corp open. show open.

Hey, that looks strangely like the inside of an arena! It's a MATCH! Well, sorta:

Hacksaw Jim Duggan (Glen Falls, NY, 274 pounds, with his flag and his 2 by 4) vs Colt Cabana (Green Bay, Wisconsin, 240 pounds, already in the ring) - your announcers are Todd and Coach for this 436th Heat. I guess this is as good at time as any to point on ROH's Bobby Cruise doing the ring announcing, since I'm not expecting a graphic for him. I was trying to figure out the point of Jim Duggan squash matches in 2006, but if you're going to do 'em, this seems like as good an idea as any. When did Colt find time to move to Green Bay? He's a busy man - now he's got to dodge Hacksaw's 2x4 machine gun fire. Todd: "We've got a new ring announcer on Heat, and his name is -" Coach: "It doesn't matter what his name is!" That's okay, I miss the Rock too. Coach is in a bad mood because of something that happened on RAW which I've already forgot - I think Todd is telling me here but I'm going to ignore him too. USA USA USA. Colt attacks Duggan from behind with forearms, and then chops. Duggan's not too phased. Whipped, reversed, Duggan has three clotheslines of various degrees of awful. Three point stance - no, Cabana bails. He's frustrated. if only he had his bandana. Hacksaw out after Colt. Turning him around - a big right, a big left, and a big right drops him. Coach is especially sick of Duggan's antics this week. Colt thrown back in. Colt kicks and punches Duggan as he comes in. Headlock punch! CHINlock. Colt working on it a lot, accomplishing little. Duggan rallying up with his own USA chant. Duggan uses elbows to escape, which only look good in comparison to those clotheslines. Hacksaw shot off into the ropes, and Colt stops him with a kneelift. Colt with a thumbs up, thumbs down - mimicking Batista, even by accident, is probably not the way to go. Fistdrop, cover for one two no. One two no. Colt would like Chad Patten to count faster, but it happened. Headlock punch. Chinlock on again. Not exactly tight. All the way down to the mat. One arm drop, two arm drop. Will Duggan lose to a chinlock? NO! Thumbs up! Duggan rallying here, elbowing out again, but Colt stops him with a forearm to the back. Turnbuckle smash - works? Huh. Colt struts! Ah, that gives time Hacksaw to recover - turnbuckle smash to Colt, and all the way to the other corner for one, and another, and another, and another. Corner punches? One two three four five six seven eight nine ten. Thumbs up. Colt stops the madness with an eye rake. Right hand by Colt, who takes a second to regain his senses. Corner whip, reversed, Colt rebound out into a scoop and a slam. Duggan sets up, three point stance, running clothesline, one two three. (4:19) Coach was impressed by Duggan. Doesn't take much.

Eric Bischoff talks about Eric Bischoff. Anyone else remember those vignettes where Eric talked about Eric on that one Thunder? Never mind.

K-Fed, the return (1:37)

Cyber Sunday: champ vs champ vs champ

Charlie Haas (Dallas, TX, 249 pounds) vs Super Crazy (Mexico, 200 pounds) - whoever is doing the graphics for Heat is under the impression it's "Supercrazy". Your ref is Jack Doan. Crazy would like people to cheer. And they do! Circle. Lockup, Haas with an armdrag. Haas gives himself two points. Todd talks about "pound and ground", he needs to stop hanging with Cole. Lockup, Haas hiptoss. Crazy slow up, while Charlie mocks him. Fans do not like Charlie. Lockup, Crazy backed into the corner. Todd works in the Forrest Gump line for no particular reason. Haas goes for the chap punch, but Crazy comes back with right hands of his own. Corner whip, hiptoss on the round, Crazy ands a dropkick. Drop toe hold, La Majistral one two no. I believe Todd just referred to that as an amateur wrestling maneuver. Step over pumphandle cradle, one two NO. I just made that up. Haas rolls out to give me time to think of something better. Charlie thinks it over. Haas walking around the ring, so Crazy decides to walk around behind him. Crazy shoves him in the back, so Haas turns around and knees him. Haas tries to smash Crazy's head into the mat, but Crazy blocks it and Haas takes it instead. Crazy throws Haas in. Haas tries to cut him off, Crazy gives him a shoulder, and slingshots over Haas' back - wait, no, he doesn't, Crazy just kinda falls to the mat, because Haas dropped to his knees and didn't support Crazy's weight as he rolled over. That was odd. Crazy's grabbing his back, and Haas decides to stomp it a couple times. Haas pulls Crazy up, and knees him in the back a few times before pulling him over for a backbreaker. Kicks to the spine. Crowd not happy with Charlie. Crazy fights his way to his feet with punches. Whip, Crazy clothesline misses, Haas kicks him, double underhook by Charlie. He's fired up, the crowd fired up to boo him. Charlie working over Crazy's boots with shin kicks to the spin, and then a big running kick. Haas celebrates before covering, one two no. Sit down on the back. Knee to the back. Knee on the back chinlock. Crowd chanting for Super Crazy. Crazy getting free and rallying up with punches to Haas' legs. Off the ropes, Haas kills Super Crazy with a boot to the face. Yow. Jack has to check if Crazy is still with us. He is, so Haas rakes Crazy's face with his boot. Slam. Off the ropes, kneedrop to the head. One two NO. Knee to the midsection, abdominal stretch. Crowd quickly cheering for Charlie Haas. Charlie moves it over to the ropes so he can grab the top rope, though the does the worst job of hide it. He's caught the second time, breaking at 3. Scoop, slam. Haas off the ropes, elbow drop meets knees! Crazy rolls to the corner to pull himself, and Haas rolls the other way. Haas charges, Crazy moves - springboard dropkick, he got most of it. Right hands. Whip, wheel kick. Crazy's fired up, and he's going up. Waiting for Haas to get up, missile dropkick, standing moonsault, one two NO. Crazy can't believe it. Haas stops him with a kick right hand. Fireman's carry lift, Crazy slips into a sunset flip, one two three. (7:23) They were quite in the ropes there, but Doan let it go. Crazy gets going, slipping out of the ring before Haas can get a hold of him. I hope Haas protests the decision and gets a rematch real soon; for a match which could've fallen apart real early, this was quite good.  

WWE Mobile Ringtones

Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (532 pounds) vs the Highlanders (Oben, Scotland, 34 stone) - welcome back to Heat! Who'd thunk that going straight from Heat to a main event feud wouldn't be accepted by the fans? Ring announcer doesn't say Redneck Wrecking Crew, but Coach and Todd do. Todd thinks the winner of this match will soon get a tag team title shot, so Todd's not been paying attention. Murdoch and Rory start, with Trevor skipping the lockup and just kicking him. Forearm. Whip, back elbow. Tag, running shoulderblock by Cade. Scoop, slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop misses,. Rory armbar, tag to Robby - well, slap to Robby anyway. Elbow to the armbar. Tag to Robby. Rory with a middle rope headbutt to the arm. Armbar, tag to Robby, Robby goes up top, headbutt to the arm. Armbar, Lance has had enough of this, and punches his way free. Corner whip, Lance charges into a boot. Tag to Rory, and Robbie rams him into Cade's midsection. Murdoch in, double kick to him, and he's used like a man on Cade. Double backdrop for Murdoch, double clothesline for Cade, double clothesline for Murdoch. Here's where the commercial break goes. Cade pleads for a timeout, which Coach does not allow. Trevor distracts Rory for Cade to attack from behind, and I guess action is supposed to pick up from there. Tag to Murdoch, hold for a punch. Corner whip - back to the corner, Trevor charges into a back elbow. Turnbuckle smash for Trevor, headbutt, turnbuckle smash, headbutt. Trevor lands oddly on the mat. Robby tagged in, and drops an elbow to the back. Trevor rolls over, so Robby covers him for one. Robby backs Trevor into the ropes, Cade makes the blind tag, whip, head down too soon, Trevor kicks it, Robby turns into an inverted atomic drop, and Trevor adds the running boot. Cade's fired up. Murdoch poses. Cade with a wide array of neck vices. Choke on the mat. Choke on the mat again. Forearm to the back. Tag to Murdoch, and Robbie's thrown back first in the corner. And again.  Chop by Cade. Tag to Trevor, who whips Cade into the corner for a running back elbow. Trevor pulls Robbie out, and gives him a back suplex into a powerbomb. Murdoch covers, one two no. Robbie reaching for a tag, but a long way to go - and Trevor knocks off Rory to be sure. Rory wants in, and that argument allows Cade and Murdock to stomp down Robbie. This is the usual match, but good enough. Tag to Cade. Big chop, and a forearm to the back. Corner whip, but Robbie is able to miraculously fight out of the corner, punching both men to get some freedom. Cade stops that with a back suplex. Tag to Trevor, who keeps Robbie from moving with an elbow drop. Trevor lets Robby move a little closer, and stops him with a forearm. Suplex, one two no. Was that an attempt at floatover? Trevor Murdoch can not float. Armbar with a hand in the face, but Robbie rallies up. Robbie rallies up with right hands, an a dropkick! Can he make the tag? Both crawling - tag to Cade, tag to Rory. Rory ducks Cade's clothesline, Scottish Hammer for Cade, another, one for Murdoch, right for Cade, right for Trevor. Rory is fired up. Battering ram for Murdock, battering ram for Cade. Whip, flapjack for Murdoch. Robbie going up? Rory helping him - Rocket Launcher! Too bad it's not even close. Trevor moves out of the way, and Cade trips up Rory from doing any more. While the ref checks on him, Cade comes back in - Sour N' Sour on Robbie, and Cade covers one two three. (8:04) Todd says "Hi Lo! Hi Lo!" but I don't know if I'm giving into that. Cade rolls the losers out of the ring, and gets his arm raised.

That's it.