring by ref Chad, and Shelton and Charlie do an inverted atomic drop/backbreaker combo. Todd has no idea how high six feet is. Charlie stays in, but just to tag in Shelton, double suplex for Robby. Shelton with a scoop, walking around with it, shoulder slam into a backbreaker. One two NO. Knee to the back. Chinlock with a knee to the back. Robby battling up, but Charlie stops him. Whip, head down too soon, Robby with a sunset flip, Charlie blocking it, and tagging Shelton. Charlie bends over Robby so Shelton can get in a shot. Chinlock by Shelton. Robby battling up, punches, but Shelton throws him into the corner. Abdominal stretch, and Shelton's carefully positioning it. Yep, Charlie gets in that outside leverage, getting away just in time. Chad just misses. Chad looks over to Rory, and Charlie gets that leverage on again. Chad again just misses it, and Charlie can't believe he's being accused like this. Reaching a third time, holding it in - and they actually get away with a third time, because Chad has to turn and stop Rory from storming in. Robby gets free with a hiptoss in the meantime, but Charlie forearms him in the back and takes Shelton's place with the hold. Chad back over - and for once, he's actually not going to let the heel team make a tag (or non tag) he didn't see, telling Charlie to get back out and Shelton to get back in. That starts an argument, and while they're discussing this, Robby's crawling away for the tag. He's almost there - oh no Charlie elbow dropped him and stopped him. Okay, Shelton back in, and gets on a modified camel clutch. Modified, in this case, is a way of saying it doesn't look good. It allows Robby to crawl to his corner while still having it on, which is the point. Robby reaching , reaching, reaching, picking Shelton up, and dropping him on his back. Coach thinks Robby is done. Both guys crawling for tags - no, Shelton grabs Robby to stop him. Shelton's got a leg, and he's reaching, Robby reaching the other way, both bouncing back and forth and Robby kicks Shelton away. Tag to Rory, tag to Shelton, right for Charlie, right for Shelton, right for Charlie, right for Shelton, Scottish Hammer for Charlie, Scottish Hammer for Shelton, Rory's all fired up. Charlie charges into a powerslam one two no. Shelton with right hands, Rory slips behind, Shelton shoved into the ropes, bounce hack, Scot Drop! Rory is fired up but not covering, and Charlie decks him. Robby with rights hands, whip, backdrop - Robby was charging Shelton from behind at almost the same time, and they nearly collided. That scared Coach and me. Robby was hurrying to get a waistlock rollup on Charlie, but the ref is rolling Rory out and missing Shelton land the superkick on Robby. Charlie reverses the pin, one two three. (11:47) Todd: "What a confusing match!" Not really dude.

Coach has to go get ready for the Rumble. That's it.