TV PG LV cc entertainment open

Rob Conway (230 pounds) vs Matt Striker (New York City, NY, 237 pounds) - your announcers are Coach and Todd. Is Coach doing Stevie Wonder? Coach: "Speaking of John Cena, we've got five - FIVE! - matches tonight here on Heat." Wait, what? Look! They've managed to scan in the articles Matt Striker was in - months ago, which is 'recent' in Todd's world. That Daily News article is from August 14th, and the New York Times article is from the 12th. Let's show them multiple times. Shut up and go away. Circle. Lockup, Conway spins around into a hammerlock and slaps Striker in the back of the head. Coach visits WWE.com! He doesn't find the "Where's the 2% fat?" question good. Headlock. Shot off the ropes, shoulderblock. Wait, did Coach just say Conway was lying about being 98% fat free? What a con. Conway yells at Striker. Lockup, Striker with a waistlock, Conway with an armbar, Striker with the ropes assisted flip out of it, armbar, twist, headlock, headlock takedown. Todd thinks these are "nice mat wrestling skills." Conway gets a headscissors, they both get up, and Conway clocks him with a right hand. Stomps. Turnbuckle smash. Whip, back elbow, pose, pose, pose, elbow drop actually connects! Slapping Striker. Striker trying to fight up, Conway with a whip, head down too soon, Striker kicks it, and runs into a powerslam. One two no. Coach: "It's one thing to take on your local seventh grader, or your local eight grader, but this is Rob Conway!" Rob's wrestling at high school junior level. Hoping to get his letter this year. Chinlock is boring me. Your ref is Jack. Striker fighting out, but you can't beat the knee. Corner whip, Conway charges, Striker with a corner sunset flip one two no. Conway misses a clothesline, Striker lands a right, Conway sells it big. Another right, right, looking at the crowd (Todd: "he looks around as if he doesn't know what he's doing!"), dropkick. Whip, backdrop. Striker looking like a goon obsessive with his fist, and now he's dropped by Conway's clothesline. The EGO Trip! Yea yea yea (3:38) Coach, well prepared: "How about we go for a trip? How about we go for a trip?" Todd doesn't react to him at all, which is great. Yea, it'd be probably be bad if Conway went from beating Matt Hardy to losing to Matt Striker.

At the interview set, Maria talks to Johnny "Parmisi? Parcheesi? Pepperoni?" "Oh, this is ridiculous! Parisi! Johnny Parisi! My uncle Tony Parisi was a world tag team champion, and I am second generation superstars. These fans should be worshipping me like the Rock! I can hear them chanting my name. [pause to listen to crowd - Parisi quietly chants "JOHN E JOHN E" and Maria laughs.] Hey! Are you laughing at me? Do you think this is funny? We'll see who's laughing tonight, when I make short work of that monkey Eugene! Maybe then I'll get the respect around here that I deserve." Wait, so he's unhappy with the fans response, but he's believes he's hearing the fans chanting his name? What is he looking for? He is right, that wasn't funny.

Hey, the same Scooter bit from Velocity. It may be a 15 stop tour for you Mick, but I'm pretty sure it's going to feel like 100 for the rest of us. (1:28)

Rene Dupree (Paris, France, 270 pounds, w/flag) vs Mike Patrick (226 pounds, already in the ring) - oh no I'm not. Your ref is Chris. USA USA USA USA. Announcers are making a big deal about Dupree thinning down to gain speed, and not in a negative way. Coach: "I want to sit here for a second and enjoy the phenomena that is Rene Dupree. Sometimes, I get so involved in the show, so involved in the matches, that I don't get to fully appreciate the men we have on the show. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to sit back, you can call that action, and I'm gonna take a couple minutes and enjoy the show." Hey, if he's taking a coffee break then I'm on break too, although what Coach means by 'fully appreciate the men we have on the show' worries me greatly. Rene does a second rope nothing to give Patrick a moment to recover. Patrick does the lease believable backslide ever, and Dupree has to carry him thru his own small package. Maven's finisher sure is popular. More popular than when he had it. One two three. (2:16) No Dupree Driver? No French Tickler dance? Huh.

Later: Viscera & Val Venis vs Heart Throbs
Next: Kerwin White vs Tajiri
promises or warnings?

There's that TNA ad.

Clearsil Rewind: Kerwin beats Tajiri thru cheating.

Kerwin White (Palm Springs, CA, 200 pounds, on golf cart) vs Tajiri (Japan, 206 pounds) - Coach accuses Kerwin of ripping off his dark sunglasses lock. Justin Roberts is awesome, because he says Kerwin is "driving to the ring", and indeed he is. Todd gets Coach's goat by bringing up the Kerwin/Shelton comments. Kerwin brings in the hanger and the golf club. The ads are a great time to get in some swings. Coach reminds us again that he beat Tajiri last year. This is the essential difference between Coach and Josh: Josh is wiser. Josh has never and probably will never bring up his 2-0 record, and so will never be asked to come back in the ring to lose that perfect record. Anything positive Coach ever does, Coach brings up many times, often when it's completely irrelevant, to the point where people are motivated to book him in matches to erase whatever he's been giving. If Coach points out he's beaten Tajiri one more week, you can almost guarantee Coach will be murdered by a Tajiri kick in the near future. Oh, Kerwin's gonna interrupt my rant: "I've been asked [Kerwin gets booed, but pretends to hear a Chavo chant again - he and Parisi should form a support group or something] Ch-Ch-Chavo? Who? You've obviously mistaken me for someone else. I have been asked to come out here tonight and apologize for some of my comments made on RAW. In particularly, those regarding a Shelton Benjamin. But you know, what I said was simply part of my job as the official spokesman of middle class American. YOUR official spokesman. And, c'mon, I wasn't saying anything that each and every one of you weren't thinking! [boos - Chavo shushes them. Coach is angry with this apology] It's not my fault that Shelton Benjamin is the WWE's version of Doc Gooden! [announcers are stunned] All the potential in the world for superstardom, but what does he do? He lets it fizzle all away! And Tajiri, you're just like Shelton Benjamin" in that both of them really want to kick Kerwin, but only Tajiri's standing close enough to do it, we see. Call for the bell, Chad! Chavo's got a ugly looking mark on his neck/upper chest that was really visible during his promo. Anyway, Tajiri rips off the (orange) polo shirt, throws it up in the air and mists it - that's a waste of perfectly good green mist! Kerwin is angry about it anyway, attacking Tajiri with strikes and forcing him in the corer. Tajiri slips out as Kerwin climbs the ropes, and pulls him down into the Tree of Woe. Backing up, sliding dropkick to the face! Kerwin rolls out to recover, but Tajiri is out after him. Kick to the shoulder, kick to the ringpost - oops, that wasn't the plan. Kerwin ducked and Tajiri did the damage to himself. Grabbing his leg as both roll in - Kerwin on it immediately. stomp. Cranking it around the ropes. Kerwin back up, charging, and into the Tarantula - but Kerwin takes advantage of the ailing leg to escape. Kneebreaker on his good knee, which makes his bad knee hurt, huh. Kerwin going for another, but Tajiri rolls thru, but Kerwin rolls thru to a half crab. Tajiri has the ropes. Kerwin stomping the leg. Off the ropes, into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Wheel kick! Tajiri can't get up because his leg is bugging him. Now up but hurting. Right leg kick, right leg kick, Kerwin stops him with a drop to the knee. Kneebreaker - no, Tajiri with a bodyscissors cradle one two no. Kerwin misses a clothesline, Tajiri nails the reverse thrust kick one two NO. Both slow up. Kick. Whip, quick reverse into a Lance Storm single leg takedown into a half crab. Tajiri may be in trouble. Tajiri reaching for the ropes, almost here - no, Kerwin's pulling him away. Coach says this is "the Whiteout", and it's enough. (3:27)

Next: Edge and Matt take a trip. An EGO TRIP no

RAW Live
Monday: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, TN [RAW]
Friday: ASU Convocation Center, Jonesboro, AR [RAW Live]
Saturday: Four States Fair Entertainment Center, Texarkana, AR [RAW Live]
Sunday: Monroe Civic Center, Monroe, LA [RAW Live]
Monday: Alltel Arena, Little Rock, AR [RAW]

Matt Hardy and Edge. When in doubt, go to ladders and fake looking sparks. Those camouflage pants weren't really helping Matt hide much, but I guess that's okay. SIDE EFFECT. Would be nice if someone besides us geeks knew it was called that. Todd tells us that they both escaped serious injury, but they're hurting. (4:29)

Cade and Murdoch: team name optional. (:46)

Maria, awful busy tonight, talks to World Tag Team Champions Hurricane and Rosey. What do they think of that vignette we just saw? Hurricane will handle this
"Concerned? Concerned you say? Oh no no no. Well, the Hurricane and the mighty Rosey will take on any and all vile villains who wish to challenge us for these World Tag Team championships. The one thing that does give me pause is Murdoch's desire to make someone squeal, like a pig. The Hurricane squeal like a pig? Big Rosey squeal like a pig? What's up with that?"
"My next question is - do you know Batman? Because I saw him in a movie this summer, and he is SO HOT."
"Well, chicks do dig superheroes"
Rosey (!): "Do we know Batman? Girl, let me tell you something - last week in Gotham City, we were rolling hotties six deep in the Batmobile!"
"As a matter of fact, look! [looks up] There's the Batsignal, right there."
Maria can't see it, which seems fair since it's imaginary. Hurricane and Rosey fly away.

Eugene (Louisville, KY, 242 pounds) vs Johnny Parisi (Long Island, 230 pounds) -
RAW: Kurt Angle vs Eugene in punishment for Eugene
Face licking for Justin Roberts. Coach: "Justin Roberts should be happy anybody's kissing him." New music for Johnny? Coach disagrees with Parisi's interview. Your ref is Chris Kay. Eugene wants a handshake - gets one from Chris, but to from Johnny. Lockup, Eugene slips thru Johnny's legs, and bites his behind. Johnny abandons the ring, so Eugene bites Chris Kay's backside, and then goes to play in the ropes. Parisi tries to rush him, and gets kicked by accident. Eugene crawling on all fours, and pretending to urinate on Parisi. Coach: "Do we really have to waste our time with this?" Parisi gets Eugene to look down to check his shoes, and kicks him in the head. Stomps. And then stomps. Boot choke. Hand choke. Rights to the side of the head. Crowd loud for Eugene. Turnbuckle smash - bad idea. Todd: "He's beginning to Eugene Up, as I like to say!" Coach: "Well, that's a stupid saying." Again. Third time will be the last time. Eugene with punches form both hands, and a big right. Eugene going for the Rock Bottom, but Parisi elbows out of it. Parisi with a kick, yelling for his DDT, Eugene slips out, ducks a clothesline, kick wham Stunner. One two three. (2:24) Todd: "It wasn't quite as good as Stone Cold Steve Austin but it got the job down." Coach: "When I have to waste six or seven minutes of  my precious life talking or watching Eugene, it's too much for me to handle."

Next: Viscera & Val Venis vs the Heart Throbs

Bod Bodyslam Of The Week: Val beats Antonio, Heart Throbs beat Val, Viscera slowly walks out

the Heat Throbs (Panama City, Fl, 445 pounds) vs Val Venis & Viscera (731 pounds) - they're not wearing matching outfits! what happened? Coach would not make the save for Todd. Ah, their ring gear does match. Wow, Val's really bulked up. Coach: "Val Venis and Big Vis don't look alike." No really? Romeo wins. Mean faces on. Your ref is Choida, for this is Everyone Works Night. What a way to celebrate Labor Day. Val for his team. Lockup, no, Val with a kick. Chop. Chop. Turnbuckle smash. Whip, back elbow. Slam. Val pumped. Right hand for Antonio on the apron, off the ropes, knee drop. One no. Right hand. Chop. Whip, reversed, Romeo head down too soon, Val kicks it. Val off the ropes, no Antonio nails him with a knee and Romeo clotheslines him over. Romero on him with right hands. Choida warns him to stop, so Romeo does - and shoves Viscera instead. Viscera wants in, but Choida manages to stop him - missing a nice double Russian leg sweep on Val. Antonio covering without a tag, though Romeo does remember to clap - one two no. Choke on the mat. Tag to Romeo. Val thrown back first into the corner. Val trying to fight his way out of the corner, but Romeo stops him and tags in Antonio. Val trying to fight out again, but Antonio cuts him off with a knee. Suplex - no, Val blocks it and lands his own. Can he make the tag? Val reaching, Antonio has a leg, but too late - tag to Viscera. Antonio basically runs into Viscera and falls down. Clothesline for Romeo. Slam for Antonio, slam for Romeo. Antonio forced into the corner, Romeo forced into the opposite corner - running corner charge one way, running corner charge the other way. Antonio flips over, right in position for a Viscera hipswivel and the Walrus. Romeo tries to break it up with an axhandle, and gets hi partner. Whip for Romeo, Romeo ducks under the clothesline, but gets caught in the fallaway slam. One for Antonio too. Val back up and climbing up. Val hipswivels on the top rope while Viscera does the same in the ring. Money shot, big splash, one two three. (3:58) They even counted the right pinfall. Coach thinks it should've been a DQ

RAW: Shawn Michaels vs Chris Maters in a Masterlock Challenge
RAW: Kurt Angle vs Eugene