TV PG DV CC entertainment open fireworks but not from Kane (yet)

World Tag Team Champions La Resistance (Paris, France, 507 pounds) vs Garrison Cade (San Antonio, TX, 264 pounds) and Mark Jindrak (New York, 272 pounds) in a non-title match - Let's see if I blow this two weeks in a row. Maybe. Hey, why is La Resistance's weight in pounds? They're about 230 KG, so there you go. Hmm - you know, there are some matches where you find out who's in them and know you'll be getting a good match. This is like the opposite of those. USA chant, of course. Sylvan attacks Jindrak from behind. Stomp. Right, right, kick, whip, reversed, head down too soon, Sylvan kicks it but Mark pops up with a dropkick. High dropkick. Armbar, tag to Cade. He gets the armbar and tightens it up. Coach thinks Linda might not actually fire Steve Austin! Wristlock, Sylvan with an eye rake to escape, tag to Rene. If the WWE can't be bothered to use the é, then I won't. Cade takes him down with a running shoulderblock. Headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock one two no. Rene's kick is caught, Cade drops it, ducks a clothesline and punches him down. Rene punching his way up and knocking Cade down. Mounted punches for Cade. Coach swings it around so that Kane snapping JR is all La Resistance's fault (for winning these tag team titles). Al prefers the orthodox "Austin stunning Kane" story. Rene with a whip, his clothesline misses but Sylvan's kick from the outside does not. Knee takes Cade out. Rene taunts Mark to bring him in while Sylvan drops Cade on the barricade. Cade tossed in one two Jindrak wanders over to break it up. While Mark is asked to staying his corner, Rene and Sylvan make the non-tag. Boot choke. Sylvan distracts so Rene can stomp from the outside. Slam. Kneeling surfboard. Tag to Rene. Neck vice. Coach almost says that Cade and Jindrak have to be pumped up because HBK/Jericho is tomorrow. Coach didn't sign the petition, by the way. Cade punching out of it and there's a reverse jawbreaker. Rene is able to make the tag to Sylvan to stop Cade from going away, but his forearm in the the back knocks Cade right over to Jindrak. Mark ducks the clothesline, hits a left. Left. Left for Rene. Whip, backdrop. Backdrop for the other one. Corner whip for Sylvan, reversed, Jindrak leaps to the top rope and hits a turning springboard clothesline one two Rene breaks it up. Left for Rene that was helped by the camera. Sylvan waiting for Mark to turn around, but he forget about Cade. Cade with a spinebuster lift, seemingly only so they can show how high Mark can dropkick one two three! (3:44) Wow, that's an upset. Title rematch?

Your announcers are Al and Coach.
Tonight: Val Venis vs Rico (w/Jackie)
Tonight: the Hurricane!
Later: JR and Kane talked.

Last Monday, Al interviewed Steven Richards and Victoria in the locker room. Well, if they ever stopped laughing to each other. Victoria holds her neck, so this is presumably after their match. Al helpfully joins in the giggles.
Al: "Why the hell are we laughing? You just lost."
Steven: "Al."
Al: "Yea?"
[Steven gets up and puts an arm around Al]
Steven: "Just remember, I'm the boss on Stevie Night Heat. And being the boss, I see the bigger picture. And the bigger picture here is - exposure!"
Al: "Uh huh"
Steven: "Millions of people watched Raw tonight, which means millions of people will watch Stevie Night Heat this Sunday."
Al: "Well, of course"
Steven: "Millions of people equal higher ratings! Higher ratings equal more money for Sunday Night Heat. And more money equals raises for some employees."
Al: "Like commentators?"
Steven: "Some."
Al: "We don't want to give Coach a raise, do we?"
Steven: "No. And speaking of ratings, I'm all about the fans [Victoria joins them standing, looking out of her mind], I'm all about the ratings on Stevie Night Heat, I'm all about my little Stevies out there. I'm signing a big match on Stevie Night Heat - Stevie Richards, GM of Heat, versus Goldust
Al: "Uh, uh, Stevie, I don't know if you remember this or not, but you suspended Goldust."
Steven: [looks at Victoria, thinks] "... Well, I'm lifting his suspension! I'm making a judgment call as GM of Heat!"
Al: "Why not?"
Steven: "Goldust is back on the payroll! Goldust will be here next week, and Goldust will face Stevie Richards. And remember this - do not remember the name of Goldust, remember "all Stevie, all Night, [inhale] Nothing but Heat! [bite]" Al tries to save himself from the bad breath.

Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, NY, 252 pounds) vs Nick Dinsmore (221 pounds) - Coach has issues with the raise situation. Al: "Coach, take it up with your new boss, Steven Richards." Coach: "What has my career come to when those words come out of your mouth?" Circle. Nick with a hammerlock, Tommy reverses to a fireman's carry and an armbar. Nick runs him in the corner, clean break - nah, Nick will punch. Kick. Corner whip, reversed, kip up but Tommy's stop charging a while ago. Tommy waits for him, right. Slam. Whip, Nick grabs the top rope and rolls out. Tommy pulls Nick up to the apron by the hair, suplex in. Nick retreats to the corner, Dreamer charges, Nick moves and Dreamer posts himself. Arm smash into the post. Armbar, smash into the mat. Armbar. You think he's working that injured shoulder? Dreamer has a bandage on his head - presumably from Kane's attack on 13 days ago, but with Tommy, can you really be sure? Working the shoulder, slam, and up to the second rope. Flying nothing gets a boot. Nick misses a clothesline and Tommy uses a reverse neckbreaker. Nick with a right but it's blocked, Tommy with a right. Right. Whip, backdrop. Swinging neckbreaker. One two no. Al notes that Tommy is setting up for his move. Whip, Low Down one two no. Corner whip, Dreamer charges in, Nick gets up a boot but Tommy catches it and kicks the inside of the hamstring. Tommy lifts him up, Death Valley Driver. (3:24)

Next: Do we have a new IC Champion?

Subway WM Flashback - Andre chokes out Bob Uecker at WM IV, 1988.

13 Days Ago, Booker T won the IC Title (:10)
6 Days Ago, Christian got a rematch, and there was some controversy (2:23)

Tonight: Val Venis vs Rico
Next: the Hurricane!

RAW Live
Monday - Los Angeles, CA
Next Monday - Colorado Springs, CO
Next Thursday - Melbourne, Australia
Next Friday - Sydney, Australia
Next Saturday - Sydney, Australia

Snickers Hurriattack of Monday

the Hurricane (215 pounds) vs Rob Conway (213 pounds) - Announcers wonder if there's something up with Hurricane and Rosey. Al sells the Burger King ad hard. Al notes that last time Rob was on (which must've been an international only Heat), he had funny tan lines. This time, he's wearing white with pink and getting Barbie chants. Hurricane extends the handshake. Rob does, and kicks. Whip, leapfrog, but Hurricane grabs the ropes and watches. Claps for Rob! He thinks it was decent. Rob charges, Hurricane goes down and takes the top rope with him, so Rob goes out. Hurricane follows with a pescado. Whip, reversed, Hurricane hops to the apron, double boot for Rob but Rob catches it, spins him around and hits an elbow smash to the midsection. Stomp. Coach: "Rosey seems to be in limbo right now." Rob brings it back in. Right. Right. Boot choke. Rob mocks Hurricane. Whip, knee lift. Rob off the ropes, swinging neckbreaker. One two no. One two no. Kneeling surfboard. Hurricane stands up from it, modified Victory roll one two no. Rob with a knee, off the ropes, leaping lariat from Hurricane. Al wonders if the "Hurricane looking for a partner" and "Hurricane saves Rosey" storylines are connected - well, only if they're remembering Hurricane's looking for a partner. Hurricane with a right, right, inverted atomic drop, straight jacket Edge-O-Matic one two no. Corner whip, rebound jumping neckbreaker. One two no his own feet under the ropes. Rob sneaks i a chop, whip, clothesline misses, jumping DDT. Calling for it - Shining Wizard connects. One two three. (3:39) Al: "Great googly moogly!" Replay of the last two moves.

Backstage, Jackie (Gayda) is finishing her coffee by licking her straw. That's the worse "accidental" dropping of a straw ever, but provides a flimsy excuse for her to bend over. Val Venis, approaching from an optimum angle, "Don't I know you from somewhere, sweet cheeks? Oh yeah, I need a little more milk in this coffee." "Really?" "Jackie Gayda! You know something, I've been meaning to talk to you." "Oh? What about?" "You know, I'm starting my own adult film production company, and you know something, you could become the very next Venis Video Platinum chick." Well, she does have experience in the field, although she's disappearing as we look at Val make coffee. Here's RICO. "And what do you think you're doing, Val?" "What do you mean what am I doing?" "Just - Miss Jackie is MY property, and you want Miss Jackie to be in one of your videos?" "... yea, Rico, c'mon, look at here." "And not moi?" "Whoa? Are you saying you want to be in one of my videos? Look, man, I don't mean to disappoint you, Venis Video, we don't produce those types of videos?" "Those type of videos? THOSE types of videos? What are you insinuating, Val?" "Insinuating?" "That you're more man then me?" OH NO Val's opening his trunks and looking down. Jackie and Rico want to peek but Val shoots them a look - apparently, it's a fine to gaze upon your own member in public, but other people are just rude. "Well, yeah." "Oh, really?" "Really?" "Well, let's see how much more man you are - tonight, in the ring."

Next: Now we're cooking with GAS

Interview. I wonder at what point they cut if off? You know, I take "expose that monster to the world" in a different sense after that last vignette. It's nice that even in a deeply personal conversation, Jim Ross still calls them "RVD" and "Stone Cold". JR's a moron for not taking off when Kane was watching Austin enter. For Stamford, CT, that looked awful lot like the normal generic arena set. Nice of the camera men not to put down the camera and help. And the director to keep switching shots. They did show it all, wow. I dunno that's really TV PG. (6:51) Here's a replay of what happened with ominous music, even. Coach says JR suffered first degree burns to the legs, second and third degree burns to the back and neck. He's out indefinitely. Al and Coach say Eric had a point (:30)

Next: Val Venis vs Rico

Stacker 2 RVD Breaks The Wall Down of Two Weeks Ago

Val Venis (Las Vegas, NV, 242 pounds) vs Rico (243 pounds, w/Jackie) - "Helllllo Ladies-" Hmm, they didn't say Rico was from Las Vegas this week. Al and Coach make fun of Marc Lloyd given out clues on Bottom Line, as he has none. Rico has the longest entrance of nothing. Al thinks Rico is just acting this way to psyche out his opponent. Rico models. Lockup - no Rico ducks under. There's the Rico kiss pose. Crowd feels the same about Rico as always. Val turns to complain to Charles Robinson and gets a pinch on the cheek. That cheek. Val is not amused. Lockup, Rico with a full nelson, to a headlock, to be held in Val's arms so he can kiss him on the cheek. Val's ticked now and wants Rico now, but Charles cuts him off (can't have any of that fighting here!) Rico hides in the ropes and discusses with Jackie. Something Rico does make the front row react, but we don't see it. Lockup, no Rico straight to the armbar, twisting down to the wristlock, Val reverses to one of his own. Rico with a forward roll, forward roll to reverse, Val's let go but Rico's still doing forward rolls. Rico is proud of himself. Pose. Turn, and Val lays him out with a punch. Whip, back elbow, elbow drop, of the ropes, knee drop one two no. Val waiting for him - half nelson suplex one two no. Whip, reversed, Rico sleeper. Val with the shove and escape to his own. Rico back suplexes out one two no. Whip, quick reverse to back suplex powerbomb one two no. Val with a chop, whip, reversed, Jackie trips up Val. Crowd gets on Jackie, Val turns to reach for her, Rico with the reverse rollup one two (pulls the tights) three (3:34) Wow, that wasn't a lot of wrestling.

RAW: Chris Jericho vs Shawn Michaels in a Wrestlemania Rematch
RAW: Kane vs Rob Van Dam
That's it.

Awful thoughtful of Steven to book a Heat main event (anywhere in the country!) for the fifth anniversary show, but I wonder if anyone told him what they were doing with next week being a SmackDown PPV and all. They didn't even hint about a show switch or anything, so I guess same as usual.