This doesn't seem like James Bond at all. Unless he's in the zombie fighting business now. Oh, Friday the 13th movie because of that other movie, check. I figured this all out without even having a black bar to explain the name of the movie.

TV PG DV CC entertainment open fireworks

Maven (Charlottesville, VA, 233 pounds) vs Steve Fender (Los Angeles, CA, 212 pounds) - Maven should feud with Steven over the Heat GM position. Your announcers are Al and Coach, who are hyped to be one week away from SummerSlam. Lockup, Maven walks Steve into the ropes, clean break but Steve slaps. Maven slaps right back, you don't do that to Maven. Maven imagines he's the Rock and ask Steve to Just Bring It - Steve charges and is run into the corner. Maven with a leg trip one kickout. Maven waits for him - duck the clothesline, hiptoss. Armdrag. Dropkick. Coming up later: Al's interview with Steven Richards from earlier today. Maven would like to do more, but Steve drops down and heads to the floor. Maven is content to bounce from foot to foot in the ring. When Steve takes his time, Maven reaches out after him and gets his leg swept. Maven turns around on the apron, elbow on the apron, elbow on the apron one two no. Al is delighting himself making "Fender" jokes. It's a little bit of Christmas come early. Chinlock. Maven with back elbows, off the ropes, into a boot. Steve off the ropes, and there's the jumping swinging neckbreaker that Shannon uses one two no. Maven pulled into the corner, and Steve goes to the second rope. Legdrop? He calls for it, giving Maven enough time to roll out of the way and Steve a clean landing on the mat. Both up, Steve misses the punch, Maven doesn't. Maven right. Clothesline. Whip, back elbow one two no. Coach complains about not living in Kansas. Steve with an eye rake. Whip, head down too soon, Maven kicks his shoulder, then the wheel kick one two NO. Maven going up but not in enough of a hurry for Maven's liking. Time for the missile dropkick? Yes - but Steve moves! Steve covers one two NO. Steve with a turnbuckle smash, right. Corner whip, Steve charges into a boot. Maven quick to the second rope - off the second rope DDT one two three (3:46) Guess that really is his new finisher.

Earlier Today: Victoria (in robe and hair net) plays microphone stand for Steven Richards - it's his exclusive behind the scenes look at the Stevie Night Heat, with Flower (Victoria). They spot Al and Tommy Dreamer sitting at a table eating, and decide to annoy. Tommy does not appear to be eating anything strange. Victoria exchanges the microphone for some of Al's food.

Steven: So, you want an exclusive interview, Al Stone?
Al: Stevie, I'm eating.
Steven: I'm glad you asked. See, I'm taking Stevie Night Heat to all new levels. I'm creating from this day forward Must See Stevie - an original concept that I thought of and -
[not annoyed enough to stop eating or being sarcastic] Yea, that's real original.
Steven: Oh. Hi, Tommy. What a huge surprise, look everyone: Tommy Dreamer's eating at catering again! Look at you Tommy, look at you Mr. Hardcore, Mr. Extreme - well where's all your Extreme friends now?
Al: I'm right here, Stevie
[Victoria takes a seat, and uses Tommy's arm as a foot rest for her fuzzy slippers - she wears her knee brace while even in her robe]
Steven: Perfect example - Al Stone went from a wrestler to a commentator, and now he's promoted to Stevie Night Heat exclusives! What can I do with you, Tommy? Look at you Tommy, you have nothing! Look at your body, you have no charisma-
[standing up on the table - ah, she's wearing her tights underneath her robe] LOOK AT ME STEVIE! I'M GODZILLA! I'M GODZILLA! [Victoria crushes a plate with her fuzzy slippers and then stops to eat. Tommy is unphased, Al is losing his mind]
Steven [to Tommy]: You remind me of somebody else. Who is it? Oh yeah, another fat slob named Mick Foley, but at least he became a best selling author. What are you going do, write a book: "How to Eat My Way To Failure"? [Steven laughs. AL laughs to humor the crazy people.]
Steven: Look at you, look at you Tommy! What can I do with you?
You know what Stevie, you make a lot of good points. [Tommy grabs Steven's hat - how did it get here? - and asks Al to hold it open for him.] Maybe you're right. Maybe I should be a lot like Mick Foley. [dumps soup in that hat. Puts hat on Steven.] Have a nice day!
Victoria: Oh! My gift I gave you! [Steven is steamed.]
Al: Well, for Stevie Night Heat, I'm Al Stone. [quietly] Someone help me, please!

Next: Steven Richards vs Tommy Dreamer.

WM Recall: LT vs Bam Bam Bigelow, WMXI, 1995

Heat GM Steven Richards (Philadelphia, PA, 230 pounds, w/Victoria and soiled hat) vs Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, NY, 252 pounds, w/cane) - Steven avenges his hat by attacking Tommy as he comes in the rings. Rights and rights and more rights but from the other guy, then a knee, a whip, it's reversed, Steven tries a cross body but it's caught, walking around and a fallaway slam. Off the ropes, but Victoria grabs Tommy's leg. Tommy's out to chase her - Victoria's top is not made for running, but then again, that makes it good for running (Coach: "I got two words to say to that: bonga bonga") - Victoria in, Tommy in, Steven up but Tommy is ready for him and catches him with an inverted atomic drop. Clothesline to follow up. Steven out, Tommy out, Steven thrown hard into the barricade. Tommy gives Victoria a look. Steven thrown back in, Dreamer crawls into follow, but Victoria grabs his leg again, and Steven sneaks in the elbow drop. Steven gets to stomping. Step on the back of the neck. Coach: "Steven Richards making Tommy Dreamer suffer here." Al: "Kinda like I do sitting here next to you." Coach: "Good, yea, yea, that's very funny." Slam. Steven complains about something or other to Nick Patrick. Nick is confused and misses Victoria doing her slingshot somersault legdrop one two no. Steven does the Dreamer pose. Victoria uses the cane to give Steven the soiled cap. Steven puts in on - running elbow drop but no one's home. Tommy up and clotheslining. Whip, backdrop. Swinging neckbreaker is reversed, but Steven never comes close to getting something before Tommy reverses into the Short Powerbomb (Al: "Backdrop Bomb!") one two no. Al says any match can end at any time and any moment. Booker out 6 to 8 weeks. Whip, reversed, Tommy with a kick, facelock but Steven runs him into the corner. Steven charges out, clothesline misses, Tommy grabs and lifts, Death Valley Driver works but Victoria is on the apron and distracting. Victoria won't let Nick turn away, and Dreamer gets up to argue. Victoria tries a slap, but it's blocked and she's kissed, eww. STEVIE KICK one two three. (3:18) You don't do that on his show! Coach argues that maybe the loss was worth it for Dreamer.

Tonight: Test vs Val Venis
Next: Special Guest Referee

I'm tired of this SummerSlam random highlights video package.

And this CD plug.

Eliminator Chamber Video Package. What are they going to do for a gimmick on the next RAW PPV? They're running low on 'em. (1:14)
Goldberg vs Flair on RAW (3:24)

SummerSlam: Triple H (c) vs Goldberg vs Kevin Nash vs Shawn Michaels vs Randy Orton vs Chris Jericho for the World Title
Tonight: Test vs Val Venis

Lugz hair cutting fire put out of Monday

Your special guest referee for the next match is Jacqueline.

Mark Jindrak (something, NY, 271 pounds) & Garrison Cade (San Antonio, 266 pounds) vs Slater Vain and Ken Anderson (454 pounds, already in the ring) - Al says Jindrak and Cade have to fight higher caliber competition to get better. So I feel justified in ignoring this match. Slater is awful proud of a shoulderblock. Slater is awful loud tonight all match. Al is picking HBK in the 6 way. Announcers earlier weren't sure the extent of the hair cut for the loser of the hair/hair match tomorrow - loser may just be trimmed. Coach is pushing an arrogant streak in Jindrak, making a Randy Orton comparison. Announcers wonder if Orton will stay true to his word, could you blame him if he turned, and how Jackie looks making counts. Yea, hot tag to Jindrak, this is almost over. Jindrak does his dropkick so we can talk about it - Al follows the canon and says Bob Holly's is better. That springboard clothesline looked scary that time. He's gonna Stamboli himself at some point. There's the Cade bulldog. Time for the finish, if Ken Anderson will get up - Ah, Cade just grabs him. Jindrak hits the dropkick and covers one two three (5:09) Replays of the dropkick

Tonight: Test vs Val Venis
Next: Eric should read the fine print of all his contracts.

RAW Live
Monday - Gran Rapids, MI [RAW]
Sunday - Phoenix, AZ [PPV]
Next Monday- Tucson, AZ [RAW]
Next Friday - Memphis, TN
Next Saturday - Hattesburg, MS

Eric vs Kane from RAW (3:00)

SummerSlam: Kane vs Rob Van Dam
SummerSlam: Shane McMahon vs Eric Bischoff
Next: Test vs Val Venis

Snickers Jackie Gayda win of Monday

this is a Test (282 pounds) vs Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 244 pounds) - Al is befuddled that Stacy accepted that challenge. So is Coach. When they start making sense, something has gone wrong. Al practices his Val Venis lines. Test is like "who is this fool", but he's talking about Val. Circle. Al: "[Test] may very well have [Stacy] back." [Silence] Coach: "Wouldn't that stink? Wouldn't that suck?" Lockup, Val with an armbar, twist, twist and Test is flung to the ground. Test kips up, reversed, "YEA BABY YEA!" twist, Val goes down, Val kips up, Val reverse the armbar, Test with a knee to stop it. Test with a right, whip, reversed no it's the running out hold on for a knee bit. And again. And there's the Russian legsweep - wait, Test blocks it and Val goes down by himself. Test does the jumping jacks, but Val's kipped up behind him. Val mocks him, waits for him to turn around, right, right, right, corner whip, reversed, and down goes Val. Test with a running clothesline. Kissing the bicep. Stomp. Stomp. Heat is live next week. Stomp. Stomp. Jumping Jacks. Test cups his ear to the crowd. Crowd isn't liking the Test. Right. Rights on the mat. Snap mare, chinlock. Al again says Test is hitting his stride, but says if Test is more focused. Val getting up, elbow, elbow, elbow, off the ropes, and right into a forearm. Test off the ropes, double clothesline and they're both down. Coach: "Both of these very very very fit men are down on the mat." [Silence] Al: "That's nice that you noticed that." Both getting up. Test takes a moment to point to his head, and gets nailed by a clothesline. Another. Whip, reversed, Val with a jumping shoulderblock. Pumped up (ew) right right, corner whip and charge into a back elbow. Test charges out into the spinebuster one two NO. Val isn't sure that's two but it is. Test pulls Chad Patten to use him as a human shield. Val pulls him away, so Chad misses the ol' Thumb to the Eye." Pumphandle, taunt, lift but Val slips behind - back suplex into a powerbomb one two NO! Val not sure what to do now - okay, elbow drop. Elbow drop. Now? Looking, probably should be Doing instead of Looking. Now he's going up. Money Shot? No, Test has perfected the technique of kicking referees into the ropes to crotch people on the top rope. Test pats himself on the chest - and the back! Al: "Test doing the old Barry Horwitz move." Test going up, superplex is blocked with punching, pushed off. Val up again. Money Shot collects KNEES, ow. Al: "If Val's ribs aren't broken, I'll give you a dollar!" Coach: "How about TWO?" Pumphandle powerslam one two NO. Test can believe it. He's angry. "BOOT!" I think he's going for the boot, Al! Loading it up, charge, ducked, charge again and caught into a Rock Bottom (Al: "Side Bodydrop!") Delayed cover one two NO. I guess it wasn't really the Rock Bottom them. Val with a chop. Chop. Off the ropes, AND RIGHT INTO THE BOOT! One two three (5:43) Count to a million and he still won't be getting up. Test is exhausted, but still aware enough to ask for his arm to be raised. When did Test become enjoyable?

RAW: Test vs Scott Steiner "Winner Gets StacY
RAW: Chris Jericho vs Kevin Nash "Hair vs Hair"

Test kisses his bicep and us goodbye.