TV PG LV CC entertainment open (three three three!)

Simon Dean (Clearwater, FL, 225 pounds, w/bag of legal supplements) vs the Hurricane (215 pounds) - Home sweet home! By which I mean Fink's announcing, and Simon has one. Your announcers are Coach and Todd, back together, once again. Coach is happy to have his white brother back. By which I mean Eric Bischoff. PPV Match on Heat! By which I mean the main event of Victoria versus Trish. Do you think Jesus and Simon shop at the same place for non-wrestling wrestling gear? Lockup, no, Simon Dean ducks under and does a funky stretching walk. Lockup for real this time. Simon with a waistlock, Hurricane with a snap mare, Simon into a hammerlock. Todd: "Let's not forget Simon Dean has a beef with Rosey." I think it's usually Rosey who has the beef. Hurricane rolls on to his back and grabs Simon into a headscissors. Simon gets free, but pulled into a headlock. Simon backs Hurricane into the corner rather easily (supplements are good!) and works him over with shoulders. Corner whip, Hurricane kips up, Simon shoves him to the apron, Simon's punch is blocked, Hurricane's is not. Hurricane tries a shoulder to the gut, but Simon sidesteps it, then gives Hurricane a reverse neckbreaker over the middle rope. Jacknife one two no. Simon stomps and punches Hurricane, who's hurting quite a bit form that neckbreaker. Choke. Simon stops to pose, allowing Hurricane to get free to the corner and punch Simon as he walks in. Simon's not too affected, stopping hurricane with a knee. Simon tries to pull Hurricane into another verse neckbreaker, but Hurricane reverses to a backslide, one no, can't hold it. Coach is appalled at the Simon sucks chant. Simon up first and punching. Choke with stretches. Neck vice. Hurricane fights out with right hands, but Dean stops it with a right hand to the back of the head. Corner whip, Dean checks his pulse, then charges into a Hurricane punch. Hurricane right, right, Dean misses a clothesline, Hurricane knocks him down with a right. Hurricane with more punches, whip, leg lariat, fivearm. Double underhook reverse DDT-thingy that doesn't have a name! Todd: "the Underdog!" Cool. I think that's what he said - I thought Undertow because that made more sense, but Todd and Coach say "Underdog" a few more times to clear me up. One two NO. One two NO. Guess it's not that cool. Corner whip, reversed, Simon runs into boots. Overcast! (not called) Hurricane signaling the fans, and setting up. Shining Wizard is ducked, and Simon grabs him in an inside cradle - but this time, Hurricane rolls thru, and hits the Shining Wizard! One two foot on the rope - Hurricane was a bit dump for rolling him right towards them. Coach praises Simon Dean, veteran of two matches, for his ring savvy. Eye of the Hurricane - no, Hurricane's shoved off into Chad Patten. Ref bumps on Heat! Catch the fever. Chad rolls out to check himself before he further wrecks himself, and Simon decides the best use of his time is to stomp and boot choke Hurricane. Crowd roars and after a moment, Rosey shows up to scare Simon off. Simon takes his surely completely legal meds and heads up the ramp. Is this match still going? Oh, Chad calls for the bell (never rings, let's say 4:29) and Coach decides it's a No Contest, though they're playing the Hurricane (& Rosey) music and the finish that makes sense is Hurricane winning by DQ. Whatever. Is "losing by DQ to the Hurricane" really that much better than "losing by Shining Wizard to the Hurricane?" 

Later: Victoria vs Trish Stratus
Next: Tajiri & Rhyno vs La Resistance

Body Slam Of The Week by Bod Man: Maven uses the ropes to beat Shelton Benjamin.  

La Resistance (province de Quebec, 498 pounds) vs - wait, singing! Coach, in defense of Maven, points out that everyone who's ever been on top turned heel ("selfish") at some point. He further uses this point to illustrate why Todd Grisham is a loser. Grenier is really feeling it today. We get pretty far in the anthem for once, which Coach notes.

La Resistance (province de Quebec, 498 pounds) vs Tajiri & Rhyno (441 pounds) - Coach and Todd unwittingly talk over Fink, so I may have a weight wrong there. Speaking of demoted RAW feuds - but I still support a "pasta to the wall" theory. Tajiri's pre-match mist taunt almost blinds Jack Doan, though it angers La Resistance more. Tajiri and Greiner to start. Grenier with a headlock, as Todd takes us thru all the times this tag team beat up Coach in '04. Out into the armbar, back into the headlock, takeover, reversed by Tajiri into a headscissors, Grenier jacknife over for a pin one no, standoff tease, Tajiri with a waistlock, into a headlock. Like last year, Coach and King host Best of RAW. Tajiri shot off, over, under, kick to Greiner's butt. Greiner angrily throws a clothesline, Tajiri ducks, off the ropes, hiptoss reversed into a Tajiri armdrag. Grenier manages a drop toe hold, then decides to kip up and shake his posterior. Too bad Tajiri kip up (and didn't shake anything we saw.) Tajiri waits for Grenier to turn around, and makes him eat wheel kick. One two no. Do the fans want Rhyno? Sure. Rhyno forearms Grenier, then puts him in armbar to open him up for more forearms. Greiner uses Rhyno's hair to back him into the corner, and tag in Conway. Conway with a kick, armbar, but Rhyno punches out of it. Conway tries to win a punching battle, but no go. He looks good, even in a loss. Whip, big hiptoss (with Conway very obviously jumping into it.) Chop. Corner whip, Rhyno charges into a back elbow. Conway comes at Rhyno swinging, but Rhyno ducks under, lifts Conway in a back suplex fashion, and sets him on the top rope facing out.  Rhyno works over Conway's back with forearms, and kicks him down in the Tree of Woe. Tag to Tajiri. Tajiri spins, sets himself, charges, and nails Conway with the sliding dropkick to the head one two Grenier breaks it up, so Tajiri takes him off the apron with a kick to the side. Back to Conway, right, right, right, whip, reversed, Conway fakes a self trip to distract Jack Doan while Grenier trips Tajiri. Tajiri gets pulled to the floor, and clotheslined on the floor. Grenier backs off when he sees Rhyno coming, but the work is done. Tajiri crawls in, but takes a reverse neckbreaker. Crowd chants USA as Conway and Grenier take turns choking Tajiri with their own flag (huh? - that's an odd thing to with a flag you like, but I guess they hit each other with them all the time so okay.) Tag to Greiner Conway with a corner whip - no, he's just teasing Rhyno, sending Tajiri back towards Grenier for a right hand, and clotheslining Tajiri down from behind. Grenier drops a knee on the back of Tajiri's head, one two no. Face wrench by Grenier. I don't know if it's a slight gimmick change or accident, but Grisham's calling both these guys "French Sympathizers", rather than one being actually French. Crowd rallies for Tajiri, then dies before he gets up. Greiner stops him with a knee anyway. Grenier works over Tajiri in the corner, but Tajiri tries to fight strike his way out. Tajiri tries the "jump over the heel to make the hot tag" move that never works exactly right, and Grenier catches him short. Tajiri keeps reaching and fighting though, sliding over the top for a sunset flip. Greiner blocks it long enough to tag Conway, and Conway breaks up the pin with kicks to the back. Reverse neckbreaker chinlock by Conway, and Tajiri tries to draw the crowd again. Conway stops him with another kick. Whip, Tajiri handspring elbows his way back. Now can he make the tag? Tag to Grenier, Tajiri gets a real late start and Greiner has to be extras slow to stop him - tag to Rhyno. Right, right, right, whip, reversed, Rhyno back with a flying clothesline. Grenier shoved down, right hand to Conway on the apron. Grenier sneaks in a kick, whip, quick reverse into the Concrete Crunch one two NO. Rhyno punches as the fans yell for the gore. Charge, corner running shoulder. Rhyno makes a signal, and I guess he's got a signal for his belly to belly suplex now because that's what he does. It'd be a weird signal if it wasn't for his belly to belly. One, Rhyno lets go to stop Conway from interfering, but still gets kicked. Right hand, and Grenier lifts Rhyno up so Conway can add the Hart Attack clothesline, one two Tajiri breaks it up. Tajiri kicks Conway down on the apron, and goes for Grenier. Corner whip, reversed, Grenier charges right into the Tarantula. Conway is quickly over to free his partner and dump Tajiri to the outside. As Conway helps up Grenier, Rhyno's gotten up himself - GORE on Conway! But that's not the legal man, that's Grenier, who takes Rhyno down in the corner and puts a foot on the middle rope, one two three (6:36) So they still can't beat them. Todd takes about a half second to leave this behind and start hyping "the hottest move in the theaters."

Yea, I'm so sick of Ocean's Twelve too. (1:03)

RAW Live
Next Monday - Biloxi, MS [RAW]
Next Tuesday - Glendale, AZ
Next Wednesday - El Paso, TX
Next Thursday - Houston, TX
Next Next Monday - Long Island, NY [RAW]

What important thing can we recap from RAW? I know! Gene Snitsky and the new Divas! My most favorite things. Christie gets the gun because she won. (3:53)

Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 241 pounds) vs Chad Collyer (talked over, already in the ring) - So happy to have you back - the bad thing about his jump to TNA was it denied us his quarterly WWE weekend matches. Coach claims Val's having a hard time with women lately. Coach and Todd debate the existence of Coach's girlfriend. Val and Chad debate the agreement of a fair handshake before the match; they eventually decide to pass. Circle. Lockup, Val armbar. Coach and Todd talk about knowing nothing. (about Chad Collyer) - Coach does say he's a good in-ring guy. Val with a wristlock, Chad rolls, but can't reverse it and gets forced down. Chad kips up - wait, no, let's try it again, okay there you go. Up to his feet, but still can't get out. Val forces Chad down again. Chad gets up to his feet, but Val pushes him down and forces him into a stand over armbar. Armbar, Chad rolls to a reversal, and forearms Val to finally get free. Headlock, shot off, over, slid under, run over by Val. Val off the ropes, over, hiptoss blocked, and Val reversed to a backslide one two no. Announcers express confusion about Hassan and Divari's exact relationship. Val with the leg trip one two no. Val with a forearm, forearm, forearm, off the ropes, into a Chad drop toe hold. Indian Deathlock! Val's shin is broke with the ironic pain of forgotten moves. Chad points and smiles. Chad kicks the left hamstring, and works in a knee snap. Toe hold leads to Chad smashing Val's knee into the mat. Stomp to the left shin. Back to the toe hold. Kick to the hamstring. Indian Deathlock variation - it doesn't matter much, as much as he's stretching Val's legs and holding it in. Coach: "Last time I saw that much agony on the face of Val Venis, was when the third, fourth and fifth chick of the night kept turning him down at the club." Chad lets go, and lets Val so he can chop and right. Val turns it down and rights back with his own chops. Chad rolls out, and takes Val's left leg with him. Smash into the apron. Back to toe hold, then reaching lower for a kneelock, I guess. Val tries to punch his way free, then tries to draw from the crowd, which does work. Val manages to kick Chad away into the corner, and Chad rebounds back into a small package, one two NO. Val stops Chad with a kneelift, and clotheslines him over. Back elbow. Whip, backdrop. Val's left leg is still bugging him a lot. Kick, fisherman's suplex (holy forgotten Val moves, Batman!), one two NO. Val limps around the ring to get in position for a couple elbow drops. Slowly to the outside, slowly up. Chad has time to get up, and time to dropkick Val, crotching him on the corner. Beal off! Chad grabs the knee - kneebar! Is Val going to give? Val slaps the mat in frustration, which Coach tries to claim is a tap out. Todd shoot him down, but Val's still thinking about it. Nah, he'll crawl to the ropes, then thinks about tapping out, then crawling, then tapping, then crawling. Thankfully, he eventually gets to the ropes to make his decision. Chad leaves the hold on for four, and then argues with Jack Doan. Chad misses on a corner charge, and Val kicks him. Suplex - no, Val cant' lift him with that leg. Chad tries a waistlock, but there's too big of a size difference for whatever he's trying. Val back elbows free, but Chad jumps on his back for a sleeper. Val fading, then reversing into the back suplex powerbomb (Todd: "a spinebuster!" haha) one two three. (6:21) I was wondering how he was going to get up to the top rope with that bad leg, so that works.

Up later: Trish vs Victoria
Next: Who's the champion?  

WWE Rewind presented by MAzing: Batista shows who deserves to be WWE Champion
Coach and Todd exchange mutual dislike, and set up Eric's announcement
Video package. (1:33)

NYR: Triple H vs Randy Orton vs Chris Jericho vs Batista vs Chris Benoit vs Edge in an Elimination Chamber match for the World Heavyweight Title

Next: Trish Stratus vs Victoria

Trish vs Lita for the Women's Championship, Two Weeks Ago (1:34)

Trish Stratus (Toronto, Canada) vs Victoria (Los Angeles, CA) in a Divas Contest - Coach debates "Todd" vs "Tom". Todd: "Call me 'Tom', I don't care, just call me!" Fink needs to talk with the WWE.com people. Lockup, and Trish quickly walks Victoria into the corner. Clean break? No, hairpulling. Trish is smart enough to duck away from Victoria's punches, and Earl Hebner going out of his way to warn her about closed fists allows Trish to get one of her own in. Kick. Headlock. Victoria tries to fight out. Trish is shot off, over (splits by Victoria) and into a monkey flip. Victoria waits for Trish to get up, and slams her down. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Shaky Shaky, one two no. Victoria with more right hands, a little but more open. Corner whip, corner kip up is caught and shoved to the apron. Trish gets in the shot to the midsection first, and rudely runs Victoria into the post! Victoria's shoulder hit the post hard, and she tumbled to the floor. This gives Trish plenty of time to pose and bow while Victoria pulls herself up. Trish waits till Victoria gets up, and knocks her down with a swinging dropkick. Now Trish brings Victoria back in to cover one two no. Kick. Face rake. One two no. Kick to the back. Armbar, actually into a bottom wristlock. Problem is, that leaves Victoria's good arm free to punch, and punch she dos. Trish eventually stops that with a kick, and stomps Victoria down on the mat. Trish covers Victoria, one two no. Todd: "Trish Stratus has done just about all you can do to a woman." Coach wastes no time jumping on that line, but nothing good comes of it. Corner whip, Trish meets Victoria knee brace. Vic to the middle rope, but too slow, and Trish does the Stratusphere - shoved off. Victoria all the way up now, and flattens Trish with a top rope cross body, one two NO. They look especially hashed. Victoria punches again. Corner whip, fireman's carry on the rebound, swinging her around for the Spider Web side slam. (Either the camera shots weren't synched up as they switched mid move, or they had to do that twice - it looked off), one two foot on the rope. Victoria to the outside. Wave to the crowd (crowd happy), slingshot somersault legdrop but Trish moves (and may have not been hit anyway.) Trish pulls herself up on apron, and puts Victoria down with the Chick Kick. Trish leisurely comes back in the ring. Stratusfaction seems to be more corporative than usual, but still works fine. One two three. (2:50) Was that a pre-PPV match or something? Maybe they could've taken two minutes away from the 500th Tajiri/Rhyno vs La Resistance match?

RAW: Best of RAW! including the WMXX three way. I believe it's a clip job till we see it.

That's It. Just like Monday (and to some extent, Thursday), I figure next weekend's stuff is going to be 100% recycled footage, but I'll probably zoom thru a couple recaps. Unless I come up with the Best of Velocity and the Best of Heat before hand. (We can only hope.)