TV PG DV cc entertainment Last Monday - Coach interviewed Goldberg. Kinda. Goldberg got suspended, not so kinda. (1:31) open previously taped fireworks
Victoria (w/o Steven Richards but with a stylish jacket) vs Ivory in a #1 Contenders Match - Your announcers are Al and Coach. Coach is casually wearing a sling, which makes me laugh and laugh and laugh some more. Al of course "accidentally" hits Coach on his bad arm to make him squirm. Wait, shouldn't they've had this match last week and the title match this week? This is presuming that Ivory is going to win, I guess. That's what I'm betting on, because "Victoria beats Ivory, Ivory gets title shot and loses, Ivory beats Victoria in #1 contenders match" is the way to do this that makes the lease sense. Coach explains that Steven had a run-in with Test earlier today that's making him unavailable right now - footage later. That dastardly Test! Ivory wants the Test of Strength again. Sure, why not. No real edge, so Ivory drops to the mat, kinda grabs Victoria in a bodyscissors and flips her over into a cradle one two reversed one two reversed one two reversed one two reversed one two reversed one two reversed one two reversed one (! Victoria slipped free too soon) reversed one two NO. Breath. That was 8 reversals there. While Coach and Al mark out over people's faces being where they'd like to be, Victoria finds herself into a headscissors as she holds Ivory upside down - Ivory springs Victoria out. Al thinks he's on in one of the hair shampoo commercials. Molly Holly, apparently wondering what other wacky stuff these two have planned, is now out on the stage watching this. Victoria gets a knee lift to Ivory, and a forearm to the back. Ivory pushed in the corner, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder. Al and Coach are openly hoping that Molly (who's stolen Alex Wright's jacket) joins the other two in rolling around in the ring. Victoria tries a hanging suplex, Ivory sorta kinda lands behind, slipping to her knees in the process but coming up with an inside cradle one two no. Ivory with a dropkick to the head to keep Victoria grounded. Victoria tries to get to the ropes to escape Ivory, and Ivory yanks her into the middle of the ring. Victoria decides to get all the way out of the ring, falling out so Al and Coach can make jokes about the parts of her anatomy hanging out of her pants. Sample Commentary: "Molly, for some reason, has really started to turn me on as of late. I don't what it is, maybe it's the pain killers." Al: "Maybe, maybe, maybe it's because she has a butt!" Al gives that Molly is kinda hot, but figures Coach is turned on because Molly is both female and breathing. Victoria back up the apron and yanked in by her hair. Off the ropes, into a powerslam one two no. Ivory trying to get to the ropes, but Victoria's not going to let here. Oooh, I sense lucha libre - la tapita! Ivory's hanging in the air, being stretched, but won't give up. Al again points out that Victoria could get herself pinned there, though Charles Robinson didn't notice to make a count. Victoria lets go to drop Ivory forward, and covers her one two no. Corner whip, Ivory rebounds out, Victoria scoops her up in a fireman's carry, but Ivory escapes with a sunset flip one two no. No right reversals this time - backslide by Ivory instead one two no. Let's look at Molly - she seems not to be rooting for either person here. Corner whip, reversed, Ivory tries a slow version of the kip up headscissors, Victoria takes advantage and pushes her out. Ivory is able to land on the apron, and forearm Victoria down. Going up - top rope cross body but Victoria dusk out of the way! Victoria in control, but slow to pick Ivory up (By the hair.) Setting up for it - Widow's Peak! One two three. (4:05) I know nothing! Molly, who probably knows something, is walking down to ringside. Hey, remember when Victoria was Molly's protégé/friend? Molly comes in and claps approvingly for Victoria. Handshake! Looks like they're exchanging compliments, and the fans aren't digging it. Victoria poses, Molly givers her props. No, don't your back on her Victoria - WHACK! Title belt upside the head, right as Victoria was getting out of the ring. "LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT THIS TITLE! IT'S STAYING RIGHT HERE!" Molly makes sure Victoria knows that belt is his
Tonight: Lance Storm and Val Venis vs Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade. Lance's
video has him looking down at his tights, then looking back up and smiling, as
if he's surprised to find something out.
Later: The people don't love Mick Foley GM.
During the match, Coach said Victoria vs Trish in a Chicago Street Fight will be "featured" (shown in a four minute clip package) on Best of RAW. So plan on that.
the Hurricane and Rosey (565 pounds) vs the Shane Twins (already in the ring) - Al and Coach talk right over the local guy's introductions - what a couple of dicks. The great thing about them being twins is that I can ignore this match since I don't know which is which and if it's a non-WWE guy on Heat, they're Babaganootch to the announcers. As you might expect from a big tag team, they have problems with Rosey but work over Rosey for a long time. Oh, he used a overhead belly to belly suplex, better make out the check. Is the crowd chanting for Rosey? Now they've slipped into randomness. Hurricane manages to suplex one of the Shane Twins, which means a fine for him too. Rosey gets the hot tag while I try to figure out who this ref is - did someone get a haircut? Is this another local guy? Maybe Doan colored his hair? It officially is the 727 legdrop. Coach: "Referee....referee....referee Chad Patten!" and now I feel better. Off Rosey's Splash will finish it. (4:12) Al has a name for it, but the fans were too loud to hear it.
Next: Angry men fight
Bod man, why did Jericho break up Christian's pin?
Later, Trish doesn't believe Chris and then he has to fight Kane. A shove for me is a shove for you. (4:19)
One Week From Monday - San Antonio, TX [RAW]
One Week From Saturday - Jackson, MS [RAW RTWMXX Tour]
Two Weeks From Today - Tupelo, MS [RAW RTWMXX Tour]
Two Weeks From Monday - Memphis, TN [RAW]
Two Weeks From Friday - Oshawa, ONT [RAW RTWMXX Tour]
Earlier Today: Victoria was getting ready for her match by stretching with a camera directly behind here. As she walks away, it turns out that the cameraman wasn't the only one leering inappropriately, as Test (wearing a shirt of a donkey and the word "ass") was also standing nearby and checking Victoria out. Test starts talking to himself, sorta: "Oh yes, walk away baby. Walk away. Can run, but you can't hide. Someone's been hitting the gym. Know, every since I got rid of, uh, Stac there, I've been looking for a replacement. Maybe Victoria is just the ticket. Hell, I don't even care if she doesn't want me! Wait - wait a second, of course she wants me - she's only human, and I'm Test!" Apparently we weren't the only ones stuck listening to this monologue, be cause Steven Richards has creeped up behind Test. He's not thrilled.
SR: "Excuse me?"
T: "What do you want?"
SR: "Did I get this right - you got right of Stacy?"
T: "Yeah. I dumped her, I kicked her to the curb baby!"
SR: "You have a girl with you who doesn't even want to be with you-"
T: "she wants me"
SR "-my Flower wants to me with me."
T: [shakes his head no]
SR: "You think, you think - no, listen, you think you can take my Flower from me."
T: "Of course I can baby, she wants me - she's only human."
SR: "Alright. Why don't you give it a try!" [walks away
Test (already in the ring) vs Heat GM Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 230 pounds) - Steven is an angry man. Test is not impressed, except with his own mocking ability. Test dares Steven to punch him right on the chin. Test tells Steven to check out the bicep. Steven tells Test to check out the punch to the face. Punch to the face trumps all. Rights, whip, oooh reversed to a mean short clothesline. Stomps. Al and Coach argue that Steven should've just deactivating Test. Whip, clothesline ducked, Steven with a right, right, right, corner punches - no he's pushed off, no he's back on, no he's pushed off, no he tries charging again, Test moves and Steven manages to crotch himself in the corner. Test is now taking this more seriously, with stomps an the punching. Test tells us he's a real man. Slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop but no one's home. Steven with a right, right, off the ropes, into a Test side slam one two NO. Test with a right, corner whip, Test charges into a double boot, Steven out with a bulldog. Kick, SteeVeeTee - no, his back is hurting too much. Test spins out into the pumphandle, pumphandle suplex is escaped, Test charges for the Boot but Steven ducks and Test crotches himself on the top rope. Kick, yelling suplex - no, Test runs Steven back first into the corner. Test holds onto Steven, lifting him on his shoulder and running, but Steven slide down the back, sunset flip one two THREE!! (2:27) Holy crap he actually won! Al: "The stock for StevieCorp is headed for a new high!" Coach: "Like over 15!" At any rate, it's a fine day for Team Completely Insane (And Perhaps Turning Face.) We go away from this rather quick
Next: Mick Foley returns to the ring. Well. Kinda.
The announcers set up the Foley video package. Al's got normal hair this week, by the way. (6:16) Straight the break without thoughts from the announcers.
Remlington Jindrak steals a win on Val
Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak (532 pounds) vs Val Venis and Lance Storm
(472 pounds, with
ho's escorts ho's
females who are breathing) - Val and Lance demanded this rematch, and
someone actually listened to them. Jindrak and Val to start. Lockup, Cade puts
Val in the corner, but Al has totally distracted me by slipping in "mister
fairplay himself, Eric Bischoff." There's the non clean break, though Cade
should've done more than shove if he was going to do something. Kinda like the
slap Val did back. Lockup, no Cade knee, forearm, forearm, forearm, kick, stomp
down in the corner, boot choke. Cade breaks the choke only on warning from Mike
Choida, and makes the mistake of turning to argue him. Clothesline, clothesline,
whip, back elbow. Slaaam. Yelllll. Off the ropes, knee drop and now some mounted
punches. Armbar, tag to Storm for a springboard shot to the arm. Wristlock
Northern lights suplex. Lance (STORM) keeps the wristlock on, but Cade escapes
with a headscissors. Cade with a kick to the midsection, Storm's run into the
corner. Tag, Jindrak comes into help kick down Storm in the corner. Whip,
tilt-a-whirl but Storm lands on his feet, Jindrak misses a clothesline and Storm
armdrag him. Staring wristlock, forcing Jindrak on the mat. Tag to Venis, off
the top rope axhandle to the arm. Chop. Right. Chop. Whip, back elbow. One two
NO. Tag to Storm, whip, slam, Storm off the ropes for an elbow drop one two no.
Storm with a forearm, whip, reversed, Storm slides out through Cade's legs and
yanks him off the apron. Punch for Cade, but Jindrak catches him by surprise
with a sliding dropkick. Val argues, while Cade runs Storm hard into the post by
the shoulder. This looked extra painful. Jindrak throws Storm back in, and tags
Cade. Holding Storm for Cade to kick. Al is entertaining himself by calling them
"Jade and Cindrak." Cade runs Storm into the corner. Shot for Storm,
big punch for Val. Val in and arguing again, allowing Jindrak to come in without
a tag and hitting a big dropkick. Coach starts to talk about Jindrak having
perhaps the best dropkick in the WWE, and Al almost tricks him into saying it's
better the Bob Holly's. Coach shuts up when he realizes saying such things may
get him killed at Rumble. Tag to Jindrak, kick, armbar on that left shoulder.
Storm is in a lot of pain. Storm with forearms to break out of it. Whip,
reversed, Storm hits a sharp looking leaping leg lariat. Tag to Venis, tag to
Jindrak. Val with a clothesline for Mark, clothesline for Cade, clothesline for
Mark, whip and backdrop for Cade. Belly to back suplex into a powerbomb on
Jindrak. Cade takes the half nelson release slam. Fisherman's suplex for
Jindrak, one two Cade breaks it up. Double whip, Val ducks under both of them,
Storm makes the blink tag, Jindrak and Cade put their heads down too soon and
Val kicks Mark's. Cade throw Val out and follows, leaving Storm to come in and
hit a springboard cross body on Jindrak one two NO. Jindrak throws Val into the
steps as Lance punches Jindrak. Corner whip, reversed, Storm manages a back
elbow with his bad arm. Storm to the top, sunset flip, Jindrak sits down to
cover, one two (Cade is over late to help with leverage) three. (6:27)
Val is hurt, but he's got a date.
Next Monday Night: HBK vs Triple H (c) for the World Title.