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Gene Snitsky (hardtospell, PA, 300 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, 244 pounds) - Jason Roberts and the graphic dude aren't on the same page about Snitsky's first name status. It's a Sho situation. Your announcers are Coach and Todd, who can't believe they're only 3 weeks away from WM21. Coach and Val have staring issues yet again. Todd makes the towel joke again. "This is the Coach's turf!" Steven's still employed, right? Coach likes every match the best. Todd thinks this a "great match", which means he's insane. Lockup, Snitsky backs Val into the corner, clean break no, punch misses and Val punches him. Val gets shoved won, but he's up and punching. Shoved down. Val up again, and chopping. Running knees and why aren't we getting the hard cam? This is so distracting. Snitsky reverses the second into a side slam. One two no. Yelling. Stomp. Suplex. One two no. Coach mentions seeing a "Snitsky Birth Control" sign I can't spot; maybe that's why we're looking at the match how we are. Val with right hands. Off the ropes, shoulderblock works for Snitsky. "Have you met Snitsky's parents? Are they human?" "No. I haven't been to the cave." Right. Right. Bearhug. Coach doubts there will be bearhugs in the ladder match, how sad. Val rammed into the corner. Snitsky walks into a back elbow to turn it around for Val. Chops, elbows, a knee stops that. Val corner whipped, Snitsky runs into a kick. Please fix the main camera. Kick. Right. Right. Right. Whip, reversed, Val sunset flip, Snitsky balances himself, double choke very carefully lifted up and Val's thrown into the corner. Gene clears the sweat out of his eyes, and walks into the corner again. Again this backfires, Val slipping out with an inside cradle one two NO. Backslide, Val struggling to get him over and this was a really stupid media. Snitsky turns it short clothesline, Val ducks, off the ropes, into Snitsky's big boot instead. Pump handle slam, about time. (3:53) "I was impressed!" Now we can look at the hard cam, so maybe they fixed whatever needed to be fixed? Or took whatever sign needed to be taken.

Tonight: Simon Dean & Maven vs William Regal & Tajiri
Next: Robert Conway vs Rhyno

Robert Conway (the Province of Quebec, 230 pounds, w/Sylvan Grenier) vs the concept of music - Grenier's got the microphone for the Canadian Anthem. I can't tell who's more into it - Sylvan singing or Rob waving the flag. Apparently, you're not supposed to stand up for other countries National Anthems, if you listen to Todd. Don't listen to Todd. Ah, here we go  

Robert Conway (the Province of Quebec, 230 pounds, w/Sylvan Grenier) vs Rhyno (Detroit, MI, 275 pounds) - Roberts is very good at keeping his voice steady while trying to get far away from Rhyno. Rhyno stokes the ECW chant eventually they kinda get the idea. Circle. Lockup. Todd will never get over Rhyno beating the Coach. Lockup's going round and round with no winner. Rob eventually gets a hammerlock, reverse, Conway reaching for the ropes but stopped short. Forearm. Shoulder the shoulder. Twisting the arm, but leaving himself open for a Conway right hand. Right hand. Rhyno rallying up but still getting punches. Whip. hiptoss blocked, and Rhyno clotheslines him down. Slam, off the ropes directly in front of Grenier but he doesn't do anything, legdrop. One two no. Kick. Corner whip, Conway rebounds out into a backdrop. Setting up for the Gore near Grenier, and this time he will pay for it, getting tripped up. Rhyno stares at Grenier, and Conway easily shoves him out. Conway with the distraction, and Rhyno taken into the apron and the barricade. Look at the ugly tire track tattoos and the underside of Rhyno's arms. Grenier goes to finish off Rhyno with a flag shot, but Jack Doan caught him - and he's gone! La Resistance has issues, because Jack Doan is out to escort Grenier to the back. This gives time for Rhyno to recover and come back in. Conway, who has yet to really get sustained offense here, picks up Rhyno and gets punched some more. Whip, reversed, Conway with a back elbow one two no. Chinlock. Conway: "RHYNO SUCKS!" Coach: "Of course Rhyno sucks, we all know that. The crowd knows that, you even know that." "Rhyno does not suck. Rhyno could kill you, Coach." Rhyno rallies up, but gets stopped with a knee and we're back to a rest hold. Coach: "Kid, I've been in the ring with Rhyno many many times, and he's never even come close to getting one over on the Coach." This is where you beg Todd to remember last week. Sadly, no. Todd: "I remember a long time ago when you hit him over the head with a microphone. I don't exactly remember you ever playing fair with Rhyno." Coach changes the discussion. USA USA USA. Rhyno fighting out again, and when it turns into a punch battle, Conway actually wins - but only because he uses a kick and all comeback start on whips. Corner whip, Conway charges into a elbow (told you!), Rhyno out with a clothesline, Conway ducks it and kicks Rhyno (maybe not), reverse neckbreaker is slipped out and Conway is shoved into the ropes, back into a hiptoss (maybe?) Rhyno clothesline, clothesline, Corner whip, charging shoulder to the midsection. Rhyno is either intense or really winded. Whip, no, short belly to belly suplex by Rhyno - Todd: "That could do it!" Coach: "It could NOT do it!" one two no. Turnbuckle smash by Rhyno. Corner whip, Rhyno runs in after him, then suddenly stops and puts his shoulder down. Even Todd notices how bad that looks - Conway just kicks him. Rhyno charges in again, gets turnbuckle, and gets rolled up one two three! (5:17) Wasn't expecting that one. Todd noted La Resistance was on a losing streak - are they setting up singles stuff? Who knows.

Next: the Challenge

WWE Rewind sponsored by SmackDown! vs RAW: your hard head broke my shoe and then I painted "S" of two weeks ago

I guess this is our conclusion for Trish/Lita. Too bad Lita can't come back soon; if, after Christy wins (like Trish has a shot), they could turn her into a D- female Mikey Whipwreck with her trainer Lita helping her escape by the slimmest of margins, until Lita turns on her and wins the belt. Fun might be had by all. Editing people are busy here; all female cheers for Lita, and careful clipping to make the Twist of Fate not suck. Wait, shouldn't Matt get the Twist of Fate in the breakup? How unfortunate. (3:57)

WM21: Trish Stratus (C) vs Christy Hemme for the WWE Women's Championship. 
WM21: Triple H (c) vs Batista for the World Championship
WM21: Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels
WM21: Undertaker vs Randy Orton
WM21: Roddy Piper and Stone Cold Steve Austin on Piper's Pit.
WM21: Akebono vs the Big Show in a Sumo Match
WM21: Jericho vs Benoit vs Christian vs Edge vs Benjamin vs Kane in a Money in the Bank Ladder Match for a Future World Champion Match at a Date Of Their Choosing. 
WM21: JBL (c) vs John Cena for the WWE Championship

Next: Chris Masters, "the Masterpiece", next
WM21: Braveheart.

Chris Masters (Los Angeles, CA, 275 pounds) vs - this was an awful quick trip. There's a reason I don't ask for four match Heats any more - this Heat is pretty much it.  "He's got star written all over him!" What, did Trish kick him when I wasn't paying attention? Here's footage of him killing Steven again. He should get a face mask. Oh no, he's going to talk? Why. Why. One time only: "In case you haven't noticed by now, the Masterpiece is cosmetically perfect. But he's not just built for show, he's built to destroy. Hey! I'll take anyone in the back, put them in my Full Nelson - which I like to call the Masterlock - and choke them out! And I will not be denied, and if you don't believe me, just ask Stevie Richards, who's sitting at home after having facial reconstructive surgery last week. So everybody in the back take notice. Because it's about to get a lot worse right now!" I believe that. Stevie apparently gets around when he's got a broken face.

Chris Masters (Los Angeles, CA, 275 pounds) vs Caprice Coleman (Raleigh, NC, 207 pounds) - Your ref is Earl Hebner. So, I paused here and fooled around for a couple hours, seeing if I'd have the interest to care about this match. I did end up with 19 deliciously ounces of Kool Aid Lemonade mix, but not that interest. They actually give Coleman some offense, which surprises me. They've decided to build Masters around face injuries, which doesn't work with the full nelson but whatever. (2:01) OH NO HE WON'T LET G- oh he did. Todd (perhaps obviously repeating a fed line): "If you like power, if you like strength, if you like someone the size of that man [feel the gay], he's about as good as it gets in the WWE." That sounds like a Triple H line, actually.

Tonight: Simon Dean & Maven vs William Regal & Tajiri

Next: the explaination about Triple H being so upset about losing his sledgehammer when he already had another

or not. (4732-4938)
WM21: Triple H (c) vs Batista for the World Championship
RAW: WWE World Champion Triple H vs Chris Benoit in a Pick Your Poison Match. This would be a terribly pointless way to blow off the "Triple H can't beat Benoit" bit, which surely means they're not going to do it, right? Right? Todd: "A man Triple H has never beaten" - SmackDown! debut? The PPV match? Eh. Before Todd's time.
Next: Simon Dean & Maven vs William Regal & Tajiri
Raw Live
Monday - Atlanta, GA [RAW]
Saturday - Fayetteville, NC [RRTWM21T]
Sunday - Columbia, SC [RRTWM21T]
Next Monday - Birmingham, AL [RAW]
Next Next Monday - Fort Worth, TX [RAW]

Simon Dean & Maven (440 pounds) vs - Simon's music? Sucks to be Maven. I've been thinking Maven must be on the Simon System for quite some time; it would explain the physique change. While Maven drinks down what must be a Simon System protein shake, Simon has something to say. "Now, in case you haven't noticed, Simon Dean isn't alone this week. Because, oddly enough, I've found a tag team partner who, unlike you people, believes in and obviously uses my patented system! I mean, look at this guy! He's lean mean buff tuff ruff ripped chiseled and jaaaaaaaaaaaked! HAHAHAHA! Look at those gluts! Look at those abs! This man-" There's the music of Tajiri to cut him off.  

Simon Dean & Maven (440 pounds) vs World Tag Team Champions Tajiri & William Regal (446 pounds) in a non-title match - What an oddly familiar line by Simon there. Coach tries to argue Simon and Maven should win by default because Maven's got the best body. Todd: "What about you, Coach? Why do you wrestle with your shirt on? Why is that" "I like for people to read my shirt!" Circle. Maven with a headlock. Shot off, back with a shoulderblock, one two no, one two no. Maven back with a headlock. Regal reverse to a hammerlock and tags in Tajiri. Kick. Armbar. Maven escapes with a knee. Forearm. Right. Maven loading up for a Tajiri kick - and it's weak and it's blocked. Tajiri kicks kicks him for thinking about it. Kick. Tajiri ducks the punch and kicks Maven in the M. Whip, wheel kick. Mocking Maven, one two no. Chop. Chop. Chop. Whip, reversed, Simon gets in a kick from outside, Tajiri returns the kick with one to Simon's head.  Maven does take advantage though, and tosses Tajiri down. Yelling at Regal, then corner whipping, charging into the Tarantula, but Simon, slipping around the corner to get there, manages to break it up with a shot to the head. Maven gets a cover, one two no. One two no. Tag to Simon. Tajiri meets Simon's boot. Simon with an inside cradle, tights pull one two NO. Dropping down on top of Tajiri and landing knees into the head. Chinlock. Tajiri reaching for a tag. Tajiri rallying. Simon cuts him off with a knee, but one whip later, there's the handspring elbow. Out of nowhere, Todd's all the sudden pushing for a Christian/Tomko vs Regal/Tajiri rematch, which is odd enough without Christian already having a match. Tajiri crawling for a tag, Maven tries to stop him by grabbing a leg, but Tajiri kicks free and tags Regal. Clothesline for Maven, back elbow for Simon, back elbow for Maven, left hand for Dean, backdrop for Maven, T-BONE for Simon one two Maven breaks it up. Maven tries to clothesline Tajiri from getting back involved, but Tajiri ducks and there's a reverse thrust kick for them. Tajiri baseball slides Maven out, and follows him. Back in the ring, Regal has a headlock, Simon shoots him off, drops down, gets up to kneeled over when he realizes that's what was supposed to happen, and Regal runs him over with a kneelift to the head. One two three. (3:41) That's the Knee Trembler now, and I miss the Regal Stretch. 

RAW: Triple H vs Chris Benoit
RAW: Kane vs Tyson Tomko and Christian in a handicap match