TV PG DV CC entertainment Mick Foley Returns! (again) (1:14) open fireworks

Victoria (no hometown, w/Steven Richards) vs Ivory (no hometown) in a Divas Match - Your announcers are Al and Coach (not fired.) Al hopes Coach learned his lesson. Al says Coach is lucky that he's friends with Heat GM Steven to get hired back, but Coach points out he was never really fired. "True, that's just a technicality." Al and Coach were chicken magnets at the VGAs, and now look what they're starting with, they say. Circle. Lockup, break. Lockup, Victoria pushed into the ropes, Victoria turns it around, break. Test of Strength lockup, Looks to be going slightly Victoria's way until she turns it into a straight jacket choke. Taking Ivory down to her knees - and then laying backwards for a nifty tapita variation! Victoria is underrated awesome. Victoria goes back to the standing above straight jacket choke to avoid being counted down. "This may be the only way to shut Ivory's mouth." Ivory managing to stand up from it, turning it around - no, Victoria turns around again, and puts it back on. Coach mentions Steven surviving the homicide attempt by Jon last week. Ivory manages a double arm drag to finally escape from the hold. Double leg, slingshot? No, GIANT SWING! One two three and a half! Victoria is dizzy, and charges right into a flapjack onto the top turnbuckle. Ivory brings Victoria out of the corner so they can, um, clumsily go through a whip/reverse spot, with Ivory hitting a "forearm" to end it. That was not good. Ivory off the ropes, cross body caught and Victoria yells while completing the press slam. Kick to the ribs. Coach: "You almost being fired - or being fired but not being fired, I didn't really follow that anyway." Ivory escaping to the ropes, so Victoria beats her to the apron, then beats her with a kick upside the head. Slingshot somersault legdrop one two Ivory puts her foot on the ropes. Al: "Matches take away from me talking." Coach: "I know, they really do, don't they." "Oh man." Victoria with a right hand, side backbreaker. Coach: "No one wants to see Stone Cold come back! The fact there's there been 500,000 signatures already tells me nothing!" Al accuses Mick of stuffing the ballot box/petition, "because lord knows he have a life." I was hoping he'd make the "stuff his mouth" joke. Whip, Victoria's head is down too soon, Ivory kicks it, off the ropes, clothesline misses, Victoria scoops her up into a fireman's carry, Ivory fights it but Victoria spins her out into the Spider Web (not called) one two NO. Slam. Going up. Moonsault (! - she hasn't done this in quite some time, knee feeling better?) but Ivory rolls out of the way. Ivory up slightly faster and putting Victoria back down with a dropkick. Al shows his skill as analyst by noting the strings in back responsible for holding up Ivory's top are coming loose. Ivory grabbing Victoria by the hair, but Victoria grabbing Ivory by the neck. Ivory back elbowing and then punching out. Whip, reversed, Ivory tries a 'rana - and pulls it off! I thought she was gonna get powerbombed, then I thought she was going ot land on her head. Oh for two. Ivory kicks Victoria out of the ring and is pumped up. Steven is up on the apron to complain about the price of tacos to Jack Doan (I dunno), and Ivory has issues with that. So Steven points at her and yells some, Ivory comes over, Steven yells a lot, and Ivory - kisses him?!?!? Different, yet the same. Steven is a bit shocked. Yet, you have to question Ivory's sanity. Coach: "I don't think I've ever said I want to be Stevie Richards, but NOW". Al: "I dunno that I could ever say that." Anyway, Ivory pushes Steven down by the head, but Victoria is back in and not happy. Kick, lift, Widow's Peak (called!) one two three. (4:44) I bet you could write a term paper on how and why people react differently to this than when it's Tommy kissing Victoria. I dunno why you would but you could. Al: "You know what they say about men with power." "What?" "They have a lot of power." Steven goes to raise Victoria's arm, but she doesn't dig that. Steven begs off - it was all her idea! She kissed him! Victoria yells some more at him, but we watch the replays instead of getting resolution. Steven is trying to talk way out of this mess as they walk up the apron, but it looks like Victoria is too far gone and not in a mood to listen.

Tonight: Mark Henry vs Maven
Next: Rosey and Hurricane

BringBackStoneCold.WWE.com. Or Don't. It's not like he's not coming back anyway.

Rosey and Hurricane (560 pounds) vs Chad Collyer, MD and Greg Groothus (463 pounds, already in the ring) - Hurricane:Rosey::Chad:Greg, except there may be bigger gaps. After watching Greg do something far less than "well" on SmackDown, I think I'll just play trademark move Bingo. Coach and Al are playing "Babaganootch" anyway. Hurricane asking for a handshake and it going wrong, check. The good thing about having Greg in a tag match is that he can just stand and yell, where he excels. Did Hurricane just do the Unprettier? Chad's head was under Hurricane's armpit rather than straight in his back, but that's really too close to be using for a meaningless two count on a Heat match, I'd guess. Double pose, choke. Rosey's 747 legdrop. Oh lovely Greg/Rosey. Rosey's mask is coming loose again. Rosey belly to belly suplex. Hurricane with the second rope legdrop, as his tribute to TLC participants continues. I'm expecting the Saving Grace soon. Rudo double team goes bad but not bad enough. Collyer's carving Hurricane up, hahaha. Eye of the Hurricane not called, got it. Rosey gets the hot tag and thrills us with clotheslines. Rosey tags Hurricane, then sits on the top turnbuckle so Hurricane can climb him - really high splash one two three bingo (4:46)

Next: A look back at Trish's night.

RAW Live
Monday - Anaheim, CA [RAW]
Friday - New York, NY [MSG]
Saturday - West Palm Beach, FL
Sunday - Orlando, FL [PPV]
Next Monday - Tampa, FL [RAW]

Trish/Jericho vs Rico/Jackie, then Jericho d. himself (8:25)

Why - this is an ad for SmackDown on RAW! Must be those crafty UPN people.

Lugz Steven Died For Your Sins

Jon Heidenreich (New Orleans, LO, 275 pounds) vs El Conquistador (240 pounds, Somewhere In Latin America, already in the ring) - As best they can tell, Steven's okay. I mean, how do you know if he's been knocked nutty? That's really his hometown. That's really him doing the silly wave. That's probably one of the masks Spanky wore at one point. Al: "He's not just from Somewhere In Latin America, he's from Parts Unknown!" Circle. Lockup, Conquistador with a waistlock, Jon with a switch, armbar, into a hammerlock. Coach: "Jon Heidenreich, who in the last few weeks-" Al: "Has just been DECIMATING the competition! And he almost took out the guiding light of Heat!" Conquistador back elbows out, hammerlock of his own, forearms to the back. Whip, reversed, Jon tries a big boot, Conquistador pulls himself out but that boot looked real bad anyway. Jon reaches out to get him and gets a jawbreaker over the top rope. Conquistador going up while making faces - no, Jon catches up to him and so he's going yell and take the toss to the floor. Jon runs over Conquistador with a shoulderblock, then a back elbow. Big slam. One two no. Corner whip, charge into a boot, Jon catches it and posts Conquistador out. Coach makes the Trading Places ref to the Jericho/Christian bet and does currency conversion, points for him. Al loves Trading Places: "Hildi, she's a terrific designer!" Coach wisely moves on as Jon works over Conquistador's left leg. They're doing all low risk here. Conquistador kicks Jon away, but he' stumbling. Clothesline to Jon's back. Dropkick, one two no. Cover one tow no. Kick to the back. Stomp. Al and Coach argue is Jenna Jameson thought Al was hot. "She thought, when you were on Tough Enough, how you treated the kids, you were hot. You're not on Tough Enough anymore so you're not hot!" Al calls Jon "Captain Caffeine." Conquistador with punches, Russian legsweep one two no. Conquistador with punches, off the ropes, into a yucky big boot. Al is sure that is Phil Babaganootch under the mask. Conquistador avoids a corner charge but ends up getting clotheslined anyway. And another. Whip, backdrop. Al talks about Jon having played for the Broncos, and Coach knows that they're playing KC today, though he doesn't know they were being killed at this point. Three point stance into a clothesline. One two no, Conquistador's boot is on the ropes. Whip, head down too soon so it gets kicked. Conquistador off the ropes, under a clothesline, into the swinging side slam. One two three. (3:37) Al says "Decapitator" and Coach thinks it's the finishing move name, but Al doesn't get to clear it up - for it's Steven Richards with a mighty chair and a mighty swing! Shot to the back and Jon is DOWN. But to be sure, he's another shot. And a stomp. Waiting for Jon to get up for the StevieKick? No, big low blow kick! Steven tells Jon that he'll be the one putting Jon out, not the other way. He's gonna break Jon! HE'LL SHOW YOU!

Tonight: Mark Henry vs Maven
Next: Raw's Main Event

So here you go. GO RILLA. They did the mandible claw the first night. (6:40)
RAW: Goldberg vs Kane (non-title, I guess)

Next: Mark Henry vs Maven

Armageddon: Goldberg (c) vs "the rightful owner of that title" Triple H vs Kane for the World Heavyweight Title
Armageddon: Shawn Micheals vs Batista
Armageddon: Booker T vs Mark Henry
Armageddon: Tag Team Turmoil - Dudley Boyz, Jindrak/Cade, Hurricane/Rosey, Storm/Val. It's "King of the Mountain" rules, which work better with more than four teams, so...
Armageddon: Randy Orton vs Rob Van Dam (c) for the Intercontinental Title
5 matches and it's next week? Gonna be a busy RAW.

Mark Henry (Silsbury, TX, 350 pounds, w/Theodore Long) vs Maven (Charlottesville, VA, 225 pounds) - back to the street fight two weeks ago. And then the beat down last week. Hey, if he's back on Heat, Mr. Long has something to day. "Let me holla at you playa. Let me introduce to you the most dominant man in Sports Entertainment today, believe that. He is Mark Henry, the World's Strongest Man and show your love. And now if there's anyone back there - it may be a brown man, it may be a green man, it may be, even a light skinned brother! - but if he can stand up to the muggin', and the thuggin' and buggin' of the World's Strongest Man, then get, whoever it is, get him out here right now." Al to Coach: "Sounds like your in trouble." Coach points in Maven's direction. Al: "Oh, I'm mistaken - you're a dark skinned white man." Lockup - no, Maven gets pushed down. And again. Mark's punch is ducked, Maven with lots and lots of punching but Mark isn't moving. Whip - eh, no. Mark reverses to one of his own, and flips him out with a shoulderblock. Forearm. Choke throw out of the corner. Maven tries punching again, tries running Mark over with a shoulderblock, but eventually takes a press slam. Off the ropes, legdrop but Maven moves out of the way. Maven's got to move and do something - dropkick, not much. Dropkick, still not much. Dropkick si waved away. Maven pulls himself up in the corner, Mark charges but Maven moves out of the way. More punches, and some corner punches, but Maven is tossed off and to the floor. Maven recovers quick though - missile Al: "Torpedo" dropkick knocks Mark down for the first time (when Mark didn't do it himself) one two NO. Maven going to the second rope - DDT, no, it's caught, big slam one two three. (2:26) Al: "You can't blame Maven, there's not a lot you can do with a guy like Mark Henry."

RAW! They're in a hurry, and we're out.

Hey, we made through the whole show without a stretcher. Good job.