Should've been wearing Orange and Green shirts: Losing Rico, Mark Jindrak, Spike Dudley, and Rene Dupree, and getting Shelton Benjamin, Rhyno, Tajiri and Chuck Palumbo (humor me)? Looks like the real winner in the Lottery Draft is Steven Richards Presents Sunday Night Heat! This is all provided A-Train because an overpushed RAW superstar and history's on our side there.

HBK won't be happy: The weirdest trend - In Shelton, Tajiri and Chuck, RAW managed to add 3 different guys who use superkicks as trademark (and sometimes finisher) moves. Which explains why Chuck got a new finisher last week on Velocity.

TV PG DV black screen. Instead of saying this about eight times in the first segment, I'll just point out once that whenever a graphic/video clip would start/end, there'd be a couple second of black screen instead of the transition. It's not the first time it's happened, but it makes you wonder if anyone actually watches this show before they air it, or if simply the wrong tape was handed to someone at some point. There's the CC entertainment bumper and we go to black again before diving into the open.

Lita (Sanford, NC) vs Jazz (New Orleans, LO) in a Diva's Contest - It's actually a match. Could you believe they gave Nidia's weight for the draft segment? That's a major break in protocol. It also inspires me to ask silly questions like "Was that pre or post the last surgery, because there seem to be a couple extra pounds there?" Your announcers are Coach and Al, and this is Sunday Night Heat #296, where we have lots of technical difficulties.. Coach LIES by implying the only people who didn't jump from RAW on Monday are Coach, Al and Lita. Coach also seems not to hate Lita anymore, and I'm glad he let that go. Al and Coach decide that Jazz is hot now, and go over Mr. Long leaving. Al makes fun of Coach's shirt, making a Killer Bees joke that goes right over Coach's head. Circle. Lockup, Jazz with a knee, right. Fans chanting for Lita. Kick, corner whip, wait no short knee. Forearm to the back. Al: "My pulse is pounding." Coach: "There's other things that are pounding too." Jazz sprinkling a good amount of talking, as usual. Shoulder split legged powerbomb one two NO. Jazz doesn't like the count, what a surprise. Jazz pulls Lita up by the hair, but Lita uses a monkey flip-ish move to roll on top of her - good, a new spot for her. Punches still aren't great. Corner whip, Lita charges into a back elbow. Leg choke on the middle ropes. Stomp. Forearm. Talking about draftees. 

Al: "They got my girl, Nidia." 
Coach: "That's right." 
Al: "She looked great, too." 
Coach: "That's right. [silent pause] Ahahaha, I wonder if anyone actually got that joke. I know you didn't." 
Al: [after a moment] "Oh, TWO, I got it."

Jazz with a whip, head down too soon so Lita kicks it, kick is caught by Jazz, enziguri is ducked, and Jazz puts on an STF! That'd be a finish if we weren't only 1:30 into the match. Lita reaching for the ropes but a long way to go. She's slowly moving it towards the ropes. And occasionally putting the claw on herself - or grabbing her face in pain, sure. Lita's stopped moving towards the ropes now, just an arms length away. Been in for thirty seconds, still not there. 40. 50, as Jazz cranks it in. A minute. Crowd rallying for Lita. Jazz has aquamarine nails? Huh. Lita reaching - and makes it after a 1:20. Jazz takes her time letting go, and argues the concepts of rope breaks. Lita's pulled up by her hair - no, into the chicken wing. Bitchlock! That's her move! Everyone's forget about it! So Jazz just dumps Lita chest first into the mat. Jazz is proud of herself. Jazz grabs Lita by the leg, but Lita kicks her away. So Jazz kicks her in the head. Sound strategy. Jazz off the ropes, splash but Lita rolls out of the way. Lita with a small package one two no. Both up, Jazz's clothesline is ducked, Lita with wild punches, whip, reversed, spinning headscissors in slow motion. Clothesline-ish move. Dropkick is better. Corner whip, reversed, Lita kips up and out, Jazz runs into the corner, Lita grabs her on the rebound, inverted Twist Of Fate one two NO. Lita with a turnbuckle smash, and now climbing for corner punches, one two three - Jazz pushes Lita off the ropes, and Lita takes a free fall to the mat, just landing on her back. Had me really scared for a second. Jazz covers with feet on the ropes one two NO. Jazz with hard crossface blows to Lita. People are told to shut up. Fireman's carry into a I guess we'll never know, because Lita lands on her feet and hits the big DDT. One two three. (5:21) Not bad. Lowest number of moments where I was worried about Lita being paralyzed in some time, so of course she's holding her neck as she celebrates.

Tonight: Matt Hardy (new video!) vs Lance Storm.

Walking Tall (Rock & Knoxville)
RAW Sunday Replay
Walking Tall (Trailer) [2]
Twix (Birthday Party)
Ninja Gaiden
Burger King (we got the same thing)
Drakengard
Hellboy - is it just me, or is it odd that they'd sell commercial time for a movie going debuting head to head with one they have an interest in and going after the same group of people?
Taco Bell (red dress)
This Just In
Spike TV (graffiti)

Drakengard Edge's Return - yep, his music is dubbed over here too. Like they did with Eric's debut - must've been a one time only use thing.

the Hurricane (215 pounds) vs Joey Matthews (204 pounds, already in the ring) - Fink has awesome vibration in his voice for "THE". They talk over Joey's hometown. This match would be so much better on Velocity - Josh would say "OMEGA" and Coach and Al are saying "Babaganootch" and that's all you need to know. I have some digital recording problems, but it looks like I miss nothing but trash talking before the lockup. Joey with a waistlock, Hurricane with an armbar in and a fireman's carry. Chinlock, Joey escapes into a hammerlock while sitting on the mat. Hurricane rolls on to his back, and grabs Joey into a headscissors. Nice. Joey kips up out, but gets caught in a headlock and taken down. Hurricane rolls him onto his shoulders, one two no. Joey with elbows, Hurricane whipped into the corner, Joey charges into a Hurricane's European Uppercut. Hurricane going up top - and Joey bailing out of the ring to recover. Joey sits on the apron and grabs his nose, but Hurricane walks over to grab Joey's hair. Joey's pulled up to his feet, but he snaps Hurricane's neck over the top rope, and that'll take care of him for a bit. Joey with a kick, off the ropes, knee neckbreaker one two NO. Joey with a corner whip, Joey calls for the clothesline and hits it. One two no. Neck vice. Wait, yelling neck vice. That's much more power. There's a weird digression into Coach sharing pregnancy into his (implied) non-existent wife, and his weight gains and losses. Kneeling surfboard/chinlock. Hurricane trying to draw for the crowd and they're sorta loud but not reacting to him. Hurricane still trying, and now they're coming around. Hurricane up, elbow, elbow, elbow, standing around and doing nothing, Joey with a knee, Hurricane catches it, Joey gets him with a back elbow anyway. Joey with a corner whip, charge, but Hurricane ducks the clothesline. Jumping neckbreaker works. Joey is the first one up, but Hurricane still wins on the punches. Whip, hiptoss blocked, Hurricane's hiptoss is blocked, so Hurricane turns it into a modified Unprettier. Going up top - cross body hits, one two NO. Hurricane setting up, kick, "EYE OF THE HURRICANE" (Al: "He is the Hurricane"), but Joey reverses it to a waistlock, Hurricane run into the ropes but he grabs 'em and Joey is rebounded back. Hurricane tries the Shining Wizard, but Joey ducks it, Northern Lights Suplex one two NO. Joey with a kick, off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker, reversed into a backslide, but Hurricane can't get him to go, so he turns into a kick, fireman's carry into a facecrusher, and a Shining Wizard while he's at it. One two three. (4:51

Tonight: Matt Hardy vs Lance Storm
Next: Tag Team Championship

RAW Sunday Replay [2]
Subway (Fresh Salads)
Nike (Lance Armstrong weigh-in)
Drakengard [2]
Milky Way (slide)
Mafia
Animal Face Off (Lion vs Tiger)
Call Me: The Rise and Fall of Heidi Fleiss
a second of an Enzyte commercial
This Just In [2]

Booker T/RVD vs Batista/Flair (2:13)
Next: Val Venis vs Garrison Cade

This Just In [3]
Resident Evil: Outbreak
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
YJ Stinger (Fozzy)
the Suffering
RAW Sunday Replay [3]
Spike TV (car)

Behind the Scenes: Walking Tall. The 2x4. (1:08)

Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 242 pounds) vs Garrison Cade (San Antonio, TX, 268 pounds) - Coach think Rock is watching Heat! Funny man. RAW is next in case you haven't heard. Lockup, Cade with a knee lift, forearm. Announcers sarcastically bemoan the end of Cade & Jindrak. Whip, Cade runs him over with a shoulderblock. Slam. Calling to end it? Awful early. Going up, but Val is up and hip swiveling at him. That just annoys Cade, who goes up more, but then stops when Val makes it real clear that he's ready for whatever Cade's going to try. Cade climbs down, and goes to the floor. Val pulls him in by the hair. Right, right, right, kick, chop, whip, running with him kneelift. Whip, reversed into a Cade short knee. Venis recovers in the corner and fights Cade off with kicks. Clothesline is caught (I guess) and Cade drops him with an armbar takedown. Cade working over Val's left shoulder with short shoulderblocks. One too many gets him backdropped. Val is working one armed now but making due with a clothesline sand back elbows. Swinging neckbreaker, one two no. Al mocks Bill DeMott. Val throws a kick that comes up a foot short, but luckily Cade sells it as if he's begging off by falling backwards. Val gets around the referee to lay in some punches. Coach and Al say Velocity is the "D-Team." Whip, back elbow, fisherman's suplex is blocked (bad shoulder?), and Cade stops Val's run with a kneelift. Cade backs up and charges right into a spinebuster. Val calling for something - ah, it's the reverse figure four. Val's gotta get his wacky lucha submission holds back in order before they get to Mexico. Garrison crawling towards the ropes but in a lot of pain. He gets the ropes, barely. Someone should've pointed out the bionic knee brace on Garrison's knee while he was in the hold, but nah. Val trying to grab Cade in a half nelson, but he's holding tight to the ropes. Back elbow escape by Cade, but he turns around into a kick. Suplex works here, but Val's grabbing his shoulder. Val pumped and going up - bur Cade up in plenty of time and punching Val. Cade going up with him, superplex is blocked. Punch battle takes a while, and Cade gets an eye rake. Forearms to the back, and now the superplex will work. Cade crawling, but not to cover. Cade going up - top rope elbow one two three. (4:48) No bulldog? Boo.

Tonight: Matt Hardy vs Lance Storm
Next: Eddie vs Triple H

RAW Live
Monday - Cincinnati, OH
Friday - Hidalgo, TX [SOLD OUT]
Saturday - Monterrey, Mexico
Next Sunday - Laredo, TX [WMRevenge]
Next Monday - Houston, TX [RAW]

RAW Sunday Replay [4]
Snickers (Ball Game)
Hellboy [2]
Drakengard [3]
Burger King (Cyborg Chicken)
Rainbow Six 3
This Just In [4]
Spike TV (We Speak Your Language)

Hellboy Triple H draft pick of Monday

Your announcers are still Al and Coach. Actual Coach Quote: "Going into RAW, we knew everything was going to change. We didn't know how much." Personally, I'm astounded. 

The match, and the brawl. I don't know why, but Triple H looked very not good taking the triple suplex. You think they'll explain why Christian caused the DQ? Probably nothing more than "Christian is a CLB!" if they do. Although we know the real reason is they're not giving away a finish to a SD! champion vs RAW champion match on TV. They should've pushed stronger that RAW was outnumbered before the cavalry, but hey it still was fun. (4:26)

Matt Hardy (Version One, Cameron, NC, 228 pounds) vs - Matt Facts: Matt has four different phone numbers. Matt is a fan of thin crust pizza. WHAT. So wrong. And now I really want some good deep dish. Oh, wait break before the match.

This Just In [5! - and the same Courtney Love joke three times!]
Walking Tall [3]
Drakengard [4]
Twix (Birthday Party) [2]
Nike (Andre Agassi) 
Taco Bell (red dress) [2]
Splinter Cell (cut off at the end for)
Comcast High-Speed Internet (T-Rex)
Comcast High-Speed Internet (now faster)
last second of an Aerosmith commercial
RAW Sunday Replay [5]
Spike TV (motorcycle)

Matt Hardy vs Lance Storm (Calgary, Alberta, CA, 230 pounds) - Lance has new tights. Coach says Lance is scowling? He's arguing with people on the way to the ring, odd. Coach subscribes to Muscle and Fitness? Al disbelieves. This leads into a "Who loves Triple H more?" argument. There is no winner. They're both losers. Matt has something to say! "Lance, before we get started, I got a very special Matt Fact for everyone here. Now listen to this Lance, this is big, you ready? Matt hates things that are dull and boring, like Lance Storm." Coach: "Or, like a lot of chicks I know." Al: "Well, it helps when they're conscious. That way, they're a lot more exciting. Take it from one who knows. They struggle a lot more, but, haha" Oooookay. Circle. Lockup, Lance with an armbar, twisting it, Matt reverses, Lance with a forward headstand and stands up to put on an armbar, headlock takedown. Matt with a leg scissors reversal, Lance spins around to kip up. Both up, Lance knocked down via right hand. "I'm VEONEUHHHHHH". Matt with right hands, corner whip, Lance kips up and out but no one's home, and Matt socks him again. Fear the right hand of Matthew Hardy. Taking too long to pose. Lance picked up and Lance working a kneelift to take control. Kick to the ribs. Chop. Whip, reversed, Lance slides under, Lance charges, Matt drop toe holds him onto the middle rope. V1 running sit on the neck, inside cradle one two NO. Matt with corner punches, one two three - and Lance dumps Matt all the way to the floor. Yow. Lance checks his face before retrieving Matt. Coach: "He needs a fifth phone number now." Al: "Yea, it's called 911." Lance smashes Matt's face into the apron, and follows with an elbow. Boot choke. Lance with a right hand. Coach: "I thought you were going to say [Lance] is killing the crowd. Don't say that!" Al: "Only if he cuts a promo!" Lance back elbow, snap mare, legdrop one two no. Chinlock. Matt rallying back - this has been really odd, because Matt's speech before match seemed to make him the heel, but he's been working as the face here. Matt elbowing out, off the ropes, sunset flip , Lance rolls through (thanks to a push form Matt), and tries for the half crab. Mat fights it, then grabs him in a small package, one two NO. Lance with a tough back elbow to the head. Elbow drop to the neck, one tow no. Choke on the ropes by Lance. "C'mon Matt! Who's boring now, huh?" Lance with a whip, nice dropkick. One two no. Lance with a chinlock, one Lance's arm right across Matt's face. Another Velocity joke. Matt rallying back again, elbows but Lance pulls him down by the hair to some boos. Lance with stomps. Knee to the head. Boot choke. Lance with a kick. Snap mare? Eh, Matt' snot ready for it, so Lance sticks a foot in to the back of his knee and puts on a neck vice. Matt rallying to his feet again, right hands to escape, but Lance stops him with a forearm. Lance off the ropes, into a clothesline. Corner whip, corner clothesline in, bulldog out! Love that. One two NO. Corner whip, reversed, Lance charges into a boot. YAAAA Downfall Raindrop! One two no. 

Al [on the legdrop]: "Booyah!" 
Coach: "Easy, Stuart Scott." 
Al: "I did it just for you, I know how much of a hero he is to you."
Coach: "Oh, you know, I hate, I hate Stuart Scott!"
Al: "Oh, he's your best friend."
Coach: "He's close."

Matt calling for the To'F, Lance getting to his feet but looking out of it. Matt kick is caught, Lance spins him, back suplex but Matt lands on his feet, kick, Twist of no reversed into a backslide with Lance putting his feet on the bottom rope one two NO. Al notes that Lance might have leaned Matt to far over while getting his feet on the ropes, actually making it easier to escape - one of those rare moments here where Al is useful in a non-Coach mocking way. Lance with a whip, quick reverse into a Side Effect one two NO. Matt is a little frustrated, a little disoriented. Whip, reversed, Lance with the single leg takedown roll into the half crab! That's his move! Coach calls it a "single leg Boston Crab" because he's a moron! But this is the third bit tonight where someone's got a finisher-level move and the other person heroically makes it to the ropes, which is quite the overuse. Matt takes less time than Lita but maybe a little more than Garrison. Lance stomps the back. Matt sat on the top rope for a Storm Superplex but Matt's fighting back. Second Rope Side Effect? Lance blocks that himself - second rope chin buster, leg lariat one two NO. Lance going to the second rope to - mock Matt? Odd choice. Second rope flying nothing meets a kick, Twist Of Fate one two three (8:00) Everyone was counting along with the three, so I guess they got what they wanted. Is that what they wanted?

RAW Replay Next
New RAW Monday
That's it.