So, I thought I read the Rick saying something like "these three people are good at recaps (and by inference, everyone else is NOT)" and noticed myself not being on the list, so I thought I'd spend a paragraph up here being delightfully passively aggressive (or aggressively passive) about it - but now I can't recall where he said and at least imagine it might be some fevered dream. Let's all agree to pretend none of this ever happened? Just so everyone else goes home happy, I'll now switch to an alternate jab.

RSPW's #1 WWF Fan (current):  You know, the WWE can suck and the Rick can tell us how much he hates that it sucks, but everyone so often, the Rick will do something like citing the WWE's (about as polar opposite of "unbaised") legal opinion and desperate request for a restraining order as the actual untainted facts, and you'll know he'll hold the crown forever. It's not like the WWE would ever take things out of context and manipulate things for their own gain

digression: The important thing to remember about the Brock case is his side isn't arguing Brock didn't sign the papers, they're arguing the papers he's signed are not legal. I can go Joe SportsTalkCaller on you and give you a complete guess, but I don't really know the laws well enough to say if they are or not, and I know even less about what the judge thinks. 

dear God: Why is snowing more in Chicago in one week than it did all last winter? (Sadly, as you'll see with the matches, I don't think God cares about Heat this week.)

the power is back open blah blah blah blah

Trevor Murdoch (Wacahachie, TX, 240 pounds) vs Scotty Saber (North Charleston?, SC, 226 pounds, already in the ring) - Todd: "The Coach is off this weekend - guess who's filling in? It's Tommy Dreamer, everybody." Oh no. (You know, it's not a good sign when I miss the Coach.) Tommy says he's excited to be here in a bored sounding voice. I think Jason Roberts nailed the pronunciation there. Todd not only talks right over Justin on the local's hometown, but is talking about how Dreamer's watching Heat matches on TV. Not a good start for Todd. Your ref is Choida. Slap! Forearm to the face! Murdoch is not a nice man. Scotty is kicked out of the ring, then alternately thrown into the apron and into the barricade. Back in. One two no. Chinlock, with crossface forearms that are completely ignored. Trevor does a Trevor Murdoch type hand signal. Sit on Saber's back, elbow drop on his back. Boot to the back of the neck. Tommy is thrilled at Bischoff being fired. Todd thinks Coach did a fine job as Eric's attorney. Todd is trying to make me not hate Tommy by comparison. Saber's stood up so he can be sent in the ropes and bunch back in forearms. Empty pause of audio here. Scott tries to back elbow out as Murdoch is warned about yanking him around by the tights, but Trevor beheads Scotty with a clothesline to the back of the head. Todd says Murdoch is mad because he wants respect, just like Tommy used to when he was starting out. Todd has absolutely no idea how Tommy got that respect, at least storyline wise. Slightly different way than scowling. Knees to the back while Scotty's facing the corner. Scotty improbably moves after taking two, and Trevor hits turnbuckle. Scotty with leg kicks, Trevor gets a punch and a headlock, Scotty tries an atomic drop and - well, Scotty's grabbing his back because Trevor's been working on it all match and Trevor's a bigger guy regardless, and Trevor's selling the devastating effects of the move Scotty was unable to apply. Two guys, hobbling around bent over, and the announcers being just as helpful as you might think. Trevor with the BK Bomb. Going up? Why does Trevor Murdoch have top rope bulldog? One two three. (2:39) There's that hand signal. Good thing he worked over the back all match so when he hits a powerbomb, he doesn't even bother trying to cover and the guy helpful gets up much quicker than you'd expect just so he can be in position for move and blah blah blah blah

Phenomenal Gregory Helms (Smithfield, NC, 215 pounds) vs Brad Allen (Columbia, SC, 220 pounds) - Helms sure is going places. I wonder if we're going to get a better idea of the timeline later on, and it's going to become apparent the WWE wanted to bring back Jamal for quite some time, which caused the Rosey/Hurricane breakup (instead of the other way around), and Helms figured he probably only had a slim chance of sticking around as Hurricane, so he might as well try something different just to see if it works, even if the company isn't going to help him. It's a theory. Border war. Circle. Lockup, Helms with an armbar, neck spin takeover, and a pieface while Allen is down. Kick to him as well. Are the fans chanting Hurricane Sucks? Gregory looks distraught. Lockup, Helms with an armbar, hammerlock, Allen behind, Helms reverses it into something like a cobra clutch. Allen thrown down, and Helms kicks him away again. Pose. Lockup, Helms with a headlock. Tommy calls moves, just so we get the idea of what that might sound like, I guess. Helms shot off, back with a shoulderblock. whip, clotheslines misses, Brad gets an armdrag, armdrag, dropkick. What does Brad have on his tights? "B/A" as a fraction. Lockup. Forearms. Choke around the top rope. Neck snap over the top rope. Todd refers to "PS Michael Hayes". Outside for some generic forearms to the back and chest. Maybe it's less a fraction and more a curved line? Helms breaks the count, then comes out just to throw Brad out. Helms stares at the crowd, and comes in. Axhandle. Suplex. One two no. Choke. Choke. Kneeling chinlock. Tommy cuts a promo on Edge because he's so offended about the Terry Gordy comment. Brad with an axhandle. Whip, reversed, Brad back with a fivearm. One two no. Brad shall have no more comeback, because Helms just killed him with a clothesline. Helms: "Not Today!" Double underhook reverse neckbreaker. Helms waiting for Brad to get up so he can do a little more. Shining Wizard. One two three. (4:30) Todd knew THAT name, oddly enough.

Matt Striker talks for and that's all I'm typing. This speech make long for the subtleness of Simon Dean. He starts a feud with - uh, no one. He does spent a minute and a half hitting on a girl. He talks about making his debut on RAW next week. For a self proclaimed smart guy (186 IQ), he doesn't seem to remember being on it before. Tommy name drops Dean Douglas. (4:12) Todd: "What will [Striker] have in store for the wrestling fans? It doesn't look good!" 

Trial of Eric highlights. They use the People's Court music and fonts, which is great. Everything's that gone wrong with John Cena can probably be summed up with Vince telling him what to do after he fires Eric. (2:03)

Rob Conway (Atlantic City, NJ, 230 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 244 pounds) - This is the sixth level of Heat. Todd and Tommy come to the conclusion that Tommy is 98% fat. Tommy hasn't quite mastered the "don't talk over the ring announcer" concept. Gambling city war. Your ref is Jack. I'm looking at how much time we've got yet, and I'm so thrilled Val is taking forever to give out his towel to a girl. And then he gets knocked off the apron by Conway. Todd backstories that Val requested this match because Conway has beat him "five or six times in a row". I can quickly find three this year: 01/16 and 05/29 Heat, and 08/01 RAW, so maybe that's accurate if I looked a bit more. Conway throws Val in, and yells at the person who got the towel. Conway back in, but Val's chopping him. Conway turns it around in the corner for forearms to the head. Val turns it around for chops. Corner whip, Conway kips up and out but no one's home. Val with a shoulderblock, and a ugly clothesline takes Conway out. Val out, throwing Conway back in. Armbar. Standing armbar. Fujiwara armbar? Sure. Tommy is going off on Eric again. Chop. Whip, reversed, head down too soon, and Val kicks it. Val charges, and Conway flapjacks him on the ropes. Choke. Choke on the ropes. Whip, kick, Conway off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker. CONWAY SUCKS. Well, that's what they say. Tommy is happy with whoever's GM, because it won't be Eric. Todd sucks up to Tommy and picks him. Kicks and punches by Conway. Reverse neckbreaker. One two no. One no. Kick t the spine, figure four headscissors submission by Conway, which is at least new. Val is trying to turn it over, but Conway grabs the ropes to add leverage. Jack sees the ropes shaking, but is too late to see the arms. Conway urges Val to give up, and tells the fans to shut up. They've already beaten him to it. Val tries to rally the crowd, but it's Val. Todd: "I never make any points, I just make bad observations." Well, that's what he said. Val turns and escapes. Forearms to the back for Conway slips away, and knocks Val down with a boot to the head. Val pulls himself up anyway, and they start exchanging big right hands. Val wins that, Conway ends it with a kick. Conway off the ropes, Val clotheslines, him, back elbow, right hand. Whip, Val clothesline. Fisherman's Suplex one two no. Conway tries to hide in the ropes, Val pulls him out, whip, reversed, sleeper by Conway, reversed into the back suplex powerbomb one two no. Conway gets in an eye poke, and inside cradle with tights one tow no. Conway charges into the half nelson slam. Val's feeling pumped. Going up, but Conway crotches him. Right hands. Going up to join Val. Superplex? No, Val finites back and shoves him off, right into position. Money Shot - but Conway moves! Conway says this is it. Time for a vacation. Kick, taking a little too long, and Val reverses to a small package, one two three. (6:54)

RAW: New GM