corp open. show open.

Umaga (the Isle of Samoa, 350 pounds, w/My Name Is) vs Wyatt Lara (Sioux City, Iowa, 226 pounds, already in the ring) - your hosts for this Heat #421 are Todd and Coach. Your ref is Mickie Jay. Is he going to talk? Not Mickie Jay. "Ahora, como eschuan mi - everybody listen, hahaha, to me. hey, hey. For all you first time viewers, MY NAME IS ARRRMANDO ALEJANDRO ESTRRRRRRRRRRRRADA. And I represent THE Samoan Bulldozer, UUUUUUUUUUUMAGA. Pero, tengo preguntas - I got some questions for the hometown boy. Amigo, are you confident? [holds mic towards Wyatt, and yanks it back before he says anything] I didn't think so, haha. Hey, hey. You've been looking like you've been lifting weights. You've been going to the gym? [mic tease again] I don't think so, haha. Hey, seriously, amigo, amigo, do you think you got a shot against my monster? [] Como se dice, 'I don't think you', haha! Hey! Last question, amigo, last question. Are you prepared to get destroyed? [] I thought so - get him!" And there's a big kick. Kick to midsection, clothesline to the back. Right. Off the ropes, kneedrop to the head. There's a twelve person "Let's Go Wyatt" chant. Whip, flapjack into a Samoan drop. Announcers have never seen anything like it, and it gets a double feature replay. Umaga to the middle rope - falling headbutt almost gets there. Estrada wastes another cigar - and there's the Samoan Spike. One two three. (1:28) Umaga yells at no one in particular while Armando kicks some dirt on Wyatt. 

Batista returns at GAB

Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (532 pounds) vs Preston James & Scott Commodity (445 pounds, already in the ring) - I wonder what they thought about Vince stealing their bit. Well, Cade's bit anyway. Preston and Scott appear to have been beamed in from the late 80's. Good to see Lillian's fine. Todd explains that Cade & Murdoch have an issue with the Highlanders, or what to have an issue with them, or something. Todd badly reads Diva Search copy on the drop in. Todd's comment right after makes me think we missed some exciting Conway/Striker dissension talk. Cade slaps - one of them. Forearm to the back. Off the ropes, shoulderblock run over. Stomp. Announcers have no idea which is which, I think. Cade brings - let's call him Preston - into the corner and kicks him then tagging Trevor so he can beat Preston down more. Preston rolls free and tags We're Guessing Scott. Off the ropes, Trevor tries a slam, Scott slips free and gets a waistlock rollup one two NO. Trevor puts on headlock, blind tag by Trevor, Trevor shot off, Scott puts his head down too soon, Trevor kicks it, Cade holds him after an inverted atomic drop, and Trevor runs him over with a big boot. Cade brings Scott in  the corner to work over for a while and distracted your referee Chad Patten so Trevor can get in a choke. Cade back over, rake on the top rope. Tag to Trevor and they throw Scott backfirst into the corner. Tag to Cade, and they throw Scoot back first into the corner. Choke. Strike of some kinda - I don't know, maybe I'm into it, but this is boring. What's the deal with Scott's glove. Did his elbow pad fall down or something? Cade's got him in a neck vice, and Scott's waving something fierce to get free. Jawbreaker does it. Can he make the tag? It'd help if he crawled. There you go. Preston in and punching. Whip, reversed, duck the clothesline, jumping shoulderblock. Dropkick for Trevor. Preston's all pumped up, but should hit someone. There's a running shoulder to Cade, and then running into a Murdoch elbow drop. Cade gives Preston a spinebuster, and Trevor boots Scott off the apron. Time to finish? Sour and Sour. One two three. (4:25) Todd thought they might loss - but then they didn't! Coach combined their names in bad ways. 

SNME: Hogan

Room service. It's really great that Edge is getting a scouting report on a guy he's faced fifty times in the last six months. Perhaps this lack of logic angered Cena! Was this the poor man's Rock skit or the poor man's Austin's skit? (~2:00)

WWE Magazine. "Edge answers your hate mail" sounds fun. The Edge 180 is kinda nifty.

The One With The Headband (234 pounds, w/the rest of the Spirit Squad) vs Gene Snitsky (Nesquehoning, PA, 300 pounds) - They've got fireworks. Sadly, no flames. Trampoline fun. I just looked at this segment length and I'm very scared. Your ref is Chad. AIR HORN. Kenny ducks the lockup and forearms Snitsky in the back. Turnbuckle smash - is blocked, and Kenny takes it instead. Whip, hiptoss. Scoop, walking, waving, slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop. One - no. Kenny gets in an eye rake. Corner whip, reversed, Snitsky charges , Kenny moves, and Snitsky charges into the post. Someone messes with Snitsky from the outside, but the next meaningful move is Kenny slamming Snitsky's arm into the post. Arm bent around the ropes. Armbar takedown, one two no. Elbow to the arm. Announcers are talking Kenny up as the leader of the group. Arm smash into the mat. One two no. Knee drop to the left arm. Foot to the face, and then an elbow drop to the arm. They were hitting the "Kenny is Lebron James!" hype early, but now Todd adds Wayne Rooney (because this IS UK Heat.) Arm lamely smashed into the ropes. Corner punches? Snitsky shoves him off because he's not a face. Kenny climbs back up again, punches some more, and gets shoved down again. Snitsky out of the corner with a missed clothesline, Kenny lands a dropkick, one two no. Armbar. Crowd gamely rallying Snitsky, but sooner than h wants to come up. He could use the rest. AIR HORN. Todd talks about Snitsky having a fabled second wind. I'd take one. Snitsky battles up with right hands. Kenny pulls down Snitsky by her hair. Stomp. Kick. Arm smash is really lame, Kenny. Knee drop to the arm. He's so run of things to do. One two NO. Why are you covering? Why aren't you trying a submission? Hammerlock, run shoulder first into the post. Kenny dropkick to about the shoulder arm. One two no. Armbar. Or now an elbow lock. Coach tries to be funny, and screws up his words. Really, we needed another rest hold? Who's idea was a seven minute Kenny/Snitsky match? Someone who hates them both, I guess. Snitsky tries to get up, exchange of punches, Snitsky's winning, and Kenny stops him with a knee. Whip, reversed, head down too soon, and Kenny kicks it. Kenny charges, and gets beheaded by a clothesline. And another. Corner whip, backdrop. Snitsky going crazy in a crazy way, but he's distracted by a Spirit Squad member (Mikey?) jumping up to the apron. Snitsky big boot misses, Kenny knees him in the back, Roll of The Dice (or whatever.) Kenny going up, top rope legdrop, one two three. (6:37) Coach and Todd talk about how Kenny's obviously the best guy in the squad.

That's it.