the power is whatever the power is

open. I believe the lyrics to the song go: "please no dreamer, please no dreamer, please no dreamer, please no dreamer"

Your hosts are Todd and Dreamer (both unseeen). Ugh. Both are morons, declaring this 12/30/05 show "the first of the new year." I guess no one got them a calendar for Christmas.

Lance Cade (Nashville, TN, 265 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 234 pounds) - For a second there, I thought Lance as going to strut. He's fully in electric horse Jeff Jarrett mode at any rate. Your ref is Jack. The longer Val's entrance goes, the less I have to type. Dreamer is a moron. Val gives his towel to a mom. Dreamer's answering mail on the air. Circle. Lockup, Cade backs Val into the corner. Break, Cade slaps Val, and hides in the ropes. Cade complains about the illegalness of fists. Circle. Lockup, Val with a waistlock takedown, front facelock, Cade around into a hammerlock, Val with a reverse, shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Cade up and shoving, and Val uses an illegal punch to knock him down. Chop. Chop. Right. Corner whip, reversed, Val kips up but no one's home, and Cade kicks him in the back of the knee when he comes down. Mounted punches. Cade to the outside so he can, eventually, smash the inside of Val's left knee against the post. Cade back in to smash Val's knee into the post. Cade's pulling off Val's kneepad so eh can elbow drop the exposes knee. Kneebar. Elbowsmash. Is that a spinning toe hold? I wish we had an announcer who would tell me, because it would be awesome. Val eventually shoves him off into the corner, Lance rebounds into an inside cradle one two no. Lance right back onto Val, with forearms, knees, boot choke. There are no timeouts in wrestling! Thanks Tommy. Cade arguing with the referee for no particular reason. Val punches his way up, kicks, suplex - uh, stupid? Yea, that didn't work, and then Lance clipped his bad leg. Tommy thinks this is far too much violence for Val. Tommy Dreamer is saying that. Lance tries a back suplex, but Val punches his way out of it. Both are down, Lance goes after, Val gets a knee to the head. Lance with a right hand, but Val ducks and clotheslines. Back elbow. Whip, backdrop looks odd, but whatever. Val is hurting. Half nelson slam - Tommy calls it a full nelson, and Todd corrects him. Todd Grisham is correcting Tommy Dreamer on move names. I can't take this show much longer. Tommy says it's "towely time!" Going up, oh so slowly because he's got a broken knee. Tommy, expert on winning matches, told Val he should stop going for his finisher earlier today. Val's not going for it now anymore, because Cade rolled out of the way before Val could jump. That's actually kinda dumb of Cade, but whatever. Val gingerly climbs down, and sidesteps a corner charge. Val tries to pick up Cade, Cade gets in a shoulder to the bad knee, cover with feet on the ropes one two three. (6:35) Oh gosh, he cheated, but whatever.

Tyson Tomko (Jacksonville, FL, 285 pounds) vs Jason Static (Bridgeport, CT, 240 pounds, already in the ring) - Don't blink. Your ref is Chad. Circle. Lockup, Tomko easily powers Static into the ropes, and shoves him thru them. That's going to hurt his time! Static get sin a forearm and climbs to the top rope because he's a moron. Oh, he's a moron alright, because his top rope axhandle misses by three feet, and Tomko kills him with the boot. Tomko didn't get all off it, so he picks him up and boots him again! GET THE BAG. (:44) GET THE HOOK. Right now, where ever you're reading this from, you just came as close to hitting Tomko as young Mr. Static did. Tyson don't get paid by the minute, you know - which is good, because he'd be broke here. Kane still beat him, but I think Tomko would've skipped the second boot if this was an official Beat the Clock match.

BtC highlights. Watch them gloss over Masters/Chavo not ending - Shelton doesn't lose here. Notice no one ever bothered to explain if someone was fixing this or not or why they would be doing such a thing. (1:53)

Todd: "Apparently, it's time for Matt Striker's Classroom." That's what YOU say. For a second here at the beginning, I think Matt Striker realizes how awful he is, but as he keeps going thru his heavily rehearsed bit - they can't/don't bother to find people for Matt Striker to pretend to talk to. Dreamer threatens to redeem himself with a beatdown, but fails to follow thru. Todd: "Well, that was a complete waste of time."  

Rob Conway (Atlantic City, NJ, 230 pounds) vs Viscera (Harlem, NY, 487 pounds) - this would be the WORST HEAT EVER if I didn't get my Tomko squash. I miss Coach singing. Todd: "ECW - let's keep it back in the 90s where it belongs." Ouch. You might think Lillian might have some special inflection in her voice when she introduces Viscera. You'd be wrong. Whatever happened no longer happened. Dreamer claims to be trying to get better. I doubt it! Your ref is Mike, who's last name I may have been spelling wrong for the last five years or so. Shhh, don't tell him. Lockup, Rob with a headlock, good luck on that, better luck on the shoulderblock, none of it's helping. Hip swivel. Lockup, no, Conway kick, forearm, forearm, forearm, whip ain't happening. Whip by Viscera, big spinebuster. Corner chest slap. Knife edge chop. Headbutt. 

Tommy: "Have you ever done anything physical in your life?"
Todd: "Uhhhh...not with a woman."

That just leads me to more questions! Viscera taking his time working over Rob in the corner, because we still have 3.5 minutes to fill. Rob gets tossed. Whip, Viscera puts his head down too soon, and Rob kicks it. Rob off the ropes again, and into the sidewalk slam. Well, Viscera could win the match, but instead, he's going to dance. Better than humping, which was the tease. There's the splash, but Conway moves out of the way. Forearms to the head really don't affect Viscera. They have a strike battle while Viscera is on one leg and Conway wins with a running boot to the head. Stomps. Eye rake. Viscera's back up, but swinging blind. Conway is jabbing and ducking. Conway to the middle rope, second rope clothesline gets Viscera down one two no. Conway argues the count, then works Viscera over tin the corner. Corner whip, reversed, Viscera backs up, revs up, running corner charge is sidestepped. Conway is calling for the slam, because he's a moron. Scoop, Viscera falls on top, one two three. (4:43)