life in sixty parts: Justin wants YOU to pick the best five heat moments of all time from his expansive list. Check out the link, email your top five, and maybe at some point I'll be able to narrow it down to five myself.
no parental logo? I'm scared!!! No logos of any kind entertainment open - there's the captioning itself and it's quickly followed by the giant TV 14 LV box, so someone's gotten to the right buttons.
Live, in the new home of the Hornets, Oklahoma City, OK [cc], the fans are yelling, Todd is yelling, I'm - quiet, actually. Your hosts are Coach (no jacket) and Todd (jacket.) This is the first WWE PPV in Oklahoma history, which says more about the WWE nowadays than Oklahoma, but let's not dampen the party just yet. We've got a full hour for that! Coach: "If you didn't know any better, I'd think [these fans] came to see the Coach!" Todd: "I don't think they did, but they did come to see this match: Chris Masters vs Shawn Michaels." Coach has a better chance of being right.
Unforgiven: Chris Masters vs Shawn Michaels
Todd: "and what about our main event - you've heard about it, right? John Cena vs-" apparently the guy in the control center hadn't, because he's running the Carlito/Flair matchup. Coach gamely tries to save it.
Unforgiven: Carlito vs Ric Flair [IC]
Unforgiven: Kurt Angle vs John Cena [WWE]
Video Package #1 - Cena vs Tomko/Angle. Todd's thrown off kilter after that
flub. (5:22)
Earlier Today, John Cena arrived and walked by Todd. He's limping, we note.
"You tell everybody my ankle's fine. I'll put some tape on it, and I'll be
fine. Nothing's gonna stop me from beating Kurt Angle." That's some good
tape.
Coach hopes Cena doesn't used that ankle as an excuse when he loses.
Tonight: Tajiri vs Rob Conway as Tajiri's World Tour Of Jobbing rolls on.
What I'm Not Going To Miss: The commercials for the PPV while we're already watching a one hour commercial for a PPV, the really stupid commercials which appeal to no one but are played four times a hour, Tag, Axe.
Slam of the Week, brought to you by Boost Mobile: Kerwin uses the golf club on Shelton. This editing makes it look like Kerwin's only offense in the match was with the golf club.
Outside, Coach and Todd try to talk up that match
Unforgiven: Shelton Benjamin vs Kerwin White
Coach talks up a Shelton slump.
Unforgiven: Matt Hardy vs Edge (w/Lita) [CAGE]
Video Package #2. You're looking straight at the camera, Edge. Matt's not the
camera. (2:29)
Todd: "Speaking about someone who knows about steel cages, Stone Cold Steve
Austin..." what a segue. Here's clips from him on the Bernie Mac show, on
some network at some future time; they don't specify. An exclusive preview! I
don't think he can even use the chokehold, Steve. Even this graphic won't tell
you time, date, or location. (:35)
WWE Rewind, sponsored by Serenity: Trish returns.
AHH! Don't just suddenly show me the King's face like that, following a Trish clip. I guess Lillian's too busy to be doing interviews and, more importantly, it's a woman King can fawn over, he's talking to Ashley and Trish. Trish has da belt. Ashley: "You know, Jerry, just a few months back, I was watching RAW as a fan, and tonight, I'm at my first PPV, and I'm teamed up with the BEST Women's Champion ever. I'm stoked!" Trish: "The thing is, King, I'm sitting back and watching Torrie and Candice and Victoria, or as I like to call them, Tweetledumb and dumber, and Xena [this is the funniest thing ever to the other two] talk about how they're the #1 Divas on RAW, and I'm sorry, but I thought the number one Diva on RAW had this! [she's pointing at her chest - oh, wait, no, she means the belt] King: "Oh, you mean 'those'" "No, King, [pat the belt], this! So tonight, the WWE newest Diva, and the Best Women's Champion EVER, tonight and Unforgiven, we're going to show Torrie, and Candice and Victoria, and the guy selling popcorn, what a Diva's all about, when we finish them off [snap] just like that!" They leave. King's eyes follow. I hate it when we make the same jokes. It scares me greatly.
Unforgiven: Ashley & Trish vs Victoria & Torrie
Video Package #3. Press Conference footage. Add this to the list, will you? (1:24)
RAW Live
Monday - Kay Yeager Coliseum, Wichita Falls, TX [RAW]
Next Monday - Heart O' Texas Coliseum, Waco, TX [RAW]
Next Friday - Don Haskins Center, El Paso, TX [RAW Live]
Next Saturday - Ector County Coliseum, Odessa, TX [RAW Live]
Next Sunday - Expo Center of Taylor County, Abilene, TX
Heat is brought to you by Tim Burton's Corpse Bride (movie), MaMazing (candy), Burnout Revenge (video game)
Unforgiven: Carlito vs Ric Flair [IC]
Video Package #4: Ric on the Cabana. Note the use of epic music. (1:35)
Maria talks to Carlito. This is sure to be enlightening.
"Carlito, I just wanted to ask you-" [grabs mic] "I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU WANT! I want you out of my face! Ric Flair, the Nature Boy, sixteen
time world champion, people call you legend, big deal. You think being a sixteen
time champion impresses me? I'm Carlito, the greatest Intercontinental Champion
ever! I've held this title only one time, because no one's been able to beat me,
and tonight, at Unforgiven, you won't be any different. I don't fear you. I
don't respect you. I spat in your face on time, tonight, I'm gonna do it again.
And after Unforgiven, people won't be calling you a legend, they'll be calling
you a loser!" Someone could've gotten rid of that hum before they did the
promo.
Todd and Coach discuss. Compare how many people are still watching Heat now that
they can also go to the seats as there was before. ORDER NOW.
Unforgiven: "Calling" by Taproot
Unforgiven: Kurt Angle vs John Cena [WWE]
Unforgiven: Carlito vs Ric Flair [IC]
Unforgiven: Big Show vs Gene Snitsky
Unforgiven: the Hurricane & Rosey vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
Unforgiven: Ashley & Trish vs Victoria & Torrie
Unforgiven: Shelton Benjamin vs Kerwin White
Unforgiven: Matt Hardy vs Edge (w/Lita) [CAGE]
Unforgiven: Chris Masters vs Shawn Michaels
That's the only hype for Show/Snitsky and the tag title match - less than
Shelton/Kerwin. Loud reaction from the arena on Matt/Edge.
Video Package #5: HBK/Masters (3:52)
Next: Tajiri vs Rob Conway
Rob Conway (230 pounds) vs Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds) - your hosts are King and JR, on Heat for the very last time. Not that anyone's going to mention it. King: "It could be the Tajiri way tonight!" That way involves mist. Be careful. Circle. Lockup, Conway with a headlock. Shot off, shoulderblock. Conway still has sunglasses on - now he doesn't. He gives them to your ref, Chris Kay. While Chris is handing them off, Tajiri opts to shoot green mist in the air. Way to waste perfectly good mist AGAIN, Tajiri. Circle. Tajiri headlock, off the ropes, under, into a Conway hiptoss. Conway with an armbar, pulling Tajiri down by the hair (in theory), and putting a knee to his temple. Tajiri kips up, and kicks. Whip, reversed, Conway with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Stomping Tajiri down in the corner. He's stopped, and restarts himself. Stopped again, so he changes to fists. Now switching to yelling at the crowd. Conway stands Tajiri up. Corner whip - no, back the same way, rebound clothesline. One two NO. Conway with a forearm. Whip, back elbow. Bicep pose. Camera picks the worst possible angle so we can't actually see the bicep. Conway then covers one two no. One two no. Chinlock. Tajiri's mouth is still rather green. Tajiri trying to draw from the crowd, but the crowd is slow to react. Standing up. Back elbows. Off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl, but Tajiri lands on his feet and kicks Conway in the midsection. Off the ropes, bulldog. Wheel kick! Tajiri's pumped. Hard kick to Conway's die. Whip, reversed, Tajiri back with a handspring elbow. Tajiri kicks Conway in the shoulder. Corner whip, reversed, and there's the Tarantula. Tajiri has it locked in, and lets go at four. Tajiri asking the crowd if he should go up. They say yes. Conway says no - kick to the gut on the way down. What's this move called, JR? "Man, a swinging neckbreaker!" Call it the Ego Trip! The Ego Trip! Coach is angry somewhere. One two three. (3:44) Hold his arm up. Okay, hold his other arm up. Conway leaves real slow so we can enjoy his music. Replay of the finish. Tajiri was theoretically going for an axhandle, but we all know top rope moves are for suckers.
Unforgiven: Chris Masters vs Shawn Michaels
on some level, they're relying on Chris Masters to sell PPVs. Think about that
for a second.
Unforgiven: Kurt Angle vs John Cena [WWE]
Video Package #6: Angle/Cena. Hey, Chris Jericho! (3:13)