You know, from a lowly commoner's view such as yourself, it may seem glorious to be King Of Predictions. Sure, the women, the cash, the whole spectacular lifestyle coming from knowing my midcard finishes superb. The chance to use my gift to impress so many - like calling the finish of the cage match before the taping - well, I can't deny it's great. To you, it may appear that you can hope for no better life than mine, when it comes to picking fake matches.

But I'm here to tell you: you're right! You really can't beat me.

My point is, uh, I wanted to squeeze in a plug and start on a complete random note. I love it when a plan comes together. Also, it's 1AM and the Slurpee just kicked in. Sadly, my powers do not extend to getting the top caption on OO, but perhaps one more good month and I can reach such lofty heights. 

Trivia: This is episode 312 of Heat, which is 6 years worth. Except, it's not actually been 6th year - they didn't do a show (at least on MTV - and that's what I'm counting here) the weekend of the 9/11 attacks, and did the one where they had no picture for a half hour and aired a repeat for the second half count? And some years have an extra Sunday. Doesn't really matter: it's just milestone I thought I'd point out, like the odometer turning over three months ago. 

You really end Season 6 in two weeks, and start season 7 on 8/8, so I guess I'm just pointing because they happened to pick up on 300 when I pointed out in advance? Could be.

The SpikeTV voice over guy wants me to only do one thing at a time? I can't even phantom...

TV PG LV CC entertainment open fireworks

Victoria (Los Angeles, CA, w/Governor Benson t-shirt) vs Molly Holly (Forest Lake, MN) - Gov. Benson stopped by before the show to do some SmackDown the Vote work with Victoria. And give out free t-shirts. Your announcers are Todd and Al; the official explanation for no Coach is "preparing Diva Search girls for RAW", but I'm guessing they did the voiceover on Thursday and Coach was in New York to prep the girls for that show. Close enough. Al points out that Molly's looking revenge for retribution from Vengeance, and "a little revenge, a little hair, a date..." This is not for the future title shot against Trish. Circle. Lockup, no, Molly with a kick, axhandle to the back, axhandle to the back, hair pull. Face into the mat. Throwing Victoria around by the hair. Al has figured out the pattern, while Todd actually remembers that it was Victoria who shaved Molly at WMXX. Victoria thrown out. Molly out after her. Fireman's carry lift, and Victoria is dropped face first on the barricade! Victoria thrown back in. Molly drops a nice elbow. Molly pounds the back of Victoria's head into the mat. Victoria turned over for a modified camel clutch. MOLLY SUCKS MOLLY SUCKS. Suplex one two no. Armbar by Molly. Victoria's gotten nothing in and we're almost two minutes into the match. I guess that's more of an elbow lock. Victoria' trying to draw form the crowd, and they debate VICTORIA or MOLLY SUCKS. Victoria getting back to her feet, and thrown down by her hair. Corner whip, Victoria kips up and out, right hands by Victoria. Chad Patten warns Victoria about using a closed fist, but by the looks of those punches, he need not have bothered. Molly trips Victoria up into the middle turnbuckle and resumes control. Stomp. Stomp. Corner whip, Mollypop meets boots. Inside cradle one no. Molly's clothesline misses, Victoria with the reverse rollup and bridge one two no. Victoria with a big right and another. Whip, backdrop. Dropkick to the head, one two NO. Whip, quick reverse into Molly's kick. Whip, head down too soon and Victoria kicks it, Victoria charges but Molly beheads her with a clothesline. Molly is angry, yelling at the crowd before going to pick up Victoria - Victoria small package one two THREE (4:11) Molly takes that about as well as you might think, knocking Victoria back down before she could get up. Side backbreaker. Going out - ah, chair. Molly brings the chair back in, but she's met by the red headed stalker. Todd remembers we've seen this person before, although only as a women apparently. Molly sizes the stranger up, gets her chair stolen and is shoved out of the ring. Victoria crawls away in confusion. If Victoria knows who it is, she's not letting us know that she knows. She may have a vague idea, but it doesn't look we're getting any more.

Tonight: Rosey vs Randy Orton

Edge gets the IC belt - celebrating after the finish. (:43) The point is, one down
And so we get Edge's second opponent on Monday. "Make him bleed from every orifice he has!" EW. and EW. (4:15)

Tonight: Rosey vs Randy Orton
Later: Evolution meets Eugene

Diva Search highlights. They make it sound like the crowd was going nuclear for much of this. Maybe they were. Who would know? They don't edit out the boos from Monday - oh, it's a plot point. This goes on for two or three forevers. I hate the red head the most. (3:31)

Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 242 pounds) vs Chuck Palumbo (Providence, RI, 270 pounds) - Todd: "Now, Al, I know you've been with some beautiful women in your life - and some pretty attractive men as well-" "Right. None of them voluntary, I'll tell you that." Al's picks are Maria and Christy. Chuck now has a baseball cap (black, no logo), back to blond hair, black gloves, and brown khakis held up by a black belt. And a chain on his pants. They explain he's "dressing like a biker", not because he's a biker, but because he's.....tough like a biker. I decided the obvious joke is too obvious there. Chuck spits in Val's general direction, but Val doesn't react. Todd: "I like the twins (Julia and Chandra). God gave me two arms for a reason." Lockup. Chuck backs Val into the corner. SLAP. Chuck encourages Val to try the same. Val does. Chuck is quite stunned. Chuck slaps back. Val opts to switch to punches, but Chuck wins with a knee. Chuck off the ropes, and jumping into a hiptoss. Armdrag. Val off the ropes, shoulderblock one two no. Val wants to follow up, but Chuck protects himself in the corner and Chad Patten has to get in the middle. Chuck uses the opening for a thumb to the eye. Big right hand. Chuck tires for a camel clutch, but Val knows how fearsome the move is and fights out of it before it goes on. Chuck picks Val up to snap mare him down, off the ropes, walking spine kick. Chuck backs Val into the corner, right hand. Backing up, charge, and Val boots him. Val charges out with a clothesline. Back elbow. Kick, swinging neckbreaker. Chuck rolls to the apron, Val pulls him up to his feet while punching him. Suplex in. Cover - no, mounted punches. Val yells at the warning, then looks at the ropes. Chuck grabs Val by the foot before he can go anywhere. Whip, quick reverse, reversed again into Val's half nelson suplex. Val goes up. Money Shot one two three. (3:21)

Next: Kane and Lita have a conversation

1-800-Call-ATT asks Matt to stay away from the ring and from him
Back to the end of the match (stills), where Lita ignored Matt and got in the way. Matt wins, Lita's happy, Kane's not happy. (1:00)
Kane and Lita have an odd moment of couple's therapy. (4:21)

Benoit vs Eugene (2:01) "We don't know if we'll ever see Eugene again after that brutal assault."

RAW Live
Monday - Washington, DC [RAW]
Friday - Johnstown, PA
Saturday - Erie, PA
Next Sunday - Wheeling, WV
Next Monday - Pittsburgh, PA [RAW]

Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle and I'm so tired of typing that already. blah blah Flair beats Hurricane blah blah blah

Randy Orton (St. Louis, MO, 240 pounds) vs Rosey (350 pounds) - it sounds like they voiceover Fink's introduction of Orton here. At any rate, he's specifically introduced as the former IC Champion. Orton tries to punk out Rosey pre-match, but Chris Kay prevents it. Circle. Lockup. Orton slowly backs Rosey into the corner, but Rosey quickly backs him the other way. Clean break - no, Rosey socks Orton with a forearm! Orton is as shocked as I am. The mask is already off, but I think Rosey's serious here so it's okay. Double thumbs down. Orton protests to no avail. Does anyone do things to avail? Circle. Lockup, Orton with a knee, forearm to the back. Whip, reverse, Orton with a sunset flip, Rosey ain't going. Big sit works one two NO. Orton grabs his chest, then tries a clothesline, ducked, and Rosey swats Orton out of the ring. Rosey's pumped up but not able to follow up. Orton sneaks in and snaps Rosey's neck over the top rope. Dropkick by Orton, one two NO. Orton grinds the point of his elbow into Rosey's eye socket. Running stomp. Stomp. Neck vice. Orton's more holding him into position rather than cranking anything. Forearm to the head. Forearm to the head. Al: "You're a friend of Eugene, are you going to take on Evolution for him?" "I will send a very strongly worded letter, yes I will." Forearms to the head. Pose. Chinlock looks better. Bending backwards for fun. Bending forward for fun. Now onto his side. And now into a choke. A little bit. Long hold here, but when the crowd gets behind Rosey, he starts to come back. Rosey up to his feet, reaching reaching, and Orton jumps on his back for a sleeper - but Rosey drops him with a sidewalk slam. Rosey drapes an arm on top, one two NO. Both guys are a little out of it. Rosey right. Orton right. Rosey right. Orton right. Rosey right. Orton right, and loading up for another big right. Right knocks Rosey into the ropes, but he comes back with a clothesline. Another one nearly takes Orton's head off. Whip, head down too soon and Orton kicks it. Another kick. DDT? No, Rosey backdrops out. Rosey is pumped. Guess it's time. Off the ropes, spinning legdrop one two NO. Rosey can't believe it. He didn't hook the leg. Todd is aghast. Rosey lifts Orton up in the fireman's carry. Spinning him around for That Move, but Orton slips free, but Rosey clothesline him anyway. Rosey recovering on the ropes instead of following up. Now he's noticing Orton pulling himself up in the corner, and lines up to smush him in the corner. Al: "Shades of Bill DeMott - going for the Squisher!" Charge, and no one's home. RKO! One two three (5:33) Rosey and Hurricane are the anti-Edge. Best Rosey singles match ever? Maybe. Is Orton bleeding from the mouth? Maybe slightly.

RAW: Live from DC. Retribution for Eugene and Diva Search.