TV PG LV CC entertainment open

Maven (Charlottesville, VA, 225 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 234 pounds) in a winner keeps pointing at Coach match- Coach's boy has heart pounds for Coach. Your announcers are Coach and Todd. Coach nearly starts doing the Antoine shake. Announcers debate whether Simon is responsible for Maven's current physical condition. Gee, I have no idea who Coach is going to root for. Lillian's doing the ring announcing this week. Coach challenged Val to an arm wrestling - and won eight times in a row. This is all according to Coach, though. Todd: "Believe it, or not." Happy Mother's Day is wished. Lockup, Val with an armbar, twist, into a hammerlock, into a headlock, headlock takedown, headscissors, headstand escape, into a headlock. Back up. Maven forces Val into the corner, turns around, fakes the break and gets in the back elbow. Stomps in the corner. Crowd is library like. Corner whip, down goes Val. Elbow drop to the back. Elbow drop to the back. Elbow drop to the pack. Call me crazy, but Maven might have picked a body part. One two no. Coach wanted to see Maven in the Gold Rush tournament, and complains that he's being held back. Todd calls out Coach, asking who he would've taken out, and Coach wimps out on giving an answer. Maven with a bottom rope springboard elbow drop to the back, and then he's out to muscle pose for the front row. Coach says he would've liked it to be a twelve man tournament. He's a big 12 fan. Kneeling chinlock. Coach: "Are you going to tell me that all eight of the superstars in the Gold Rush tournament could've done to Val Venis what Maven is doing right now?" Yes. Yes they could. Val rallying back without the crowd caring all that much. Elbows are stopped by Knee. Maven piefaces Val, off the ropes, into a Val shoulderblock. We're on hard camera probation - guess I missed the sign. Your ref is Jack, by the way. Val clothesline, back elbow, chop, whip, quick reverse, Val ducks the short clothesline and lands the back suplex into a powerbomb, one two no. Val follows Maven into the corner, Maven with the double leg, Val kicks him off into the corner, Maven rebounds back into a small package, but Val actually rolls Maven over too far, and only one shoulder is down. Everyone catches it, alert enough not to count. Coach: "You know, referee Jack Doan was able to see that very well, because he's so nosy." Maven whipped into the corner, Val with the ten clothesline spot, but when they don't start counting loudly till eight, it's not as cool. Half nelson slam. Val getting pumped up, but probably shouldn't waste time circling Maven before going up. Because we are prohibited from watching the main camera, we can't see why Val's suddenly confused as he gets to the top (and the announcers don't know any more than we do) - it's only when he hops back to the mat that we see Maven's rolled all the way to the opposite corner. Val charges towards him, and eats back elbow. Maven right up to the middle rope, middle rope bulldog. One two NO! I thought that was his move? Obviously no. Turnbuckle smash. Maven suplexes Val onto the top rope, and punches him there. Maven going up, superplex is obviously going to be blocked and lives up to that promise. At least Maven's also blocking Val's tries. They fight on the ropes with Val getting the edge, and Maven getting shoved to the mat. Val - drops back down to the mat? Even Todd realizes how moronic that was, he passed up the chance for the splash. Seaman Suplex, one two no. Val with a chop. Slam, no, Maven falls behind - ah, yea, that pulling backbreaker move is his new move, I forget. One two three. (5:22) And now Maven will go stand on the barricade to celebrate for no reason. Talk to the camera. Coach: "That's how we do! That's how we do!" Bicep poses.

Tonight: William Regal & Tajiri vs the Heart Throbs
Next: Hassan is also not president of the Daviari fan club!

HBK/Hogan vs Hassan/Daivari video package (:50)
Hassan reacts on RAW. (3:03)

seeing a billion commercials for Carlito's Way is not cool.

Look at these people who probably won't win the 2005 Diva SeArch (:25)

The Divas were part of Backlash last Sunday - this, we don't get stills for. Do you wonder if Stacy is bitter she only got to be a Nitro Girl when she won this contest? Oh no, they're replaying the whole bit. And the Chris Masters part. I mean, I know it probably felt like it belonged on Heat, but whatever. (6:07) This is the WHOLE segment. Gosh. Slow week?

Tonight: William Regal & Tajiri vs the Heart Throbs

This John Cena ad makes me wonder how we didn't get that video somehow on this show. There's still time.

WWE Slam of the Week, presented by Unleashed, is Viscera's splash on Trish.

Tyson Tomko (Jacksonville, FL, 275 pounds) vs Arch Kincaid (talked over, Florida, 230 pounds, already in the ring) - Coach: "I would never condone the beating of a women but" whatever! Arch still has a stupid haircut. And the tights to match. Lockup, Tyson runs him into the ropes and slaps some sense into him. Too late! Lockup, Arch thrown down. Kick to the ribs. Kick to the shoulder. Short clothesline ducked by Arch, Arch crossbodies Tomko, Tomko catches, wants to snake eye Arch, Arch lamely slips free, Tomko kills him with a brutal clothesline! Someone stop the match, the man is dead! Tomko screams, never a good sign. Arch ain't getting up, so Tomko will come to him for punches to the head. Choke on the mat. Arch tries to get to the ropes, but Tomko brings him back to the center. Catapult into the ropes, holding on so Arch rebounds right onto Tomko's knees, always fun. One two NO. Tomko smashes the back of Arch's head into the mat. And again. And again. Arch still hasn't gotten to his feet since that clothesline. Tomko goes to pick him up, and Arch kicks at him. Kicking him away again. Arch up, right, right, right, right, dropped with a knee. Corner whip, Arch tries for a kip up headscissors, Tomko shoves him off to the apron, Arch gets in the shoulder to the midsection and starts to come back in - but Tyson turns, and gives him the Big Boot. Now I know that's HIS move. Tyson is too busy screaming to collect Arch. Huh, Earl Hebner went out of the ring, checked Arch, and called for the bell. (KO 1:59) 78% sure this is a work - Tomko did use his finisher, and in a situation he wouldn't have normally used it unless it was supposed to be the finish. Is this the first stoppage since Brock? You know, for someone who couldn't properly kick people to start, Tomko's gotten better lately. We get replays - announcers are saying back, but it's Arch's left shoulder and head which hits the barricade. Coach directs us to their Ace reporter, and apparently has a new definition because he means

Maria tries to form a coherent question for the Heart Throbs. What a combination. The blond one (Antonio) and the other one (Romeo - there will be a test later) come into the picture from the bottom, raising to a standing position on either side of Maria. I totally transcribed Funaki and Nunzio this weekend talking about absolutely nothing, I've done my service for this fine country. They're upset that, in their debut, Tajiri and Regal though they were pretty boys - they're nothing of the sort, and they actually hate pretty boys. Hair care discussion follows. Maria finds their back and forth talking amazingly entertaining - so are they faces or is she a heel? They hit their tag line, so memorable I don't write it down. 

Gold Rush, round 1. First three matches get under two second glimpses. Compare and contrast with the Divas/Masters stuff, and you'll cry. Of course, we've got plenty of time for HHH and Bug-eyed Benoit. although we really don't get to see that. Slow motion for Batista pulling away from the ropes, although they kinda make it look like Triple H wasn't going to make it that far anyway. (1:43)

Brackets? Are we talking about brackets?

Kane------           |
Triple H--           |          |
          |Benoit----           |
Benoit----                      |
Shawn-----                      |
          |Shawn-----           |
Shelton---           |          |
Jericho---           |

I figure what we're really setting up here is a possible Triple H challenger - since we're still heading to HitC, HHH is obviously going to get involved in the final title match. That seems like a job for Chris Benoit, but I'm not completely sure. Anyway, I'd doubt they'd give away another Benoit/Shawn match for free, so either we've got Kane vs Shawn or Edge vs Benoit. That seems like an easy call.

Next: William Regal & Tajiri vs the Heart Throbs

RAW Live
Monday - Wilkes Barrie, PA [RAW]
Friday - Evansville, IN [RAW WM Revenge Tour]
Saturday - Terre Haute, IN [RAW WM Revenge Tour]
Sunday - Ft. Wayne, IN [RAW WM Revenge Tour]
Next Monday - Omaha, NE [RAW]

Stacker 2 XPLC Stack of the Night: Hurricane & Rosey somehow win the tag team titles, Last Sunday

the Heat Throbs (Panama City, FL, 445 pounds) vs Tajiri & William Regal (474 pounds) - You know, it'd be much easier to remember who's who if they just put their names on their bandanas already. Coach can't stop pointing out who's not tag team champs. Antonio wins the rock, paper, scissors, so he starts again Regal. Headlock, Regal shot off, back with a shoulderblock. Forearm corner, one no. Regal with a right left hand (why do I keep doing that?), armbar, kick to the chest, knee, knee, knee, knee, knee (off goes the bandana), European Uppercut, and Romeo's bealed in for fun. Tajiri in and the faces are beating up the whatevers in the corners. Throbs are whipped into each other. Both outside, and Regal retrieves Antonio to continue this m. Left. Tag to Tajiri. Regal forces a trip on Antonio as the lighting system starts going nutty, flashing random colors. It fixes itself, as Regal holds Antonio down in an STF for a Tajiri dropkick. Tajiri right, right, kick, corner whip, quick reverse, Antonio's clothesline is ducked, and Tajiri pulls Antonio into a reinera! Tajiri not being Shocker (and Antonio not being Ultimo Guerrero), this doesn't actually work for the win but still is awful spinny. Antonio is dropped on his feet but he's dizzy. Tajiri mocks, ducks punches, and drops Antonio with a double chop. Todd notes Antonio's face left cheek is swelling and turning red - I think that's from the European Uppercut, but Todd believes it was from the dropkick to the face. Tajiri brings Antonio back into his corner and tags in Regal. Double whip, double double chop! Kick to the back, kick to the spine combo. Regal working Antonio over with lets. Snap mare, knee to the head. Antonio wants to make the tag, but he's not near close enough Regal with a headlock, talky talky, Regal shoved off, Regal over, and into a Romeo knee. Regal forearms Romeo, and Antonio (sorta) hits Regal with a dropkick. Regal is directly to his feet and forearming Antonio, huh. Antonio barely beats Regal with a knee to the midsection before another forearm can hit. Antonio grabs Regal in a front facelock, and tags over to Romeo. Antonio holds Romeo down so Romeo back beat him down. Side backbreaker. Close of Antonio's welt - wow, it's really swelled up, and Coach and Todd discuss the danger of something like that existing so close to your eye, wondering if ref Chad Patten should stop this. Front facelock by Romeo, Regal standing up from it and trying to make a tag. Regal moving Romeo over and and over to Tajiri - tag to Tajiri, but Romeo had Chad distracted and he never saw it. Romeo forces Regal all the way back towards Antonio for some cheap shots as Tajiri is forced back to his corner. Romeo coves, one two no. Tag to Antonio, and they work together to smash Regal's back into the corner. Antonio snap mare, knee drop to the face. One two no. Tag to Romeo. Double suplex! Romeo says that's it, one two NO. Romeo's name is on the back of his tights, but I don't think Antonio's name is on his tights. Romeo beating Regal down with girly punches while screaming. Wow, Antonio face is really ugly looking now. Romeo with a kneeling surfboard, but Regal's already battling up. Coach picks Kane and Edge for the final. Regal turning it, but Romeo stops him with a high knee. Romeo working over real with a front facelock, and they battle for momentum. Regal slowly working Romeo back towards his corner. Almost there - Northern Lights Suplex by Regal! There's the tag to Tajiri. Big kick to Romeo's shoulder, and again. Whip, reversed, duck the clothesline, Antonio with a knee to Tajiri's back, Tajiri doesn't even feel it and reverse thrust kicks Antonio to the floor. I'm not sure how close that actually hit - they seem to have hid something there. Wheel kick for Romeo, one two NO. Jumping swinging kick to Antonio on the Antonio. Corner whip, Romeo reveres, Tajiri pulls him into the Tarantula. Tajiri with a Funaki bulldog one two Antonio breaks it up. Regal with a big left forearm for Antonio before Patten tells him to leave again. With the legal men, Romeo and Tajiri battle back and forth. Antonio comes in to help - Regal seems to have been tripped off the apron in here - double whip, Tajiri back with a double handspring back elbow, Throbs are ready for it and duck, double flatliner! One two three. (7:15) Big upset. Coach: "I'm gonna call that, hmmm, how about: the Heart Attack. I kinda like that." Coach, wrestling historian. As Antonio finally realizes the welt, Todd compares it to the one on Holyfield/Rahman.

RAW: Live! Who knows with what.