TV PG DV CC entertainment open fireworks

this is a Test (282 pounds) vs Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, NY, 252 pounds, w/cane) - Test licks his bicep, EW. Your hosts are Al and Coach. Tommy's asked to put down the cane. Tommy's wearing a RAW X shirt this week. Test is having issues about having to fight Tommy, ECW chant or not. Lockup, Test with a headlock, shot off the ropes, back with a shoulderblock and Test shows of his jumping jacks. Wacky strut. Right. Mocking the referee's request for a open fist. Right. Whip, back elbow. Bicep kiss. Elbow drop, but no one's home. Tommy with a Russian leg sweep. Right, right, right, check his fist, clothesline out for Test. Dreamer backs up - sliding dropkick to Test. Dreamer out, into a knee. Coach talking about Test and Dreamer having different backgrounds. Al: "Yea, that's right - Test was a bodyguard for - what was the band?" Coach: "I think it was Motley Crue." "Yea, one of those hair bands you like so much." Test scoops Dreamer and loads him up on the shoulder, but Dreamer slides off and posts Test's shoulder. Test rolls in, and Dreamer is after him. Coach: "I like boy bands. Because they have the hot chicks." Al: "O-Town!" "I don't like O-Town!" "You do!" "I just hung out with them one night, that was it." "Couldn't peel you away from TiVo-ing 'Making the Band'." Tommy cranking the injured left shoulder, but Test reverses a whip into a sidewalk slam. Left arm still bugging him, but not enough for him to stop talking to the crowd while walking around. Coach: "I'm actually a Backstreet Boys fan." Test doing a arm muscle pose who's name I forgot. Stomp. Stomp. Al: "I thought you were a big fan of Justin Timberlake. Since you have him all over your room." Coach: "Well, he's dating Cameron Diaz, and that's cool." "And he's dated Britney Spears-" "And that's even cooler. Alyssa Millano, that's even oh wow, some guys have all the luck. We've all had hot chicks but that's going above and beyond." Meanwhile, in the match, Test did his wacky strut again. Stomp. Turnbuckle smash. Elbow in the corner. Again. Again. Jumping jacks. I think Test needs more material. Al: "[Test] has become so intense and so driven in that ring.]" That didn't seem to be particularly intense jumping jacks, but Al knows better than I. Slam. No particular hurry. No particular direction. Pointing to himself. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Chinlock. Dreamer trying to rally back, getting help form the crowd, elbow, elbow, elbow but knocked down by Test's forearm. Test takes his time going up, and Dreamer is up and punching - big beal. Dreamer is exhausted though, and both are down. Punch is blocked, punch is not. Again. Dreamer ducks the clothesline and his one of his own. Another clothesline. Another duck, and Dreamer hits a reverse neckbreaker one two no. Whip, reversed, into a short knee, pump handle, Dreamer slips behind on the lift, Dreamer ducks the clothesline, Test off the ropes, right into Sky Hi one two no. Test retreats to the corner, the ref checks on him and misses Dreamer going for the Kendo Stick. Dreamer charges, but stops when Test pulls the referee in the way. Dreamer pulls the ref out of the way, but the ref (Patten) grabs the stick as he goes by - Test tries to sneak a The Boot in, but it misses. Kick, front facelock is escaped into a knee, pumphandle powerslam. One two thre-NO. Test can't believe it. That's supposed to be three - if this was like 1999. You need to use the Boot! Test decides I'm right and goes for it, but Dreamer moves and Test crotches himself on the top rope. Dreamer helpfully bounces the top rope to hurt him a little more. DDT! One two NO! No, don't go up Tommy. Don't go up! Don't DO IT - Test kicks Patten into the ropes, crotching Tommy. Test up, and slapping himself on the chest. Now Test is again taking his time, no hurry to join Tommy on the ropes, and gets shoved off as a result. What's Tommy going to do? Jump right into The Boot, one two three (6:36) He could've actually been going for an axhandle there, at least more than usual on that spot. WHile Test alternately kisses each bicep, I can't help but think this is one of his best matches in - a while? Eh.

Later: Steven Richards and Victoria vs Maven and Ivory.
Next: Eric Bischoff goes all Bond villain, so Steve Austin goes all Bond.

Goldberg vs Flair and what happened after, from RAW (4:58)

Backstage, Val Venis is talking on his phone - he likes the Puerto Rican girl and the Mexican girl they picked out. There's Miss Jackie (G), and I already transcribed Val trying to pick her up for his movies once, so why do it again? Let's note instead how Jackie's learned well how to stand while thrusting her chest forward, and Val's death gaze towards the area. Why doesn't Jackie just blow him off instead of going along with his plan? Why does Val keep trying after how it went last time? Val has her pose on a box - holding a banana. Val goes back for apples to go with, but by the time he turns around, Rico has the banana. Val just happens to hold the apples underneath the banana so we get the visual joke this skit's for, which really wasn't worth the effort. Hey, Val remembers this is the second time this happened! I'm glad someone did. Rico promises good things come in threes (upcoming skit warning!), and we end with Jackie taking a bit of the banana.

WM Recall: HBK beats Bret Hart at WM 12 for the World Title in the Iron Man match, 1996.

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade (533 pounds) vs Buddy Wayne & Tony Kozina (already in the ring) - they use Mark's video/music. Al and Coach talk over the already in the ring introductions, but we get a chyron for them. They hug? Eh. Short guys make the WWE guys look even taller. I don't know which is which guy is which, but they're just doing tall man/short man spots so you're missing nothing. Al: "If anybody, anybody can appreciate what Triple H is going through with that groin injury, it'll be you, because you've lived with a substandard groin all your life." Ah, it's Wayne who ran into Jindrak's back elbow. Tag to Garrison, whip, kick to the midsection, Garrison running knee. Lance with a jab, step, jab, step, short clothesline. Tag to Mark, armbar, hold for a Mark forearm. Whip, Buddy slides under the legs, under the clothesline, Tony gets in a shot from the outside, Mark feigns hitting him, turns around and catches Buddy's cross body. Tony off the top rope with a cross body to knock them all down. Buddy opts to beat down Mark instead of pin. Tag to Tony. Stomps and punches. Tag to Buddy. Kick, double snap mare, off the ropes, double diving shoulderblock. Tony poses while Buddy covers one two no. I think these names might be backwards again - the guy I'm calling Tony looks a lot more like a Buddy (blond hair) and vice versa. I'll be consistent here, but know that I'm probably consistently wrong and it's all Al's fault. Choke on the middle rope by Tony. Tag to Buddy, Tony holds for a stomp. Stomp. Tag to Tony. Forearms, corner whip, Mark jumps to the top rope and comes back with a double clothesline. Tag to Garrison, double shoulderblock, right, right. Al: "[Garrison] is a throwback to Barry Windham - a little bit before your time." Coach: "I used to be a big Barry Windham fan." Al: "A big one?" "A big one." "You used to love the Bradys too." "I did like the Bradys." Meanwhile, Garrison is beating the other guys like he was two feet taller than then them - because he is. Bulldog on the guy we're calling Tony, but the pin is broken up. Jindrak with a back suplex into a side slam on the guy we're calling Buddy. There's the lift/dropkick finish, this time Garrison doing the dropkick honors, Garrison covers Tony for one two three (4:12) They must've asked for the shortest guys they could find to face these two.

Ruthless Agression Tour (1:00)

Later: Steven Richards and Victoria vs Maven and Ivory.
Next: Y2J vs RVD

There's nothing more that I like is when every time RVD does that pointless flip before a corner charge, he gets it countered. (5:11)

Next: Bischoff has the key.

"St. Anger" by Metallica is the Official Theme Song of SummerSlam

Al and Coach talk about "Eric's fantastic night on RAW, despite Stone Cold's best efforts" (2:41)

Next: Steven Richards and Victoria vs Maven and Ivory.

RAW Live
Monday - Moline, IL [RAW]
Friday - Evansville, IN
Saturday - Lexington, KY
Sunday - Fort Wayne, IN
Next Monday - Grand Rapids, MI [RAW]

Lugz Gail Kim turn - hey, so why did she bother saving Trish in the first place?

Maven (Charlottesville, VA) and Ivory vs GM Steven Richards (w/hat) & Victoria - Did Fink forget his weight? Maybe we're just not doing it this match. Why is he waiting outside the ring? Ivory lost her hometown? How sad. I'm depressed we got no Steven exclusive interview. Steven and Victoria aren't wearing matching outfits, which is shocking. Al prefers talking to the Head than to Coach. Men will start this out. No word on the rules for this one, so it's whatever works at the moment. Shane suffered a stinger and a concussion from the Tombstone on RAW. Lockup, no Steven kick. Right. Into the corner, chop. Toss out - no, Maven's got the top rope. Al hopes Coach is next for Kane. Hiptoss, and Steven retreats to the corner. Victoria in to punch Maven, but Ivory cuts her off with a punches of her own. Could've used better camera angles on those (like from far far away.) Ivory with a corner whip for Victoria, her butt meeting Steven's face. Victoria takes a corner whip to the opposite corner, double corner whip for Steven, into Victoria. Steven falls forward, on all fours, and Victoria falls on top of him, on all fours, to create the second visual joke of the night. Steven is appalled at this blatant sexual harassment in his work place and is letting Victoria know, but the conversation is interrupted by Maven and Ivory running Steven and Victoria's heads into each other. Maven with a right, whip, over, Victoria grabs the leg and Steven hits the Steviekick! Maven is knocked to the floor. Victoria yells for Steven to follow up - he pulls Maven back in and slams him. Pose, distraction, why? Oh, so Victoria can hit her slingshot somersault legdrop one two no. Maven put in the corner and slapped hard as Steven gets his cap. Cap is on - "I'll show you!" - charge, dropkick is sidestepped and Steven crotches himself. Maven crawling for a tag, Victoria in to stop him. Victoria with a powerbomb? No, backdropped out of it. Tag to Ivory, who goes right up top - cross body hits both of the crazy people. Well, the evil crazy people. Al: "...and aren't all women frustrated?" Coach: "Well, one way or another..." Ivory with rights, whip, back elbow. Dropkick. Reverse neckbreaker one two Steven breaks it up. Maven with a right hand for Steven, backing him into the corner. Victoria with a knee for Ivory, taunt, whip, clothesline misses, Ivory with a kick, Poison Ivory! (Not called) But Charles Robinson doesn't see the pin - he's too busy pulling Maven off of Steven Richards to notice. Ivory lets go of the cover to argue, but Steven is back up - SteVeeTee on Ivory! Steven rolls out, Victoria rolls over one two three. (3:35) Al: "When you're the boss, you can make your own rules." Maven's trying to figure out what exactly happened.

That's it.

Wait a minute, what was the point of the Val/Rico/Jackie skit?