corp open, show open

Charlie Haas & Viscera (732 pounds) vs Michael Hutter & Chris Cronus (already in the ring) - Your announcers for Heat 423 are still Todd and don't call me Coach. Maria is still the ring announcer, who knows why. Coach: "She's getting better and better!" Hey, referee Scott Armstrong! He's gotta be at least the second best wrestler in this match. Coach declares his match on RAW a victory of sorts. Are they going to tell me who's who? Scott's still earning the finer points of staying out of the way as the third man, I think. Haas is in out mat wrestling one of 'em. Nice jumping leg lariat. Coach: "I've never seen what anyone sees in Lillian Garcia!" Crowd is completely behind the new heels as Haas and Viscera team up for a drop toe hold/legdrop combo; I think you can guess who does what. Announcers are pushing this as a strange tag team, but Haas appears just to have replaced Val as Viscera's partners. Viscera kills the other one with a short clothesline. Todd has no idea which guy is which. Todd: "Charlie Haas has trained all over the world in various forms of marital arts: [pause] boxing, various forms of karate." Riiiiiiight. Coach points out Haas' wrestling skills might also be handy. Actual sort of hot tag to one of calls, though the receiver immediately takes a German suplex from Haas. Viscera squashes both opponents in the corner. Hip swivel, and I guess that's the sign for the finish: Viscera lifts up a opponent in a fireman's carry, and Haas missile dropkicks his own partner for more force on a Samoan Drop. One two three. (4:05) Look, they've worked on their posing. 

SummerSlam ad: sack race

Torrie Wilson (Boise, ID) vs Victoria (Los Angeles, CA) - your ref is Some Guy; actually, someone explained this and I should look it up, but he's not a Armstrong brother so I'm not as motivated. Hey, wait, Torrie's not in SHIMMER! Why would Victoria be facing her? Coach claims not to be involved with Umaga showing up at the end of his match on RAW (so I guess that's what Int'l Heat just saw), but Todd's not buying. Todd tries to sell us on Victoria wanting revenge for losing that tag match (where Candice was ref), but I'm not buying. Lockup, Victoria with a headlock, armbar, slowly back to the ropes, whip, Torrie with a scary spinning headscissors. Armbar, Victoria tries to get the ropes, but Torrie's massive strength prevents such a thing. Torrie flings Victoria across the ring to prove the point. Victoria by the ropes, and Torrie gives her a running kick out. Sliding dropkick connects pretty well, and Torrie's going up for a plancha to the outside? Quite the idea, but Victoria wisely bails to prevent it. Fans boo, and Todd tries to sell us on a new and improved Torrie! Torrie slides out instead, and drops Victoria with a clothesline. Torrie throws Victoria back in. Victoria tries a kick as Torrie stands up, Torrie catches the boot, spins her, and gives her a kneebreaker - oh no! The move just lived up to it's name and Victoria's hurt. It's the kneebraced knee, so you gotta hope it's just "worse than usual" rather than "done for good". Victoria tries to stand (mostly on one leg) and continue on while the referee gives a X sign so blatant, even I can spot it. The new and improved Torrie still apparently relies on sticking to the match as planned rather than improvising when things go wrong, because the next spot is Victoria being whipped (and moving slow with a limp), with Torrie putting her head down 'too soon' for Victoria to kick it. Victoria clotheslines Torrie down, then picks her up by the hair. Looks like Victoria wants to end it now, and amazingly still can lift Torrie up for the Widow's Peak - and pulls it off!! Just getting in position to get Torrie rolled over and pinned is a bit of a problem, but Victoria does get the cover, one two three. (1:44) Victoria tries to stand, manages to do it long enough to get her arm raised, and then limps over the ropes to stay upright. Coach figures Torrie might have not won, but did cripple Victoria.  

WWE Magazine

Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (544 pounds) vs Val Venis & Snitsky (532 pounds) - Todd thinks Cade & Murdoch are the current tag #1 contenders. From Viscera to Snitsky, Val could pick a decent partner someday. Coach and Todd discuss "Libertarians." I have negative a billion desire to see this match. Cade and Murdoch are quite different colors. Snitsky has trouble with the concept of a high five. Val and Cade to start, starting with various Cade forearms. Off the ropes, and Val's run over. Whip, head down too soon, Val kicks him, clotheslines him, and atomic drops Trevor when he comes in. Snitsky comes in and double clotheslines both men. The good guys clothesline the bad guys out, and I think this is where they go to the commercial break where they have commercial breaks. Here, we just get Cade and Murdoch regroup on the outside. Cade back in, and giving Val a kneelift. Forearm to the back. Tag to Murdoch, and Cade holds him for a punch. Forearm. Whip, Trevor does the Val (and other people I guess) running with kneelift! One more? Yes! Trevor dares to complete the combo with the Russian Legsweep, but Val blocks him and fights free. Big rights. Now Val does the running with knees, and his Russian legsweep works. Usual posing, usual punches to the head. Val argues with ref Chad Patten. Trevor's going nuts for some reason: "What is this? WHAT IS THIS CRAP?" He's beating up a corner for no reason. Cade calms his partner down a bit. Val's weirded out a bit. Trevor wants Snitsky. Val thinks about it for a while. Take your time, let's run out the clock. Tag to Snitsky. Snitsky roars, Trevor distracts him, Cade starts to come in, Snitsky turns to get Cade, and Trevor attacks Snitsky from behind. That worked. Trevor works over Snitsky with punches. Whip, reversed, Snitsky with a big hiptoss. Yelling at Murdoch to get up. Scoop, lots of spinning, lots of holding, slam. Cade in, and right into a punch. Elbow drop on Murdoch, one two no. Blind tag by Cade, Snitsky whips Trevor, Snitsky puts his head down too soon, Trevor kicks it, Snitsky turns into a Cade inverted atomic drop, who holds him for a Murdoch clothesline. Hey, look, tag team maneuvers. Cade shows off his own mounted punches and always exciting choking. Choke on the ropes, way to mix it up. Tag to Murdoch, corner whip - no, Snitsky thrown back in to the corner. Tag to Cade, Snitsky thrown back first in the corner again. Cade and Murdoch get into a first fight, and Cade's losing till he sneaks in a knee. Short clothesline seems brutal for multiple reasons. Trevor celebrates. Cade with a big boot, which somehow only bounces Snitsky into the ropes and gives him momentum to deliver his own. Both men down. Both men crawling. Cade switches from going to his corner to going for Snitsky, and it's gonna cost them - tag to Cal. Cal runs over Cade with a clothesline, here's another, back elbow for Trevor, slam for Cade, backdrop for Murdoch. Right hand for Cade, whip, reversed, Cade's clothesline is lame, Val drops him with the half nelson slam and covers one two Murdoch breaks it up. Snitsky in and punching him - clothesline takes Trevor out. Snitsky to the apron and arguing with Chad, so something's up. Trevor gets in an eye rake, causing Val to stumble into the middle of the ring. There's the Sour and Sour, and now Chad's watching - one two three. (7:09)

SummerSlam: Orton vs Hogan

Rob Conway (Atlantic City, NJ, 240 pounds) vs Eugene (Louisville, KY, 242 pounds) - no, not again. Maria does have a great dress. Coach notes the green paint is still on Eugene's jacket and gear. What a followup to beating Vince. Your ref is Jack. Handshake? No! Lockup, Conway with a headlock, into an inside cradle, one NO. Conway is proud of getting a one count; that's a lot for him. Lockup, armbar by Conway, wristlock, armbar. Eugene trying to draw from the crowd, crowd a bit behind him. Eugene rolls into a reversal (sorta) and gets his armbar. Rob just throws him down by the hair. Conway argues with the ref before following up, and misses the elbow drop as a result. Armbar by Eugene, and he's cranking the arm and stomping it in. Whip, Eugene goes under the leapfrog, over the drop down, stops, goes back over the drop down and stays behind Conway. Conway looks to see where Eugene went and can't spot him. Conway turns the other way, and gets eye poked. Eugene rolls out to dance and wave.  Coach: "There's nothing funny about that. It's a waste of time. It's like my life is standing still, watching Eugene wrestle." Whoa, he read my mind! Conway chases after Eugene, who slides back in when Conway slides out and slides out when Conway slides in. Butt dance, and the chase is on. Eugene races around the apron for no reason and back in to dance more. Conway misses a clothesline and takes an inverted atomic drop. Kick wham Stun- no, shoved off. Eugene stops short of the ref, and turns around into a clothesline. Conway stomps Eugene and shows us his mounted punches. Crowd chants for Eugene. Todd: "You calling our fans dumb?" "Yes. Yes I am. I'll say it, I'll say it again." Later: "I mean, they're still going to come. They love to see the show, they love to see the superstars. It's not like they'll stop coming." Coach points out people call Todd stupid all the time and he still shows up to work, and Todd notes he gets paid and the fans are paying. Coach: "They love seeing people like myself." Conway's still in control and still not going to win. We'll pick up with the exciting straight jacket chinlock. Todd, bored, recaps the show, saying the tag win opener was the standout performance of the night; I dunno, I thought the person with one leg winning a match was more noteworthy. Whip, Conway puts his head down too soon, Eugene kicks it, Eugene off the ropes, Conway powerslam shim (not well) and gets a two count. Oh no, he gave him the turnbuckle smash. Twice. Thrice. Right left right left, windup - and Conway kills him with a dropkick! One two NO! Go for your finish Rob, While you still can! Of course, he does a whip instead. Eugene reverses it into the airplane spin. Rock Bottom - no, Conway elbows out. Did Todd just blank on "Rock Bottom"? Conway gets free only to run into a spinebuster, so it's People's Elbow time instead. Again, Conway puts a stop to the shenanigans, popping up before Eugene can finish his second pass and trying a kick. Eugene catches it, spins him, kick wham stunner. One two three. (5:56) Coach: "I can't believe it!" Coach is a FOOL.

RAW: HBK vs Umaga

That's it.