TV PG LV CC entertainment 

Last Monday: Kane declines the opportunity to act like a professional. I hear it's going around these days. (1:51)

open fireworks - it's an a normal show this week! Don't get used to it.

Val Venis (Las Vegas, 242 pounds) vs Heat GM Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 230 pounds) - Your announcers are Al and Coach for this 308th Heat. Al takes 4.2 nanoseconds to make fun of Coach for being sad re: the end of his undefeated streak on PPVs. Steven's wearing yellow? Huh. He takes time to yell at Coach on the way to the ring. Al goes on this tangent about StevieCorp going public, which sadly is missing any sort of punch line. Val was in mid towel removal when Steven's music hit, and he's stood frozen (in anger! or silliness!) since. Steven does not help the situation by standing in front of him to pose. Coach has a secret that he'll tease for the next fifty five minutes, I presume. Circle. Lockup, Steven with a headlock, shot off, shoulderblock, Steven pose. Off the ropes, over, Val hiptoss, armdrag, into an armbar. Knee pressed into Steven's temple while he's at it. Back up to their feet, Val walked into the corner, and Steven gives him a back elbow instead of a break. Kneelift to the midsection, slap to the back. Whip, Steven puts his head down too soon so Val hooks him in a double underhook and lays in kneelifts one two three four five - pause to look at the crowd - six seven eight - look again - butterfly suplex. Reverse figure four? Too soon, Steven crawling backwards to the ropes, and out of the ring once he gets a break. Val out after him, chase is on, chase is back in, Steven off the ropes but Val knocks him down with a shoulderblock one two no. Steven back out again, but Val catches up to him on the apron and pulls him up by his hair. Of course Steven gets in the chinbreaker. Back in the ring with a clothesline. Knee drop, choke on the mat. Steven softening Val up with shorts to the right temple, before hooking up a cobra clutch. That's new. Maybe this is Steven's eviler twin? Al: "Looks like Stevie's going for the KatahaStevie!" Coach: "You can't even spell that, let alone say that!" Shhh. Val elbowing out, reversing to his half nelson, half nelson suplex. Both guys down. One two (look deep into Val's eyes) three four, Val up first, and winning the punch battle. Steven misses a punch wildly, Val grabs a waistlock, Steven gets to the ropes, Val rebounds out, Steven turns around, Val pops up and clotheslines him. Back elbow, "c'mon!" Whip, "oh man what an ugly backdrop". Val with a kick (exposed), forearm, forearm, corner whip, Steven gets up a boot but Val catches it, throws it down and clotheslines Steven in the corner a few times. Slam. Going for the reverse figure again, but Stevie fights it off again, kicking Val off into the middle buckle. Steven gets a headlock - springboard bulldog (hmm) is reversed into Val's back suplex powerbomb one two NO. Al: "Steven Richards going for former employee Crash Holly's famous finisher, the Crash Landing!" Val takes a moment to notice Steven still being down, and heads up. Steven catches up to him - Val pulled off the top rope and tossed on the mat. KATAHASTEVIE! It's locked in! Is this it? Will Val give? Will Tazz be mad at someone? Val's sticking in this a long time so I think I know once answer. Val struggling to the ropes, struggling, struggling, got 'em. And now Steven's - thrown a tantrum? Steven pulls down both knee pads, teases pulling down his tights, starts shadow boxing in the corner, then turns and charges into a Val Venis spinebuster. Coach: "For lack of a better word, Steven Richards was thrown a temper tantrum." "That, or he had a bad last night." Money Shot. One two three (6:11) Al: "What happened to Steven Richards?"

Tonight: Shelton Benjamin vs Garrison Cade
Up Next: Bad Blood HitC footage

HitC video package. Well, stills and sound at any rate. (1:28)
Picking up RAW, HBK was looking for a handshake. Still looking. I usually fast forward during these things, but I'm wondering when we get past TV PG - and it's right when Kane jumps off the second rope. Still after that, going to black and white for any shots of Shawn, until the stretcher shot. Shawn's larynx is crushed, according to Coach. (4:04)

N-Gage Autograph Signing of Last Monday

Maven (Charlottesville, VA, 230 pounds) vs Joey Matthews (already in the ring, 215 pounds, they talk over his hometown but it was Pensacola, FL last time we heard it) - Circle. Joey Matthews is Joey Sinatra, and at least Al is varying the (lame) jokes. Lockup, Joey headlock, Maven escaping and turning into one his own, in to a hammerlock, Maven shows him away? "You ain't Tough Enough, boy!" Huh. Joey charges into a drop toe hold. Maven floats around into a headlock, backed into the ropes by Joey. Clean break? No, Joey gets in an back elbow. Right to the head. Joey inside cradle one two NO. Joey demonstrates how close he was, and what his name is, before shoving Maven. Maven responds with a punch. Into the corner, back elbow, back elbow, corner whip, Joey puts on the brakes and Maven charge into back elbow anyway. Joey charges out into the powerslam one two no. Maven picks him up, but Joey kneelifts free. Whip, right misses, Maven dropkick does not. Going up? Way to slow. It's catching. Joey decides he might as well get on the apron, out of target range. For some reason, he decides to keep sitting there, looking at the crowd as Maven reaches for him. Joey slips free and trips Maven. Maven's spun on his back and Joey kicks him in the back of the head from outside. Reverse neckbreaker one two no. Maven fight back with punches. Whip, Joey hangs on to the ropes, Maven thinks, charges, gets tossed, but lands on the apron with Joey unaware. Joey's looking the wrong way, now he's looking at Maven (which may be worse), top rope cross body connects one two no. "C'MON JOEY!" Kick, "look, he's going-!" and Joey cuts off Maven before Al can get the name out. Northern Lights Suplex one two no. Joey explains to Chris Kay how to count to three. Back to Maven, Maven back up, wheel kick takes down Joey. "GET UP!" Kick, Stroke. One two three. (3:22) Al: "That's my boy, using all the knowledge that I gave him!" Coach sadly forgets to seize on to obvious joke territory, segueing instead into 

RAW Diva Search (:13) It doesn't occur to me till much later that Coach's big happy news was hosting the Chicago cattle call for this, which he mentioned somewhere along the line.

Tonight: Shelton Benjamin vs Garrison Cade
Next: Elimination match

Everyone's copy of the show was the stuff actually eliminated. I went 15 minutes+ and got to see Flair taping out just as my copy ended. Seeing as the Joe Schmoe bit had to be planned in advance (Matthew Kennedy Gould doesn't just happen to be in Dayton!), couldn't they have changed the TV listings to accommodate the extra time for us with the TiVo things. We pick up after Jericho and Batista are out, because we don't have all day. Wow, I know they were focusing on teasing the rope break at the end so Orton had to have as much reach as reasonable possible, but Benoit's really having a run of bad looking Sharpshooters lately. (4:56)

RAW: Eugene (w/William Regal) vs Triple H

Maxim New Women's Champion of Sunday

Garrison Cade (Austin, TX, 265 pounds) vs Shelton Benjamin (Orangeburg, SC 248 pounds) - Holla at your boy. Al: "I thought you were a commentator, not a cheerleader! [mocking] 'Yay, it's Garrison Cade, woooooo'." Al would know. Shelton says hello to Coach, much to Coach's displeasure. Shelton taking his time to say hello to a lot of fans on the way to the ring. Moving on to other hot button topics: Al: "Do you respect any woman?" "I love Trish, and Trish loves me." Al attempts to get Coach a beatdown from Christian as the match gets under way. Circle. Lockup, Shelton with a go behind and a takedown. Cover for zero. Both up, Shelton takedown one no. Cade is angry, and yelling at Jack Doan for no particular reason. Coach: "Because Jack Doan, being from the Midwest, has a tendency to favor Midwestern guys." To make this statement sound slightly less delusional, Shelton has moved back to the University of Minnesota for the moment. Cade tries to surprise Shelton and gets a backdrop. Armbar by Shelton. Cade trying to get to the ropes, can't get there so he uses a kneelift instead. Armbar by Cade, and he shoves Shelton down, but Shelton kips back up. Down, kip up. Down, kicking Cade in the face from the ground. Armdrag by Shelton from the mat. Cade stops this with a kneelift. Cade pauses to check his face, which allows Shelton to get in a kick. Cade right, Shelton right, Cade right, both throws knees and it looks kinda silly. Shelton tries again and wins. Shelton with a right hand, corner whip, reversed, Cade charges into a back elbow. Shelton's right is ducked, and Cade gives him an atomic drop, Shelton reeling into the ropes and rebounding into Cade to knock them both down. Shelton falls out of the ring, which means it's time for a break. (1:57)

By the way, it's all I can do to avoid going "did he hurt it there? not yet" right now

Garrison Cade welcomes us back to Heat by punching Shelton in the head. Good enough. One two no. Front facelock to a Shelton chant. Garrison cranking it in. They finally get around to mentioning the pregnancy test. I'd kinda hoped they dropped it. This is quite the front facelock. Al and Coach talk in amazement of Al's kids being respectable members of society, since they obviously couldn't get that from him. Double wristlock suplex gets Shelton free. Shelton up first, knee lift for Cade. Chinbreaker by Cade to get free, off the ropes and a knee to the head. There? Shelton slow up, so Cade on him with mounted punches. Stomp. One two no. "LET'S GO SHELTON" chant distracting Cade. Cade helps Shelton to his feet, and punches him back down. Coach: "LET'S GO CADE - your hearing is going." Shelton looking semi out of it. Cade punch blocked, Shelton is not. Right. Off the ropes, into a tilt-a-whirl powerslam one two NO. Back to the front facelock. Coach: "If there was any doubt in anyone's mind that Garrison Cade was in the same league as a Shelton Benjamin, as a Randy Orton, as a Triple H-" As long as that's the Needs About Three More Moves league, sure. Al has issues with the Triple H comparison. Battling back up to their feet, Shelton punches free, Cade knees him (and Shelton grabs his right hand, oooooh.) Cade grabs Shelton, but Shelton eludes him and sues a Russian legsweep. Shelton doesn't cover, instead rolling over on his stomach. Doan checks on him and makes a motion that's framed out of the picture. Both down - one two three four five six seven eight Cade up first. Big right hand from Cade, but Shelton doesn't go down. Shelton responds with one of his own. Cade's right hand whiffs - on accident? Shelton doesn't sell it - Shelton's kicks back - but it's just as not close and Cade does sells it - and it just degenerates to a punch/kick battle with both guys obviously not making contact and selling it just the same. They finally figure out a camera angle to hide it (and if Shelton's hand is broke, you can't blame him for not wanting to come close to making contact on his punches.) Shelton with a whip, back elbow. Clothesline. Cade retreats to the corner and gets a monkey flip. Shelton setting up, waiting, Cade finally goes to the corner, so Shelton backs up, Stinger splash. T-Bone Powerslam one two three (5:15, 7:12 total) Coach can't believe it. I think Al said "powerplex", and we'll have to see if anyone remembers it. Shelton climbs to the second rope to celebrate after the match, so he's not in extreme pain, but he's been frequently flexing his right hand since he hurt it, so it's bugging him. Jack Doan meets him out of the ring to help him to the back, but it looks like Shelton is going to celebrate his way out. Not celebrating is Coach. "A blind squirrel finds a nut everyone in a while." Coach makes Shelton know he got lucky, and Shelton makes Rico-like motions! Let's end this.

RAW: Eugene vs Triple H